Forever Until Now
by rawrrkitty
Summary: Her affection for Plato was innocent; then it became an obsession. But when even her own sister is against the relationship, she's forced to run away with another tom under terrible circumstances. And there, she learns who she really is. COMPLETE.
1. Attraction

**A/N: This story begins some time **_**before**_** the Jellicle Ball. It ends just afterwards.**

**The story is mostly centered on Victoria, but there are many side-plots concerning Etcetera, Jemima and Electra. It gets a bit dark in later chapters. There's some coarse language and mild sexual themes. Nothing explicit. **

**Please feel free to review even though the story is complete. I'm online nearly every day and will make my best effort to reply to all reviews. :)**

**Enjoy the crazy ride!**

**Disclaimer: I **_**don't**_** own CATS or any of its characters! You may think I'm genius, but I'm not ACTUALLY amazing. There. It's out in the open.**

**

* * *

**

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 1;; Attraction**

_Her heart skipped a beat at the sight of him, and he smiled lazily at her, not even realizing the effect he had on her._

**

* * *

**

_Two pairs of eyes…green and gold._

_Few know the power that they hold._

_A deadly secret, never to be told._

_Not to the world, at least._

**

* * *

**

"_Why are you leaving?"_

_She didn't turn to face him. She knew what would happen if she did. He would pull her back, of course. It would be all too easy for him…_

"_I have to leave," she told him, her voice gentle, yet at the same time, forceful. "I can't stay anymore. It's too dangerous…" She bit her lip, still not facing him. "You're too dangerous."_

_He didn't move to stop her. "If you go back," he said, "How do you know that they're going to accept you?"_

"_I don't. But it's better than staying here!" she cried out. "I thought you were good! I loved you! But evidently, those feelings aren't mutual." She lowered her eyes bitterly. "You can't love, can you…?"_

**

* * *

**

The throng of cats watched in awe as the beautiful white queen slowly slid into the splits, doing it with such ease that any outsider would believe that it was a simple movement. It wasn't – the white queen was the only cat who had perfected it. As she stood up to indicate that she was finished, her audience broke into noisy applause, and she blushed quietly.

"Marry me Victoria!" yelled one of the more boisterous toms, making her blush further. The cats all laughed at his outburst.

"Victoria." The oldest cat, who had been sitting higher up than the rest, stood up. Munkustrap, a tall, dark grey tom who had been sitting with him, gingerly helped him up. "Victoria, your talents…are incredible. You are surely the best dancer I have seen in a very long time, and that's saying something. And you still haven't quite reached maturity…it's a very hard idea to grasp, but here you are."

"Thank you," Victoria replied sincerely, eyes shining. "Thank you, Old Deuteronomy…that really means a lot to me."

Old Deuteronomy's eyes twinkled. "My pleasure, Victoria."

At this, the cats all began to disperse, some wandering off, others staying behind to speak to the young queen. Her friends, Jemima, Etcetera and Electra hung around impatiently as cats spoke to her. Jellylorum, who was Victoria's mother, nuzzled her daughter proudly. Her father, Asparagus, watched on, standing tall. Munkustrap told her, "Well done," before padding over to where Demeter was waiting for him.

Victoria took all the admiring comments with the same, sweet smile, but her eyes kept lingering to Plato. Ever since she'd been a kitten, she'd been attracted to the tom. She never told anyone, no matter how much Etcetera pestered her about who she liked.

It was hard for her to resist him, though. He was tall and handsome, with a laid-back personality that Victoria admired. He was less playful than his friends, but in a very attractive way. Just recently, he had begun to appear in Victoria's dreams as a tall pale figure, always simply watching her with beautiful, serene eyes. She liked to imagine that those eyes were glimmering with love, but in real life, it never seemed that way. Without thinking, she sighed.

A strange sound came from somewhere close to Victoria. She looked up, startled, and saw a blur of red as Macavity looked away. There was a very distinct sneer turning his lips up. Victoria watched him for a second more before glancing in another direction, biting her lip. All the younger cats like herself were a bit frightened of Macavity. He was a son of Old Deuteronomy, brother to Munkustrap and Tugger, but he was very different than all the other Jellicles, especially his two brothers.

While Munkustrap had a very caring personality, and wished only to look after the Jellicles, Macavity couldn't care less about his tribe, his family. He was a bit of an outcast among them. And while Tugger was a very laid-back, social cat with numerous fans (usually of the female gender) Macavity didn't have a single friend in the tribe.

Victoria, who was very unfamiliar with the strange red tom, couldn't help but feel sorry for him. Though he'd been said to be a nasty cat, he'd never done anything to harm the white queen. She shook away these thoughts, feeling a little perturbed. Feeling sorry for _Macavity_? It was only a matter of time before he went too far and would be forced to leave his comfortable life among the Jellicles. Probably the only reason he stayed was because of the safety that the Junkyard offered; out in the streets, it was a harsh world.

She was aware of his gaze upon her once again, and she tried to meet it squarely. He stared at her for a long time, eyes scrutinizing her every aspect. She blushed, trying hard not to stand down from those dark, penetrating eyes. Then, she felt an odd feeling come over her. She felt like she was in some sort of trance, getting sucked into those dark, mysterious eyes.

"You were _amaaaaazing,_ Vicki!" Etcetera gushed, bouncing forward to Victoria. Shocked out of her dreamy state, she nodded vaguely at her friends. Suddenly, she was hyperaware of reality, because gathered around her were the toms –the toms, meaning Pouncival, Misto, Tumblebrutus…and Plato. Her heart skipped a beat at the sight of him, and he smiled lazily at her, not even realizing the effect he was producing from her. She smiled nervously.

She quickly checked to see if Macavity was still staring at her, but he had completely disappeared. _He's so weird_, Victoria thought to herself, feeling uncomfortable.

"So, you do want to marry me, right, Vicki?" Pouncival smirked slyly. Victoria stuck out her tongue at him. She knew that he was just teasing. He pretended to like all the queens, especially the beautiful ones. Bombalurina was a favorite of his, but she paid little attention to the younger tom.

"In your dreams," Victoria retorted. Everyone laughed lightly.

"Then who _do_ you want for your mate?" Plato smirked. Victoria's heart sped up, just a little. She could feel it jumping up her throat. _You_? She thought to herself wistfully, her eyes glazing over a little. Her friends didn't miss it.

"VICTORIA LIKES SOMEONE!" Etcetera screamed, jerking Victoria out of her little fantasy. She let out an indignant cry and without thinking about it, slapped Etcetera across the face. Etcetera let out a gasp of shock, and stepped back slowly, whimpering. Victoria's eyes widened in horror, and she fell to her knees in an impossibly graceful way that only made Etcetera blubber and trip over backwards.

"I'm so sorry! I-I didn't mean to!" Victoria mumbled, remorse showing on her face. She felt cruel for hitting her own friend, and with Etcetera being the sweet, but immature queen she was, it was only made worse. Jemima and Electra stood back, wide-eyed, unsure of how to fix the situation. The toms all milled around awkwardly, until finally Plato stepped forward and bent down to comfort Etcetera. A sudden stab of jealously pierced Victoria through, and her apologies faded on her lips. The guilt faded from her eyes to be replaced by a flash of bitterness.

But no one was looking at the white queen anymore. They were watching as Plato spoke softly and kindly to Etcetera. "Etcy, take deep breaths. Now, don't cry. You're not a baby anymore. Come on, now." He gently wiped the cascading tears from Etcetera's eyes as she slowed her breathing and looked up at him.

"Thank you, Plato," she whispered in a tight voice, standing up. Then she looked at Victoria, who was staring at the ground in an effort to hide her smoldering eyes.

"It's okay, Vicki…I guess you would rather…keep your thoughts private," Etcetera murmured hesitantly, perplexed about the way Victoria was acting. The white queen wouldn't even look at her friends.

"I shouldn't have," she said in a low, strangely harsh voice, before sending a fleeting glance towards the way Plato and Etcetera were standing together.

"Nothing to worry about then, right?" Etcetera said hopefully. Victoria averted her eyes and with slow, graceful movements, trotted away from her friends and out of the Junkyard. The cats all glanced helplessly at each other, all of them baffled as to what had put the queen into such a sudden, dark mood.

**

* * *

**

"She wasn't herself," Jemima said quietly, an anxious look on her face. "I don't know what was wrong with her, but it really wasn't like her."

"I know," Etcetera mumbled sullenly. "She never hits anyone. Especially not like that…it _hurt_." She placed a paw on her cheek gingerly, whimpering at the burning sensation that still lingered. Her friends murmured sympathetically.

"She'll get over it," Plato shrugged. He had moved away from Etcetera now, but he kept his thoughtful eyes upon her. She was oblivious to his gaze. "She's gone off by herself now, so she has the time to think about how silly she's being." Jemima looked towards him, uncomfortable with the way he was so completely disregarding her friend.

"It's not _quite_ like that," she told him quietly, sternly. Being an attentive cat, she had her suspicions about the way Victoria felt for Plato. She had long ago figured that Victoria adored the tom, so it felt almost traitorous to just sit there and let him talk about her in that way. "Victoria is _never_ like this. There must be something wrong."

"Oh…" Plato glanced at Jemima, unruffled. "Then maybe someone should talk to her about it."

Jemima frowned impatiently at him. _Toms. They're so oblivious_, she sighed inwardly.


	2. I'm Crazy

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 2;; I'm Crazy**

_The headlights look like eyes_, _she thought in a daze._

**

* * *

**

_I'm by myself. Alone. And I'm not used to it. I don't know if I like it. But I need time to think. I need time to calm down. I can still feel my heart pounding. It shouldn't be. It's been so long since I slapped her. I've never felt jealousy like this before. I need to remember that I'm still only young._

_Plato… your eyes catch me, hold me. Your intense gaze makes my heart stop, and then skip for joy. You're tall… unbearably handsome, suave. You're perfect. I want you to be mine. No one else deserves you, certainly not Etcetera._

_What could you see in her? She's in love with Tugger, for pity's sake. We all know she has no chance. It's Bomba for Tugger, but he likes to pretend it's not like that. He likes the attention. He likes us clamoring all over him. It's pathetic, really. And it's hurting Bomba._

_But Etcetera…I know she's my friend. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but jealousy twists me inside, corrupts me. I'm sorry, Etcy. So sorry. And yet, I'm angry at you. It's irrational, because it isn't your fault. But this jealousy is killing me inside._

_Is it that you're cute? Is it your huge, endearing eyes? Those freckles dancing across your nose? Is that what made him bend down to comfort you? What can I do to change? What can I do to be beautiful to the one tom that matters?_

_I think I'm good enough for him. I don't go around saying it, like Tugger, but I am an attractive queen. I'm slender, my fur is beautiful, pure white like snow. There's nothing wrong with my face either; I've been called beautiful by many, and whenever I leave the Junkyard, I feel cats staring after me. _

_And I have talent. No one can deny that. I can dance like nothing else. I love it, because I feel free. I feel that no one can stop me, no one can deny me what I want. I feel like I can do anything, anything I want._

_So why is it that he sees nothing in me? Because there must be something…anything about me that will someday draw him in._

_These thoughts, they're ripping me apart. I need to stop thinking. I need to think. What's wrong with me? Slow down…_

_Where am I? No one could know. I'm not safe here. Munkustrap tells me all the time that it's dangerous to wander from the Junkyard. But here I am, being rebellious. I'll most likely be killed. Stupid me._

_I need to go home. But I can't go home. How do I go home? Why should I go home? They don't want me, I'm betting on it. They all know that I'm in the wrong, that Etcy did nothing to deserve my idiot behavior. I can still feel their bewildered stares, piercing me through. Trying to figure me out. I don't want them looking at me in that way at the moment. It hurts, because they simply can't understand the mess I am inside at the moment. And it hurts, because they don't trust me. They're afraid, I know it. They think I've gone crazy. Maybe I have gone crazy. Yes, I am crazy, aren't I? Why else do I ask when I could never possibly expect an answer?_

"You're fine the way you are. And I understand you. We're the same, you and me."

_What? Who's that? I must be crazy… now I think I have a friend in the world. I just have to close my eyes tightly and dream. In my dreams, it's okay. I can trust my dreams._

"Don't hide, Victoria."

_Don't hide…? But I don't know where I am. I'm alone…except for you, whatever you are. You're probably just a part of me, aren't you?_

"I'm not. I'm an entirely different being."

_If you prefer it that way. _

"I do, actually."

_I'm lost. Everyone hates me. But at least I have an imaginary friend now…tell me, do you know the way home?_

"Yes, I do. But I'm not going to tell you, Victoria, because I'm fed up with you not believing in me."

And just like that, the voice was gone. Victoria realized there had been some sort of presence with her, because she felt when it left her. Yet, she had been perfectly alone. Just what sort of being could do that?

But now it was gone. It could've helped her, but it didn't. _If you'd helped me, then I would've believed in you!_ she called out in her thoughts, but of course, there was no response. The being, whatever it had been, had left her alone. Victoria wrapped her arms around herself and made herself as small as possible, rocking back and forth.

_I've just rejected my only chance of help…or rather, it got fed up with me…what did I even do wrong…_ Victoria scowled dejectedly. _Whoever you are! Come back! Help me!_ But it was no use.

_Yes, I've definitely gone crazy_, Victoria sighed inwardly. _I certainly don't feel like myself. So then…who am I?_

**

* * *

**

Victoria kept walking, but she couldn't find any place that she recognized. She'd never ventured this far from the Junkyard before, and she was beginning to feel scared. She wanted the strange presence back – snarky though it had been, it had been comforting to her. She wanted her friends as well. Even though she was worried that they hated her, she had to find some way to be accepted again. She knew that she could, it was just a matter of acting herself again.

_It seems so difficult_, she thought. _I don't want to tell them I'm crazy…so I have to be pretty, perfect Vicki again. The one that they're used to. How can I tell them I feel so…lost? So depressed? I don't even really have a reason to feel like this. Sure, I'm jealous, but…_

Sullenly, Victoria plodded on, unusually inelegant. "You've really got me into trouble, Plato," she mumbled. "Come on, come on, save me already…" Of course, she didn't realize that she'd just walked straight into the middle of a street. And only when she was in dire danger did she even bother to look up.

There was something there, coming towards her at an alarming rate. Victoria froze on the spot in a foolish self-defense mechanism. It wouldn't help her, not when a car was about to hit her. The car was huge to Victoria.

_The headlights look like eyes_, she thought in a daze. Her mind was going blank. The headlights were glowing a sinister yellow, the number plate almost like some sort of malevolent grimace. It was a face. The face that was, at that very moment, spelling out doom for Victoria. But she was incapable of being scared. All she could do was just stand and stare into the cold eyes of death as it roared, closer, closer…

And faded away. _I'm dead, aren't I._ It wasn't a question. She believed the simple statement. Her eyes were shut. _Should I open them? What will I see?_ In her mind, she envisioned a heavenly new place. _What is it like to walk across the clouds? Maybe I'll find out…if I open my eyes. Take one step forward_. But she was afraid. She didn't want to be dead, as much as life was scaring her. _Plato…_

Victoria tried to reassure herself with the thought that it hadn't been painful. It had felt like someone had gently scooped her up in careful arms and carried her away. But now, she felt like she was on the ground.

"Victoria…Victoria!" _Voices?_ Now Victoria opened her eyes. Her friends were sprinting towards her, tears in their eyes. Jemima, Etcetera, Electra. And right beside her, so close that Victoria's heart almost stopped, was Plato. He was leaning right close to her face, his intelligent, beautiful eyes examining her. When she opened her eyes, he swiftly stepped back. But the excitement didn't fade. Her heart was deafening in her ears. Almost forgetting about her friends, she made her eyes large and appealing and opened her mouth.

"Did you…did you save me?" she whispered.

Plato looked away as he responded. "Yes…I did…"

Victoria felt confused. Why was he avoiding her eyes? Did he regret what he'd done?

"VICTORIA!" Etcetera screamed, almost flinging herself on top of her friend. "Oh Victoria, oh no, I was so worried…where have you been? Oh my god, don't do that again, Everlasting Cat no!"

Inside, Victoria felt just the tiniest bit warmer. _They don't hate me…oh, thank Heaviside…_ "I'm sorry too, Etcy," she said humbly, feeling that some of her troubles were resolved. Especially since Plato was still right there beside her.

"You're staying in the Junkyard from now on," Jemima said, uncharacteristically stern. "Everyone's out looking for you. You've been away for ages."

"I'm sorry," Victoria murmured guiltily. "I just…needed some alone time. I'm okay now." _I think_.

"I'm glad," Etcetera smiled. "You're…not worried about what happened before?" she added tentatively.

"No, of course not. We're over that now, right?" Everyone nodded.

"Let's go home, Vicki," Electra suggested, tugging on Victoria's paw. She picked herself up off the ground and glanced briefly towards Plato. He was looking at her again now and smiling. Suddenly filled with hope, she smiled brilliantly back. The way his eyes glimmered made Victoria glow with joy.

"Thank you for saving me," she said shyly. "I would be dead if not for you." And then, she fluttered her eyelashes in such a subtle way she wasn't sure that anyone noticed.

"Plato? You saved her?" Jemima exclaimed, seeming surprised. Plato nodded, his eyes fixed on something in the distance. "Well, we owe you one. Thank Heaviside we didn't lose you, Victoria…"

"You're all welcome," Plato responded finally, his lips twitching into one of those smirks that made Victoria's heart leap.

**

* * *

**

It wasn't exactly cheering to return to the Junkyard and hear nothing but scolding words. Almost at once, her mother, Jellylorum, whisked her away to a place where she could privately lecture her daughter. The words her mother spoke blurred into a long, endless speech. Occasionally, she'd catch words like 'dangerous' and phrases like 'never do that!' but Victoria just tried to tune it all out. She was too busy watching Plato. He was alone – she noticed he sometimes isolated himself from his friends.

"I was worried about you, dear, you know that? So please, stay in the Junkyard!" Jellylorum caught hold of Victoria's shoulders and kissed her lightly on the forehead. "I love you, dear, remember." With that, she disappeared back into her den. Cats returning from the search filtered slowly back into the Junkyard, looking weary, but happy that Victoria was safe. A few others approached her to warn her about the dangers of the outside world.

But Victoria was suddenly all too preoccupied. Plato's gaze had caught her own, and he was grinning lazily at her. _I love you I love you I love you_, Victoria's thoughts babbled. She blushed, but held his intense gaze.

That was why she almost didn't notice when another cat slipped past her. _Almost_. But it was impossible to miss that red fur, especially when the owner of that fur was standing right in front of her and obscuring her view of Plato.

_Macavity?_ Why had he, of all cats, stopped? Was he going to speak to her? Victoria stared uneasily at him. Usually, she didn't notice him. Though his ruffled red fur looked like it would stand out, he managed to stay unnoticed in the shadows. He wasn't making any effort to avoid the Jellicles today. With dark, inscrutable eyes, he watched her, and then with sinuous movements, stepped away. Victoria kept her eyes on him, but he somehow managed to disappear again.

_What does he want?_ Victoria wondered, grimacing in frustration. She recalled how earlier he'd stared at her as well. It was beginning to bother her slightly; as far as she could remember, they had never even spoken, and all of a sudden, he was constantly just _watching_. Did he do that to everyone?

Her annoyance was only made worse by the fact that Plato had left his spot and was now casually standing with Pouncival, who was teasing Etcetera about something. He seemed all too comfortable there. Victoria forced herself to breathe evenly. She couldn't let herself get into another war within herself.

"You still look distressed, Victoria…do you need someone to talk to?" Jemima's lovely voice interrupted Victoria's calming exercises. The pretty tortoiseshell was accompanied by Misto.

"I guess…but somewhere more private," Victoria decided reluctantly. She needed to get everything off her chest and these two cats were her best friends. Without saying anything, Misto led them to an area behind the Junkyard. Technically, it was still a part of the Junkyard, but not one that the Jellicles chose to live in. It was completely silent, and the only other sign of life was an old, battered crow that cawed indignantly at the three cats.

"Here you go, private enough?" Misto smiled hopefully.

"This is great, Misto," Victoria smiled, sitting down and leaning against an old sofa. Jemima sat opposite her, and Misto leapt up onto an abandoned desk. Unfortunately for him, it was unstable, and he was sent flying as it fell to the ground with a crash. Victoria and Jemima glanced at each other just once, then both fell into giggling fits.

"Hey! It's not funny!" Misto cried indignantly as he sat up groggily. "Ugh…can you guys stop laughing?"

At once, the mood sobered again. Misto sat next to Jemima, a more sensible spot than his previous one.

"So, what's getting you down?" asked Jemima kindly. Victoria bit her lip. Her secret would no longer be hers alone…but it was Jemima and Misto. She could tell them almost anything.

"I think I'm in love with Plato," she admitted, after a long hesitation. Her eyes flickered up to meet theirs, checking to see their responses. Misto looked surprised, but he quickly hid it, and Jemima…she just looked sympathetic. A flare of irritation surged up in Victoria, but she ignored it.

"I can see that," Jemima teased her friend. "But why are you sad?"

"Because…I'm afraid he loves someone else."

Jemima and Misto glanced uneasily at each other. "I don't think so," Misto said quietly. "He's said nothing of the sort."

"Maybe he's just afraid to admit it," Victoria said stubbornly.

"He's not like that," Misto argued. Then he smiled tentatively. "Vicki, you have nothing to worry about. My friends are always talking about how pretty you are. Who knows, Plato probably likes you back!"

Victoria couldn't help but let out a little gasp of hope. "You really think so?"

Misto grinned. "If he doesn't already, he will!"

Victoria felt cheered. "Thanks, guys!" _Am I being stupid over nothing? He couldn't prefer Etcetera over me, after all…_ She immediately chided herself. _No! It's wrong to think thoughts like that! Etcetera's beautiful too! But does Plato like her?_

"Nothing to worry about," Jemima said lightly, flicking Victoria with her tail.

_But is there?_ Victoria couldn't help thinking.


	3. Confessions

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 3;; Confessions**

_"No. I am a different being entirely. But I'm afraid that I managed to break into your mind, and in turn, your heart."_

**

* * *

**

Life went on. Victoria avoided Etcetera the best that she could without being too weird, but she was beginning to notice. Their relationship balanced awkwardly between friendship and anger, but poor Etcetera had no idea why.

"I don't think Vicki likes me anymore," she confessed to Electra and Jemima. "What did I do? She's been like this since…since when she slapped me." She pouted, bewildered at her friend's attitude. Jemima simply looked at her paws, unwilling to give away Victoria's secret. Electra frowned sympathetically.

"We've all noticed that Vicki's being weird lately," she said. "I don't know what to do with her sometimes."

"Just leave her alone." Jemima found herself speaking up in Victoria's defense. "She's obviously having trouble with her emotions at the moment, and if she doesn't want to tell us, that's her business." The tortoiseshell queen said nothing of how Victoria had spoken to her about Plato.

Unbeknownst to the three queens, Victoria herself was standing within earshot of their conversation, obscured by a sofa that sat between them. She listened, her expression hard, then turned away and left, not wanting to hear any more of their conversation. She knew what they meant by 'Vicki's being weird'. She _felt_ weird. The strangest feelings were constantly gnawing at her heart; they were strange in the way that Victoria felt as if they didn't belong to her, but it made sense that they did. Jealousy and desire. She paused, a paw over her heart, trying to stifle the feelings, but they never left her, not even in her sleep.

Everyone had noticed her constant 'bad mood'. It was impossible not to. The change between the old Victoria and the new was staggering. Once, she'd been a graceful, reserved queen with a kind, sweet heart. Now she was constantly unhappy, and it seemed to affect everyone near her. Eventually, she found herself almost as much as a loner as Macavity, simply because no one could stand to be around her.

It wasn't as if Victoria was happy about it. She tried _so_ hard to act normal, but there was some strange _force_ (for lack of a better word) that prevented her from doing so. So she just went on, lonelier than she'd ever been before.

As she walked, she heard a quiet sort of rustling. Ears twitching, she glanced around. "Who's there?" she asked sharply.

"Victoria…" Jellylorum stepped out and held Victoria within her arms. Not wanting to offend her mother, she stood still. "What's wrong with you lately? We never see you dancing anymore." It was true. Victoria never felt like dancing. It was odd, because dancing had always been her true passion. It was almost as if something was _telling_ her not to dance.

"I'm fine," Victoria said brusquely, and tried to duck out of her mother's embrace, but Jellylorum just held on even more tightly.

"I don't know what's wrong, but you need to improve your attitude, darling," she said quietly. Victoria met her mother's eyes. They were worried, but with a stern edge.

"I'm okay." Victoria pulled away and took off, leaving Jellylorum behind with a look of disbelief on her face.

_What's wrong with me?_ Victoria huddled into a tiny space away from the Junkyard, silent tears running down her face. _I've liked Plato for ages, but I never felt like this about him. I never felt this sad. It's unreasonable for me to be so upset because of Etcy…_ She let out a choked sob.

"Don't be upset." It was that voice again…the voice that she hadn't believed in before.

_You…who are you?_

"That's irrelevant. I do exist, though. And I know you can understand that now."

_So you're talking to me again?_

"Obviously. You're a bit slow on the uptake, aren't you?" The voice was beginning to grate on Victoria's nerves, but she didn't want to upset it again.

_How come you can hear me, even when I don't speak out loud?_

"Dear Victoria…I'm like a part of your mind."

_I thought you said that you WEREN'T part of my imagination._

"No. I am a different being entirely. But I'm afraid that I managed to break into your mind, and in turn, your heart."

_WHAT?_

"I'm dreadfully sorry if that upsets you…"

_Just who are you anyway? _Upset by this new knowledge, Victoria tried to force the voice away. It didn't work – Victoria heard its ghostly laughter ringing in her mind.

"I told you, that's irrelevant. Now, would you stop trying to push me away? I'm your only company now, you know…"

Though she didn't want to admit it to herself, it was true. If she lost the voice, then she would probably go crazy wanting to just converse with another cat. Sighing, she stopped trying to resist the voice.

"That's better, Victoria. You really shouldn't be afraid of me. I won't hurt _you_."

_What do you mean by that? _Victoria couldn't help but be frightened, especially when the voice said menacing things like that.

"I'm a lot like you."

_That's not an answer!_

"That's all you're getting."

_Well then, why don't you- _Victoria cut herself off mid-thought. The voice had disappeared; strangely, she could feel whenever its presence left her, but never when it appeared to her. _Fine, then._

Laughing bitterly to herself, Victoria stood up, trying to smoothen her fur. _That voice is part of my mind, huh? I suppose I'll have to live with that. _She briefly recalled the bittersweet memories of kitten hood, where everything had been simple. _It still should be simple_, she thought. A feeling that was almost sad, but not quite, came over her, making her feel weary. _When did life get so difficult for me? I can't even pinpoint the moment. All my instincts tell me I shouldn't feel this way. I shouldn't be like this. So why?_

Victoria closed her eyes. _I have to focus on what matters. Maybe that will get my mind off these stupid emotions. I have to have Plato. And I'll dance again. Then maybe the Jellicles won't be afraid of me anymore._ Having made her resolution, Victoria felt better. She headed back to the main part of the Junkyard, a bright smile turning up the corners of her lips. It felt fake, but she convinced herself that she truly _was _happy. That way, she would look happy to the Jellicles.

And they believed her façade. Every cat watched her in shock as she performed a couple of graceful twirls, bowed and glanced around to see who was watching. Her heart fluttered when she saw that Plato had turned away from Etcetera to gaze at her with those calm, penetrating eyes of his. She smiled seductively at him, and she saw a flicker of emotion briefly light up his eyes. Her own action shocked herself, though – Bombalurina and Cassandra were the only Jellicles who acted in _that_ way. Feeling a little embarrassed, but pleased, Victoria ran to her den and curled up in a tight ball.

The dreams came quickly. They surrounded her, enveloped her and took her to places within her own head. And so she didn't notice when Jemima, Etcetera and Electra checked on her.

"I wonder what goes on in her head," Jemima murmured thoughtfully.

"Do you think she'll want to be my friend again?" Etcetera asked hopefully, training her wide eyes on Electra. Etcetera had come to rely on the steady queen.

"I hope so," Electra said. "Come on, let's not wake her up." They left the den, just as Jellylorum and Asparagus popped their heads in to check on their daughter. Smiling wearily, they watched her sleep for a few moments before heading back out. A long time after that, another cat entered the den. He watched her for a long time.

"I should be going now," he told her. "But why don't I want to?" Her ears twitched at the sound of his voice. He kept his eyes on her, his gaze astoundingly gentle. "Do you recognize my voice?" he whispered. "Do you know who I am?" With that, he turned and forced himself away.

It wasn't too long afterwards that another tom came in. "Victoria," he said, emphasizing every syllable of her name. "What is it that you're trying to do?" He stared at her beautiful face, at the way her chest rose and fell as she breathed. Then he turned away, leaving her to her dreams.

**

* * *

**

_Victoria was bounding through the streets, chasing after the biggest rat she'd ever seen. She was intent on its long, pink tail. It flashed back and forth in front of her, and she kept her eyes fixed upon it. She had just caught it within her paws when a blackbird swooped past. Instinctively, she dropped the rat and threw herself at the bird, which swerved out of her reach. Strangely, Victoria found that she could swim through the air, so she rocketed towards the bird like a bullet. It was an exhilarating feeling to be able to move so fast and so freely. Almost like dancing…_

_All at once, Victoria found herself back on the ground. She could faintly hear a voice speaking softly._

"_Who's there?" she asked._

"_Do you recognize my voice?" _

"_You…"_

"_Do you know who I am?"_

"_I think…"_

_Victoria looked around, trying to discern her surroundings. Everything was too bright, the colors distorted weirdly. And it was all so misty…faintly, she could make out the shape of a cat standing some way away from her, and she moved towards it hesitantly._

"_Victoria."_

"_Huh?" Victoria turned, struggling to keep up with everything going on around her. In the opposite direction from the first cat was another, but again, she couldn't make out any of its features._

"_What is it that you're trying to do?"_

"_I…I'm trying to gain Plato's love…I think…" Bewildered, Victoria glanced back and forth between the two cats. "Who are you…?" Her own voice was clear, and far too loud, yet the voices of the other cats were distorted. The entire quality the place seemed distorted, everything but herself. When she held out her paw in front of her, she could see it perfectly. It was frustrating._

"_You'll have to choose who you want to talk to," said a gentle voice. With shock, Victoria realized it was her own voice. The sound reverberated through the place, echoing. Victoria shuddered._

"_This is a dream, isn't it? I'm in my own head, right?" she asked herself._

"_That's right, you are," her own voice answered. "In dreams, you find out the true wishes of your heart. It's a shame you barely remember your experiences during sleep…"_

_This is so weird, Victoria thought. It did explain why everything was so foggy though, with no detail whatsoever. Hesitantly, she took a step towards one of the cats. She couldn't even tell which was which anymore._

"_You chose." Victoria let out a yelp at the sound of her own voice. It was a surreal experience to hear herself sounding so…wise._

_The faint shape of the cat moved towards Victoria as well, and she caught a glimpse of color before the entire scene faded into blackness. "Wait!" she cried. "What did I choose?"_

"_You'll see."_

"_That voice…! That voice in my head! Are you always here?" she cried._

"_It's interesting to see what your subconscious is telling you."_

_My own subconscious…?_

"_Yes. Please…remember the dream. It's best that you do." _

**

* * *

**

Those last words rang in Victoria's head as she sat up. She'd woken too quickly – her head spun with dizziness. Gasping, she lay down again, slowing her breathing.

She had the vague feeling that she had forgotten something important, but the more she thought about it, the further away the memory floated. Within mere moments, the thought was lost, and she shrugged, telling herself it probably wasn't important.

"Remember the dream?" she murmured to herself. "What dream?"

**

* * *

**

Victoria was glad to see that cats were beginning to approach her. They acted hesitant, but it was an improvement to moving away at the very sight of her gloomy face. She talked to many cats, smiling and laughing as much as she could. She told herself that her laughter sounded natural, and that her smiles looked genuine. The more she tried to convince herself, the more she believed that she actually was happy. She found herself speaking with her friends again.

They all tried to act as if nothing had happened – as if Victoria hadn't just spent a week avoiding them. They talked about toms, and just as usual, Etcetera repeatedly brought the subject back to Tugger. All of them knew that things had changed, though. None of them brought it up, because they all wanted desperately for the old times to return. It was odd, because they were happy, and yet at the same time they were nervous.

"So, got an eye on a tom, Vicki?" Etcetera asked. Everyone ignored the fact that her voice was shaking.

"Oh, um, you know. Not particularly," Victoria responded carefully, her voice guarded. She lowered her eyes, hiding the flash of resentment.

"Oh, really now?" said a teasing voice. All four queens jumped as Pouncival bounded into the center of the group. The other three toms, Misto, Tumble and Plato followed more slowly. They all had fiendish grins on their faces.

"Um, yes," Victoria said, wishing she sounded more confident in her answer. Pouncival didn't miss her hesitation.

"Alright then," he smirked, flopping down beside the white queen. "You're going to tell me, whether you like it or not."

Victoria scowled and crossed her arms. But already, the other three toms had surrounded her, and her friends looked on helplessly. Victoria didn't miss the look of amusement on Etcetera's face, and her eyes darkened ever so slightly. Jemima picked her way to Victoria's side and silently supported her. The white queen sighed.

"I'm saying nothing, Pounce," she muttered.

"Give us a clue," Pouncival winked, trying to make his expression alluring. "Go on…is he your age? Or is he-" Here, Pouncival coughed suggestively, "-older?"

Victoria flushed furiously. "I said I'm saying _nothing!_ And that means nothing!"

"Aw, come now! You know the older ones aren't _that_ much older! I'm just teasing!" Pouncival made an exaggerated pouty face. Victoria simply glared.

"Is it one of us?" Plato asked quietly. Victoria glanced at him, and her breath caught at the sight of his intent stare. Thankfully, no one noticed.

"Um…" _Dammit! Why is it that I can't refuse to answer him?_ "Um…"

"It _is!_" Pouncival clapped his paws in delight. Victoria hung her head, infuriated at herself. _Why did I have to go do that…? Oh great…_

"So who is it?" Tumblebrutus asked curiously.

"I'm not giving away anything else! Go away!" Victoria snapped. Jemima tensed a little.

"Aw, Vicki…" Pouncival protested. "Don't be like that…" Victoria just turned away from him.

"Just one more clue?" Tumblebrutus added hopefully. Misto frowned at his friends, but they ignored him.

"Guys, leave her alone." Victoria spun round in shock. _Did HE really just…?_ She was right, to her disbelief and utter joy. Plato was helping her! She smiled tentatively at him, and he returned it with one of his heart-stopping smirks. Sighing, the toms went off to their own thing.

"Can you tell _us_, Vicki?" Etcetera said finally. Victoria just rolled her eyes and headed off to be alone. Her friends watched her curiously.

"I wonder who…?" Electra murmured.

_How can they be so completely oblivious?_ Jemima wondered.

**

* * *

**

As Victoria walked alone, another cat caught up to her. She didn't notice them at first, their step was so quiet.

"Victoria? Can I speak to you?" Victoria froze and almost tripped over in shock. _Can that be…?_ She turned slowly, and met a pair of calm, deep eyes. She inhaled slowly.

"Yes?" she squeaked.

"Earlier…you admitted that you do like one of us, correct? I'm sorry to ask about it again…"

_He's always the gentleman, that Plato…_ Victoria thought bitterly. Out loud, she said, "Yes. I suppose it's out in the open now…"

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to…but is it me?" Plato's eyes were burning into Victoria's, filled with emotions that she couldn't distinguish. Her heart thumped erratically. _What do I say? _Shocked into silence, she kept gazing into his eyes. _Stop it! How do his eyes do that?_

"Yeah," she admitted finally. Plato smiled, pleased.

"Good. I was hoping that," he whispered, eyes smoldering. And then he closed the distance between them, and took her hands. Before she could even say anything, he leant in and kissed her sweetly.

And her heart almost burst at the happiness of the moment.


	4. Behind the Scenes

**A/N: Story related trivia: the acronym for this story is FUN. Oh, how that'll be abused…**

**

* * *

**

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 4;; Behind The Scenes**

"_It's okay," Plato said, his expression calm. "It can't hurt us. Besides…" He glanced wistfully at her. "This is just a dream, Victoria."_

**

* * *

**

Of all the things Victoria had expected to feel, anger was most definitely _not _one of them. In fact, she had been expecting to feel anything but anger. But alone in her den, only minutes after _the_ kiss, she found herself shaking. It took her a few moments to realize why, and she sat there, the oddest look on her face. She wasn't cold, she wasn't scared…and then the feelings overcame her, like a tidal wave. Feelings that turned her expression black.

They made no sense at all, of course. Only moments before the anger she'd been in euphoria. Plato had _kissed_ her! That meant that he did like her back after all. _Maybe he evens loves me_, Victoria had thought dreamily. They hadn't exchanged any conversation after the kiss, but she felt sure that more would happen between them.

Victoria began to pace. _Maybe I'm imagining this anger?_ she thought hopefully. But it was definitely there, burning in her heart. She didn't even want to feel angry. So how…?

_Oh!_ An idea formed in Victoria's mind. _I've been feeling the oddest feelings for a while now…do they even belong to me…?_ She put the pieces together in her head. The odd jealousy over Etcetera that she was reluctant to feel. Was that related? She focused, and with a shock, realized that that jealousy was still there. That wasn't the main shock – the jealousy was not only still there, but it had intensified.

_But that's impossible!_ a voice in her head protested. _I know that Plato wants me, not her. _Every rational part of Victoria's mind agreed with that voice. She tried to rid herself of the jealousy, to cast it away, but it was impossible. It was lodged deep in her head like some sort of growth. So instead, she focused on it, trying to get a clear hold on every aspect of it.

The more she thought about the jealousy, the stranger it seemed to her. Part of it did belong to her, because the jealousy was directed at Etcetera because of Plato. Yet, if that was merely the case, she wouldn't still feel jealous. _Part of it…must be something else entirely…_ Uncomfortable, Victoria tried to focus even more, and caught just the briefest flash of something new. _What was that?_ Breathing hard, Victoria flopped onto her bed and slowed her breathing. She had to calm herself down, because the brief image she'd discovered at the core of her jealousy seemed completely impossible.

She had seen herself, but in a different way than she usually portrayed herself. Usually, when she saw herself in a mirror or reflection, she saw the same pretty white queen that had always gazed back. In the image she'd seen, she had looked _far_ too beautiful; almost god-like. She had been poised with utter grace, the color of her blue eyes _too_ blue and the whiteness of her coat _too_ bright. She had been almost glowing. "That's just stupid!" she muttered out loud, furious at herself. "I would _never_ think of myself like that! So…where did it come from?"

In her alarm at seeing herself at the root of her own jealousy, Victoria had forgotten to consider the other very important aspect of the image that she'd seen. Another cat stood beside her, an arm wrapped possessively around her. That cat had been taller than her, had a pair of vivid green eyes and he'd worn the smuggest smirk on his face. It had seemed a very natural expression to him.

"This is ridiculous. _Ridiculous!_" Refusing to believe that she could be jealous of herself, she tried to push her confusion to the back of her mind and think of other, better things. _Plato. Think of his kiss_. It wasn't hard for Victoria to distract herself thinking about _that_ moment. She sighed blissfully, and traced the shape of her lips with her fingers. She tried to recall how it had felt when he had moved closer, eyes moving over her as if she was the only thing that he could ever want. Just imagining his face sent shivers down her spine. His piercing green eyes, his lazy smirk. His slow, thoughtful way of speaking.

No cat could deny that he was exceptionally good-looking. But because he preferred to observe and think about things rather than take action, nobody noticed him as much as his three friends. Pouncival was the boisterous one, the one who was loud and funny. Tumble was a bit of a show-off, but no one could deny that his acrobatic skills were incredible. And of course, Misto would never miss a chance to show off his magic. What with his three friends, Plato was overshadowed.

In fact, before Etcetera had become so completely obsessed with Tugger, she'd admitted to having a crush on Plato. That had been so long ago that Victoria had almost forgotten it, but it came back to her now, and made her feel the slightest bit uncomfortable. _It's okay – he kissed you. He obviously doesn't want Etcy._ Every time she thought of the kiss, her insecurities were eased.

Feeling slightly better, Victoria fell asleep.

**

* * *

**

"_Plato…" His eyes were scrutinizing her every aspect…it was like he was seeing into her. It was like he was seeing every one of her secrets, all of her feelings. She didn't know how he did it, though she'd always known that he was something special – something beyond what the rest of them were. There was something in his eyes that always drew her in. It was like there was an entire world nestled in those orbs of green._

"_Victoria." He smiled, and stepped forward, easily scooping Victoria within his arms. He was the tallest of the young toms, closely followed by Tumble, and he was more powerful than he looked. Victoria laughed easily, elated to be in his arms. "I've been waiting so long," he added, eyes filling with that intensity she so loved._

"_Me too," she breathed, placing a hand on his cheek. He laid his own, larger hand over hers, stroking it gently. All the while, he gazed contemplatively at her face, his eyes roaming over her every feature._

"_You're so beautiful," he said at last, brushing her cheek with his lips. Her heart skipped a beat, and she beamed at him._

_Just then, his eyes flickered up, and his expression went cold. Gently, he set Victoria down and wrapped a protective arm around her. To anyone standing in front of them, they would've represented the exact picture that lay at the heart of Victoria's jealousy. "What's wrong, Plato?" she whispered, huddling closer to him. A low snarl rose in his throat. Looking up, Victoria saw nothing but blankness. Shocked, she clung tighter to Plato, because she would be utterly alone without him._

"_Where are we?" she cried. He merely glanced down at her and took one of her hands._

"_It's okay," he promised. "Don't be afraid."_

_Just then, the world erupted into flames. Victoria screamed, gripping Plato's hand so tightly that he winced. The flames licked closer to Victoria's feet, and she froze. Plato whipped her back up into his arms and let out an infuriated snarl. With that, the flames recoiled, just a little._

"_It's…afraid of you?" Victoria whispered in wonder, gazing at him admiringly. He shook his head ever so slightly._

"_Not quite," he muttered, his eyes fixed on the blaze. "But I can hold it back…"_

"_How?" Victoria breathed. Plato said nothing, instead grimly staring at the fire as if he were sending it a message with his eyes._

"_You can't hurt her," he sneered. "You know that if you do…"_

"_What are you talking abou-AHH!" Victoria's cut herself off as the flames roared higher, rearing over the pair._

"_It's okay," Plato said, his expression calm. "It can't hurt us. Besides…" He glanced wistfully at her. "This is jus_

* * *

Etcetera sat with Jemima and Electra. Victoria had gone to bed early, and besides, the white queen was still being a little weird. _She'll be okay when she wakes up,_ Etcetera thought confidently to herself.

For once, she wasn't participating very much in the conversation. Jemima and Electra were talking about _reeaally _complicated singing techniques, and Etcetera had trouble understanding a single word of it. Instead she just sat quietly. She passed the time by watching Tugger laze around until Bombalurina approached him and they started flirting. Etcetera didn't like it when they flirted, because everyone said that they were meant to be a couple and that it was Tugger's weirdness that stopped them getting together for real. For one thing, Etcetera just _knew_ that she and Tugger were meant to be. Another thing: Tugger wasn't weird! Etcetera had trouble even comprehending the thought.

So when they began to flirt, Etcetera's eyes drifted away…and rested on Plato. He seemed to be taking a nap – his eyes were shut and he was curled up. Yet, his ears were constantly swiveling as if he were paying attention to the sounds around him, and he was breathing a little too fast to be sleeping. Curious, Etcetera studied his expressions, and as she watched he let out a little growl.

She didn't admit it to anyone, but she still had the tiniest crush on him. Of course, Tugger was _most_ important, but it was difficult to look away from Plato's alluring green eyes. There was a strange, mysterious aura about Plato that made Etcetera's heart speed up. _Tugger's most important though_, she argued in her head. _Isn't he?_

Something within her couldn't help but argue back whenever she looked at that face of his.

"Etcy? Helloooo? Earth to Etcy!" Jemima waved a paw in front of Etcetera's face, startling her.

"O-oh! Hello…" As if just waking up, she yawned.

"What're you thinking about, Etcy?" Jemima teased. "Tugger? You seem awfully distracted."

"Oh, I guess so. And…" Etcetera hesitated.

"And?" Electra prompted.

"And Plato," Etcetera admitted. Jemima stiffened, but neither of her friends noticed.

"Oh! Do you still like him?" Electra asked, tilting her head to one side and smirking. Jemima stayed silent, her eyes staring blankly at nothing in particular. Etcetera finally noticed, and bit her lip.

"Yeah, I kinda do. But Tugger's more…" She paused. "More important…Jemi, what's wrong?"

Jemima started. "Um, nothing," she murmured. Even Etcetera could tell she was lying.

"Jemi…" she whined. "Do you like him too?"

Jemima looked taken aback. "No! Of course not!" Etcetera could definitely believe the conviction in her friend's eyes.

"Then…what?" Etcetera asked, bewildered.

"Nothing, like I said before," Jemima said firmly. Etcetera sighed and decided not to press her.

"Well, that's exciting," Electra enthused, chuckling. "I never realized. Do you think he likes you back?"

"Um…" Etcetera hadn't really thought about it before. "Well, maybe…he talks to me an awful lot. He's really nice. What do you think?"

"He never talks to me!" Electra grinned as if that was something fantastic. "That means he _must_ like you!"

Etcetera blushed happily. "Aw, really?" I hope so!" In her head, a plan was forming. She wouldn't exactly _give up_ on Tugger…but maybe it would do if she took a break from being obsessed over him. Maybe it would be best if she gave Plato a chance. "I think I'm going to get him to ask me out!" she decided. "If he likes me, he will! And then maybe I'll end up liking him as much as I like Tugger…"

Electra smiled at this statement, but Jemima looked positively upset. In her head, a number of thoughts were rushing about. The first was that Etcetera, although she claimed to just 'like' him and obviously didn't adore him, was going to go after him. The second was that Plato did seem to talk to Etcetera more than a _lot_ of other cats. And the third was the memory of Victoria confessing her infatuation with Plato. Jemima recalled the look in Victoria's eyes when she spoke of him, that look of pure adoration. Etcetera couldn't possibly have such strong feelings for Plato. By trying to gain Plato's affections, she would break Victoria's heart.

"Etcy, take it slow," Jemima warned, unsure of how to deal with the situation. She couldn't blatantly tell Etcetera to stay away from Plato.

"Jemima, stop being weird! Tell me why you're so upset!" Etcetera demanded. Jemima looked away helplessly.

"I'm not upset," she said slowly. "I'm just…um…worried about you." It was the best she could come up with.

Etcetera's eyes blazed. "What? You think he's going to reject me?" Jemima winced, wishing she'd taken a little more care with her choice of words. "Just because I'm not pretty like you and Vicki?" She was almost in tears. "Well! I don't care! I'm going to try and be just as pretty as you two! I can be! So stop being such a _bitch_ 'cause you think you're that much better than me!" With that, she turned on her heel and ran out the Junkyard. Jemima's mouth hung open; never had she seen Etcetera acting like this. She was being weird…just like Victoria had.

**

* * *

**

Victoria woke up just as the sun was setting, and stretched before she left her den. At once, Jemima crashed into her. "Woah woah woah, slow down," Victoria laughed lightly. She smiled until she saw Jemima's panicked face. At once, the smile dropped away. "Jemi? What's wrong?"

"Etcetera," Jemima said simply. "Oh Heaviside, Vicki, Etcetera's gone mad."

"What do you mean?" Victoria asked warily.

"She's convinced she has to get Plato to fall in love with her," Jemima whispered, looking at her hands. Victoria stiffened. "And when I tried to stop her…she got real mad at me and just ran away. And by mad…I mean as in, mad beyond what I thought she was capable of."

Victoria narrowed her eyes. "You're right, she has gone mad," she said coldly. "How dare she?"

Jemima took a step back. "Vicki? Please…don't look like that…you're scaring me." Victoria realized, with a start, that her face was twisted into a cruel sneer. She relaxed her expression at once and tried to calm herself so she could act more normally.

"Oops," she said in a small voice. "Sorry, it's just…" Her brain worked, trying to come up with an explanation. "It's just that she saw us. I suppose I can't blame her…"

"Wh-what?" Jemima looked completely confused. Victoria kept her face calm, trying to tell her story with all the right gestures and facial expressions.

"Well, you see, me and Plato are sort of _together_ now." Jemima gasped at this, but Victoria continued. "And Etcetera saw us. I can't blame her for being jealous, but it's not like she has to pretend she still has a chance." _What am I doing? Why am I lying?_ Victoria was confused at herself, but she kept up the act.

"Are you…serious?" Jemima's eyes popped. "Heaviside! I never would've expected that! But…it sort of makes sense about why she's acting so weirdly, doesn't it?"

"Yes, it does," Victoria agreed hastily, relieved that Jemima believed her. Just then, Plato came up behind her and tapped her lightly on the shoulder. As she turned around, he pulled her into an embrace, and she giggled. Jemima's eyes shone in approval as they broke apart.

"Oh, didn't see you there, Jemima," Plato laughed, eyes sparkling in amusement.

"It's okay, just pretend I'm not here," Jemima smiled teasingly. She completely believed Victoria's story now – she thought that she had enough evidence right before her.

"Sure thing," Plato winked, taking Victoria's paw and leading her across the Junkyard to the exit. Victoria waved at Jemima over her shoulder and then followed Plato out. As they headed out, Victoria noticed another cat coming in. To her dismay, it was Etcetera.

_She always has the worst timing_, she thought in frustration as Etcetera came to an abrupt halt, looking the couple up and down. Her mouth hung open as if she couldn't comprehend what she was seeing.

"Hello, Etcetera," Plato said pleasantly, well aware of the effect that had been produced from her. She blinked, and suddenly her eyes were wild with emotions. Victoria stepped back as Etcetera shoved past, letting out a choked sob.

"Hmm, she seems a little…upset," Plato commented after a while.

"No kidding," Victoria muttered. "She's jealous."

Plato didn't look surprised. He just sighed and tugged on Victoria's paw. "Come on, let's go. We don't need to stick around." Smiling up at him, Victoria forgot the look on Etcetera's face and kept on walking.

**

* * *

**

_So that was why Jemima tried to stop me._ Etcetera sat alone, away from the Junkyard. Silent tears rolled down her face, but she didn't try to wipe them away. _Somehow, she knew. I should have expected it, really. Victoria's always been better than me…_

All her life, Etcetera had tried to hide the jealousy she felt over Victoria…her sister. Ever since birth, Victoria had been better than her. She even had a better name! Victoria was a beautiful, royal name. And as for Etcetera? Etcetera had found out what it meant after a long time asking around. 'Other unspecified things'. What sort of a name was that? Even from birth, everyone had preferred Victoria. Why else would she have a name like Etcetera?

And as they were growing up, it was always Victoria with all the attention, Victoria with toms drooling over her. Victoria was far more beautiful than Etcetera…with her pure, shining white fur and lovely face, she far outshone Etcetera. She was just a plain tabby with a sort of _cute_ face. She always tried to make up for it by being loud, but all that did was gain her a reputation as 'that mad Tugger fangirl'.

Then, there was the matter of dancing. Etcetera loved dancing – she considered herself pretty good at it. But she was nothing, _nothing_ to Victoria. Everyone knew it. Victoria was by far the best, along with Misto. Etcetera was forgotten in all the rush to praise Victoria.

So she should've only expected that just as she decided on a tom, Victoria would take him. After all, it wasn't as if she had a chance if Victoria was after him as well. But she had hoped _so_ much that Plato maybe, just _maybe_ liked her back. It looked like all her dreams were shattered again. She would never be as beautiful nor as talented as her sister. _Is there anything for me?_ she thought hopelessly. _No…it's so unfair. _

"Etcetera…what has you down, little queen?" Etcetera's head flew up.

"Who's there?" she snapped, trying to sound tough. But she wasn't a tough kind of cat, and her voice squeaked.

"I'm not going to hurt you, kitten."

"I'm not a kitten!" Etcetera protested, quivering a little.

"You sure are…compared to your _lovely_ sister." There was a sneer in the voice.

Etcetera's eyes flared with fury. "Don't talk about my sister!" she snarled, her fear forgotten. "Barely anyone even remembers anymore that we're sisters, she's so much better than me!"

The voice laughed almost uncaringly. "But of course. Everyone knows that." Etcetera let out a cry of indignation. "Don't deny it," the voice sighed. "Or I won't bother helping you."

"H-help me?"

"Yeah, I can help you. Your problem is Victoria and Plato, correct? I can fix that for you."

Etcetera was immediately suspicious. "Why would you want to help me? You don't seem to care!"

The voice sighed again. "Look, Etcetera. Just believe me. I'll help you, if you promise to take Plato and never let go. It might mean upsetting your friends for a bit, but they'll be okay."

"Um…no, I can't…" Etcetera wavered. "Besides, why should I trust you?"

"Oh, Etcetera…just believe me," the voice said smoothly. Etcetera suddenly saw a pair of eyes, and gazing into them, her mind went completely blank.

"Okay," she whispered. "Help me."


	5. Wounded

**A/N: Some of the OOCness in this might blow your head off. Just saying.**

**

* * *

**

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 5;; Wounded**

_"I'll stay with you forever. Even when we die and find whatever awaits us in death, I'll follow you. We'll be together."_

**

* * *

**

"What are we going to do about her?" Victoria rested in Plato's arms, feeling perfectly safe with him. A thrill rushed through her as he pulled her a little closer. Yet, she couldn't completely rid herself of worry – not after she'd seen the look on Etcetera's face. Victoria had thought that her jealousy was bad, but the look of pure envy on Etcetera's face _scared_ her.

"Well…" Plato began uneasily. "She _is_ our friend. We have to be careful."

Agitation fluttered in Victoria's stomach. "I bet she hates me now," she said bitterly. "And she _is _my sister. It feels wrong."

Plato loosened his hold on Victoria for a split second, shocked. She sighed.

"Yes, it's true. No one really talks about it anymore, though. We've always been…different. She pulled away from me before we even really made friends with you toms. It's been forgotten."

"I never would have expected…" He shook his head. "You two _are_ very different. Not just in personality, too…" He ran a paw through Victoria's silky white fur thoughtfully.

"What do you mean?" she asked cautiously, twisting round to gaze into his eyes. He smiled wryly.

"I hope you don't take offense on your sister's behalf if I say this," he murmured, his eyes sparkling faintly with amusement. "But you, Victoria, are the most beautiful queen in the Junkyard. Etcetera couldn't compare." Victoria flushed with pleasure at this. "And I have to say, although Etcetera is nice and a fairly good dancer, you're like an angel next to her. Perfect." He bent to kiss her lightly on the lips, and her heart sped up, just as it always did when he was with her.

"You're…more perfect," she whispered. "Impossibly perfect. You couldn't believe how it feels to look into your eyes." She gazed into them as she spoke, and felt as if she were drowning in heaven. She thought she saw a flicker of regret briefly darken those emerald pools, but she quickly forgot it as he flashed her one of his breathtaking smiles.

"You're wrong. There's no one like you," he breathed, cradling her in his powerful arms. She closed her eyes. _I must be dreaming. Bliss like this is impossible._ But it was real. He really was holding her, and he really was telling her how beautiful she was.

"Don't ever leave," she murmured, her eyes flashing open. They were beseeching and completely alluring to Plato.

"I won't," he promised, squeezing her paw. "I'll stay beside you for always, Victoria."

"Forever?" she smiled tentatively, leaning into him.

"Of course," he pledged. "I'll stay with you forever. Even when we die and find whatever awaits us in death, I'll follow you. We'll be together."

Victoria sighed blissfully. "Forever."

**

* * *

**

Victoria returned to the Junkyard alone, still feeling a buzz of elation. There, she ran into Jemima, and the pair gushed about how amazing Plato was. Neither of them noticed Etcetera and Electra watching them from the shadows.

"He _is_ amazing," Victoria sighed. "Completely and utterly amazing. He hasn't just got the looks, he's beautiful inside as well."

"I think you're obsessed," Jemima teased. When Victoria blushed, she added, "He does seem like a lovely guy though, especially around you. You're lucky."

"I know," Victoria replied, a little smugly. "But," she added slyly, "I'm sure Pouncival's pretty amazing too."

Jemima clapped a paw to her mouth. "_Vicki!_ What are you talking about?" The mortification on her face made Victoria giggle.

"I'm talking about that huge crush you have on him, and how he has a huge crush on you," she smirked.

"Don't be stupid_,_" Jemima protested. As they squabbled over whether or not Pouncival had a crush on Jemima, Etcetera stopped listening. Anything unrelated to Victoria and Plato had no interest to her. The strangest passion was burning in her heart, and she couldn't stop thinking about how all she wanted was Plato. Plato holding her, kissing her…

"You see," she told Electra bitterly. "They betrayed me."

Electra's lips formed a hard line. "It isn't right," she said, frustrated. "I don't know what's gotten into them." She frowned disapprovingly at Victoria, who remained oblivious to her friend's displeasure.

"Exactly," Etcetera agreed. "Plato led me on, but I can forgive him if he just admits dating Vicki is a stupid idea and goes out with _me_ instead."

"He will," Electra said firmly. "He'll realize that Vicki is all wrong for him. He probably just likes her for her pretty face, but come on. He can't just forget about you."

"Thanks, 'Lectra. I really appreciate it." Etcetera tried to flash a lovely smile just the way that Victoria did, but it had no effect on Electra. The dark tabby just peered at Victoria and Jemima again.

"Look, Etcy, they're talking about Plato again."

"…that's what he promised me," Victoria affirmed. _Promised her what?_ Etcetera thought, her throat going dry. _Heaviside, what did he promise her? And why wasn't I listening? Stupid Etcy! _

"Oh wow," Jemima breathed. "I think he _really_ likes you, Vicki!"

Etcetera's fur bristled, and Electra nudged her consolingly. "I wonder what he promised?" Electra whispered, brow knitting.

"I wish I'd just listened," Etcetera hissed, frustrated. She was tingling all over with curiosity. What had he promised her? That they were going to get mated and have itsy-bitsy-wittle kittens? She shuddered just imagining it. No, Plato wasn't like that. It was most likely something small. Something that didn't matter…right?

"And he thinks I'm perfect." Victoria's dreamy voice cut into Etcetera's thoughts. "I know that I'm not even close to perfect, but he's so sweet…_he's_ the perfect one." _Well, you're perfect next to me,_ Etcetera thought sourly. _I can't believe that Plato…he's meant to be telling me how pretty I am, not Vicki…she already knows that she's perfect. As for me, I could use a little boost in my ego._

"Don't worry about it," Electra assured Etcetera, interrupting her little pity-party. As she looked up at Electra, she tried to tell herself she was imagining the doubt clouding her bright green eyes. But it was definitely there – Electra, who was Etcetera's only ally, was doubting her own certainty. It only made Etcetera feel lonelier than ever. _I can do this alone,_ she told herself. _I have to._

"Nah…Everyone knows that Victoria's perfect. It's no biggie that he's telling her what she already knows, right?" Etcetera asked doubtfully. The question hung unanswered in the air as Electra frowned uncomfortably.

"I don't think she thinks that," she said finally, her voice very quiet. She hesitated then, guilt softening her eyes. "I'm sorry, Etcy…but maybe you're being a tad bit unreasonable."

Deadly silence. Etcetera's eyes narrowed into slits, and Electra raised her paws in defense. "Calm it, Etcy."

Etcetera bared her teeth at her friend. _She betrayed me! She doesn't think that Plato belongs with me!_ She leapt forward and slapped the startled queen across the face. "That's not the truth!" she snarled, keeping her voice low and threatening. "_I'm_ right! Plato belongs to _me!_ And Victoria _doesn't_ deserve him! They're all wrong for each other!" Tears of anger and frustration were forming in her eyes. Etcetera had always been one to cry very easily. Even the slightest upset had her in tears.

Electra lowered her eyes, obviously hurt and confused by her friend's actions. She lifted a paw to her cheek, where the pain from Etcetera's slap still burned. "Etcy…" she murmured. "You're being irrational. Think this through. Only a couple of days ago, you were convinced Tugger was your soulmate. What changed?"

A low snarl ripped up Etcetera's throat, and Electra eyes widened. _That_ couldn't be Etcetera, the sweet, innocent young queen that she'd spoken to only minutes ago. She seemed possessed. "Tugger doesn't matter," she growled, her claws sliding out. She raked her claws across the ground, gouging the earth. "Only Plato matters."

Electra tried to slow her breathing. "Etcy! This isn't you!" she snapped. "I don't know what's come across you, but please, just stop it!" Then, her breath caught in her throat. For the briefest second, the pair had made eye contact. What Electra had seen in her friend's eyes had shocked her. There was a malevolent shadow lurking deep in her once bright blue eyes. She had been right. It _wasn't_ Etcetera. With that, she let out a little gasp and ran.

_That's right. Piss off,_ Etcetera thought, dark satisfaction creeping through her. _I don't need you anyway. What was I thinking, asking you to help? You're just like the others…stupid, pointless. All of them are…all of them except Plato._

"That's right, isn't it, darling Etcetera? Build up your fury…you only have love for Plato. Nothing else matters," purred a familiar voice.

"You," Etcetera stated simply, turning to face the source of the voice.

"You'd do anything to take Plato away from Victoria," the voice added in a sneer. "Anything."

"I know that," Etcetera growled, raking her claws across the ground again.

"So what are you doing here?" the voice asked, sounding sarcastically concerned. "Go on, do something about it."

Etcetera shook her head, frustrated. "I have to think!" she protested. "I don't know what I can do! What am I meant to do?"

The voice sighed loudly. "Why did I have to get stuck with _this?_" it muttered. Then, finally, the source of the voice stepped out of the shadows and into plain sight. Any cat but Etcetera would have recoiled in shock, but she just stared expectantly at the tall tom. His fur was ragged with lack of care, his eyes a staggering, fierce yellow. A scowl of annoyance twisted his face. He was lean, and it was clear that he was a strong cat. But his most astonishing feature was the color of his fur – a bright, sinister red. Although the Jellicles knew him, although he was a part of them, they never expected to _see_ him. He generally stayed out of sight, and never spoke a word to any of his so-called 'family'. He was a very rare sight to them.

And his name was Macavity.

"Look, Etcetera. I'm here to help you. I'll do my part, but you're going to have to come up with something. So just do it already," he snarled, pulling her closer to him by her collar. She gulped a little as he shoved her face right up to hers. He was really quite frightening. "And if you don't, then you won't get Plato, will you?" he smirked.

"Y-yes," she whimpered. "Please…let me go." He narrowed his eyes at her, and then, with a contemptuous snort, let her go. She flopped to the ground with a gasp as he turned and stalked away.

_For Plato_, Etcetera thought bravely.

**

* * *

**

Victoria watched, intrigued, as Electra raced around the Junkyard, apparently searching for something or someone. She wanted to ask her what was up, but every time she tried to approach the dark tabby queen, she would twist away. Victoria didn't blame her for ignoring her though – she was probably just jealous of her relationship with Plato. She could deal with that.

She hadn't seen Plato himself for quite a while. He'd told her that he was taking a quick walk by himself, which confused her a little. Sure, in the past he'd spent a lot of time by himself, but not that he had Victoria, wouldn't he rather spend time together with her? _He's that kind of tom,_ Victoria chided herself. _The strong, silent type. He needs time to himself, because then he'll be that much happier to see me when he gets back._ That thought comforted her, and she decided to head into her den to take a quick nap.

In her den, she quickly glanced at the shard of reflective glass she had stuck up. She'd found it at the back of the Junkyard, and it was useful for making sure she looked presentable. _I wonder if Plato likes me because of how I look?_ She ran a paw through her fur, smoothening it and fluffing it where needed. She gazed broodingly into the mirror, and the reflection stared back, mirroring her expression exactly.

"I should've known. You think you're all that, don't you…Vicki?" Victoria spun round, shocked. Etcetera stood in the entrance to Victoria's den, blocking out the sunlight. Her shadow fell over the entire room. That wasn't what frightened her, though. It was the tone of Etcetera's voice, the expression on her face, the way she held herself. She seemed to radiate darkness and hatred – and it was all directed at the white queen sitting before her.

"Etcetera…? What's wrong with you?" Victoria asked in a low voice, fur on end. Etcetera just scowled, her eyes flitting around the den. She picked her way towards her sister as if she was walking across a muddy surface and didn't want to dirty her feet. The grimace on her face screamed disdain at Victoria.

"Nothing's wrong with me, sister," Etcetera said, trying to keep her voice pleasant. She smiled bitterly when Victoria flinched involuntarily at the word 'sister'. But Victoria didn't miss the slight tremor in that statement. _She's nervous._

"Yes there is," Victoria argued, narrowing her eyes suspiciously. "Why are you pissed at me, Etcetera?" _Pissed doesn't even begin to cover it._

"Pissed…at you?" Etcetera staggered in mock astonishment and disbelief. "But no, Victoria! I could _never_ be angry at _you!_ Who could resist that pretty white face of yours?" Her bitter smile twisted into a glare of loathing. Victoria, trying to maintain a calm appearance on the outside, scrutinized Etcetera levelly. _This is about Plato…I can't think of anything else. She's jealous, that's it. But I've never seen Etcetera like this, and no matter how different we are, we're sisters. I know that there's no way she'd actually confront me like this normally. So I wonder…what's making her act this way? Because she's really beginning to piss me off as well…_

"Shut up," Victoria said finally, her voice deadly. "Just shut up, Etcetera. I know what you want. You're jealous of me, aren't you? You want him…you think you deserve Plato."

Etcetera let out a little snarl of defiance. "Yes, _Victoria_, that's right! This is about Plato, but that isn't all. I hate you, Victoria. You've always overshadowed me with your beauty and brilliance. Well, guess what? You can't have it all! _Plato is mine!_ We belong together!" Victoria would have felt shocked, if not for the fury that was numbing her entire mind and body. She couldn't think rationally anymore, and Etcetera was in quite a state as well. They both faced each other, fur fluffed out, ears back. Victoria was still beside the mirror, but Etcetera had come quite far into the den. Orange and pink lights cascaded into the den, falling onto Etcetera and illuminating her. It only further defined the rage flaming in her eyes.

Victoria let out a low, mocking laugh. "You think you and Plato belong together? Oh Etcetera, you're cute, but you're naïve. Just grow up. He's promised to stay with me forever. Hear that? _Forever_. And forever doesn't end anytime soon, I promise you!"

"Wha-_what?_" Etcetera whispered. "No…that's impossible! He didn't mean it! _He didn't mean it!" _She threw herself forwards at Victoria, who slid smoothly out of the way with the reflexes of a truly talented dancer.

"He meant it," Victoria snapped coldly. "Now get out. I don't want to see your baby face in my den again."

"_No!_ Don't think I'm just going to give up like that!" Etcetera screamed into Victoria's stony face. "He's _mine! MINE!"_

"You're so immature," Victoria sniffed disdainfully. "Baby." That was the last straw for Etcetera. Her eyes wild, she flew at her sister, claws outstretched.

"_Shut up!_" she screeched, just as Victoria easily stepped away again. Etcetera slammed into the wall, making the entire den shake. Picking herself up within seconds, she threw herself at Victoria again.

"Just give up and leave me alone!" Victoria snarled, stepping aside once more.

"_Never!_" Etcetera screamed, twisting round with impossible speed. Finally, she landed a blow on her opponent, scoring her claws across Victoria's flank. For a second, the pair stood there, Victoria dumbfounded and Etcetera triumphant. And then Victoria began to shake.

"You… scratched… me," she whispered, her voice hoarse. And then she lost the last of her sense and struck out at Etcetera blindingly quickly, still impossibly graceful. She let out a yelp of pain, and cradled her left arm with her right. Blood oozed from the gash that Victoria had inflicted, and it was agony to Etcetera, who had never really felt pain.

"No… no…" she sobbed, rocking back and forth. "It hurts, it hurts…" She sent a pleading look at Victoria, forgetting their argument for a split second. The frosty glare Victoria wore reminded her, and she cringed a little.

"Get out," Victoria spat, lashing out at Etcetera with her foot. Whimpering a little, the hurt queen limped back out, the light of the setting sun still coloring her fur impossible hues of burning orange and soft pink.

**

* * *

**

Etcetera sat quietly and let Jellylorum fuss over the wound on her leg. She had calmed down, but her hatred for Victoria still throbbed in her heart. Every time the wound stung, the anger only intensified. _I'll never forgive her,_ she vowed. _Not as long as I live. She's gone too far._ She hated the fact that they were sisters – it only made her feel even more furious. The fact that a sibling could commit so many wrongs to her…it was unbelievable.

"How did this even happen, darling?" Jellylorum fussed as she tenderly pinned a bandage in place.

"Victoria hit me," Etcetera explained, trying to make herself look small and innocent.

"_What?"_

"We had an argument, and she hit me." Etcetera turned away from her mother and allowed herself a little smirk. _See how it feels when Mum comes after you, Vicki._

"But why did you argue?" Jellylorum worried, sitting beside Etcetera.

"Oh, well," Etcetera murmured, lowering her eyes. "Something silly," she lied finally, hunching her shoulders a little to create the image of regret. "I wish we hadn't."

"I'll have to talk to her at once," Jellylorum growled, her eyes flashing. "Don't strain your leg, darling, okay? Take it slow. Bed if you can't!"

_Sure,_ Etcetera thought to herself as her mother left, purpose in her step. _I've done my part. It's your turn now… Macavity._


	6. Burning Snow

**A/N: All I can warn you is that this may get a tad confusing. It'll all be explained eventually, my friends. :) **

**

* * *

**

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 6;; Burning Snow**

_Life. Life destroys beauty. Life is beauty._

**

* * *

**

Victoria hunched on her bed, gazing broodingly outside. The sun had long set, but no moonlight crept in to comfort her. She felt very, very alone.

It was all because of Etcetera. Sisters weren't meant to try and ruin perfect relationships, not the way she was trying to take Plato away. "He's mine," she snarled out loud, sounding a lot like Etcetera had. She frowned and buried her face in her hands. _She'll never take him. She'll just be a pest, is all…damn her._

But still, Victoria worried. She knew that Plato and Etcetera had been quite close before he had kissed Victoria. Only as friends, of course, but he had opened up to Etcetera like to no one else. With a pang, she recalled the time she had slapped Etcetera. It really hadn't been that long ago, but it felt that way. The jealousy still lingered in the white queen, but it was slowly fading. She was glad, because she was almost frightened of her strange emotions. It was hard to ignore the jealousy, though, when the image of Plato wiping away Etcetera's tears came into her head. _Stop thinking about that!_ Trying to choke back her own tears, she searched desperately for a way to distract herself.

She twisted round to examine the scratches on her flank. They stung, but they weren't that painful. Victoria had endured worse. Sighing, she gave each scratch a few licks, trying to wash the blood away. On her white fur, the red stood out, and it was a horrible sight to Victoria, who prided herself on her perfect, clean fur. But her saliva wasn't magical, and the scratches didn't mystically disappear. They were stubborn, determined to flaw her pure white image. She let out a little groan, and hoped that Plato wouldn't notice.

An image of Plato comforting her, worrying over her scars popped into her head. As pleasing as it was to think that he might worry over her, the image reminded Victoria too much of _that_ incident. She just couldn't stop thinking about it. With a sigh, she gave in and concentrated on the awful memory. She felt almost as if she was getting sucked back into the moment of her reminiscence, as if it were all happening again.

That was where it had begun. The painful jealousy throbbing like a thorn embedded in Victoria's heart. And it was _still_ there. It was impossible, but thinking about it had made it gradually return. Frustrated, Victoria twisted round and thumped the walls of her den, trying to let all her anger out. Every time her hand made contact with the wall, she whispered a single word. "Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop…" She paused, and realized there were tears trailing down her cheeks. "Just…just go away!" she screamed, pulling away and then throwing herself at the wall as if it would kill the emotion. All it did, though, was knock her into oblivion.

**

* * *

**

_Where am I now?_

Victoria opened her eyes and unfolded her arms and legs. She had been scrunched up into a tiny ball, as if trying to hide from the world. As she moved, she realized with shock that she ached all over. Wincing a little, she forced her sore body into a sitting position.

It was cold. That was the first thing that she realized. It was so cold that she thought she could feel frost gathering on her whiskers. It was so cold that she immediately felt as if her body was frozen permanently, that she could no longer move. Shivering, she waved her arms around just to check that she _could_ still move. It turned out that she wasn't frozen, but the downside was that her arms screamed in protest at the effort required to move. She _hurt_.

Finally acknowledging her surroundings, Victoria took in a beautiful, white world. She was in the Junkyard, but it was completely empty except for herself. The usual rubbish wasn't scattered around. And it was perfect, because a thick layer of snow cloaked the entire place. It was pure white, surreal. Victoria's breath caught in awe, and she bounded down to investigate, ignoring the pain in her limbs. Never had she seen such beauty. It did snow in winter, but the snow was never _white_ – it was always yellowed by dirt. _We live in such a dirty world,_ Victoria thought, dismayed as she took in her beautiful surroundings. _Why can't everything be like this all the time? _

_Life. Life destroys beauty. Life is beauty._

"You look completely beautiful, Victoria." Starting at the sound of another voice, Victoria glanced back to the spot she had just come from. Plato was standing exactly where she had been, smiling lovingly at her. She smiled shyly back, and it was almost as if she were glowing. While Victoria had been astounded by the beauty of the Junkyard, Plato only had eyes for Victoria. Standing in the snow, it was almost impossible to distinguish her, as she and the snow shared the exact same color – pure, untainted white. Yet, there was a definite contrast. To Plato, she was far better. She stood out to him, always.

Awed, Plato picked his way down to her, placing his paws in the paw prints that she had left in the snow. He smiled at how small and delicate her step was compared to his. "I thought you might be here," he commented. By then, he was standing very close to her, their faces just inches apart. He wrapped his arms around her and their lips met fleetingly.

"Where are we?" Victoria whispered, pulling Plato into a close embrace. "I want to be here, always. It's so beautiful."

He hesitated, glancing around, avoiding eye-contact. "This isn't real, not really," he told her gently. She flinched a little at that. The beauty _was_ unreal… but she wanted so badly for it exist. Plato lifted her chin so that she gazed straight into his alluring eyes. "But that doesn't mean that you can never return," he breathed. "This is _your_ creation. This is _you_. Your beauty. It is something within your heart. Whenever you let all the barriers down, this is your place. It can only be real then."

"What?" she whispered. "So this is…a dream? _My_ dream?"

Plato paused, thinking his response over. "You could say that," he said finally. "In simple terms, yes. But can't you see? This is so much more than a dream."

"Is that why you're here?" Victoria said slowly, perplexed. "Are you just my mind?"

Plato lowered his eyes then, and a flicker of doubt passed through them. "That's for you to decide," he said, his voice very low. Victoria gazed into his face, utterly bewildered.

"So this is a part of me," she breathed, taking in the beauty once more. "It's so lovely. Will you always be here too?"

"I hope so," Plato murmured in response, his eyes a little clouded. Victoria frowned.

"But I want you to be here," she said firmly. "And since this is my place, and that's what I want, you'll be here, right?"

Plato's eyes closed. "It isn't so simple. I'm not… a part of this." Victoria reeled back, away from him. He opened his eyes and gazed at her, hurt. She returned to his arms, flushing with embarrassment.

"I'm sorry. What do you mean?"

Plato stared into her eyes, and she stared back, seeing the frustration in them. "I…Victoria. I…"

Just then, Victoria sensed a disturbance. She pulled away from Plato, and craned her neck to stare past him. Someone…or something else had appeared. Plato caught her arm before she could go to investigate. "Wait," he murmured. "Don't."

"Why not?" Victoria glanced at him over her shoulder, mystified. "I just want to check…" Her words faded on her lips. Plato was staring past her with an expression of such fury that he was beginning to frighten her.

She looked away from him to the source of the disturbance. Her first impression was that a flame had ignited in the snow, and was flickering ever so slightly. It stood out, red against white. And there were ashes too, black against the red. As her eyes adjusted to the new color, she realized that it wasn't actually fire. But its eyes were definitely like fire in the way that they betrayed even more anger than Plato. The two faced each other, shaking with fury.

Shock registered in Victoria's mind as she recognized the 'fire'. It was Macavity. But what was _he_ doing in her 'dream'? He sent a fleeting look at her, and there was no anger in that look at all. But then emotions in his eyes…though she hardly looked at him, they were extraordinarily familiar. Those emotions make her clench her paws into fists without even realizing. She stared at him, trying to comprehend the meaning of it all.

And then he spoke, and Victoria's mind went numb. "Get out, Plato," he spat, hackles raised. _That voice…!_

_Dear Victoria…I'm like a part of your mind._

_I'm afraid that I managed to break into your mind, and in turn, your heart._

_I am your only company now, you know…_

_I'm a lot like you._

"No…" she rasped, barely able to speak. "No, that's impossible…not him."

It was like she had slapped him across the face. For a moment, he was visibly hurt. And then, all that faded. The frightening anger returned, directed at Plato. And Victoria shivered at the very thought that he was the voice.

"Why, Victoria? Why do you quake at the sound of my voice?" he asked, seemingly unaffected. But Victoria knew better. She had seen his pain.

"I never realized," she whispered, turning away. "I could never have expected that _you_ were the one messing with my head this whole time!"

"Messing with your head…?" A low growl rumbled in his throat. "Victoria, my patience has its limits. So don't even _bother_ with stupid comments like that. I prevented you from being alone in your worst moments. I can't understand why you're so repulsed by me."

"Well, I can." Plato stepped in between them. "You're a monster," he snarled. "No wonder you're an outcast among us. Leave her alone."

"I could say the same thing to you," Macavity said pleasantly. "Get away from her. Now."

"And why should I? She doesn't want that," Plato sneered.

"Help me, Plato," Victoria whispered, confirming Plato's comment. Macavity's ears flattened and his face contorted into a terrible snarl.

"_Victoria_," he said, his voice intense. "Look at me. I helped you. Why don't you help me?" His voice suddenly turned persuasive, and Victoria did as he said and looked at him.

"Help you?" she asked faintly.

"Of course," Macavity purred, eyes gleaming. Victoria's mind went blank as she stared at him. "Step away from Plato, if you please. He's no good to you, dear little Victoria."

"Okay," Victoria said, her voice flat as she obeyed and moved away from Plato. He gazed at her, frozen.

"And now…come here, sweet Victoria. Come to me." Macavity smiled cruelly at Plato as Victoria did as she was told without question.

"Stop," Plato said finally, before Victoria had reached him. "Stop it, Macavity. _Stop the damned mind games!_"

Victoria halted mid-step as Macavity lifted his eyes from her to Plato. "Oh?" he said softly, his voice level.

"Free her. Give her back her own will," Plato growled, taking a couple of steps towards Macavity.

"Oh, but I'm afraid…that I rather like it," Macavity said absently. "And I'm rather used to it…I don't think I could give it up."

Plato stared coldly at him. "Just do it," he said flatly, taking another few steps closer. The tall red tom just smirked. They stared at each other, eyes not quite meeting. Plato moved closer, step by step. And then their eyes finally met. Scorching yellow found emerald green, and it was as if lightning was flashing between them. The smirk faded from Macavity's lips and his brow furrowed in concentration. Plato grimaced, and grunted a little. Then they broke the contact, breathing heavily.

"You're better than I thought," Macavity sighed, turning away. Victoria blinked, and tipped over sideways.

"Plato!" she cried as she let herself fall harmlessly into the snow. He rushed to her, and wrapped his arms around her. She sighed, and suddenly her soreness returned, even worse than before. She let out a scream, and Plato jerked back. Macavity's head flew round and he stared at her with something so very similar to… worry?

"It hurts!" she wailed. "I hurt!" Plato's mouth hung open, and he just sat there for a few seconds. Then, he leant in, his face close to hers.

"What's wrong?" he cried, alarmed. Victoria scrunched into a ball, and rocked back and forth. It was as if she was _burning_ with pain.

"Just make it go away!" she screamed. Macavity's face twisted with sudden realization. He looked away, tight-lipped. Plato bit his lip, eyes panicked. Then, he sighed.

"Look into my eyes, Victoria," he whispered, voice full of pain. She did as he said, shaking with agony. The green of his eyes was like heaven. The pain numbed, dying to a faint throb and then…nothing. Smiling giddily, she collapsed into his arms.

"Hell, Plato. I thought you were against mind games," she heard Macavity drawl. And then her beautiful snowy world was fading away.

**

* * *

**

When Victoria woke up, she found herself still in Plato's arms. His eyes opened at the exact same moment hers did, and he gazed at her. As Victoria blinked drowsily at him, she noted that his eyes were clouded over with worry.

"Are you okay?" he murmured.

"Yeah. I had such a lovely dream," she yawned.

"What was it about?" Plato frowned.

Victoria narrowed her eyes in thought. Finally, she answered him. "I can't remember."


	7. Black and White and Red All Over

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 7;; Black and White and Red All Over**

_There, she heard an unfamiliar laugh, ringing through the air. The sound was like the sweetest music. _

**

* * *

**

"_Victoria!"_ The white queen jumped as her mother stormed into the den, a look of thunder on her face.

"Ah…yes, mom?" Victoria asked, her voice wavering as she tried to slow the sudden rate of her heart.

Before Jellylorum could say anything, her eyes flickered to the still very visible scratches running across Victoria's flank. She clapped a paw to her mouth, staring at the way the red ran across white. Victoria twitched, feeling as if she was meant to remember something… red on white…

"Don't tell me Etcetera did that?" Jellylorum asked shrilly, breaking into Victoria's thoughts.

"She told you about…? Yes, she did scratch me," Victoria replied stiffly. _I can't believe her! She told Mum! What the hell?_

Jellylorum's eye visibly twitched. "Alright, darling. Tell me what happened."

Victoria hesitated. _No doubt to compare it to Etcetera's story,_ she thought suspiciously. _But it's not like I can refuse her…and since she probably already knows, I'll tell her the truth. _

"Etcetera came into my den yesterday," Victoria began, looking up at Jellylorum from beneath her eyelashes. "She was…unusually angry. I'd never seen her act that way, I swear. It was as if…it wasn't Etcetera at all. Like there was a demon inside of her."

"What?" Jellylorum broke in, her eyes clouded with worry for her daughter.

Victoria nodded in confirmation. "That's exactly how it was. Anyway… she was um, jealous of me… over… um. Well, we argued, and she began to make me feel annoyed as well, because she was being… um… unreasonable."

"So you scratched her?" Jellylorum asked expectantly, eyes flashing.

"No…" Victoria felt a little irritated that her mother immediately assumed that Etcetera was incapable of scratching anyone. "Ah… she tried to attack me. I kept dodging her… I didn't want to hurt her, because I thought she, um, was just in a weird mood or something." That was a lie. Victoria had just wanted to further Etcetera's irritation. "But then… she managed to actually land a blow on me. This is what she did." Victoria gestured miserably at the scratch.

"She…hit you first?" Jellylorum gaped.

"I told you she was being weird," Victoria said quietly, lowering her eyes. "And then…yeah, I scratched her. It was self-defense, mom. I just wanted her to go away." There was no mistaking the sincerity in Victoria's eyes. Jellylorum had to accept that this daughter was the one telling the truth.

"Oh… well, I suppose I'll talk to Etcy instead then," Jellylorum sighed, sounding doubtful. "But what exactly did you two argue over?" Her eyes were burning with motherly love – she needed to know what could cause her two daughters to act so strangely.

Victoria didn't answer. She kept gazing at the ground, ignoring her mother's expectant gaze. Finally, Jellylorum sighed and left the white queen alone. Victoria watched her mother's waving tail retreat, and then at last allowed herself to stand up and leave the den.

**

* * *

**

Etcetera sat alone in Jellylorum's spacious den, right at the back on the bed that was used for sick cats. Lately, there hadn't been any need to use the bed. Truthfully, Etcetera wasn't really so badly injured that she needed to be kept under Jellylorum's careful supervision, but she liked being able to think that her sister had done her a great wrong. Besides, Jellylorum had one of the nicest dens in the Junkyard. Although she shared it with Asparagus, he was usually out with his best friend Skimbleshanks. Long ago, when she had been much younger, Etcetera had longed to journey with him. He'd always told her the most exciting stories. Now, the only thing she thought of was Plato.

She sighed dreamily at the very thought of the tom and examined her claws carefully. Lately, she'd been scraping them through the dirt a lot, and she hated the thought that Plato might think badly of her because she had dirty claws. Carefully, she picked the dirt of off them with her teeth just the way that Victoria had taught her. Etcetera sighed again, but in a different way. Admittedly, she had used to love her sister. But Victoria had changed for the worse, hadn't she? Etcetera sighed for a third time, satisfied with her claws. Victoria had used to be a wonderful sister, yet in the way that they only acted like friends instead of sisters. It was just less weird that way.

Now, all Victoria seemed to want to do was hurt Etcetera. _I doubt she even loves my Plato,_ she thought bitterly. _Not as much as I do. She's just playing with me…But I'll show her I'm fed up with playing. And when Macavity helps me… _A sadistic smirk twitched on Etcetera's lips. _She'll realize just how wrong she is._

"Etcy…?" Jellylorum's voice was aghast. Etcetera quickly wiped the smirk off her face and smiled sadly, hoping that her mother hadn't noticed.

"Mom! Did you…did you speak to Victoria?" she asked hopefully. When Jellylorum nodded, a flash of triumph passed over Etcetera's eyes. Her mother frowned, but Etcetera didn't notice. _She had it coming to her! Oh, Victoria…I wonder how you feel now?_

"She told me…some strange things," Jellylorum began, tight-lipped. The elation faded from Etcetera, and she narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

"Such as…?"

"You attacked her first, I hear. And I know Victoria was telling the truth. She told me… you were in a state. That you were acting _very_ strange. And I believe her, cause you're doing it right now… darling." Jellylorum gave her daughter a doubtful smile. Etcetera froze, glaring past her mother to the entrance of the den. If she looked carefully enough, she thought she could see Victoria trotting across the Junkyard. Etcetera felt a brief impulse to fly out and choke her to death.

"Why do you believe her?" Etcetera asked in a small voice, keeping up her innocent act. "Mom…it's always like that. Always Victoria first." She couldn't help the sour note in her voice.

"You're jealous, aren't you, darling." Jellylorum stated this as a fact, not a question. Sympathy softened her eyes, and she caught Etcetera's shoulder, but the tabby twisted away, anger turning her lips down.

"What are you on about, mother?" she said frostily, pulling away. A look of hurt passed across Jellylorum's face, but then her eyes were suddenly hard. Etcetera recognized that look as the 'I mean business' look that often appeared when she was _very_ angry. She couldn't help but gulp in nervousness.

"Etcetera. Tell me, why did you argue? Victoria won't tell me."

"I'm not telling you either." Etcetera raised her hackles defiantly and almost spat the words into her mother's face. Jellylorum let out a growl of frustration. Neither daughter would say a thing, and they both had the same reason. They didn't want anyone to think badly of Plato.

"_Fine_," Jellylorum said shrilly. "But you _will_ tell me exactly why you're acting so strangely! Tell me, what's your problem?"

Etcetera turned away from her mother, her face hard and inscrutable. Inside, she was wavering, but a much stronger part of her refused to say _anything_ about Plato… or Macavity. She had to ignore the stupid, scared part of her and defy her mother like she never had in the past.

"_Tell me!_ Or I'll use other means to find out," Jellylorum warned. Etcetera froze. She couldn't just underestimate her mother – she was a full-grown queen and if she searched long enough, she would find out about Plato. She didn't want him to be involved in the fight. She just wanted them him to fall in love with her and for them to skip off into the sunset. She never considered that as a ridiculous idea – in reality, she was obsessed with it. One thing she did know was that her dream would never happen if Jellylorum went and ruined it.

That was when she broke down. Sobbing, she hid her face in her paws. _I need Plato!_ she screamed inwardly as Jellylorum leapt forward to comfort her daughter. This was the Etcetera that Jellylorum knew – vulnerable.

Etcetera wanted more than anything to just tell her mother everything, to just get the ache off of her chest. But she couldn't, she _wouldn't_ say anything about Plato. For one thing, her mother would surely tell him off for… Etcetera contemplated the thought._ For being so attractive,_ she decided finally. And also, she would probably be chastised. She would be told, 'Don't be ridiculous. You're too young to understand love.' She could picture their stern, sympathetic eyes staring her down, making her quiver. But she _did_ understand. Plato was everything to her! And the thing was, when they said that she was too young, they would mean _only_ her. She highly doubted that Victoria was too young. But it had always been that way… Etcetera had to accept she would never lose her immature reputation, and that Victoria would always be… better.

But because she couldn't talk about Plato, she'd have to talk about the other cat. She knew that it was wrong to tell her mother all about what he had promised her. Yet, he'd never told her not to tell anyone. It had just been a gut feeling that prevented her from talking. And now, she was such a mess emotionally that everything just spilled out of her.

"Macavity," she sobbed. "Macavity said he'd help me." Straightaway, Jellylorum froze. Etcetera noticed this with surprise, and touched her mother's cheek tentatively. But Jellylorum remained stiff as a statue, eyes wide and staring into nothingness. Her mouth was hanging just slightly open. Concerned, Etcetera waved a paw in front of her face. That was when she was startled back into reality.

"_Never. Go. Near. That. Tom. Again,_" she spat, grabbing Etcetera by the shoulders and shaking her. "_Do you understand?_"

"Mum! Let go!" Etcetera cried, pulling away from her mother's rough grip. Jellylorum released her, but her eyes were still burning with fierce anger and a desire to protect.

"Do you understand?" she repeated, more quietly this time, yet with more intensity.

"Mum…" Etcetera murmured. When she saw the severe look on her mother's face, she just nodded dumbly.

"Tell me, Etcetera. Just what did he do to you?" Jellylorum whispered, taking her daughter's face in between her paws and studying it carefully. She stared deep into Etcetera's wide blue eyes, as if searching for something. And then she found it, and her shoulders sagged a little.

"I…what do you mean? He just told me that he could help me…" Etcetera watched Jellylorum cautiously.

"Help you do _what?_" Jellylorum stepped away from Etcetera and began to pace, her frustration etched in her face.

"I can't tell you," Etcetera said helplessly. Jellylorum groaned.

"Stay away from him. I'm going to go to something about that evil brute," she snarled, fur on end. She stormed right back out the den then, just as she had done earlier.

"Wait!" Etcetera cried. "No! Don't!" But her mother either didn't listen, or didn't hear. She left Etcetera gaping in fear, because she knew that she _needed_ Macavity to help her reach her dreams.

**

* * *

**

In a panic, Etcetera rushed out of the den, stubbornly ignoring the pain in her leg. Hurriedly, she glanced around for any sign of that vivid red fur, but of course, Macavity wasn't there. Frantic now, she swung her head from side to side, ignoring the curious looks other cats gave her. With a gasp, she caught sight of a flash of red curled up with another cat, but she quickly realized it was Bombalurina, not Macavity. It didn't even bother her much that she was snuggling with Tugger.

What _did_ bother her was that Plato and Victoria were heading out of the Junkyard, arms linked. She watched them closely, seething at how close together they walked. Her blood boiled at the fond way Plato held on to the pretty white queen. _There's nothing I can do now,_ she told herself. _But he'll be mine soon. I just have to be patient…_ Patience was a difficult feat for Etcetera, however, and it showed in the way her fists clenched.

Agitated, Etcetera rushed across the main part of the Junkyard, her leg hindering her only a little, and headed round the back. There, she heard an unfamiliar laugh, ringing through the air. The sound was like the sweetest music. Her anger forgotten, Etcetera ventured forward towards where she could hear the laugh coming from. Her ears twitched and swiveled as she tracked the source down, and that was when she caught sound of a deeper voice. A voice she knew well.

_Macavity?_

All the more intrigued now, and knowing that she needed to find the red tom, Etcetera quickened her pace. What she found shocked and sickened her.

Victoria was wrapped around Macavity, and they were kissing each other hungrily. White…and red.


	8. Mesmerizing

**A/N: Please excuse my use of an OC. **

**

* * *

**

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 8;; Mesmerizing**

"_This is how it feels to see everything you've fought for crumbling away into dust."_

**

* * *

**

"What the hell?" Etcetera yelled upon instinct. Then, she realized that she'd just given herself away, and clapped her paws over her mouth. It was too late, though – she was in plain view, and Macavity and Victoria were breaking apart so as to look at her.

"Ah…Etcetera," Macavity sighed, looking about as irritated as if a fly was buzzing around his head. "What is it you want now?" His eyes flashed with a warning.

"What are you _doing_ with Vic-" Etcetera broke off suddenly, realizing his plan. _He's making Victoria cheat on Plato! Brilliant!...If a little strange._

"Vic?" The white queen gave a high laugh. "Darling, my name isn't 'Vic'. You can call me Alyana." Etcetera's head flew up and she stared at the queen in shock.

"Aly…ana?" she whispered. The voice definitely wasn't Victoria's, and neither was the laugh…on closer inspection, the queen wasn't Victoria at all, but the two did bear an uncanny resemblance. It was such a strong resemblance that Etcetera hadn't even realized until the queen had spoken. And anyone who might happen to notice would immediately assume the same thing as her.

There were very slight differences. Alyana was taller, and a little bit older, but not by much. She was curvier too, and not quite as slim as Victoria. Her features weren't as sharp as Victoria's, instead soft and endearing. Her eyes were huge, and instead of being the shocking blue of Victoria's, were a lovely forest green. Her lips were full, her cheeks rosy. She was like a kitten in some ways, yet matured.

"That's right," Alyana purred. "I'll even spell it out for you, sweetheart. A-L-Y-A-N-A." Macavity smirked at her, amused.

"Yeah, yeah, I get it," Etcetera muttered, shifting her paws uncomfortably. She had the distinct feeling that she was being made fun of, but both cats intimated her and she didn't want to anger them.

"You thought that she was Victoria, didn't you, little Etcetera?" Macavity grinned, a dark edge to the almost friendly expression. Etcetera hesitated, not sure whether to answer or not. But Macavity seemed in a good mood, so she just nodded. Alyana tinkled a laugh, and Etcetera immediately felt envious of the melodic sound of her voice.

"I can see why," she winked. "A pure white cat is rare to you Jelli-cats, am I right?"

"Jellicles," Etcetera corrected automatically. Alyana's smirk broadened. "And yeah…I hear there was great celebration on the day of Victoria's birth." She lowered her head, her voice bitter.

"Oh, I can imagine." Alyana's voice lilted with amusement. Etcetera found herself glaring at the white queen, though she barely knew her.

"Anyway, I don't know what you're doing, and I don't think I need to know-" Etcetera began, directing her words at Macavity.

"You're right on that, darling," Alyana interrupted, and Macavity's lips twitched into a smirk. Etcetera growled a little, fuming.

"I need to talk to you," Etcetera continued. "Urgently."

Macavity sighed. "Can't this wait until later?" He sent a very suggestive look towards Alyana, and she winked seductively.

"No," Etcetera said flatly, trying to be brave in the face of Macavity and this new 'Alyana'.

A low snarl of frustration rose up Macavity's throat, but he didn't appear to be angry at Etcetera. So she stayed, the only sign of her terror a slight twitch of her tail. She was too frozen to move anything else.

"It's okay, Mac, I'll come find you once you're done with the kitten," Alyana soothed the red tom, making Etcetera flush with anger and embarrassment.

"Yeah, you will," Macavity replied, almost ordering her. They shared a brief kiss and then Alyana scooted off, just as perfectly graceful as Victoria. Etcetera watched her go, still in shock at the resemblance between the two white queens.

"So what is it you want?" Macavity growled, his eyes suddenly devoid of that flicker of amusement they'd held while Alyana had been around. "You'd better make it quick. And don't start whining about Plato, or I swear, I'll rip your whiskers off."

Etcetera quivered, her fear suddenly doubling. Or tripling. Inside, she was screaming at herself to just run, _run,_ and not tell Macavity about what had happened with Jellylorum. But the part of her that longed for Plato kept her planted to her spot. _I need Macavity on my side,_ she reminded herself, _so I have to tell him the truth._ She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself.

"I…Jellylorum just went to, um, 'do something about you'," Etcetera confessed in a tiny voice. Macavity's attention was suddenly all on her, and he leant in towards her, eyes dangerous.

"What did you say?" he hissed. Etcetera gulped, knowing full well that he had heard her. She gulped, and pulled back a little, frightened of the very small distance between them.

"Jellylorum…she thinks that…um…you're an evil brute…" Etcetera stammered, her heartbeat speeding up.

"An evil brute? Is that right…" Suddenly, Macavity was amused. Etcetera let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you kindly for the warning, little Etcetera. I'll be off now." And with that, the red cat departed, leaving Etcetera alone and shivering.

**

* * *

**

_It's such a beautiful world,_ Victoria thought dreamily. Plato was holding her as if he would never let go, the green of his eyes intoxicating. They were like Victoria's drug, sending her into a world of bliss. She always felt slightly _drunk_ around Plato. She breathed in his scent, and it was wonderful. But it was nothing, _nothing_ to his eyes. He kissed her then, their lips meeting sweetly. Victoria felt as if she couldn't breathe, as if she didn't even _need_ to breathe. Plato pulled away, but only to trail his lips down her neck.

"I know I've told you this before," he breathed. "But you're so beautiful." Victoria smiled breathlessly, feeling unable to speak. The emotions on her face conveyed everything to Plato, though, and he understood.

Suddenly, they both noticed the presence of another cat quickly approaching. Reluctantly, they broke apart, Victoria still looking slightly dazed, Plato the picture of serenity. Macavity easily swung through, smirking at the pair. Victoria stared curiously at him, because she'd never seen him wearing anything close to a smile on his lips. Plato's eyes darkened just slightly, but he maintained a pleasant smile.

"Ah… young love. How simply lovely," Macavity purred, his tone conversational. He caught Plato's eye, and a flash of strange emotion passed between them. Victoria didn't notice – she was too busy staring at Macavity, brow furrowed slightly in thought. She'd never seen the red cat acting so… nice.

"…It's nice to see you, Macavity," Plato said softly, his tone implying exactly the opposite. Lips twitching, Macavity just shrugged and moved on.

"You're on speaking terms with Macavity?" Victoria asked, still dazed.

"I wouldn't say that," Plato muttered. "But…we have spoken before, yes. Vicki… I hope you don't mind, but I need to know what that cat is up to."

"Why?" Victoria wasn't annoyed (though she did want to gaze into Plato's eyes for just a bit longer) but she was curious about Plato and Macavity. Did they have some sort of history? She wanted to know _everything_ about Plato, and why he was suddenly so interested in Macavity seemed like a good start.

"I have my reasons," Plato said uncomfortably. "You don't mind, do you?" He gazed reluctantly at her.

"No, I'll come," she smiled, swaying as if in a trance. Plato frowned at her, and the smile faded from her lips.

"I think it'll be best if you don't," he told her gently, brushing his lips across her forehead. "Though I wish you could… it may be dangerous." The warning in his voice didn't discourage Victoria, but she knew that he wouldn't allow her to go with him. But she did have an idea.

"Alright," she told him, sighing loudly. "I guess I'll take a nap or something…" She lowered her eyes so Plato wouldn't see the glimmer of excitement in them. To her, what she was about to do seemed exciting, dangerous.

"Good." Plato smiled in relief. He gave her one more brief kiss, and then departed, trotting off after Macavity. Victoria padded slowly towards her den for a while, and then when she was sure that he was out of earshot, she spun round and followed him. His wonderful scent lingered in the air, so it was simple to follow his trail. It didn't even occur to Victoria to feel guilty – she was too excited to see this secret about Macavity that Plato was hiding.

**

* * *

**

"So, Macavity…I hate to break it to you, but we were just about to go looking for you," came the voice of Old Deuteronomy, the famed leader of the Jellicles. "What a, er, coincidence that you've arrived." He spoke as if he was asking a question.

"Ah, you wanted me?" Macavity grinned. "It's not every day I hear that. Glad I could please you with my wonderful timing then."

Victoria could only see a sliver of the scene. She had found that the only place she could watch undetected was behind a fence. Through a peephole in the weathered wood, she could see Macavity's back and a tiny bit of Deuteronomy's face. Plato was crouched behind a wall, every so often glancing fleetingly around the corner. Victoria found it hard to keep her eyes on Macavity, because the sight of Plato kept distracting her.

"I'm afraid it's not good news," Deuteronomy stated gravely. Victoria caught a faint trace of Jellylorum's scent on the breeze, and realized that her mother was there as well. It only further piqued her curiosity.

"Ah! Well, that is certainly sad to hear." Victoria was sure that if she could see Macavity's face, he would be wearing a tiny frown.

"Indeed," Deuteronomy sighed. "Now… Jellylorum here, an honest queen, tells me that you have been, ah… harassing her daughter."

"Which one?" Macavity laughed. Victoria froze. What did he mean, which one? There were only two, and it had to be Etcetera, because Victoria knew for sure that she'd never spoken to Macavity in her life. But something deep inside Victoria tingled, and she began to wonder otherwise.

"Etcetera… wait. You haven't been messing with Victoria too?" Jellylorum snarled.

"I assure you, I haven't been messing with either," Macavity said pleasantly. "But why would you think of accusing me?"

"You know well why," Jellylorum said in a low, threatening voice. Macavity simply tilted his head questioningly to the side with an infuriatingly charming smile.

"Jellylorum, my good lady, I think it best if I handle my son from now on," Deuteronomy said quietly, keeping his eyes on Macavity. The queen huffed a little, but left them alone. She didn't even notice Plato pressed flat against the wall.

"Macavity, you did promise us you would never go back to your old ways," Deuteronomy reprimanded the red tom sternly. Victoria was awed that any cat could reprimand Macavity, though he didn't seem to care.

"Old ways?" Macavity chuckled. "No… Etcetera wanted me to _help_ her. She was, you see, rather upset…"

"Explain," Deuteronomy said shortly.

"It's her private business!" said Macavity, his voice mocking. "I can't go around spreading it."

Deuteronomy sighed impatiently. "Macavity, I'm sure that she won't mind."

"Hmm…well, you see, she's having romantic troubles at the moment…" said Macavity slyly. Victoria froze in her position behind the fence. _As in…Plato and I being together? _It couldn't be anything else. Suddenly, Victoria wanted to leap out and demand answers. But she knew that that was a very bad idea. For one thing, Macavity was far stronger and bigger than her. Another, she didn't want to be discovered.

But suddenly, a whole lot of things became clear to Victoria. For instance, why Etcetera was acting so strangely – somehow, it was all Macavity's fault. It was a relief to Victoria, but it made her feel guilty for treating her sister so badly when it hadn't really been her fault that she was being so stupid. But how had Macavity even done it? As far as Victoria knew, he avoided the Jellicles like the plague, even though he was a part of them.

Through the hole in the fence, Victoria saw that Plato's ears were twitching.

"So I offered to assist, like the kind gentleman I am," Macavity continued, laughing lightly. Even the way he spoke frightened Victoria… but it frightened her in a very strange way. He didn't make her want to run away. He frightened her in the way that she wanted to climb over the fence and watch him speak close up. _They call it charisma, don't they?_

"And?" Deuteronomy prompted, sounding curious in spite of himself.

"And what? That's all I have to tell." Macavity's said, sounding amused.

"Come now, Macavity." Deuteronomy regarded his son with exasperation. "Why then do I hear about the odd ways that Etcetera has been acting?"

"There could be many reasons, father." Macavity's voice was oddly sincere. Victoria didn't know whether to trust him or not – her instinct told her not to, but listening to him speak made her believe his every word. "I don't know the ways of adolescent queens. It could, of course, be jealousy… feelings that she has had to bury all her life could have finally spilt out of her. Who knows?"

_That's true,_ Victoria thought to herself contemplatively. _She was acting real funny about that the other day…_

"Do you really expect me to believe that?" Deuteronomy sounded almost impatient now, which was a rare sight. "What with your past?"

"You shouldn't live in the past, old man." Suddenly, Macavity was hostile. "Take that story or nothing. I assure you, it's the truth." Even with the sudden change of tone, Victoria felt inclined to believe the dangerous red tom.

"Macavity…" Deuteronomy's voice was weary. The way he said that one word, it seemed to hold a thousand meanings. "Please don't tell me that you've gone back to using your powers."

"I can't ignore them, and you know it." Macavity's hackles rose in frustration. "You can't make me!"

"If you want the protection of the Junkyard, you must be normal, my son. I know that it is impossible for a magic cat to suppress their powers, but you don't have to use them on other cats such as poor Etcetera."

"For the last time, I didn't!" Macavity spat at his father. "I've done just as you've ordered! I even kept away from your precious family… I've been alone, to make sure that I keep my powers under control, to make sure that I don't harm your Jellicles or touch them with the wonder of my gifts, yet, you don't believe me!"

"I'm having a lot of trouble believing you," Deuteronomy said gently. "It's just like last time, you see…"

"That was a long time ago," Macavity said frostily. "It must be a sad coincidence."

Deuteronomy shook his head. "It is not a coincidence. You've been doing extremely well, Macavity…but it seems that you just can't handle yourself. It's a pity."

"_What?_ You're _not_ going to send me away, old man!" To Victoria, Macavity _almost_ seemed frantic.

"No…no, I'm not," Deuteronomy sighed. "I probably should – you're a danger to my family. But I cannot. You are my own son, and I don't truly believe that you are a bad soul. Your powers are both a curse and a blessing."

"I don't need your pity," Macavity snarled.

Deuteronomy paused for a moment, seeming at a loss for words. "I'm sorry…" Victoria couldn't help but feel a twinge of pity for the red tom herself. As far as she could understand, the only reason Macavity kept away from the Jellicles was that he was a danger to them, and it wasn't even his own fault. The oddest urge to help him crept into her heart.

"Why me?" Macavity spat. "I didn't need this crap. The powers aren't worth the isolation."

"I don't know," Deuteronomy said helplessly. "Magic seems to be quite common in the Jellicle blood… but the others aren't affected the way you are. Because of her…"

_The others? _Victoria thought.

"They're lucky. Unreasonably so…" Macavity seemed to suddenly lose all his fight. "They can have… normal lives. They go around the Junkyard, have friends… they have lives."

"You never seemed interested in that sort of life before," Deuteronomy commented.

"No, I wasn't then. But things change," Macavity shrugged idly. "Look, father, if you're not going to kick me out, I'll think I'll be off-"

"Wait a moment." Deuteronomy caught Macavity's shoulder, making the red cat flinch away. "You must promise to not go near Etcetera again. And never work your magic upon any Jellicle cat ever again. Stay out of trouble… or next time, there will not be a next time. Understood?"

Macavity smiled wryly. "It's unbearably unfair… but understood. I'll do as you say." With that, he flicked his tail and moved away, movements sinuous. Unfortunately for Plato, he didn't escape notice this time. Macavity paused, and raised his eyebrows at him. They didn't say anything, but apparently they exchanged some sort of communication and both padded off together. Victoria, after a moment of hesitation, climbed over the fence as stealthily as possible and shadowed them.

It wasn't long before they stopped. They made sure to get far enough away from Deuteronomy that he wouldn't hear, and they took a complicated path that made it all the harder for Victoria to follow them. What was worse, it was impossible for her to find a good vantage point, so she was forced to stand around the corner. She didn't want to risk taking quick peeks, so she stood there, feeling a little nervous about what she was about to hear.

"Why were you listening?" Macavity hissed, his voice dangerous.

Plato chuckled. "Your behavior made me suspicious. I wanted to see what you were up to…but I didn't learn anything new. It was a bit of a waste of time, really."

Macavity snarled, a low guttural sound. "You don't know how much I hate you, you arrogant little tom. One day, you'll really annoy me and I'll destroy you." He laughed lowly. "I dream of it occasionally." Victoria suppressed her gasp of horror and pricked her ears for Plato's response.

"When you're not invading a certain someone's dream, that is," Plato said coldly. "I don't know what you're trying to do to her, Macavity, but I don't need you messing up her head."

"Thing is, Plato, I think she'd be far better off if _I_ did the messing with her head. What you're doing to her is killing her good sense."

_What…are they talking about? _Victoria thought. But something in the back of her mind told her that she already knew, and the hollow feeling in her stomach confirmed it.

"Don't you-" Plato gave a cry of outrage, and Victoria heard what sounded like an explosion. Heart thumping, she desperately ignored the temptation to take a quick look at the scene.

"It's no use you trying anything," Macavity drawled. "I'm the elder cat here, so you know what'll happen."

Plato made a sound of disgust.

"You've been getting on my nerves for a while now, pretty boy," Macavity sneered. "Maybe I should…I don't know, do something about you?"

Plato let out a gasp. "No…you wouldn't!"

"I could very easily," Macavity said coolly. "I'll give you a choice… you get away from Victoria, and cut off all contact with her of your own will… oh, I almost forgot, you'll have to go give little Etcetera some loving… or I'll make you."

Victoria was frozen. She could hardly believe what she was hearing, and she tried to convince itself it was all a dream. But the feeling of her heart pounding was far too real, and so was the fear that held her pressed up against the wall.

"Never," Plato spat. "You can't make me do anything," he added, and another sound like thunder rolled past Victoria. Macavity just laughed.

"Shall I show you?" he said, his voice suddenly cordial. Plato made a spitting noise.

"_NO!_" Victoria screamed, unable to stop herself. The tone of Macavity's voice had alerted her that Plato was in danger and however foolish it was, she didn't want to let him get hurt. And of course, she didn't want him to keep away from her, no matter what strange things Macavity implied about him.

The scene that met her eyes was terrifying. Macavity was literally holding Plato up by the fur of his neck, their faces inches apart. Even though Plato was only slightly shorter, it seemed an incredibly easy feat for the red tom. Both of them had singed fur, which only made Victoria wonder what on earth had gone on that she hadn't seen. They didn't respond to Victoria's arrival at first, seemingly oblivious to her.

"What the _hell_ are you doing?" Victoria screeched at them, putting her paws on her hips and trying to feel brave. In reality, she knew that she was shaking all over, but she put on her best angry face and stared the two toms down. They both suddenly realized her presence, and gazed at her with completely different expressions. Plato looked panicked, between Victoria's presence and the fact that Macavity was threatening him. Macavity, on the other hand, grinned as if he were a little human boy on Christmas day. His eyes lit up in a terrible, sadistic way.

"It's nice to see you here, Victoria," he winked. That kindled the fire of Victoria's fury. Now, she really was shaking with anger instead of terror.

"The hell it is!" she yelled shrilly. "Put Plato _down!_" She flattened her ears, puffed up her fur and spat at his face. He frowned at her like a disapproving parent.

"Now now, Victoria. No need to be so rude," he said tauntingly. Plato struggled vainly as Macavity switched his attention to the new arrival. "I'm so very pleased to see you… why can't you say the same for me?"

"Because I don't know you at all! And because you're hurting Plato!" Victoria took a step forward, ripping a snarl. It was very unlike her, and any other cat would have flinched away. But Macavity? He just stood there with an insolent smirk that infuriated Victoria.

Strangely, Victoria thought she saw his eyes soften, just slightly. The smirk stayed plastered all over his face. "Am I hurting your love?" he asked nonchalantly. And then he actually threw Plato aside like a ragdoll. "Do you really not know me?" he asked softly, leaning towards her. Victoria froze in spot, her eyes fixed on his. She got sucked into the burning yellow, almost the way that Plato's eyes hypnotized her. Then she shook herself. _They're nothing like Plato's eyes! _

"No. The thing I know is that you're weird and evil," Victoria growled. "The conversations I just heard prove it." Macavity stiffened, anger seeping into his eyes.

"Tell me, Victoria," he said, moving towards her. With every step he took closer, she stepped back. "What did you hear? What did you hear, little Victoria?"

"Don't call me that!" Victoria protested, on impulse. When he just regarded her scornfully, she flushed. "And why should I tell you that? If I do… If I do, you'll probably hurt me!"

"I won't hurt you," Macavity assured her. "Can't you see the sincerity in my eyes?" Victoria, without realizing that she was being fooled, looked into his eyes. And that was when she fell into Macavity's trap.

"_Victoria! No!_" Plato yelled, struggling to sit up. But she didn't even hear him, for she was far too fixated on the wonder of Macavity's eyes. Hypnotic, intense yellow, telling her that spoke only the utter truth. Compelling her to tell the truth as well. She gaped at him dumbly, and then nodded. He smiled at her cockily.

"Alright, Victoria. I'd like to tell me what you heard."

"I heard your confrontation with your father. And then I listened to you fighting with Plato," Victoria told him obediently.

"_Victoria!_" Plato cried, his voice filled with desperation.

"Good girl," Macavity smirked devilishly in Plato's direction. "But you're not done yet. Wait a moment." Victoria nodded, her eyes going blank as he turned away from her. "This is how it feels," he told Plato cruelly. "This is how it feels to see everything you've fought for crumbling away into dust." And as Plato cried out with anguish, trying to stand up, Macavity took Victoria's paw. She didn't even respond to his contact.

"_VICTORIA!"_ Plato screamed again, cursing at his unresponsive legs. "_VICTORIA!_ Macavity! I swear…_you're the devil!" _Macavity sent him one last, malicious look, and then grabbed Victoria's paw and hauled her roughly away.

"I'll deal with you later!" he called over his shoulder, laughing in malevolent delight. Plato let out a long groan of pure misery, but by then, Victoria and Macavity were out of sight.

Macavity stopped only a few streets away. "Victoria, darling," he purred. "I want you to look into my eyes again." She did so immediately, complying with his wishes as though he were the most important cat in the world. Looking into his eyes made her feel all warm and fuzzy, and once hooked, she never wanted to look away.

"Victoria. I need you to forget all you heard and saw of me today," Macavity instructed. She nodded almost eagerly. "Everything, alright? Just…get rid of the memories or something." She nodded again, and Macavity frowned a little.. "Heaviside, I've never done this before," he muttered under his breath. "Okay…I'm going to leave you here, and you'll sleep for three hours. Then, you'll return to the Junkyard as if nothing is wrong. You will tell your friends that you had a lovely lap somewhere in the Junkyard. You _never_ left the Junkyard today."

"Yes," Victoria smiled stunningly, still gazing like a lovestruck puppy into his eyes. He smirked a little.

"Good." And then, he padded away, breaking the eye contact. Victoria felt a sinking feeling as the feeling of bliss left her, and then, just as she had been told, she curled up on the ground and fell asleep.


	9. Unstable Savior

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Iamtwilight, stiffkittens101 and ParallelWonderland for all their lovely reviews. I love you guys. ;) **

**

* * *

**

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 9;; Unstable Savior**

"_Don't be sorry," he said flatly. "I don't need anyone's pity… I don't deserve it."_

**

* * *

**

Etcetera found it hard to believe, but she was actually worried. She didn't quite know why, but a stirring sensation in her stomach told her that she was definitely troubled. And the strangest thing was, she was worried about Victoria.

As far as she knew, nobody else was concerned. Victoria often took long naps. But Etcetera had checked her den, and it was empty._ I bet she's just out with Plato,_ she conceded with a sigh.

Thinking about Victoria reminded her of Alyana. Aside from the fact that the white queen got on Etcetera's nerves, she was intrigued by the unfamiliar cat. It wasn't often that she met someone new, what with the strictness of the older Jellicles. They barely allowed the younger cats to wander the city. It was, after all, a dangerous world out there, with no Munkustrap or Alonzo to constantly protect them. Yet, sometimes, Etcetera did tire of the Junkyard, as comfortable as a home it was. Sometimes, Etcetera longed to meet other cats – cats that weren't completely familiar to her like all the Jellicles were. Alyana was unusual to her, because she was new. In some ways, she reminded Etcetera of Bombalurina, yet, she didn't avoid Macavity the way Bombalurina did. _Why doesn't she avoid him?_ she wondered.

_Macavity…_ Etcetera didn't quite know what to think of the red cat. One the one hand, he had promised to help her… yet, so far, she hadn't seen any evidence that he had done anything for her. Besides, he didn't even seem to have a _reason_ for helping her, which mystified her. He wouldn't go out of his way to help a Jellicle, and Etcetera didn't seem anything special. She seemed the type a cat like him would avoid, in fact. But _not_ knowing him was the key thing. He barely spoke a word to his own tribe, and he was a very rare sight in the Junkyard. No one even knew why he stuck around to be a part of them. He was like a piece of a jigsaw – a piece that had gotten mixed up in the wrong box. The piece that was left out when the rest of the jigsaw was completed. Etcetera didn't know whether to sympathize with him or be frightened. _Both_, she told herself. _Pity him, because no one else will…but fear him, because he's dangerous._

Once she'd made her little promise to herself, Etcetera's confusion cleared somewhat. _Just trust him to help you…he doesn't seem the type to lie._

"Why do you say that?" Macavity was suddenly right next to her, smirking slyly.

"Shit!" Etcetera yelled, then clapped a paw over her mouth. "Oops…" A couple of cats glanced suspiciously her way, and smoothly, Macavity retreated into the shadows. No one seemed to notice him, surprisingly, and after receiving a few chastising looks, the cats looked away again. "Look," Etcetera told the red tom, feeling flustered. "Let's go somewhere a little less public, okay?"

"Whatever you say," Macavity shrugged. Etcetera noticed that, for whatever reason, Macavity seemed to be in a _very_ good mood. Casting him a wary look, she led him to a more secluded area behind the Junkyard.

"How did you read my thoughts?" Etcetera asked him straightaway, turning on him with her hands on her hips. Then, looking into his yellow eyes, she remembered who he was and assumed a less defiant position. He regarded her with amusement.

"It's just one of the many quirks in my life," he shrugged nonchalantly as if the ability to read minds was insignificant. Etcetera just gaped at him.

"Can you read _everyone's_ mind?" she asked him eagerly. "Like… Victoria's? Or Plato's?"

Macavity's face hardened, and Etcetera backed down quickly, not wanting to push him. "Not _everyone's_," he stated guardedly. "It takes a certain sort of… contact to be in place," he added, just as carefully.

"We have contact?" Etcetera's face was distraught, and Macavity couldn't help but chuckle at her wide-eyed expression.

"You could say that, yes, in a way, we do," he said, his tone almost warm. Etcetera inspected his expressions apprehensively.

"Is that a bad thing?" she asked finally, not really knowing.

"Well, that's all your opinion," Macavity said cheerfully. "I don't particularly care, but you might be appalled…or…" He smiled seductively, and Etcetera suddenly realized that the red tom was quite good-looking, at least, when he wasn't glaring. Which he was most of the time. She felt a faint flush creeping into her cheeks. "Or, you may think of it as… paradise." The yellow of his eyes was like liquid gold. Fully blushing now, Etcetera turned away.

"What's got you into such a good mood?" she snapped, trying to distract him from his strange antics. She didn't feel frightened to speak to him in such a tone, but she was on her guard. She'd seen his anger, and she knew how it felt to quiver before him.

"Oh! I almost forgot," he said flippantly, waving his paw as if what he was about to tell her was no big deal. But Etcetera didn't miss the glow of excitement in his eyes, and she wondered what on earth could bring the terrible red cat to smile so. "I think your sweet Plato will be coming for you very soon, little Etcetera. Isn't that what you wanted?" An almost malicious smile of joy lit up his features.

"Wh-_what?_" Etcetera was in shock; she couldn't fully register what he was saying. "Plato…? You mean he's not with Victoria?"

"That's what you wanted, right?" Macavity grinned.

"Oh… my… Everlasting… Cat," Etcetera breathed. "I can't believe this… you're not lying are you?"

"No. Weren't you thinking earlier about how I'm not the type?" he asked slyly. Etcetera nodded reluctantly.

"But…this is surreal. How? How did you do it?" she demanded.

"I have my ways," he said smugly.

"Tell me!"

"Don't push me." That dangerous edge was suddenly back in his still-friendly eyes, warning her to stand down. She sighed in frustration.

"You're pleased, aren't you?" Macavity's voice was pleasant, but his eyes narrowed. "I did this all to please you…"

"I don't believe that," Etcetera said suddenly. Macavity looked shocked, which made Etcetera feel a little proud of herself. It was hard to get such a reaction from him, and yet, she had succeeded. Mere, 'little' Etcetera. Of course, the expression only lingered for the briefest of moments, yet it confirmed her suspicions. "You have your own motives, don't you?"

"No, it was all for you. Who could resist that sweet, heartbroken face?" The fact that there was a scornful tone to his voice didn't really help Etcetera to believe him.

"You have no reason to help me," she repeated firmly. "So there must be something else."

Macavity paused, frowning. "I underestimated you. You're smarter than we all thought," he sighed. Etcetera perked up, a little smile of satisfaction creeping onto her face. "But what are you going to do? Interrogate me?"

"Well, I was wondering what exactly your reason was…" Etcetera began tentatively.

"It's my business," Macavity spat, interrupting her. She cringed a little.

"I was just going to say…you've helped me, just like you promised. I have no reason to probe into your private matters," she murmured. "I'll always _want_ to know, but I have no business asking, like you said. You owe me nothing. In fact… I think I'm indebted to you." She hung her head, a little frightened at the prospect. Macavity's face softened.

"Yeah, we all underestimated you, little Etcetera. You have good morals… and you can be intelligent when it comes down to it. You owe me nothing. What you wanted gave me a good excuse to do what I did… I won't feel guilty." He lowered his eyes. "Well, not _as_ guilty," he sighed, and Etcetera felt her heart going out to him.

"I don't know what you did… I know you don't want to tell me. But I'm sorry anyway," she said, reaching out a paw to him. He blatantly ignored it, and after a few seconds, she pulled back, embarrassed.

"Don't be sorry," he said flatly. "I don't need anyone's pity… I don't deserve it." And with a last, wry smile, he left her.

Etcetera stared after him sadly. "Yes you do," she whispered. "Yes you do."

**

* * *

**

Etcetera stayed in that spot for a long time. She was preparing herself, in all honesty. Despite her misgivings about Macavity, she knew that he was telling the truth about Plato. She knew that the next time she would see him, he wouldn't want Victoria anymore. Perhaps instead… he would want Etcetera. She shivered gleefully at the prospect. But still, it was a big change. And her worry for Victoria all came rushing back to her – she was afraid that her sister would _despise_ her now. Truthfully, Etcetera saw that there was no need to hate Victoria, not anymore.

"Watcha sitting here by yourself for, kitten?" The voice was familiar to Etcetera. Sighing, she turned to face Alyana.

"I'm not a kitten," she said irritably.

"That doesn't answer my question… _kitten_." Alyana grinned devilishly, and Etcetera stifled the urge to slap her.

"I dunno. I'm just, you know… relaxing. Thinking about life and such." She held herself back from babbling, like she always did when she was nervous. Despite herself, she wanted to make a good impression on the white queen. She wanted to seem prim and lovely, because Alyana was an outsider and didn't know of Etcetera's bubbly personality. Etcetera wanted to impress her, just because she couldn't really impress anyone else.

But Alyana saw right through the 'prim and lovely' façade. "Oh come on," she said teasingly. "I can smell Macavity all over." Suddenly, she was glaring, and Etcetera dropped the queenly look she was trying to achieve. It was replaced by nervousness – Alyana was almost as intimidating as Macavity. Her face reminded Etcetera of the time Victoria had scratched her. She cringed to remember the cold way her sister had spoken to her.

"Okay, okay. I was just talking to him a little while ago."

"What's the deal with you and him?" Alyana asked suddenly. Etcetera tilted her head to one side questioningly. "Are you like, involved or something?"

"_WHAT?_" Etcetera shrieked.

"Okay…I take it that maybe you're not." Alyana laughed one of her lovely melodic laughs.

"No, definitely _not_," Etcetera shuddered. "I mean like, he's older than me! By a lot!"

"Not really. Besides, isn't Tugger his age?"

Etcetera froze. "How do you know Tugger? And… you know that I really liked him?"

"I have my ways," Alyana shrugged, reminding Etcetera of how Macavity had said the exact same thing earlier. She regarded the white cat apprehensively, not bothering at all to impress her anymore. Chances were, if she knew about Tugger and her crazy obsession, she'd know all about Etcetera. Slowing her breathing, she tried to ask her next question calmly and nonchalantly.

"But why did you ask if we were involved?"

"Oh, I don't really know myself," Alyana replied wearily. "It's just that when we were together before, he seemed like he was really enjoying himself… and then when you came," she continued, jabbing her paw into Etcetera's face, "He was completely willing to push me away to speak to you. It made me wonder if you were in some secret relationship that I didn't know about, unlikely as it seems."

"Do you stalk me or something?" Etcetera burst out. Alyana looked genuinely surprised.

"No," she laughed. "Not _you_," she added, heavily emphasizing the 'you'.

_If not me…then who?_ Etcetera thought, stunned and completely bewildered. She didn't know what to think. The thought that the white queen was stalking someone was strange, to say the least.

"Anyway… like I was saying before you interrupted me, I went looking for Macavity like I told him I would. I followed his scent for a while, but he was always on the move. It made me wonder if he thought that I was a mistake or something," she sniffed. "And here I find you again, and you're right where his scent lingers."

"You're looking for him? Why?"

Alyana rolled her eyes scornfully. "Because I think he's sexy," she said.

"None of the other Jellicles think that," Etcetera warned, trying to contain her surprise. "We avoid him, and he avoids us. It works."

Alyana's eyes softened. "I know. I think he's just looking to be accepted…but something's preventing him. He's lovely really… right?"

"Yeah, sure," Etcetera said sarcastically. "If you think getting threatened and glared at is lovely."

"Kitten… there's more to him than that." Alyana's tone was surprisingly gentle. "I'm sure that, since you seem to be spending more time with him than anyone else, you've noticed."

Etcetera glanced up at her reluctantly. "I guess. It's weird, though. He's so… unpredictable."

"Unstable, even?" Alyana suggested. Etcetera nodded. "I know what you mean. There's something about him… that's begging me to save him." Etcetera looked at the white queen in surprise.

"Save him?" she whispered. "Save him from what?"

Alyana shook her head resignedly. "I don't know, kitten. I don't know."


	10. Forever's End

**A/N: Plato's letter was greatly inspired by the song 'Someday You Will Be Loved' by Death Cab for Cutie.**

**

* * *

**

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 10;; Forever's End**

_So I'm giving you, you and your beauty all up. See what a sacrifice I'm making? One day, when you find true love, you'll thank me._

* * *

It was when Etcetera first saw Victoria that she realized that something was wrong. Very wrong. "Heaviside," she hissed. "What on earth did Macavity do?"

Victoria stumbled into the Junkyard, her fur unusually scruffy. It was as if she had just been sleeping in a pile of dirt, but Victoria _never_ let herself get dirty, especially not in front of other cats. Already, she'd drawn a lot of attention to herself. Etcetera could see Jemima and Electra sitting together, just gaping at the white queen. Misto, Tumblebrutus and Pouncival noticed her, and for once they weren't staring at her in appreciation of her beauty. She looked a lot like Bombalurina did after her late nights out. _Is she high on catnip or something?_ Etcetera wondered. _She sure looks it._

"Vicki!" Misto was the first to actually approach her. The rest of the Jellicles hung back, unsure of what to do. "Are… are you okay?"

"Oh, Misto." Victoria swayed unsteadily, and gave Misto a bleary-eyed smile. "Gosh, I feel… like I've been run over or something." Her smile faded then, and she narrowed her eyes in concentration. Etcetera could only stare with wide eyes as Victoria thought hard. "Wow, Misto… where have I been the past day? Do you know? Gosh, I don't know." She began to laugh then, an awful, hysterical laugh that made Etcetera's fur stand up on end.

"I don't think you're okay," Misto said seriously, leaning forward to support her. She looked as if she was about to tip over at any second. She beamed at him.

"Hey, thanks Misto. I really need that. I'm feeling awfully dizzy…"

"What on earth have you been doing, Vicki?" Misto asked her, eyes concerned. He wrapped an arm around her. "Come on, sit down. You shouldn't be standing in this state." Victoria nodded, collapsing to the ground in a very ungraceful manner. It was a _very_ unusual sight to see her so uncoordinated.

"I dunno. Maybe. It's all a blur." Victoria's lips pulled up in a tiny smile. "I feel happy, but I feel _awful_ at the same time. Misto, is that normal?"

"I think you've been on catnip," Misto sighed.

"About time you started living life to the fullest!" Tugger yelled. Jellylorum, who had been frozen until that moment, slapped him and stalked over to where Misto and Victoria were sitting.

"_Victoria!_ I never thought…" She trailed off, her eyes filled with fury and disappointment. Victoria cringed.

"Mom! I can't remember anything! I don't think I've ever gone anywhere near catnip!" she protested, eyes wide. "I can't get a hold on my memories, is all."

"I'm _so_ disappointed in you," Jellylorum snarled, practically ignoring Victoria's protests. "I thought you were going to grow up to be the most respectable queen we Jellicles ever saw…but I guess I was wrong. Get yourself cleaned up at once. I don't want to see you like this ever again. _Do you understand?_"

Victoria stared downwards, distraught. It was the most pitiful spectacle Etcetera had ever seen. "Yes, mom," Victoria sniffed. Jellylorum glared at her, and then stormed into her den. One by one, the Jellicles turned away, not wanting to embarrass the poor white queen any further. Only her friends continued watching, sympathy written all over their faces. Strangely, Etcetera wanted to help, but she didn't know if her sister would accept her anymore.

_I don't know why I did what I did to her,_ Etcetera thought helplessly. _But I would've left her alone if I'd foreseen this._

"Shh, Vicki. It's okay." Misto let Victoria bury her face into his shoulder, and with a sharp pang of pity, Etcetera realized that her sister was crying.

Victoria _never_ cried. _Never_.

Etcetera felt her own eyes stinging. Not that Etcetera crying was all that unusual. But Victoria was meant to be the role model – the one who was strong, perfect, beautiful… she was none of that at the moment.

"Misto," Victoria sobbed. "Misto, I didn't want to do anything wrong… I don't think I've ever touched the tiniest bit of catnip, but what other explanation is there? Everlasting Cat, please don't tell me I'm ruined… please don't tell me everyone hates me."

An odd look appeared on Misto's face. "Vicki… no one could hate you. They're just disappointed."

Victoria wailed into Misto's chest fur, the sound muffled. "Does my breath stink, Misto? Do I smell like I've been on the nip? Do I look terrible?"

Misto sniffed her breath, and his eyes widened in surprise. "Your breath is fine, Vicki," he told her. "And you're a bit dirty, but… you can fix that, right?"

Victoria gave him a wobbly smile. "So do you know what I've been doing?" she asked him, her eyes pleading. He shook his head at her.

"No… but there must be some sort of other explanation."

By that time, Jemima and Electra had approached the pair. Misto glanced up at them, a protective look burning in his eyes. It took him a few moments to relax and let the two queens come closer.

"Vicki, are you okay?" Jemima asked, bending down to look into her friend's eyes.

"I feel like shit," Victoria moaned miserably. _If Mom had heard that…_ Etcetera thought to herself. "Jemi… have you seen Plato?"

Jemima shared a worried look with Electra. "No… the last time I saw him, he was with you," she told Victoria gently.

"He was?" A bewildered look clouded Victoria's eyes. "Heaviside, I can't even remember that…"

"_Oh_!" Misto jerked up suddenly, startling all three queens. "Everlasting Cat, no… I don't believe it…"

"What, Misto?" Electra asked, mystified. Misto just shook his head at her.

"No… I refuse to believe he'd do that… not to you…" Misto glanced down at Victoria, his eyes filling with anger. "Vicki… have you noticed anything strange about Plato?" he asked her gently.

But she gave no response. She let out a little gasp, and her eyes went blank as she slumped limply in Misto's arms.

**

* * *

**

"Oh crap, oh crap," Misto swore. Jemima gave him a chastising look and returned to meticulously cleaning Victoria's fur. Etcetera hung around awkwardly at the entrance to Victoria's den, and Electra was out searching for extra blankets.

Victoria herself was unconscious, and had been for quite a while. Her friends had considered dumping cold water on her face, but they knew that her reaction wouldn't be worth it. She looked strangely peaceful, but she was cold. _Really_ cold. Whenever Jemima placed a paw on Victoria's forehead, she'd feel chills running up her arm.

"Is she sick?" Etcetera whispered finally. She was surprised at herself for being so concerned – then again, she really had no reason to hate her sister. She felt as if she'd woken up from a terrible dream, a dream where she couldn't trust anyone, least of all Victoria. _Heaviside, have I been ridiculous._

"I don't know," Jemima said helplessly. "I'm just trying to clean her up before Jellylorum gets on her case."

"Maybe I should go fetch her…" Etcetera began. Misto shook his head.

"You saw how pissed she was," he warned. "She'll just say that Vicki deserves what she's going through right now."

"What _is_ she going through?" Etcetera asked anxiously. "I _know_ that this isn't the aftereffects of catnip. This is different."

"How do you know?" Jemima's voice was wary.

"Don't look at me like that," Etcetera sighed. "I often see Bomba and Tugs high on catnip. It's not like this."

All three cats gazed helplessly into Victoria's face. Despite her terrible coldness, she looked…happy. Her lips were curved upwards into a smile. _But why?_ Etcetera wondered. _How can she smile through all this?_

**

* * *

**

"Plato…" Victoria breathed. She was back in the white, snow-covered Junkyard – it was freezing, and she felt chilled to the bone, but it was worth the stunning beauty of the snow… and of Plato. His back was turned to her, but it only made her admire his physique, his tall stature. She smiled, knowing that he was about to turn and face her.

But when he glanced over his shoulder at her, his expression was sad. This didn't deter her – her surroundings were so beautiful she couldn't help but feel completely at peace. "Victoria," he stated, his voice emotionless.

"I'm so happy to see you," Victoria said, bouncing on her heels. "And I'm so happy to be here again…" She trailed off. "I've been here before, haven't I? You were here too… and something happened."

"Yeah, something like that," Plato said listlessly. Victoria frowned a little, perturbed by his strange attitude.

"Do _you _remember?" she asked him.

"Yes, I do," he said, his eyes still devoid of emotion. Victoria waited expectantly.

"Well? What happened?" she prompted when he didn't say anything. He laughed, but the laugh was a cold, emotionless laugh that was very unlike him. Victoria felt chills running down her spine, and it wasn't from the cold.

"A lot of things happened," he shrugged. "But do they really matter?"

"Yes… I'd like to know," Victoria said quietly, cautiously.

"I'm sure you would… but does that mean I have to tell you?"

"What's wrong, Plato?" Victoria definitely noticed that there was something strange about Plato now. He smiled bitterly at her. She gazed into his eyes, concerned… and gasped at what she saw. There was nothing warm or beautiful about his eyes at that moment. She didn't sink into paradise the way she had expected to – the way she _always_ did. His eyes were _cold_, and they were almost warning her to step away. But she didn't. She couldn't. _Not Plato._ She was really worried now.

"There's nothing wrong, Victoria," he said nonchalantly.

"I don't believe that."

"Feel free to think what you want."

"Plato…" Victoria gazed at him with her most pleading look. That look had _never_ failed her – but all it did to Plato was make him laugh. "Plato, are you angry at me?"

"Angry…? No." Plato smiled, but the smile was colder than the snow that Victoria was standing in. Trembling, she turned away. Suddenly, the beauty of her surroundings didn't matter. Nothing mattered if Plato was going to look at her with such uncaring eyes. Nothing.

"Plato, I-"

"Oh, just be quiet." The sharp irritation in his voice was like daggers stabbing into Victoria's heart. She flinched, and she felt tears pricking in her eyes. All her life, she'd managed to hold back from crying… and now she was crying twice in one day. The tears rolled down her cheeks like liquid crystals, but Plato never even turned around to comfort her.

**

* * *

**

"She's crying."

"What's going on?"

Jemima, Etcetera, Electra and Misto were all gathered close around Victoria. The tears were spilling uncontrollably out from under her closed eyelids. No longer did she look at peace – she looked devastated.

"Something's wrong…" Etcetera whispered, eyes wide.

**

* * *

**

"You never expected this, did you, little Victoria?" A new voice startled Victoria out of her misery. Plato didn't even seem to notice. It was Macavity, his red shape stalking through the snow towards her. Victoria stared at him, bewildered. Her thoughts on him were muddled – she had the vague impression that she knew him, but her mind was telling her that she'd never spoken to him before.

"Expected what?" she asked cautiously.

"What's happening right now," Macavity smirked. "You never expected precious Plato to act this way, if I'm correct."

Victoria cringed away from him. "Shut up!"

"Now, don't be that way…"

"Just _go away!_" Victoria threw herself into the snow, gasping at the utter frostiness of it. She clapped her paws over her eyes and ears, but it only succeeding in muffling Macavity's terrible laughter.

"This was inevitable, you know," he smiled cruelly. "Aren't I right… Plato?" At the mention of Plato's name, Victoria uncurled and stared up at him pleadingly. He regarded her thoughtfully.

"I suppose so, Macavity," he said finally. Victoria let out a pitiful wail.

"Why Plato? Just why?"

"Do I need a reason?"

Victoria stood up and slunk towards him. He didn't move away, but he didn't move towards her either. She rested a paw on his cheek, and stared into his eyes, all the while holding back tears. He stared back levelly.

"You promised me," Victoria choked out. "You promised me…" She couldn't hold back the tears now. It was like she had an everlasting supply. But upon thinking of _those_ memories…

"_You're wrong. There's no one like you," he breathed, cradling her in his powerful arms. She closed her eyes. She knew she had to be dreaming. Bliss like that was impossible. But it was real. He really was holding her, and he really was telling her how beautiful she was._

"_Don't ever leave," she murmured, her eyes flashing open. They were beseeching, and completely alluring to Plato._

"_I won't," he promised, squeezing her paw. "I'll stay beside you for always, Victoria."_

"_Forever?" she smiled tentatively, leaning into him._

"_Of course," he pledged. "I'll stay with you forever. Even when we die and find whatever awaits us in death, I'll follow you. We'll be together."_

_Victoria sighed blissfully. "Forever."_

"You promised me that you would stay by me forever," she sobbed, breaking down now, her paw falling from his cheek. "Nothing's changed… right?"

Plato raised his eyes indifferently. "I suppose… that maybe this is the end of _that_ particular forever." He smiled gently, and stood back as Victoria fell. She fell away from the beautiful white world, away from the place where her forever had ended. Macavity's laughter rang in her ears as she choked soundlessly, knowing, hoping, wishing that what was happening to her wasn't real. It _couldn't_ be real… it was impossible… the love in Plato's eyes had been real. But no longer… It was over.

**

* * *

**

"_Victoria?"_

She refused to open her eyes. She told herself, _that's Plato. That's Plato calling me._ Yet already, the details of the dream were fading. She clung to them, but in the end, all that remained was that hollow, hopeless feeling, and the tears that still escaped from under her eyelashes.

"Victoria…are you awake?" Reluctantly, Victoria opened her eyes. It took her a few moments to register that the cat beside her was Misto, not Plato. Sighing, she let out one last, choked sob.

"Were you dreaming, Vicki?" Misto's eyes were filled with concern. She nodded silently, but when he tilted his head inquiringly, she shook her head. She couldn't remember the details anymore, only that it had been a terrible, terrible dream.

Victoria sat up, breathing heavily. Misto rushed forward to support her, and Jemima hurried around to sit by her side. Looking around, Victoria realized that Etcetera was sitting by the entrance of the den, a note held in her paws. Turning around, her eyes lowered to the ground, she said, "Vicki, I think this is for you."

_She's speaking to me?_ But Victoria had no time to contemplate her issues with Etcetera, because just then, the note was thrust into her paws. As she recognized the handwriting with a sinking feeling, she waved the other cats out of her den. They left reluctantly, and the feeling that she was completely without a friend in the world descended upon Victoria as she began to read.

_Victoria._

_I'm sure you know it's me, so I'm not going to bother with pleasantries._

_This isn't a love letter. That's just a warning._

Victoria gulped. "I figured," she whispered. She could almost hear Plato speaking the words written on the letter, his voice cold.

_This is a letter to tell you that I no longer love you. I'm sorry. Don't blame me – all love fades eventually. Mine has, and I know that yours will too, eventually. I know that you might feel heartbroken reading these words, but it won't last forever. Trust me. I'm nothing special, and if I kept deluding you with illusions of love, it would just make everything worse. Victoria, I'm doing the right thing. Don't condemn me for it._

Victoria wasn't crying. She had no more tears to cry. Instead, she sat silently, her heart thumping unpleasantly in her chest.

_I know I promised you an eternity of my love. That was stupid of me. I don't usually make promises that I cannot keep, and I've betrayed you. But I don't want you to hurt. Doing this… is all for the best._

"No, no it's not…"

_You and I just have to accept that there's truer love waiting out there for both of us. Already, I have my eyes on another. Please don't hate her for capturing my eye. She isn't to blame._

Victoria's stomach clenched painfully.

_Like I said before… you'll find better love. You're beautiful, Victoria. That's undeniable. Your fur, like newly fallen snow, your eyes, like sapphires. Your beauty is an honest one. I'm sorry to have broken a beautiful cat like you, but no doubt your cold beauty will attract another tom before long. _

"Beauty doesn't matter…not without you…"

_I'm sorry to have fled with a simple note. But it's far easier this way. Having to face you, to see your crying face… well, you see, that could end quite badly. Don't seek me out. I don't want to hear your pleading, because I can't pretend that I feel more than an inkling of regret. Your broken heart…it'll eventually mend. I may have caused you damage, but you're strong. You'll get over it._

"I won't, I can't…"

_Victoria…someday, you'll experience true love. You'll be loved by someone who can truly care for you forever. You'll love with such passion that your heart will burn as if on fire. Memories of me… they'll fade. One day, I'll just be a bad dream that never really occurred, a blur. That day, you'll realize that you and I… that was just a mistake. You'll understand then, I promise._

"How can I understand…?"

_And you may feel alone right now. Hell, I can almost guarantee that you're devastated, and I don't blame you for the tears you might cry at the very thought of me. But your heart doesn't belong to me, and I have no right to play with you like this. So I'm giving you, you and your beauty all up. See what a sacrifice I'm making? One day, when you find true love, you'll thank me._

_Again: I'm sorry._

_P._

"This can't be happening…" Victoria whispered. She stared at the note, the words blurring before her eyes. She clutched it tightly in her paw, not sure whether or not to rip it in half or hold it to her pounding heart.

"What…what happened to forever?"


	11. Hopeless Existence

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 11;; Hopeless Existence **

"_I don't want anything," she whispered, fists clenched. "I… I don't even want to exist anymore."_

**

* * *

**

Etcetera didn't want to disturb Victoria, so she decided to leave everything to Misto and Jemima. They seemed to understand that she was in a lot of trouble anyway, so they wouldn't leave her alone for too long. Hopefully.

She had recognized the handwriting on the note that had arrived for Victoria only moments after she'd woken up. Etcetera hadn't actually _seen_ him drop off the note, but she could smell his scent all over it. It'd been hard to resist the temptation to read it, but something had told her that the contents were private.

_I know what it says, don't I?_ She thought to herself sadly. _Macavity really did do it… should I be happy or not?_

"Be happy."

"AHH! Do you always have to do that?" Etcetera shrieked, turning on the red tom. He smirked.

"Do you always have to be so painfully unaware of what's going on around you?" he commented flippantly. Etcetera blushed, and made a noise of irritation. After a moment, she sighed and decided not to argue. She knew that she'd probably never win an argument, definitely not with Macavity.

"What's going to happen with Victoria?" Etcetera asked him finally. He frowned, and that one disapproving action made Etcetera want to cringe away in fear.

"Why do you ask?" Macavity's tone was nonchalant, but Etcetera got the feeling that there was something he was covering up. "I didn't think that you'd, well… care."

Etcetera blushed again. "No, well, yes… I suppose I see that I've been stupid. I shouldn't have argued with her. She can't stop toms from falling in love with her… she is stunningly beautiful, after all." Etcetera sighed wistfully. _Unlike me._

"No, no one can argue with you there. But… she was nasty to you, remember?"

"Yeah, but I provoked her, right?"

"Hmm… so, you've decided that you don't hate her anymore, am I correct?" Macavity fiddled idly with one of his tattered whiskers.

"Well… I dunno. I guess so," Etcetera murmured indecisively.

"But little Etcetera… who's to say that Victoria doesn't hate you, hm?"

"Oh." Etcetera slumped. "I didn't think of that. If I apologize, she'll be okay, right?"

"Etcetera… you're so naïve. It's a good thing you aren't exposed to the world out there," Macavity sighed, waving a paw towards the exit of the Junkyard. "Life doesn't quite fit itself around your will, understand?"

"Yeah, I know that!" Etcetera snapped. Macavity's eyes flashed.

"Don't interrupt me," he said coolly. Etcetera cowered under his fiery stare, and nodded meekly. "What I'm trying to tell you, little Etcetera, is that even if you've decided that you're going to be nice to Victoria again… there's no way that she's going to play along. She has no reason to."

"Because I yelled at her?" Etcetera asked tentatively.

Macavity smiled wryly. "That… and perhaps the changes that just came about. The changes in Plato's affections, for instance."

Etcetera clapped a paw over her mouth. "He wrote her that letter… and she's going to… oh my gosh…"

"Poor little Victoria… that one letter will cause her terrible pain." Macavity's eyes darkened. "It almost isn't worth it," he added in an undertone.

"How can I help her?" Etcetera's eyes were filled with determination. She still felt little envious about her sister's beauty and charm, but since realizing that Plato no longer loved the white queen, she knew that she had to do _something_. It would just make her even worse of a person if she completely ignored Victoria's trouble…

"Help her?" Macavity laughed. "Etcetera, you don't need to help her. Besides… she deserves to be taken down a notch, right? She still has her beauty, her grace… but no Plato. You can have Plato now, and then you can be equal… ha, well, almost."

Annoyance flared in Etcetera's eyes. "No, Macavity… it's not about that anymore," she sighed.

"Oh really?" Macavity hissed, a dangerous note to his voice. Etcetera took a deep breath.

"Well, I've been thinking," Etcetera said slowly, lowering her eyes so she wouldn't see whatever expression came onto his face. "I was wrong to be angry at her. I should've valued her above my own love interest… one who doesn't care anyway."

Macavity let out of loud noise of frustration. "You are _so_ stupid," he muttered. "Etcetera, look here." She looked into his eyes – his gorgeous, liquid gold eyes. And she was captivated. "Who cares about you now, Etcetera?" he asked her in his smoothest voice.

"Uh… I don't know," she admitted, still gazing into his eyes.

"I'll tell you who _doesn't_. Victoria, your precious sister, doesn't. And Plato actually _does_. So I say, take what you've got, mhm?"

"Oh… okay." Etcetera nodded along, no resistance in her stance.

"Good girl." Macavity actually leant in and petted her head. "And who do you love?"

"I love Plato," Etcetera said, her voice enthusiastic and flat at the same time. "Not Victoria," she added at further urging from Macavity's eyes.

"Excellent," the red tom smirked. Etcetera sat docilely as Macavity waved in another cat. Winking at Etcetera, Macavity slid away.

Etcetera was faced with another cat now. The aftereffects of having Macavity's eyes trained on her made her feel a little shaky, but she examined the cat nonetheless. He was familiar – she recognized him straight away. Those long legs, the lovely, pale fur, and those heavenly green eyes… of course, it was Plato. She felt speechless at the very sight of him, and surprisingly enough, he was mirroring her expression of delight.

"P-P-Plato?" she stammered.

"Etcetera!" he cried warmly in response, and bounded forward with arms wide as if he were about to hug her. She almost recoiled in surprise, and, sensing the movement, Plato skidded to a halt. "Oops," he murmured, letting out a laugh.

"Plato?" Etcetera repeated, her voice high-pitched. _I should have expected this…Macavity worked it all out for me! But still…what if it's a trick, and Victoria's about to leap out and start…I dunno, cackling or something…uhhh. Oh crap, what do I do, what do I do? Okay…I'd better ask him a few questions. Or else Victoria could leap out and-_ She cut her thoughts off.

"Um, yes, Plato… um, so how's Vicki?" she asked, trying to make her voice come out casual and indifferent. Instead of obeying her, it came out as a squeak.

"Vicki…?" Plato actually mastered the look of indifference that Etcetera had been trying to achieve. It was utterly genuine. "Oh, I'm done with her. I… well, I realized who my heart truly beats for," he added, blinking coyly at Etcetera. Flushing madly, her mind gone blank, Etcetera attempted to recall the next question that she had been about to ask.

"Oh, so, you're not together anymore?" She frowned, trying to appear concerned. "Are you both… um, okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine," Plato grinned. _Is that really insensitive or is that just me… nah,_ Etcetera thought. "I don't know about Vicki, but she'll recover eventually enough," he continued confidently. "I'm a hundred percent sure that she will, in fact."

"One hundred… percent?" Etcetera echoed, blinking.

"Right," Plato chuckled. "Or we could make it one hundred and ten, if you're worried…?" Somehow, he made the whole exchange flirtatious, and Etcetera finally gave in.

"Well, I'm glad of that," she smiled, hesitantly taking a step towards him. His face lit up, and he closed the distance until they were standing with barely any space between them, not quite touching.

"You know, Etcetera," Plato whispered, leaning in so she could hear him. His beautiful green eyes were glittering with adoration. "I'll tell you why I gave up Victoria. It was… for you, Etcetera." He took a deep breath to inhale her scent, and smiled with pleasure.

"Really?" Etcetera gasped, her eyes shining. "Oh god, Plato… you don't know how much I've wanted this… all my life-" A picture of Tugger flashed through her head, and mentally, she shook it off. "All my life, I've wanted you," she finished, beaming.

"I thought so." Plato rested his cheek against her head, and heat seemed to flare out from the place where they touched. "Me too," he added finally, entrancing her with his glittering eyes. He closed his eyes and leant in towards her face, and suddenly, Etcetera realized what he was about to do.

Now, if Etcetera was going to be honest, she had _never_ been 'intimate' with another tom before. She'd dreamed of it many times, and she always pictured herself then as the perfect lover. The best kisser in the tribe. But that was just a fantasy – in reality, Bomba had pretty much been declared the best kisser in the tribe, and Etcetera? The only thing she had kissed was her old stuffed mouse toy. _Not_ an achievement. She imagined that Plato, though, had kissed many queens in his lifetime. She didn't know why, he just seemed the type. _Eek, he probably kissed Victoria too!_ She realized. Not that it put her off, but… she was frightened.

"Plato," she murmured, pulling away a little bit. He frowned, disappointed. "Plato, I've never kissed a tom before," she admitted in a small voice.

"That doesn't matter," he soothed her. "You'll be fine."

"Maybe we could… take it slow?" Etcetera suggested. Sighing, Plato pulled away.

"Okay, then…"

**

* * *

**

Victoria hated that she had to be reduced to _spying_ on Plato now. She couldn't believe that she would have to be forced to stay away from him. But just because she couldn't make any contact with him, didn't mean she could stop loving him. She followed him devoutly throughout the day, sighing wistfully as he displayed his usual quirks – wanting a mouse at _exactly_ one o' clock, his way of speaking so slowly, yet so attractively.

And then there was, of course… the almost-kiss with Etcetera. Of course she'd seen it. She hated the fact that she'd seen it, but it was her own fault really. If only she'd truly given him up for lost as soon as she'd read that letter… she'd thought that she'd had a chance of recapturing his love. But that was obviously just a wish. He was all for_ Etcetera _now.

"I should have known," she said out loud. She'd always suspected that Plato felt more than friendship for her sister. But when he'd spoken his gentle words of love for Victoria, she had been lulled. She'd thought that he could never possibly love someone else. _I was wrong… so wrong…_

What made her heart ache was that even though Plato clearly didn't care about her anymore, she was still in love with him, to the point where she felt like screaming. So seeing him with Etcetera…it had been achingly difficult to pull herself away from the scene, to stop herself from heading in and smashing in Etcetera's skull. She felt very capable of killing her sister at the moment, and that scared her. Killing was a terrible thing, and even the urge… she was going mad.

"I thought you'd accepted that fact a good while ago." Victoria listened carefully as someone padded towards her and stopped a short distance away. The paw steps were heavy…probably a tom. She was correct – when she turned around, it was Macavity she saw watching her. Her brow crinkled.

"What are _you_ doing here?" she asked, her voice accusing. It was miraculous to her that she could still sound so strong. Apparently, Macavity thought the same.

"I'm here to help you," he said, his voice surprisingly gentle. "Everlasting Cat knows I'm the only one who can."

"What…?" Victoria narrowed her eyes. "_You?_ The notorious outcast of the Jellicles?"

"That's what they're calling me these days, hm? Ha! I should've known."

"Don't change the subject."

"Well…isn't it refreshing to see a young queen who isn't afraid to speak to me like this. I've always liked you."

"What…?" Victoria said for the second time. "You've always liked me? Don't be ridiculous! We've never met!"

Macavity began to laugh. "Don't be so sure about that…"

The strangest thing was, Victoria had the vague impression that he was right. That she _shouldn't_ be so sure. His voice was familiar, his laugh even more so. And someone at the back of her mind kept tugging at her attention… an image of fire upon snow, of terrible gold, so mesmerizing…

"Do I know you…?" Victoria asked suspiciously.

"Why yes, you do," Macavity said pleasantly. Victoria regarded him with narrowed eyes.

"Yes, I thought so. But how…?" She closed her eyes, trying to pull out those vague memories.

"You shouldn't waste your time on that matter now. What you should be thinking about is what you're going to do now," Macavity suggested.

"What…?" _Come on, Victoria, be a little more coherent than that…_

"Well, you're upset, aren't you? And not without reason…"

"Plato," Victoria moaned, her eyes glazing over.

"I'm merely concerned for you, Victoria. I can help you, you see."

"You can? How?" Victoria stared pleadingly into his eyes, and he stared coolly back. The usual fire in his golden eyes wasn't there – he wasn't forcing his will upon the white queen.

"Tell me, Victoria… what is it you want now that Plato doesn't want you?" Macavity questioned, his voice light.

"What do I… want? I want Plato… " Victoria let out a sob.

"But since you can't have him… what are you going to do?" Macavity gave her a sly smile.

"I don't want anything," Victoria whispered, fists clenched. "I… I don't even want to _exist_ anymore."

"No? In other words… you don't care for your life?" Macavity rubbed his paws together, a fiendish grin playing on his lips. "Then, my Victoria… is it death you want?"


	12. Deadly Knife

**A/N: Warning – there's character death in this chapter.**

**

* * *

**

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 12;; Deadly Knife **

_Macavity narrowed his eyes. "I'll see you tonight… at my farewell party, you know?"_

**

* * *

**

Victoria didn't know where Macavity was taking her, or for what reason she was even walking with him. But he'd told her to trust him and so, grudgingly, she decided to do as he said. Until he showed any reason that he was untrustworthy anyway…

"I'm taking you to meet someone," he told her finally as they walked. "A… friend." Victoria blinked curiously at him, but said nothing on the matter. The thing was, she hadn't thought that Macavity even had friends. Or perhaps that was why he had hesitated before uttering the word.

"Wait here," he told her suddenly, stopping. Victoria stumbled, not expecting the sudden halt, but regained her grace easily enough and nodded silently. He padded on, leaving her behind in a spot far from the main part of the Junkyard. It wasn't as comfortable or familiar there. Various items of furniture had been discarded all around, and Victoria made herself at home on a tattered old armchair. She sneezed at the cloud of dust that rose as she sat on a cushion.

Macavity took a while to come back, but he did come eventually. Victoria almost hadn't expected him. In tow, he had a queen… a queen that looked uncannily like…

"What? But you look just like me!" Victoria exclaimed without thinking. It was true – the queen behind Macavity was pure white, her every feature impossibly similar to Victoria's own. Just the white fur was a shock to Victoria, because Jellylorum had told her that pure white fur was _very_ rare. To have pure white fur was a precious privilege, for whatever reason.

The look-a-like smirked at Victoria. "Yeah, I've been told. Good to finally actually meet you." She extended a paw, and Victoria shook it as an instinctive response.

Looking closely, Victoria saw that there were a few differences between them. She had green eyes, not blue, and a much rounder, sweeter face. Yet, she didn't _act_ sweet. She acted more like Macavity, just… Victoria searched for the word. Well, less _evil_.

"How do you know me?" Victoria asked the queen.

She smiled secretively, as if laughing inwardly at an inside joke. "Oh, I know lot of things, darling," she winked, tinkling a laugh. Victoria raised her eyebrows, but decided she wasn't going to get a proper response from her.

"Then… what's your name? Since I don't actually know _you_ and all, even though you somehow know me…" She kept her voice level with just the tiniest bit of sarcasm.

"The name's Alyana. Don't go forgetting it," Alyana smiled brightly. "And seriously? If you want to know why I know you, then I'll tell you." Victoria perked her head. "Later, that is." Victoria rolled her eyes.

"Done…?" Macavity inquired. "I have plans to carry out, you know…"

Alyana turned on him. "Now, don't be so impatient," she scolded him. Macavity sighed, and Victoria stared at the pair. How did they know each other…? "Macavity, it's been _days_ since I last saw you, and when you finally come find me, you offer me no explanation? Come now, I think I deserve one."

Macavity glanced warily at Victoria, who looked intrigued. "Can't this wait?"

"No."

"I've been busy," Macavity said, looking Alyana squarely in the eye. "Nothing more, nothing less. It doesn't concern you."

Alyana sniffed. "Well, you could've warned me before I went searching for you. I was worried."

Macavity let out a laugh. "Worried? Ridiculous. Why would you be worried about me?"

She stared at him seriously. "You know well why. You need at least one person to care, silly."

Macavity lowered his eyes. "We'll talk later…right now, we need to help Victoria here."

Victoria was startled at so suddenly being the focus of the conversation. She smiled nervously. "I don't even know what you're trying to do here, Macavity."

"That's how he operates," Alyana shrugged. "Now, your problem…I heard you and Plato aren't going so smooth anymore?"

"_What?_ Where… _how_ did you hear that?" Victoria cried, sending Macavity an accusing glare. He shrugged.

"It wasn't me, kitten."

"No, it wasn't him," Alyana affirmed. "I just know things." She winked, which only succeeded in unnerving Victoria.

"I'm not going to ask," she sighed finally. "I just want to know what _you _have planned, Macavity."

He grinned, showing his yellowed teeth. "I have something great planned," he stated, looking both queens in the eye. "For all of us." Alyana tilted her head, an interested gleam in her eye. Victoria just frowned warily. "You see," Macavity added. "The Jellicles… they don't care for me. I'm not going to last here much longer."

"The hell you aren't!" cried a new voice. "I'll see to it myself!" Misto stalked out into the opening, ears back and fur on end. Macavity frowned at the tuxedo tom.

"And what do _you_ think you're doing?" he drawled, cocking an eyebrow. Misto wasn't shaken, and Victoria had to admire him for it.

"I'm stopping you from whatever you're doing," Misto snapped. "Your plans never end well – I know it! Someone _always_ gets hurt. I can't let you do that again." He sent a fleeting glance towards Victoria. "No, I won't."

"Fool!" Macavity sneered. "You didn't even wait for me to reveal my plan…"

Misto made a face. "Oh well. I know you. And I know that it'll end up ruining everything for someone." He sent another glance towards Victoria.

"If you're worried about Victoria," Macavity said, waving his tail at the white queen in question, "Her everything has already been ruined. It can only get better from here on out." Victoria lowered her eyes.

"Not if she gets mixed up with the likes of you." Misto turned to Victoria. "I'm trying to do the best for you here," he said gently. "Macavity… he's a bad idea." Just then, he noticed Alyana. After a moment of just staring in shock, he spoke. "I'm not even going to ask…" Alyana's lips curved upwards and she let out a little giggle of amusement.

"You always were the most _annoying_ little tom, Mistoffelees," Macavity growled, rolling his eyes. "You try to be so noble… you think you're on the side of good, don't you?"

Misto raised his eyebrows.

"Well, good isn't always right," Macavity laughed. Victoria pricked her ears. "Sometimes, you have to side with 'the likes of me'."

"Evil is sexier than good anyway," Alyana put in flippantly. Macavity smiled a very dark smile. Misto rolled his eyes at them.

"_Whatever._ Macavity, I really hate to ruin your plans," he said sarcastically, "But why don't you come with me? Your father will be very interested in what you have to say for yourself. After all… you promised you wouldn't go near her." He gestured towards Victoria, who stared back at the tuxedo tom in confusion.

"I couldn't stop myself," Macavity sighed. "You know how it is. You feel it yourself, don't you?"

"What the hell are you two on about?" Victoria snapped.

Alyana gave her a small smile. "Darling, it's best not to ask. You're sheltered – oh-so-sheltered. We can keep it that way for a little bit longer. Macavity, go with him. I'll stay with her." She wrapped an arm around Victoria, who flinched at the contact.

"I knew I wasn't going to last much longer," Macavity mumbled as he followed Misto away. Alyana kept a tight hold on Victoria for a few moments, then she stood up.

"C'mon, Victoria. Let's go."

"Where are we going?" Victoria asked as she got up, brushing the dust off of her rear.

Alyana raised her eyebrows as if it were obvious. It _was_ obvious. "We're following them," she grinned.

**

* * *

**

"Why exactly do we need to follow them?" Victoria grumbled. Alyana was making a huge deal out of staying hidden, and it was beginning to grate on Victoria's nerves. She barely knew what was going on.

"You'll see," Alyana replied simply, not even bothering to look over her shoulder. Victoria sighed and hurried to catch up with the other white queen. "Gosh, that Mistoffelees fellow smells _good!_" Victoria gave her a strange look.

"That's not an answer. And don't try to change the subject!"

"It's good enough. You need to hear this. And I wouldn't mind knowing either, but that's beside the point."

"I need to hear this? Why do you say that?"

Alyana rolled her eyes. "Curiosity killed the cat. Can't you just be… you know, a little _patient?_ Wait… shut up. We're here."

"The vicarage wall?" Victoria mused, puzzled.

"Well, they _are_ here to see Deuteronomy. Now shut up! Or else I'll throttle you, alright?"

The pair snuck round to a place where they had a good view of the entire scene. Old Deuteronomy sat in his usual place upon the vicarage wall, frowning down at the cats before him. Misto was seated on the ground with a triumphant air, and Macavity…well, Macavity looked bored. _How can he be so disrespectful to Deuteronomy?_ Victoria thought in horror. Munkustrap was there as well, sitting atop a garbage can. He watched everything with a wary eye.

"I did warn you," Deuteronomy sighed. "Yet now, you have been brought before me again… barely any time has passed, son."

"It's good to see you too, father," Macavity said dryly. "Did it ever occur to you that I'm _not_ causing some sort of trouble?"

"I know you, Macavity. And I know that you're not here on a social visit."

"But father! Don't you wish to see me? I miss you…" He grimaced a little as the sarcastic words flowed out.

"Stop it, Macavity," Munkustrap ordered quietly. "Misto, what seems to be the problem here?"

"Well… I was worried about Victoria, you see," Misto frowned. Munkustrap narrowed his eyes and Deuteronomy nodded his head silently. "She's been acting _strange_, you see. She stumbled into the Junkyard one day looking high on catnip… yet, I realized that catnip wasn't the case there. She'd been hypnotized, pretty heavily too."

Macavity looked away, eyes hardening. "So that's what it's about, is it? You accusing me, Mistoffelees?"

Misto ignored him and continued. "Well, I immediately assumed that it was Plato, as they were…well, together…"

Victoria made a tiny noise of surprise and distress, which caused Alyana to thump her heavily. "_Shut up._"

"But I couldn't see why Plato would do such a thing. I mean, she really was… head over heels for him… you know." Misto blushed a little, and Victoria cringed in her hiding place. "So I did some investigating. I was worried. I went looking for Victoria… and I found her with Macavity."

"Ah… so that is what you are here about?" Deuteronomy inquired. Misto nodded.

"Yeah. Macavity's been messing with her head!" he accused.

"Have _not_," Macavity muttered, his tail flicking in annoyance. His golden eyes smoldered.

"I'm not going to bother to get into _that_ argument," Misto growled. "But you can't deny it."

"Look. I might have messed around with little Etcetera, but Victoria? Never."

"You know full well that you did, and why. Admit it!" Misto cried.

"Victoria?" Deuteronomy asked quietly. "Macavity, I have to admit that considering the queen involved, it's highly likely that you are the culprit here."

Macavity made an angry noise. "Why can't you just trust me?"

Misto rolled his eyes. "You haven't exactly given us any reason."

"Shut up, brat."

"Don't talk to me that way!" Suddenly, Misto's paws were flashing with lightning. Victoria found it impossible to keep watching, because the lightning was impossibly bright. Everyone present let out cries of pain.

"Misto! Please!" Munkustrap yelled. "Control yourself!"

Misto could be heard grumbling as the scene returned to normal. "I'm sorry, Munkustrap," he apologized. "Macavity provoked me."

"Yes, we can understand," Munkustrap sighed.

"Well, that was an exciting interlude," Macavity said dryly.

"So, Macavity… tell us what you did to Victoria." Deuteronomy's voice was firm.

"I might have accidentally dazzled her. A _long_ time ago. Back when the love of her life was dancing, not some loser of a tom."

"I'm the magician here! Dazzling people… that's my job!" Misto protested quietly.

"Yeah, as we just saw." Macavity rolled his eyes. "But that aside… it was an _accident._ And yeah, I've been stuck in her head ever since, but what's the problem? I kinda like her. Once you get past the whole Plato thing, she's a good queen."

_What's wrong with Plato?_ Victoria thought indignantly. _Aside from the fact that he left me for Etcetera… Etcetera! Of all queens he could've gone after. _She was deliberately ignoring the fact that Macavity was confessing to 'dazzling' her. Whatever _that_ meant.

"You've been… stuck in her head. Oh, Macavity. And you didn't bother to mention this in our earlier discussion?"

"I didn't think it was necessary. After all… it was an _accident._ Do you get me?"

"It's never just an accident with you, Macavity," Munkustrap said, raising his eyebrows. "Tell me, how do you accidently _dazzle_ someone?"

"Well, you just saw it in action. A different type of dazzling, of course, nonetheless…accidental dazzling!"

Munkustrap snorted.

"But you were with Victoria just now?" Deuteronomy asked, brow furrowed.

"And he was planning something!" Misto put in.

"Ah… is that so?" Deuteronomy sighed. "I did warn you last time, my son…do you remember?"

Macavity stiffened. "You're sending me away, aren't you…?"

Deuteronomy hesitated, and then nodded. "I'm sorry, Macavity, but I simply cannot allow you another chance. You've proven to us that you're far too dangerous and being around others will put them in danger. I can't let you hurt the Jellicles. You have to go."

"That's not something a father does to a son." Macavity's eyes were hard. "This is wrong."

"I know." Deuteronomy's eyes filled with regret. "I wish it could have worked out differently, believe me. But nothing's going to work."

"I wish I wasn't your son," Macavity spat, eyes flaring with anger. Munkustrap hissed.

"It's an honor! Don't say things like that."

"I'm free to say what I want… especially since I'm not a Jellicle anymore, it seems." Macavity narrowed his eyes. "I'll see you tonight… at my farewell party, you know?" He stood up and turned around.

"Wait! Macavity!" Deuteronomy called. The red cat stopped in his tracks. "I'm sorry. And please don't go near Victoria again."

Macavity simply smiled suggestively and left.

"Good riddance," Misto commented. Munkustrap stared after his brother thoughtfully.

"I know what you mean."

"No… don't speak of him that way." Both toms looked up at Deuteronomy in surprise. "He wishes he could be better… but his magic prevents him from living among others. He's bitter."

"I have magic, and I can live among others," Misto argued. "I'm pretty sure Macavity's just messed up in the head."

"He's very intelligent, actually… pity. Such a waste, losing him like this," Deuteronomy sighed. "But it can't be helped. The Jellicles come first, always."

"We've heard enough," Alyana muttered. Victoria jumped, startled. "C'mon. Let's get out of here, before Macavity returns and finds out we're gone."

"I thought he wasn't meant to come near me…"

"You really think he's going to obey his father? Let's go."

"Wait! Alyana… what's going on?" Victoria's eyes were wide and pleading.

Alyana sighed. "I'll explain _everything_ to you later. Alright?"

Victoria nodded. "Fine. Keep that promise."

**

* * *

**

Night had just fallen, and the Jellicles were about to settle down. The news on Macavity was being kept strictly secret – only a few cats knew, but it wouldn't stay that way. Not after that night.

A couple of cats murmured in surprise as Victoria trotted right into the middle of the Junkyard. She seemed a little different from usual.

"Not again," Jemima murmured, eyes wide. Evidently, she thought that Victoria was acting weird again. Victoria didn't say anything though – she just kept her head low, her face hidden in the shadows.

Just then, a flash of red seemingly just appeared right behind Victoria. Macavity gripped her tightly around the waist, a knife gleaming at her throat. She let out a cry of shock and tried to twist away, but Macavity was far too strong. She went limp in a faint, the knife still at her throat.

"Well, Jellicles," Macavity said pleasantly. "Does this sight please you? Hmm?" To the white queen, he added in a whisper too quiet for anyone else to hear, "Don't worry, Victoria…" Her lips twitched.

The Jellicles were frozen. None of them had expected this – they didn't know what to do. Finally, a scream was heard. "_Munkustraaaaaaaaaaap!_" Etcetera wailed. The silver tabby shook his head, and warily moved towards Macavity and Victoria.

"That isn't such a good idea," Macavity warned, indicating the knife. It gleamed terribly in the silvery moonlight.

"Don't do this, Macavity," Munkustrap said quietly, his voice almost pleading. "Please…"

"Oooh, the Jellicle Protector reduced to begging. What a pity, what a pity," Macavity sneered. Munkustrap looked away.

"Demmie? Is there anything you can do?" Munkustrap suggested quietly to his mate. The golden queen moved forward, but Macavity shook his head warningly, cutting the blade slightly into Victoria's throat. She visibly flinched, and Macavity chuckled.

"I just have to prove I'm serious," he breathed into her ear. She relaxed again, a tiny frown on her face.

"What are you trying to do?" Munkustrap cried.

"I'm showing you that you should regret forcing me to go," Macavity snarled.

"_STOP!_" It was strange to hear that particular voice raised so loud. Old Deuteronomy hobbled into the Junkyard, Misto trailing behind. The tuxedo tom's eyes were wide with terror. "Stop… Macavity, you can't do this."

"You can't give me orders, old man," Macavity snapped. "Stay back, or she gets hurt."

Deuteronomy stopped. "Macavity… son…"

"I already told you I don't want to be your son," Macavity hissed. "So stop calling me that!"

Deuteronomy just shook his head sadly.

Just then, another cat stepped forward. Sparkling green eyes… eyes to match Macavity's own. The red tom frowned as Plato got to his paws, a strange expression on his face.

"Stop it, Macavity… are you really going to hurt her?" Plato's eyes were shining protectively.

"Bast… don't tell me you broke free?" Macavity swore. Plato glared.

"Don't hurt her… I won't let you!"

"Oh, _Heaviside!"_ Macavity let out a grunt as he took the full force of Plato's stare. He retaliated quickly, his golden eyes flaring, and the two toms engaged in a mental battle, both breathing heavily. The Jellicles stared in utter awe at what was going on between them, and Deuteronomy let out a groan.

"This is meant to be kept _secret_," he said under his breath.

Just then, Plato let out a terrible cry of pain. He twisted away as Macavity stared him down, swearing loudly.

"Still too weak," Macavity taunted.

Plato snarled in fury and turned around. "Shut up!" His eyes seemed to have dulled slightly, but just because he was exhausted mentally didn't mean he was out of ways to attack Macavity. Putting his all into the movement, Plato flew across the Junkyard, shouting defiantly. Macavity's lips pulled up in satisfaction. His expression turned malicious. As Plato skidded to a stop in horror, Macavity gripped the knife tightly.

"I'm sorry, Victoria," he breathed gently into the white queen's ear. She stiffened, her eyes opening, just as Macavity slashed the deadly knife into her throat, the blood soaking into her pure white fur as she slowly went limp.


	13. Vision

**A/N: This is mainly just centered on the last part of chapter 12. **

**

* * *

**

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 13;; Vision **

"_We saw a heart, struggling to go on after being treated so terribly."_

**

* * *

**

"_Don't hurt her… I won't let you!"_

"_Oh, Heaviside!" Macavity let out a grunt as he took the full force of Plato's stare. He retaliated quickly, his golden eyes flaring, and the two toms engaged in a mental battle, both breathing heavily. The Jellicles stared in utter awe at what was going on between them, and Deuteronomy let out a groan._

"_This is meant to be kept secret," he said under his breath._

_Just then, Plato let out a terrible cry of pain. He twisted away as Macavity stared him down, swearing loudly. _

"_Still too weak," Macavity taunted._

_Plato snarled in fury and turned around. "Shut up!" His eyes seemed to have dulled slightly, but just because he was exhausted mentally didn't mean he was out of ways to attack Macavity. Putting his all into the movement, Plato flew across the Junkyard, shouting defiantly. Macavity's lips pulled up in satisfaction. His expression turned malicious. As Plato skidded to a stop in horror, Macavity gripped the knife tightly._

"_I'm sorry, Victoria," he breathed gently into the white queen's ear. She stiffened, her eyes opening, just as Macavity slashed the deadly knife into her throat, the blood soaking into her pure white fur as she slowly went limp._

_The Jellicles let out cries of horror as the life faded from her bright, green eyes._

* * *

Green eyes. Victoria had blue eyes, not green eyes. _No, not had… she has blue eyes. _She was still alive – she couldn't be dead. Etcetera couldn't accept that she was dead. Not by Macavity's own hand…

**

* * *

**

_Before the murder…_

Victoria and Alyana rushed back to the spot where they had promised to be waiting, following their own scents from beforehand. "Dammit, I hope we get back in time," Alyana muttered, quickening her pace. Breathing heavily, Victoria bounded forward to keep up with the other white queen. She knew there wasn't any question of asking to slow down a little.

Finally, Alyana skidded to a stop, and Victoria recognized the old sofa she'd been sitting on before. Hurriedly, she leapt up and tried to look as if she'd been resting there the whole time. It was difficult when she was so out of breath.

Macavity came only moments later, tail dragging in the dust behind him. Alyana made a noise of annoyance and rushed towards him. "Don't do that!" she scolded, lifting up his tail. "You'll get your tail dirty!" At once, she began to clean it thoroughly, and Macavity let out a long sigh.

"Thanks, Aly, but I don't need that," he muttered. "Not where I'm going."

"You have to leave the Jellicles, don't you?" Alyana said sympathetically, still cleaning his tail. After a few moments, she looked it over and deemed it clean. "Hold it up! Be proud! You're Macavity the Mystery Cat! The Jellicles are afraid of you… you should be proud of that!"

"Yeah, no." Macavity's voice was flat. "Proud to have so many frightened? What normal cat would feel that way?"

Alyana made a '_tsk_' noise. "You are _not_ a normal cat, Macavity. Accept it. You have been granted a bigger and better destiny."

"How can you be so sure?" Macavity asked warily.

"I can sense it," Alyana purred. "Trust me… you're going to go far. And you don't need the Jellicles to do that." She wrapped her arms around him. "Take me, Macavity. Wherever you plan to go, I'm coming with you. Together, we can be great!" Her eyes were shining at the thought.

"I suppose," Macavity said, untangling the white cat from himself and placing her a distance away. She didn't give up. _Gosh, she's persistent,_ Victoria thought to herself.

"Macavity, you're going to take me with you. I can help you," she insisted. "You could… you could lead a tribe! A different tribe." She smiled encouragingly at him. "A _better _tribe. One that accepts you for who you are. It could be bigger, greater… and we could be together and no one would care." She rubbed herself up against him seductively, and Victoria shifted awkwardly.

"Hmm. I could get revenge on the Jellicles," Macavity mused. "Good idea, Aly. I think I _will_ go through with it." He turned to Victoria. "Victoria, why don't _you_ become the first member of my new, great tribe?"

"N-no… I couldn't." She looked away, doubt clouding her eyes. "I can't leave the Jellicles, Macavity." But in actuality, the idea was _very _appealing to her. She wasn't quite sure why, but it had a lot to do with pulling herself away from Plato. She just wanted to forget him and move on, because obviously, that was what he had done.

"You want to, don't you?" Macavity said quietly. He leapt up to sit next to her on the sofa, and Alyana quickly followed. They sat on either side of her, and she instinctively made herself as small as possible. "You want to come with us."

"I… I don't want to, you know…" Victoria blushed. "Interrupt anything romantic going on…" She giggled nervously.

"Oh, that's okay, darling," Alyana smiled. "You really think you're going to get in the way of that?" She looked fondly at Macavity.

"That doesn't matter," the red tom assured Victoria. "Come on. You're really dying to get away from the Jellicles, aren't you?"

Victoria lowered her head. "Yeah," she admitted reluctantly. "I am." Macavity smiled in satisfaction.

"Then come," he urged her. "You'll be happy!"

Victoria wasn't so sure about that. She wasn't sure she could ever feel completely happy again, not without Plato. But Macavity was offering her the chance to escape her troubles… even if she was a bit frightened to be around him. Alyana didn't seem so bad, though. She could probably handle him as long as the other white queen was around. And she could always leave if things weren't working out…

"Okay," she decided finally. "I'll come with you."

Macavity smiled one of those creepy smiles that put Victoria on edge. "Great. I'm glad to hear it."

"Our tribe is already growing," Alyana purred, moving to give Macavity a kiss. Victoria, who was in between the pair, made a sound of protest.

"Can that wait?" she cried. "I don't want to be stuck in the middle of this!"

Alyana let out a laugh. "No, I suppose not."

"My problem is," Victoria began, "The Jellicles won't be so eager to see me go. What can I tell them?"

"Actually, Victoria," Macavity smirked. "I've got that all figured out. You won't have to tell them _anything_."

"Huh?"

"Just leave it to us," Macavity promised. Victoria nodded along warily as he explained the details of his plan. "I'll pretend to kidnap you," he explained. "If you don't want to do it, Alyana here can do that."

"Oh, sure thing!" Alyana grinned. _Anything to please Macavity, huh? _Victoria thought.

"Alright," Victoria sighed. "Can I say bye to my friends?"

Macavity shook his head. "They'll get suspicious. Just wait here. We'll be back in no time." He took Alyana's paw and led her in the direction of the Junkyard.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," Victoria murmured, shaking her head sadly. She knew she'd miss Jemima especially… what would the calico queen think of her? And Plato… she shook her head fervently. She _had_ to stop thinking about him. But it was impossible… the image of his shimmering green eyes just kept returning to her head.

"I just want to see them all one more time." With that, Victoria stood and followed Alyana and Macavity to the Junkyard. She was afraid to disobey Macavity, but the urge to just see the Jellicles, the Junkyard for the last time… she couldn't resist it. _It can't hurt to just look, right?_

When she got to the Junkyard, she saw a scene that was comfortingly friendly to her. The Jellicles were scattered about the Junkyard, many sitting together and just talking. It made Victoria's heart ache to think that she was giving it all up – her life had been so wonderful. Her talks with Jemima, Electra… and though she hated to admit it, Etcetera had been a good friend. _Had_ been. But after seeing her with Plato, Victoria knew that she would hate her forever. It didn't matter if they were related.

Misto was showing Tugger one of his tricks, and the egotistical tom was watching with a sparkle of interest in his eyes. Bombalurina, Demeter and Munkustrap were sprawled out on the TSE1, Demeter and Munkustrap grooming each other while Bombalurina watched Tugger broodingly. Alonzo and Cassandra were speaking with Jemima – Alonzo seemed to be pulling the calico's tail. Cassandra watched with a jealous edge to her eye. Victoria realized that the black and white tom was losing interest in the Abyssinian, and inwardly wished Jemima luck. Etcetera was… sitting with Plato. Victoria's eyes quickly passed over them, but she kept feeling drawn back to Plato. He was so amazing… his green eyes were glowing as he listened to Etcetera speak. Sure, it made Victoria feel sick, but she felt sick in a good way if she focused on his eyes.

_No, _she told herself firmly. _Just look away._ She saw Electra with Pouncival and Tumblebrutus – the three appeared to be playing a game of Truth or Dare. Victoria shifted her paws wistfully, memories of many games with her friends seeping into her head. _Those were the good days…_ Jennyanydots and Jellylorum were scolding Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer. Victoria could hear their heavily accented voices faintly from where she was hidden. She chuckled at the scene.

There weren't any other cats in the Junkyard – Victoria figured that Skimbleshanks was at the station and Deuteronomy barely ever spent his time at the Junkyard anyway. The others were probably just out hunting, or something of the like.

"Victoria."

"AH!" Victoria let out a yelp and spun to face the source of the voice. _Oh, them_. Two almost identical faces peered at her suspiciously – Tantomile and Coricopat, the mysterious 'psychic' twins. Tantomile was the one who had spoken, but now Coricopat opened his mouth.

"Victoria, you-"

"-are planning something, are you not?" Tantomile smiled eerily as she finished her brother's sentence with ease. Victoria gulped and smiled shakily. She found the twins a little creepy, if she was going to be honest. The way they always seemed to finish off each other's sentences… it was odd. Still, the pair were highly respected because of their psychic powers, so Victoria amended to listen closely to them.

"Yeah. I am," she admitted, knowing that she couldn't lie to them. Coricopat shook his head.

"We do not know what you are doing," he began.

"Nor will we ask," Tantomile finished.

"But we have come to warn you-"

"Of what we saw." Both cats had solemn looks on their faces.

"Okay?" Victoria said warily, a questioning note in her voice.

"We saw regret." Tantomile began. _I'm already regretful…_

"We saw tears rolling down white cheeks." _That'd be me, right?_ Victoria thought.

"We saw blood upon the fur of a pure white cat." _Me again?_

"We saw a poor soul, trapped in its own frozen prison." _Frozen prison?_

"We saw golden eyes. Terrible, golden eyes." _Macavity…_

"And we saw emerald green eyes, flashing with pain." _No…Plato?_

"We saw an endless mass white cats." _What… white cats? Endless white cats?_

"We saw a heart, struggling to go on after being treated so terribly." _A broken heart…_

"And lastly, we saw your sister… dead." _No… what the hell?_

"That doesn't sound like such a happy vision," Victoria sighed. "And it's meant for me?"

"We believe so," Coricopat affirmed. "There is a certain feel to it that signifies that you are heavily involved. Be very careful, Victoria."

"However… our visions aren't always set in stone. There is a chance for you to change the future that has been outlined for you," Tantomile smiled.

"I can change it?" Victoria asked hopefully. "Maybe so that it's…happy?"

"Yes. It's all up to you, Victoria," Coricopat said.

"I hope you don't make the wrong choice," Tantomile sighed. "It would be displeasing if Etcetera's death really came about."

"It sure would," Victoria muttered, not so sure about that herself. _Don't tell me I end up killing her out of jealousy… I don't want to end up a murderer… _"It would be pretty displeasing if any of what you said came about, actually. Can't I just… not want it to happen or something?"

"It is not-"

"Quite that easy," Coricopat said warningly. "Our visions may waver and change slightly but-"

"It will be the still basically be what happens."

"Oh crap," Victoria mumbled.

"So as we said,"

"Be very careful."

"Take care, Victoria," Coricopat smiled.

"Be happy. Well, try," Tantomile said as she followed her brother off to wherever they spent their time having various visions.

"Oh crap," Victoria mumbled again. "Have I made the wrong choice, going with Macavity?" But there was no going back now. She let out a gasp as Alyana entered the Junkyard, face lowered so that no one would suspect her of being someone else. And the Jellicles believed her façade. They thought that she was Victoria.

All of a sudden, Macavity was right behind her, pressing a knife up against her throat. Victoria's eyes widened and she moved forward just slightly to get a better look. She knew that if she moved too close, she'd reveal herself and ruin everything, but she needed to see the action. Cats were panicking everywhere, crying out and freezing up. And Macavity just stood there with a smirk as Alyana pretended to faint in his arms. Victoria personally thought that both cats were thoroughly enjoying tricking the Jellicles, but she couldn't be sure from her distance.

"Well, Jellicles? Does this sight please you? Hm?" Macavity's voice rang out clearly. Victoria wished he'd just hurry up and 'kidnap' Alyana so that the Jellicles wouldn't suspect anything. They may have fallen for it, but they weren't stupid. It was a good thing that Alyana resembled Victoria so closely, but if she opened her eyes…A lyana had green eyes, not blue like Victoria. Everything would be ruined.

"_MUNKUSTRAAAAAAAAAAP!"_ Etcetera shrieked, shocking Victoria. Etcetera had always been the one to scream for help…

Munkustrap tried, and then Demeter tried. Nothing would sway the red tom. Victoria thought he even actually hurt Alyana at one point, but she wasn't sure. She was too far away to see everything properly.

Then Deuteronomy appeared on the scene. Victoria realized that Misto must have run off to fetch help, which made her smile sadly. Misto was such a good tom… she would miss his friendship almost as dearly as Jemima's. But in the end, Deuteronomy's words barely did anything to effect Macavity. He stood, Alyana hoisted up in his arms, the knife gleaming horribly at her throat. _Hurry up!_ Victoria screamed inwardly. She just wanted to leave.

That is, she wanted to go until she saw Plato. He was pulling away from Etcetera, who was clutching vainly at his arms, trying to hold him back. He gave her an odd look and shook his head, making her flinch away.

_Plato…_ Victoria thought sadly. _Are you going to stop him?_

She was frightened at what she would see next. From what she'd heard, Plato had some sort of power and she was afraid that it would make him a monster like Macavity. She didn't want that. She only wanted to gaze into his emerald eyes forever… an impossible dream, of course.

"Stop it, Macavity… are you really going to hurt her?" Victoria held her breath, her eyes shining. He was going to rescue her… sure, she wasn't really the one 'in danger', but it was the thought of him trying to protect her that made her heart leap. The sound of his voice, ringing out so defiantly…Victoria almost swooned.

"Bast…don't tell me you broke free?" Macavity growled. _Broke free? Broke free from what…? What's Macavity talking about?_ Victoria's eyes widened as she craned her head for a better look.

"Don't hurt her…I won't let you!"

"Oh, _Heaviside!"_

_PLATO! _Victoria's breath quickened as she stared at the two toms. They weren't making any physical contact, but she could feel the power radiating from between them. They were having some sort of deadly battle… and Macavity was winning. But the way their eyes glowed entranced Victoria. She couldn't look away.

When Plato finally gave in, he let out a dreadful noise, one that made Victoria's fur stand on end. "Oh Plato," she murmured aloud, her heart aching for him. She saw that Etcetera was standing up, yelling support for him, and bitterly, Victoria wished that she could do the same. She wanted Plato to win.

"Still too weak," she heard Macavity taunt. Anger flared out within her at that. _He is not weak._

Plato let out a snarl and rose to his paws. He was shaking, but he still had the gall to yell, "Shut up!" and leap forward. Victoria couldn't help but admire his bravery as he bounded towards Macavity. That was when Victoria realized that Plato had stuffed up, because Macavity was smiling. That very smile was enough to make Victoria quiver in terror. His eyes were dark, his smile vicious. He caressed Alyana gently before moving the knife across her throat, the silvery light bouncing off onto the queen's pure white fur. She stiffened, her green eyes opening, just as Victoria saw the blood blossoming out on her neck.

_NO! How… how could he even…? _Victoria suppressed the urge to run out and confront Macavity. He was deadly… she couldn't go with him. No way. He was mad. Utterly mad. He'd just killed the cat he'd claimed to love. A beautiful, good cat. _Alyana… I'm so sorry!_

The Jellicles were screaming in distress and grief as Macavity grinned up at them, a strange look in his eye. Victoria flinched in repulsion at the joyful light in his eyes. _That terrible cat!_

"Jellicles… think of this as a farewell present," he smiled, winking. He waved the bloodied knife around, droplets of blood flying through the air as he did so. Then, he twisted round and disappeared into thin air, taking the limp body of Alyana with him. _No…_ Victoria thought.

Cats were rushing out to the spot where Macavity had just been. Many of them were in hysterics, and Victoria spotted tears glistening in numerous pairs of eyes. She brushed a paw against her heart, touched that they cared so much. Of course, she wasn't actually dead… she had to show them. She had to stay away from Macavity. He was _mad._ She couldn't be around him.

Just then, she felt an arm wrapping securely around her neck. "Victoria… you don't mean to say that you're not coming with me?"

Victoria opened her mouth to scream, but no sound emerged. A red paw had reached up to cover her mouth, stifling any sound she wanted to make. Tears began stinging in her eyes, but it was no use. He'd gotten to her too quickly… and now, she was in trouble.

_Everlasting Cat, help me…_


	14. As the Blood Goes Cold

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 14;; As the Blood Goes Cold**

_Easily, she slipped back into her state of not thinking. It was easy. One glimpse of the blood and every thought flew out of her head… just like that._

**

* * *

**

Etcetera stared down helplessly at the blood drying on the ground. Her eyes were devoid of any emotion, just as her heart was. She was in shock. _Victoria…_ she thought every so often. _Victoria… _She couldn't cry, though. It was unusual, because she'd always been known as the one who cried easily. But Victoria's death… she couldn't let herself cry. She had to be strong just this once for her sister.

Plato sat beside her. It seemed like the faithful thing for a lover to do, but he wasn't doing it for Etcetera. She was merely there in the space beside him. He gazed coldly into space, his eyes every so often flickering down towards the blood. Every time that happened, he would shudder and look away again.

After a long time just staring at the crimson spots on the ground, Etcetera sighed and looked up. To her shock, she saw that all the Jellicles were still gathered around as they had been for a long time. No one said a word – it was completely silent except for the occasional sob from Jellylorum. Asparagus had his arm wrapped tightly around her, but he didn't offer any comfort other than that. His eyes were blank, almost dead looking. Looking around, Etcetera realized that the other Jellicles had the same look in their eyes. Etcetera figured that she probably looked the same. Gaunt, listless… but she didn't care. She didn't care about anything, except that she wanted to undo all the stupid mistakes she'd made concerning Victoria. The mistakes she'd made regarding Victoria, Plato… and Macavity.

She'd been so stupid. So, _so_ stupid. _Is it my fault… that she's gone? _Somehow, she thought that it was. She'd been vain. She'd been a complete and utter _fool._ Realizing this, a tiny moan escaped her lips. Not even one cat looked up.

Etcetera didn't want to think. Easily, she slipped back into her state of not thinking. It was easy. One glimpse of the blood and every thought flew out of her head… just like that.

**

* * *

**

It took a very long time for any of the Jellicles to move away. Coricopat and Tantomile were the first. They slipped away quickly, their eyes troubled. The Junkyard was so silent that the sound of their murmuring could be heard even when they were well away from the others.

"There's something-"

"Suspicious about this whole thing."

"So you see too, brother?" Tantomile said softly, knowing that he would. The two worked in perfect harmony. It had been that way their whole life. If Tantomile saw something, then Coricopat would be right there with her. If Coricopat saw, then Tantomile would too. They would always discuss their visions, to work it out, unravel their secrets. And usually, they were right. As long as they were together, everything would play out just as they had predicted. It wasn't always a good thing, but that was the price of having power. There was always a price to pay… after all, magic was rare and precious. Having such a thing with no cost was impossible.

"Of course I see," Coricopat told his sister gently.

"It was an unusual vision, was it not?" Tantomile mused.

"Indeed," Coricopat agreed with a quick nod of his head. "It was not of the future. Not as per usual…"

"Nor was it of the past," Tantomile said quietly, sensing that her twin understood as well. But of course he would… if one understood, so did the other. It was their way.

"We had a vision… of the present," Coricopat murmured, eyes troubled.

"Of course, we are right," Tantomile sighed. "Our vision is correct. We had a vision of Victoria's future beforehand. Because of that, it would be very unnatural for her to die so soon afterwards. For her to die so suddenly and so violently…"

"It would go against everything that we've ever experienced," Coricopat said softly, finishing off his sister's sentence when she trailed off. It was their habit, especially in front of other cats. It made it easier to believe that a magic such as theirs was truly possible.

"If she was really dead right now, then we would have seen it."

"Tantomile, would you have…?" Coricopat questioned, eyes sharp with a strange emotion. He knew that he didn't have to speak the last words. She would know them… of course she would.

Tantomile's eyes filled with pain. "It is our duty to," she said softly, even though her brother knew how she felt. "No matter how difficult it is to tell a cat of their own death." Then, she added sharply, "But Victoria is not dead."

"I know," Coricopat said. "We both saw it. I wonder…did anyone else notice?"

"Perhaps Mistoffelees did," Tantomile muttered contemplatively. "Or Plato?"

"No," Coricopat said dismissively. "They did not. If they had, do you really think that they would look so…" He searched for the word, brow furrowing.

"Heartbroken," Tantomile offered gently. "Yes, brother. You are right. They did not see."

"Then, who did?" As one, both twins rubbed their temples, focusing intently. A face flashed briefly into their minds. Bright, cheerful blue eyes, with the slightest shadow of desperation hidden deep down. Soft, kitten fur, shiny pink nose, a multitude of freckles dancing across her nose, sheer innocence. Pale tabby fur, stripes of creamy orange, yellow and blank criss-crossing over creamy, almost white fur. She was, in a way, beautiful, but most would simply call her 'cute'.

"Etcetera," both twins said simply.

"Of course, it would be her." Tantomile stood up then and began to pace. Coricopat watched her all too familiar movements warily. "Victoria's sister. They would know each other well."

"Although, they have been arguing lately," Coricopat put in. Tantomile sighed in frustration – a rare event. It wasn't often that either of the twins got so worked up. Coricopat felt on edge as he sensed his sister's worries. They shared everything. Suddenly, Coricopat found himself pacing as well. Tantomile gave him a small smile.

"Cori, I would be upset if Victoria was really dead," she admitted softly.

"So would I. And you know well why," he sighed.

"We barely speak to her," Tantomile whispered, her voice breaking. She sat heavily then, a wave of helplessness forcing her down. Mere seconds later, Coricopat was beside her, wrapping an arm around her. She returned his comfort through the feelings pulsing out of her. If she felt troubled, so would he, but when comforted, they would both feel alright.

"She's afraid of us," Coricopat stated quietly, looking almost ashamed.

"That is why I am forced to stay away from her." Tantomile's eyes were bitter. "Oh yes, Plato's allowed to give in… so is Macavity. And we always see that Mistoffelees is hardly able to hold himself away. And yet, he speaks to her regularly. Old Deuteronomy is fine with it."

"They are friends, Tantomile. You could be friends with her too. As could I." Coricopat was only telling her what she already knew.

"Cori." Tantomile's voice was determined. "I mustn't. And I know you feel the same way. We always do…" She smiled sadly at him, but took his paw and squeezed it to show she appreciated him. "We have to set the standard, Cori. We have to… retain control."

"And that is why we only spoke to her to depart information that she must know." Coricopat's voice was almost grim. "Poor child. It is her heritage that brought it all upon her."

"Do not talk about that so openly," Tantomile warned him. "You know why we mustn't."

Coricopat sighed. "It is difficult leading the secretive life of a magic cat…" His voice was filled with a life of hardship and struggles. Tantomile squeezed his paw again, and he visibly relaxed. At least they had each other to support themselves through it all.

"I am glad to have you, Tantomile," he smiled, voicing his thoughts, even though Tantomile already knew what he was about to say. Sometimes it was just nice to act like normal cats and speak aloud. "That is why Mistoffelees, Plato and Macavity gave in to Victoria so easily. They were alone."

Tantomile smiled back. "I know." Then she frowned. "I just wish we still had Victoria under our eyes. I wish we could see her. The very sight of her relaxes me."

"She is not dead, at least," Coricopat insisted. He looked deep into his sister's eyes. "At least we have that knowledge."

She closed her eyes, reliving what she had seen at the very moment that 'Victoria' had died.

_It was so wrong. Everything about the white queen seemed to scream Victoria's name, but it was so wrong to see those two emeralds that had been hidden so well beneath her pale eyelids. But the Jellicles were far too used to only knowing Victoria. They would not suspect that another white cat so similar in appearance could even exist… Macavity was surely the most cunning cat in the tribe. Dangerous._

_Victoria's eyes were blue, not green._

"Shall we… tell them? The Jellicles?" she asked hesitantly. The pair both closed their eyes, deep in thought.

"No," they decided as one. "We cannot."

"It is not our vision to tell," Coricopat sighed. "Not to all the Jellicles, at least."

"Who can we speak to?" Tantomile wondered. "Our visions should always be told."

"Perhaps we should make an exception this time," Coricopat suggested quietly. Tantomile made a sound of protest, but as she did so her brother's calm reasoning flowed into her. "The only one we are permitted to tell is Etcetera, Tantomile."

"Ah…" Tantomile closed her eyes, accepting the idea. "And if we speak to her on that matter, then we will be forced to tell her of her own death."

"The two matters conflict," Coricopat said thoughtfully. "It is a difficult situation. On the one hand, we wish to pass on our knowledge, our vision… but the only one we may speak to is Etcetera, for she is the only one that the vision concerns."

"And we cannot speak to her on that without telling her of her own death, for that vision concerns her also."

"Yet, we cannot tell her of her own death, for that is Victoria's vision, not Etcetera's." Coricopat reasoned the situation out. "So what can we do but…"

"Nothing," Tantomile finished softly.

**

* * *

**

Etcetera felt a paw on her shoulder, but she simply couldn't drag her eyes away from the blood. It was all that was left of Victoria in the Junkyard…

"Etcetera," a voice murmured gently into her ear. "Etcetera, you should get away from this. It's not good for us…"

"I can't," Etcetera whispered numbly. It was impossible. She didn't even know who was speaking to her. She was aware that a few other cats were filtering off, but so many Jellicles still remained… and Etcetera planned on being the last to go. It was the least she could do for her poor, poor sister.

"Etcetera…"

"No." The word escaped from her lips, her voice harsh in a way that hardly sounded like herself. She wasn't even thinking about what to say. She was just letting her feelings flow out. The cat sighed and lifted the paw from her shoulder. Etcetera hardly listened as the cat padded away, sobbing quietly.

Even the blood couldn't stop the guilt, though. Dark feelings prodded continuously at her heart, and finally, she let herself go and cried. The tears rolled silently down her cheeks, drying in her fur. She felt gentle arms wrapping around her, and thought it was Plato. She didn't move, not even for his sake. That was when she realized that he was still sitting beside her. That he was still staring emotionlessly into nothingness. That he wasn't comforting her. So who was…?

"Who…?" she rasped. The arms quickly disappeared, and Etcetera sighed softly before returning to her silent vigil.

She knew that she had to accept it. She knew that Victoria's death… it was her fault. After all, hadn't she been the one who plotted with Macavity, simply because she was jealous over something so petty such as attraction? Hadn't she been the one to start the stupid damned fight between the two of them? Hadn't she been the one to tell Macavity that she hated her sister? So… it all came down to the question looming over her.

Didn't that mean it had to be her fault that Macavity had chosen to kill Victoria?

_It is…it's all my fault. All mine… Oh Victoria… Victoria!_

Etcetera let out a pained cry and kneeled over, clutching at the fur on her neck. It was all her fault that Victoria's blood was slowly cooling… it was all her fault that someplace, Victoria's lovely body would be still. That she would never smile again, her icy blue eyes glimmering with laughter. And who was she but a useless kitten? All she'd had… was power on her side. Macavity. _That bastard. I'll kill him._

Etcetera's eyes widened as the idea fixed itself securely into her head. Kill Macavity… but what hope did she ever hope of accomplishing something like that? Etcetera could barely kill a mouse. If only she still had a cat like him on her side…

And then she was falling.

_I don't want to be here._ She was reliving _that_ memory. Victoria's death. It choked her up to see Victoria alive, still breathing… she couldn't take her eyes off her sister.

_I don't want to be here. _The very sight of the faint traces of blood on her sister's neck… it tore at Etcetera's heart.

_I can't be here._ And that was when she remembered what had happened that night. The terrible struggle between Plato and Macavity.

_No… it hurts. _Plato's eyes were thrilling with a power that she'd never seen in them before. A power that she couldn't ever have imagined… especially not possessed by him.

_Get me away from here._ And Macavity. Those vicious yet beautiful golden eyes, the same power surging through them that she saw in Plato's eyes. The power that he'd used to help Etcetera…and then eventually ruin her life.

_Victoria…_

Gasping for breath, reality hazed into focus again. And the blood before her eyes only succeeded in sending more tears down Etcetera's cheeks.

"Plato?" she breathed, knowing the tom was still right next to her. She wasn't even sure why he wanted to stay with such a pitiful _kitten_ as her. Vaguely, she remembered Alyana teasing her by calling her a kitten, and how she'd been so indignant about it. But now, Etcetera realized that the cynical queen was right. She _was_ a kitten, and she sure acted it as well. _I'm sorry, Victoria… I was immature… and that caused…_

"…Yeah…?" Plato's reply broke into her thoughts, finally. As far as Etcetera could tell, more than ten minutes had passed before he'd even bothered to reply. Etcetera shuddered delicately as she tried to find the words to pose the next question to him.

"Plato… will you help me… to kill Macavity?"

**

* * *

**

Jemima could only tear her eyes away from the blood when she heard Etcetera's low, broken voice. She raised her eyes to watch suspiciously as Etcetera spoke softly to Plato. The pair were sitting beside each other, but not close together, and they weren't even looking at each other. Jemima suspected that the two were involved – Victoria's heartbroken demeanor the days before she had been murdered did a lot to prove it. Jemima shivered as the word 'murdered' came into her head. She didn't want to think about Victoria being gone, but she couldn't bring herself to leave the blood.

Her eyes flickered back, just for a moment. Victoria's blood was going cold… drying on the ground. Jemima wondered briefly who would have the heart to clean it all away. Perhaps it would remain there forever, to serve as a reminder of the tragedy. Then again, Jemima hoped not. If she saw the blood on a daily basis, she didn't think she could ever get over her loss.

Victoria, dead. Jemima could hardly bear to even think about it. Victoria, who had been her best friend since when they first met. Victoria, who had been, without a doubt, the most beautiful queen in the Junkyard. The best dancer. A sweet, gracious queen who'd been loved by all the Jellicles. Maybe that was why Macavity had chosen her… because her death had caused such a huge effect on the Jellicles.

Bitterly, Jemima lowered her eyes to the ground, back to the blood…was it all that she would ever see of Victoria again? _No,_ she told herself firmly. _I have my memories. All of my wonderful memories…_

**

* * *

**

"_Mother, where am I? Is this the 'Junkyard'?"_

"_Yes, baby. It is."_

_Jemima craned her head out of the den that she had lived in since she had been born. Something was going on outside… and she was so bored! Nothing EVER happened in the den. And her sister Electra was so boring. Their mother, Jennyanydots, said that Jemima should never bother Electra over anything. She said that Electra was a 'special' kitten and that she had to be treated with care. Jemima snorted. Whatever THAT meant…_

_Faint traces of the time she had been born lingered in her head. She remembered cats yelling, screaming. She remembered being taken away. She remembered hearing Electra's voice… laughing. It was the only time that she had ever heard Electra laugh. Her sister was so boring… _

"_It's very big…" Jemima listened closely, taking care not to lean too far out of the den. The voice she heard was very high-pitched, rather like her own. It was very refined though… the voice was careful to speak each syllable clearly and concisely. The way of speaking and the voice itself was unfamiliar to Jemima. She crossed her arms in frustration, wishing she could just leave the den already. She was more than old enough! But no, she couldn't leave Electra alone._

_As she thought of that, she quickly glanced back at her sister, checking on her. The dark brown tabby was frowning in her sleep, making sad little choking noises every so often. Jemima wasn't worried, because her sister was usually like that. She was very small, too. Much smaller than Jemima, even though the pair was littermates. Satisfied that Electra was alright, Jemima returned to attention to what was going on outside the den._

"_I'm a little bit nervous," the high-pitched, refined voice admitted. She sounded intimidated by her surroundings._

"_It's okay, my love. Everything will be alright," the other voice soothed. The voice was very similar to the first one in the way they both spoke. They sounded so prim and proper! Jemima giggled to herself, wondering if she would sound nicer if she spoke like that. "Now, darling, look into my eyes."_

"_Yes, Mother," the high-pitched voice responded eagerly._

"_Love, be strong. Always. Hold yourself with dignity, and be courteous. Remember, you're beautiful, and I want you to be lovely for Mother. Okay?"_

"_Yes, Mother!" the high-pitched voice repeated happily. "Of course!...But why are you telling me this?"_

"_Darling…" The voice broke. "Darling, I need to go for a little bit, but I'd like you to stay here. A friend of mine will arrive in a moment, so you won't be alone."_

"_Will you be back?" the high-pitched voice questioned eagerly._

"_Of course," the other voice replied quietly. The pain in that voice would be evident to most cats, but Jemima was too young to recognize the emotion. It did sort of remind her of the way Electra sounded when she spoke, but that was all._

"_Okay! I'll be waiting!" the high-pitched voice promised brightly. _

"_Thank you…" the other voice said softly, sadly. Just then, Jemima caught a glimpse of white as a tall queen passed by her den. The unfamiliar queen didn't even notice Jemima scrambling back to hide. Realizing it was okay to come forward again, Jemima peeped out of the den._

"_Are you Mommy's friend?" the high-pitched voice asked warily._

"_Yes, little kitten. I am," replied the deeper voice of a young tom. Jemima's brow crinkled. She didn't know very many toms. "Now, look here."_

_For a long time, there was silence, and Jemima was beginning to get bored when she heard the two voices speaking again._

"_Good girl… what was your name again?"_

"_Victoria." The high-pitched voice was suddenly flat, devoid of that happy tone it had held before._

"_And where do you live?"_

"_Here."_

"_Good girl…" the tom repeated quietly. "Wait here. Your mother and father will come fetch you soon. Everything's been sorted out for you. Are you happy?"_

"_Yes. Thank you."_

"_Well, I'll be going now. Stay right here."_

"_Of course."_

_There were footsteps, and Jemima leapt back again as she caught a glimpse of red fur. Not able to hold back her curiosity any longer, the calico kitten raced out of the den-_

_And almost crashed into the pretty, pure white queen kitten who was sitting there. The pair stared into each other's eyes, both with their mouths hanging open. Jemima blushed and shuffled her paws._

"_I'm sorry!" she squeaked, hoping that the white kitten wasn't 'special' like Electra was. If she was, then Jemima would be scolded…_

"_That's alright," the white kitten smiled after a moment. Then, she added shyly, "You're very pretty, you know."_

_Jemima blushed. "You are too," she said honestly. It was true. The white kitten had big, blue eyes and the most perfect, delicate features. And she moved with such grace, Jemima couldn't help but be envious._

"_So," she began, not quite sure what to say. "What's your name?"_

_The white kitten looked surprised. "Don't you know? Victoria."_

"_Oh, I'm sorry… I've never been out of the den before, because Mommy keeps me and my sister Electra inside. So I don't know any of the Jellicles," Jemima apologized._

"_That's alright," Victoria repeated, laughing. "This is my first time out as well. Jellylorum and Asparagus are so strict!" She glanced around guiltily. "Actually, I'm not meant to be outside."_

"_Me neither," Jemima admitted, giggling. The two looked at each other, eyes sparkling._

"_So, um, what's your name? I never asked," Victoria said finally._

"_Jemima!" Jemima grinned toothily at her new friend. Were they friends? Jemima had never had a friend before. "I've never heard a cat speak like you do," she added finally, eyes glittering curiously._

"_Really?" Victoria shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal. "I've always talked like this."_

"_I really want to get out into the world," Jemima fidgeted. "Meet new cats, hear new voices… like yours."_

"_It's dangerous," Victoria frowned. "My parents told me so."_

"_Yeah… I know." Jemima hung her head. "My parents told me too. They said I'll live in the Junkyard all my life. But the way it's going, I think I'll have to live in my den all my life!" She let out a laugh. _

_Victoria smiled, amused. "Well, it won't be long…"_

"_Victoria, are you my friend?" Jemima questioned suddenly._

_Victoria narrowed her eyes in thought, and Jemima shivered nervously. What if Victoria said no? Then she would look stupid. "I've never had a friend before," Victoria said finally, wide-eyed. "What's a friend like? Is it good?"_

_Jemima flicked the white kitten's ear teasingly with her tail. "Of course, silly!"_

_Victoria beamed. "Then yes! We're friends!" she said happily._

**

* * *

**

Tears were burning in Jemima's eyes. Victoria… her best friend… they were meant to officially become queens together, to go to all the Jellicle balls together… to together grow up, find love, and then get old. And together, they were meant to die…

_Why? Why did you leave without me, Victoria? We were meant to go together. Best friends, remember?_

**

* * *

**

"_Victoria, what are you most afraid of?" Jemima whispered._

_The two young queens lay side by side in a patch of soft grass, gazing up at the full moon above. It glowed, casting soft white light onto the two best friends._

_Victoria took a long time to answer. "I don't know," she admitted. "I'm afraid of a lot of things. I guess… I'm really scared that anything real bad happens to you or me and we die…" Her voice choked up a little._

"_Me too. You're my bestest friend ever, Vicki," Jemima murmured, closing her eyes._

"_But you know, I wouldn't be afraid of death if…" Victoria hesitated. "If we could stay together. If we could hold hands and… you know, walk off into the black together. I'm not afraid of anything when I'm with you, Jemima." She twisted and propped herself up on her elbow so she could look at her friend. Jemima mirrored the position, and the two smiled at each other._

"_Promise?" Jemima prompted, holding out a calico paw._

_Victoria looked surprised. "Huh?"_

"_We'll go together," Jemima said seriously. The moonlight made her pretty green eyes glow solemnly. "We'll head off into the unknown, holding hands. You help me and I help you. We're best friends… and best friends should do anything for each other."_

_Victoria's amazing ice-blue eyes lit up. "Of course I promise!" she breathed. "Because we are best friends, after all…"_

**

* * *

**

"You promised," Jemima breathed, her wet eyes on the blood. The tears in her eyes were making everything blurry and unfocused. "Victoria, I promised too. You didn't, couldn't wait for me… am I meant to come after you now?" She closed her eyes, straining to hear Victoria's familiar, refined voice again. She wanted to hear it so much… "Victoria, am I meant to follow you on whatever journey you've departed on?"

She opened her eyes again, brokenly gazing at the cold blood on the ground. "Should I die so that we can be best friends, always? Never alone…?"


	15. Frenzied Eyes

**A/N: Just remember, italics indicates thoughts, dreams or memories. I wish that 'magic' was a genre. Like, seriously.**

**This chapter is for my babe, Nekosoda. Because she and her stories are the shizz. And no, Alyana and Macavity aren't Victoria's parents.**

**

* * *

**

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 15;; Frenzied Eyes**

_She touched a paw to her cheek, and bewildered, realized that there was a tear making its way down her face._

**

* * *

**

Etcetera watched on helplessly as Old Deuteronomy spoke. The Jellicles were all gathered around the spot where Victoria had died, solemnly listening to Deuteronomy.

"Victoria… I am quite sure we could all praise her name for days and days on end…" His eyes were sad. "She was young. She was beautiful. She was talented. She was lovely. She was a true asset to the Jellicles. And she did not deserve to die." A frown appeared on his old face, turning his lips down. "We will all miss her greatly… even I, though I only met with her occasionally. That was the effect that she could produce. Victoria… I hope that you find peace in Heaviside." He bowed his head, clasping his paws together, and there was a flurry of movement as the rest of the Jellicles did the same.

"Victoria," they all said as one, voices ringing out brokenly.

Then, Jellylorum and Asparagus stepped forward. Jellylorum was breaking down into tears, and Asparagus' eyes were gaunt and listless. Between them, they held a large bucket sloshing to the brim with water.

"We will never forget you, Victoria," Deuteronomy said softly, his eyes on the long dried blood.

"Never forgotten," the rest of the Jellicles murmured. They all watched, some with tears in their eyes. The others simply had no more tears left to cry.

That was when Jellylorum and Asparagus together tipped over the bucket. Jellylorum closed her eyes and choked back a sob as she did so – Asparagus just watched blankly as the water washed the blood away. All away.

The last trace of Victoria in the Junkyard… was gone.

**

* * *

**

Etcetera and Jemima stared across at each other, fire blazing in both their eyes. They were both still where the blood had been, even though the water had long washed away any trace of it.

"I promised," Etcetera hissed, slamming a paw to the ground. "I promised I would be last to leave."

"Who to?" Jemima snarled, claws sliding in and out.

Etcetera's eyes dulled slightly as the name came to her lips. "Victoria. I am her sister, after all. It's the least I can do for her."

Jemima sniffed. "Well, _I_ promised too. I'm her best friend." Tears sprung to her eyes. "I am still… forever. We're going to be best friends _forever_." Now the tears were flowing down her face. "_Never alone_," she breathed, too quiet for anyone else to hear.

"I love her more than you did," Etcetera said, her voice deadly. "She was my sister."

"You couldn't, you couldn't." Jemima's voice was high-pitched and stressed. "She was the best cat I ever met… my first friend." And then she said what was the unthinkable to Etcetera. "You know, she loved me more than you, Etcetera."

"She did _not!_" Etcetera almost sprang forward to slap Jemima across the face, but a memory stopped her in her tracks.

"_VICTORIA LIKES SOMEONE!" Etcetera screamed, jerking Victoria out of her little fantasy. She let out an indignant cry and without thinking about it, slapped Etcetera across the face. Etcetera let out a gasp of shock, and stepped back slowly, whimpering. Victoria's eyes widened in horror, and she fell to her knees in an impossibly graceful way that only made Etcetera blubber and trip over backwards._

"Victoria," Etcetera sobbed brokenly, her eyes filling with horror.

"Didn't you two argue anyway?" Jemima said quietly.

"Yes. But I love her no matter what," Etcetera growled. "And you hardly have the right to tell me otherwise!"

Jemima's eyes filled with remorse. "I'm sorry, Etcetera… it was wrong of me to say what I said. It's just…" She glanced away, her eyes distant. "It's just I miss her so much already… what will I do without her?"

"…I feel the same way," Etcetera replied after a moment of silence. Her voice was equally quiet. They were done with arguing.

"Good to see you two have calmed down." Plato approached them then. The knowledgeable glint in his beautiful eyes told the two queens that he'd been watching all along.

"I'm sorry, Plato. I just feel like nothing will ever be right again," Etcetera whispered, tentatively burying her face into his shoulder. He didn't move away, but he didn't try to comfort her either.

"Etcetera, I came to talk about what you asked me earlier," he told her softly. Jemima stiffened.

"What's that?" she asked quickly, not caring if it was their private business.

Plato hesitated. "We're going to kill Macavity together."

**

* * *

**

"_Plato?" Etcetera breathed, knowing the tom was still right next to her. _

"…_Yeah…?" Plato's reply broke into her thoughts, finally. As far as Etcetera could tell, more than ten minutes had passed before he'd even bothered to reply. Etcetera shuddered delicately as she tried to find the words to pose the next question to him._

"_Plato…will you help me…to kill Macavity?"_

_The tom glanced at her, emotion suddenly flickering in the eyes that had only moments ago been listless. Shock. Doubt._

"_What? Are you crazy?" he hissed, looking like he wanted to shove her aside. Etcetera flinched._

"_Don't you want to do it? For Victoria?" she whispered desperately to him. He regarded her coldly, jerking his head as an indication for Etcetera to continue. The words came out in a rush – she was just saying whatever came to her head. "Macavity killed her, Plato. He doesn't deserve to live! We can't just let it go unpunished… not this… not her death."_

"_And you can't do it alone." He stated it as a fact, his voice flat._

"_No… of course I can't." Etcetera's voice was bitter. "What am I but a kitten? A baby? A stupid, ugly, useless, bad-"_

"_Shut up. Just shut up." Plato's voice was harsh, and his eyes were burning as he gazed at her. Etcetera cringed._

"_I'm sor-" she began, but her apology was cut off._

"_I don't want to hear you talking about yourself like that," he said roughly, gripping her by the shoulders. Her eyes widened. "If you want to be a queen, then you have to be proud of who you are." He locked his eyes with hers. "I don't want to hear you putting yourself down. None of it is true." He let go then, letting out a long breath._

"_I'm sorry I'm being so…" He searched for the word. "Cold. But… I can't believe that this has happened."_

"_So? Will you help me to kill Macavity?" Etcetera pressed him gently. "I saw you, Plato. You… you have powers. Like Macavity." She looked at him with big, hopeful eyes as he tensed up._

"_Forget about that," he said in clipped, irritated tones. "Please."_

"_How can I?" Her eyes were wide. The image of Plato, his eyes thrilling with power, would never fade from her brain._

_Plato sighed impatiently. "I'm not like Macavity. I won't hurt you. Fine… but don't mention it again. Ever." His eyes were hard. "Understand?"_

"…_Fine," Etcetera relented._

_Plato was silent for a long time. "I'll think about it, Etcetera. But…" He looked at her with an odd expression in his eyes. "Don't go alone, Etcetera. If you died as well…" And he couldn't even find the words to describe the hollow feeling eating him up inside._

**

* * *

**

"_What_?" Jemima gasped, her mouth hanging open. "You didn't just say what I thought you did, did I?" Her eyes narrowed angrily.

"Quiet." Plato's voice was laced with irritation. Etcetera placed a tentative paw on his arm, and he took a deep breath, calming himself. He sent a grateful glance towards Etcetera, and she smiled sadly. She knew how hard it had been for any of them to control their wild emotions after Victoria's death. "Jemima, I only told you because I thought…" His eyes clouded over in pain. "I thought you would feel the same way that we do."

Jemima whisked her tail over the ground, an uneasy frown turning her lips down. "Tell me," she sighed reluctantly. "And then I'll tell you how I feel."

Before Plato could open his mouth, Etcetera cut in. "We want to kill him obviously because of what he did to Victoria," she started, her voice oddly savage. Jemima looked up at her friend, startled at the murderous look in the light tabby's eyes. "She didn't deserve it… not her." Etcetera's voice was choked, but her eyes remained dry. Jemima suspected that she'd run out of tears to cry.

"No. I know that," the calico said softly.

"I have to do it. For her." Etcetera's voice was edged with desperation. "If I didn't, I would live in guilt for the rest of my life," she mumbled, still choked up.

Jemima bit her lip. On the one hand, she knew that it was a crazy idea. How could two young cats expect to be able to kill Macavity, a full-grown, powerful tom? It seemed impossible, no matter what way Jemima looked at it.

Then again, she understood their feelings perfectly. The thought of Macavity sent dangerous feelings thrilling through her veins. She became possessed by Etcetera's idea – suddenly, she wanted to feel her claws biting into Macavity's skin. Claws that had never harmed another cat before.

And that was why she said what she did to Plato and Etcetera.

"Can I join you?"

**

* * *

**

"It's going to be difficult."

Etcetera paced back and forth, beating one paw constantly on her thigh. Plato watched her carefully, occasionally contributing to her babble. Jemima found herself sitting silently unless Etcetera specifically asked her a question. She was intrigued by Plato's eyes – how they glittered like jewels even though they still held that lifeless look.

Just then, he glanced at her. She flushed, embarrassed that he had caught her looking, but he simply raised an eyebrow at her, seemingly unconcerned.

"We're gonna have to – Plato! Jemima! Are you listening?" Etcetera leapt forward to obstruct Jemima's vision completely with her huge blue eyes. She sighed, placing her paws on her friend's shoulders. "Look, I know it's annoying to listen to me going on… but this is important," she breathed, and Jemima nodded quickly. Etcetera was right, of course… they needed to work together. Besides, if Etcetera did all the thinking, then _nothing_ would be accomplished.

"Well, we have no idea where Macavity is, do we?" Jemima put in thoughtfully. Etcetera's mouth dropped open.

"I didn't even think of that!" she cried, sounding upset. Jemima and Plato both sighed.

"We'll work it out," Plato reassured the tabby quietly. Etcetera's lips turned up slightly.

**

* * *

**

Electra was all alone. She couldn't find Jemima or Etcetera _anywhere_. She wasn't sure if she wanted to, but was else was there to do? Sit in her den and cry into a pillow? Electra shook her head fervently at the thought. She'd been doing it all night, and it was pathetic of her. Victoria wouldn't want that.

So she had to find her friends. Sighing in annoyance, she rounded the Junkyard one more time in the hope that either queen would turn up.

"What're you looking for, Electra?" Startled, Electra rounded on the cat who had spoken. It was Misto, but he looked _very_ different. His usually bright and happy eyes were dull and flat. Electra could see the outlines of heavy bruises beneath them. He lacked his usual smirk as well, and he looked incredibly weary. She sat with a bump and blushed.

"Jemima and Etcetera," she replied simply, not feeling capable of speaking too much. She didn't feel capable of doing anything, really. She was still in shock.

"I saw them before," Misto frowned. "They were with… Plato, I think." His voice sounded strange, and sympathy flickered in the edge of Electra's brain.

"Are you… okay Misto?" she asked quietly, padding closer to him. He stepped away quickly, and Electra pulled back, hurt. He glanced towards her with tortured eyes, and Electra covered her mouth with a paw.

"I can already feel it…" he said so softly Electra could barely hear him. His voice was filled with some sort of frenzied emotion, and for a moment, his eyes were wild in a way Electra had never, ever seen before. It was completely unexpected, and she slowly took a few steps back, frightened of the look on his face. Then, he seemed to realize the effect he was having on her, and struggled to calm himself.

"Misto…" she whispered.

"I'm fine…" His voice was weak, and he sounded like he was trying to convince himself rather than Electra.

"No you're not." Electra's eyes flared. "Don't lie! None of us are fine! How can we be?" She stared at the ground, embarrassed at her outburst. She tried to stay in the background as much as possible, so she rarely yelled. She rarely got too emotional. It would make her stand out.

"I know. I know." Misto's eyes went unfocused. "I know… Electra… it's… so hard…" He stared at her, but it was the sort of look that gave her the impression that he was looking straight through her rather than at her. "What are we meant to do now?"

"We keep going." Electra forced the words out. "Right…?"

But Misto shook his head fervently. The wild look returned to his eyes. "But Electra…what happens when that's impossible?"

Electra's eyes widened. "Misto, is it about how you and Plato and Tanto and Cori and such…?"

Misto glanced at her, his eyes dull. "Yes, Electra. How much do you know about that?"

Sudden agony pierced through Electra's heart. "Not much," she choked. Misto made a soft, sympathetic noise. "After all, why would they tell _me_? It's not like… it's not like I need to know. It's not like I can ever be special after…" And before she could stop herself, she was crying again. There was so much crying going on in the Junkyard, no one bothered to look. It was almost a normal thing.

But Misto understood. Misto knew that she wasn't crying for Victoria anymore. She was crying because of the miseries that had haunted her all her life. He wanted to comfort her, to step forward and wrap a gentle arm around her shaking frame… but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He told himself it was because she would flinch away at his touch because of his power… but it was also because he was afraid of being around other cats after Victoria had died.

He tried to imagine himself in Electra's position, but it was impossible. "What's it like?" he questioned suddenly.

Electra sent him a terrible, mournful stare. "It's horrible," she whispered. "It's no way for a cat like me to live life. I feel smothered, all the time. But it isn't that, is it? It's just that it was taken away from me. They took too much…" She placed a paw on her heart.

"All cats have it." Misto's voice was troubled. "But some of it are… fortunate… enough to have more than others." He gave her a sideways glance. "And it's very distinct in Jellicle blood. That's why we're so successful as a tribe. Better than other cats, you might say." He'd heard those words all his life, but he was one of the few to hear them.

"And because they almost took everything from me… that's why I'm so _plain._" Electra slammed a fist into the ground and sobbed into her paws. Then, she glanced almost guiltily up at Misto. "You think I'm being stupid, don't you?" she said softly, a faint blush on her cheeks.

He shook his head, eyes widening. "Electra, I _admire_ you," he told her, his eyes narrowing. "I can't imagine how it is to be you, but it must _suck_."

"It's the knowledge that I could be so much more," she stated wistfully. She looked at her paws, and moved them in a gesture that Misto recognized. Whenever he wanted to shoot lightning from his paws, he'd always flick out his paws in a dramatic movement. But when Electra did it, nothing happened. Misto tentatively stepped forward and placed a paw on top of her outstretched one, letting a spark of electricity flow out. Electra closed her eyes, feeling the tingle of magic.

"That feeling," she whispered, "Should be so much more familiar to me." And when the tears flowed steadily from her eyes again, that time, Misto was there to wrap an arm around her shaking shoulders.

**

* * *

**

Night had fallen, and Etcetera had been forced to leave Jemima and Plato. They hadn't really come up with anything really, but whenever Etcetera was by herself, a wave of loneliness and despair came over her. The grief would hit her anew, and every flash of white or blue made her think that Victoria was padding right back into the Junkyard, a smile on her beautiful face. But that wasn't ever going to happen again.

Etcetera tried to comfort herself with thoughts of Plato. Even though she knew how much pain she must have caused Victoria by stealing him from her, she couldn't help but visualize his eyes. He was truly dreamlike. Every moment she was with him, Etcetera felt as if he was going to disappear.

She remembered how, after Jemima had headed off, he had approached her, an odd look in his emerald eyes.

**

* * *

**

"_We'd best be off now. It's getting dark, and I promised Mom and Dad I'd be home for dinner." Jemima interrupted Etcetera's flow of words gently, and the tabby sighed._

"_Meet back here tomorrow?" she suggested hopefully. Both Jemima and Plato nodded, and with that the calico slipped out._

_Etcetera bustled around the place, quickly tidying things up. They'd been conversing in a long abandoned den, but she didn't want to leave it too messy just in case the adults got on her case. She felt a little proud that she was the one taking responsibility and cleaning. It took her a while to pluck all of Jemima's fur from an old armchair, so she thought that Plato had silently left while she was doing that. That was why she felt so surprised when she finally turned to go._

"_Plato?" she whispered. "You're still here?"_

_He was just standing there, his body utterly still. His eyes were fixed upon her, and they were filled with some sort of frantic fire._

"_Etcetera," he breathed, taking one step closer. Her eyes widened at the intensity in his voice. At that moment, he looked perfect to her. His eyes, blazing with emotion, his smooth fur, his defined features… and that hungry expression on her face that told her that he was craving something. The way he said her name… it was almost too much for her. A cat like him couldn't, shouldn't exist. The effect he could create on her was dangerous. But she couldn't resist him. A tiny sigh escaped her lips._

_The two rushed together, and Etcetera entwined her hands with Plato's. Her little, soft hands seemed to fit perfectly into his larger ones. She rested her forehead against his shoulder and sighed again. His head gently leant against her own. Etcetera looked up to meet his eyes, and he looked back, seemingly troubled._

"_Plato, what's wrong?" Etcetera murmured, brow creasing. He frowned at her._

"_It isn't the same," he said, frustrated. "But for better, or for worse?" And then, he brushed his lips across her cheek and pulled away, leaving so quickly that Etcetera felt convinced it had all been a dream. Only the fire blazing where his lips had grazed her cheek proved otherwise._

**

* * *

**

"What did he mean?" Etcetera murmured to herself. His comment had left her feeling mystified, but the memory of the feeling of his lips on her cheek was almost enough to distract her entirely. Just then, she reached her den, and entered, sniffing once just to check if she'd had any unwanted visitors. _Electra? _She thought to herself curiously. With a pang of guilt, she realized she'd almost forgotten about the dark tabby queen. She'd been so wrapped up in her plans… she'd have to go check with her friend later. But, considering Jemima was with her parents for dinner, Electra would probably be there too.

_It's been a while my parents wanted me for dinner,_ Etcetera thought sadly. _They always had private dinners with Victoria._

She remembered a certain incident where Victoria had been happily chatting to her about the lovely dinner their family was going to have… and Etcetera had sat silently, not knowing what she was talking about. She'd been forgotten, unwanted by her own parents. Usually, at that thought, Etcetera would be in tears, but this time, she simply sighed and flopped onto her bed.

"Goodnight," she said to no one in particular, not expecting an answer. Her eyes drooped shut, and her breathing eventually slowed.

"Goodnight, Etcetera," whispered a sad voice, and a shadowed cat stood up from where they'd been watching at the entrance of her den and disappeared.

**

* * *

**

_That night…_

_That terrible night…when she died…_

In her sleep, Etcetera let out a soft cry and twisted round.

_Everything's blurred into a mass of colors, but I remember everything so clearly that it doesn't matter. The details, they're burned into my mind. _

_This dream, it hurts me._

A drop of sweat beaded on Etcetera's forehead.

_The red means Macavity. That murderer. It means blood. The blood spreading over Victoria's chest._

_The green means Plato. He made a terrible sound when Macavity overpowered him. It sent chills down my spine and daggers into my heart._

_And the green…_

Etcetera let out a louder cry, a pained cry that resonated through her den. Her limbs tangled in the sheets of her bed.

_It means Victoria. Victoria's wide, green eyes, the life slowly draining away. There's something wrong with that image… but what is it? I wish I had more time… I wish I was smarter…_

Etcetera gasped and sat up like lightning, her breathing heavy and her heart pounding. She touched a hand to her cheek, and bewildered, realized that there was a tear making its way down her face.

**

* * *

**

Far away from Etcetera's den, Victoria let out a soft moan in her sleep. Macavity stood over her, his eyes harsh with irritation. "Just wake up, little Victoria," he muttered, sinking into a chair beside her bed. As he spoke, her eyes flickered open and she stared at him for a very long time.

"What?" Macavity snapped, tired of her wide blue eyes just staring. Her eyes drifted away from him and travelled all around the room they were in.

"Where are we?" she rasped. Her voice grated against her throat from lack of use. She was too tired to be emotional. She tried to force herself to think a way out of her situation, but she felt as if she could barely move, let alone think…

"That's not your concern," Macavity said coolly. "We're away from the Junkyard."

A flash of bitterness rushed through Victoria's eyes, but Macavity didn't miss it. "Taking me to your new tribe's 'Junkyard', huh?" she whispered, her voice flat. "Taking me to be your sole tribemate?"

Macavity glared at her as if he wanted to slap her, but miraculously, he didn't. Victoria closed her eyes against his cold glower, and found the strength to smile sadly.

"If you want to hurt me so badly, why don't you?" she breathed. "After all…it was so easy to do it to Alyana. You know…? The one you cared about?"

Macavity's glare grew even angrier. "Shut up. I don't care about _anyone_," he said roughly.

"Not even me?" Victoria asked unthinkingly, her eyes still closed. She was drifting back into unconsciousness again, and Macavity made an inscrutable noise at the back of his throat. When she was asleep again, her breathing rasping lightly and slowly through her throat, he answered.

"Maybe. But you were always a peculiar one, Victoria."


	16. Static Dreams

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 16;; Static Dreams**

_"You'd be surprised at what you don't know about yourself…" he whispered, his voice a breath on the wind._

**

* * *

**

Etcetera woke up to the sound of low humming, and her eyes flickered open. Her sleep had been disturbed because of the nightmare that haunted her, and she was all tangled up in the sheets. Realizing someone had come into the den, she blushed and carefully pushed the mess of blankets off of her legs.

"Morning, Etcy."

Etcetera looked up, surprised to hear _that_ chuckle. "Pouncival?" she questioned sheepishly, trying to arrange her head-fur into something that looked somewhat decent.

"The one and only," the tom confirmed, saluting her teasingly.

Not caring about her disheveled appearance anymore, Etcetera leapt out of bed and rushed over to hug him. He returned it, smiling at her. "We haven't spoken for aaaaages!" she complained, and Pouncival ruffled her messy head-fur.

"Nah. I came to check how you are." They broke apart, and Pouncival easily seated himself in the single armchair. Etcetera sat back down on the bed and tried to fix up the sheets, but they were an utter mess. "You're sleeping in pretty late today," Pouncival added after a moment of watching her battle to straighten out her bed.

"Really?" She arched an eyebrow. "Just how late?"

"Late enough that the sun's shining and that _the_ Rum Tum Tugger actually questioned on your whereabouts," the tom smirked. A paw flew to her mouth. No matter how much she adored Plato and his enchanting green eyes, there was still something about the word 'Tugger' that brought out the fangirl within her.

"Really?" she asked eagerly.

"Damn right," Pouncival nodded in affirmation. "So you go out and face the word, Etcy." He smiled at her, for once without the usual smirk. She inclined her head and beamed at him, raising a hand to her forehead to salute him. It was a little habit of theirs, quite like a secret handshake. The pair had been best friends since birth, and Etcetera regretted the fact that they were growing distant. She inwardly reminded herself to spend more time with him.

Etcetera rushed to a little table and yanked her brush through the mess of fur atop her head. Pouncival, watching closely, winced as the knots gradually loosened, but said nothing.

"How've ya been?" he asked finally once Etcetera was done with the brush. She turned to him, knowing what he meant. Immediately, the bright look on her face was replaced with a small, sad smile.

"Okay, I guess," she said softly. "It must be hell for Mom and Dad, though."

Pouncival leant in to touch her hand comfortingly. "She was a good queen," he said, "But we have to keep going for her sake. She loved us, Etcy, and she would hate to see us upset." And then he smiled, a tiny flicker of grief hidden deep in his eyes. "That's why I'll smile, for her," he pledged, pounding a fist against his chest. Those were perhaps the most intelligent words that Etcetera had ever heard him speak.

"Thanks, Pounce," she said gratefully, taking his paw and squeezing it. And then, she took a deep breath, and gave him the most radiant smile she could find buried within the depths of her heart.

**

* * *

**

"Sorry guys," Etcetera apologized as she rushed into the abandoned den. Plato and Jemima were already there, conversing quietly. The conversation wasn't really flowing.

Plato glanced up as she came in. "You're a little late," he stated, but she understood he was asking where she'd been at the same time. She blushed.

"I slept late," she muttered, forcing the words from her lips. She slumped into a tattered old armchair. "I didn't really get much sleep last night."

"Neither," Jemima whispered. "I had the same nightmare… over and over…"

Plato said nothing, but his eyes were troubled.

"I can't even remember it properly, that's the thing," Etcetera growled, frustrated. "I always get this feeling that it's important, but whenever I wake up, it's gone." She didn't mention the fact that her sheets were impossible to untangle and that every time she'd awoken during the night, she found herself crying.

"My dream…" Jemima trailed off, and neither of the other cats prompted her to continue. They knew it must've been too hard to tell.

"So, are we actually going to make any progress today?" Plato asked dryly.

"Of course we are!" Etcetera sent a disapproving glare towards Plato. "I know! Why don't we track Macavity?" She clapped her paws together triumphantly, feeling like a genius.

"Uh, Etcy? Remember that he um… disappeared? Out of thin air?" Jemima reminded her friend in a small voice. The triumphant air fell away from Etcetera, as well as the smile. The light tabby queen sighed deeply.

"He had to go do that, didn't he." Etcetera puffed out her cheeks in annoyance. "Um…Plato, do you know how to track disappearing cats?"

He looked up from the ground to send her a glare that sent chills of fear running down her spine. "I thought I told you," he said softly, his voice dangerous, "To never bring that up again." Etcetera's eyes widened and she tried to break free from the imprisonment of his deadly green eyes.

"Plato, cut some slack on her," came an irritated voice. Misto and Electra then stepped into the den.

"Misto? Electra?" Jemima said after a moment.

"I can't believe you guys have been hanging out here all this time without telling us," Electra said, placing her paws on her hips. There was no mistaking the look of misery in her eyes.

"You look like you've been just fine with Misto," Etcetera smiled, trying to start some light banter. There was no chance of that – it was as if a gloomy raincloud had settled over the group of young cats.

"As if," Electra snorted. "I've been desperate to find some other company." At the same time, though, she smiled thankfully at him, and he nodded lightly.

"Um, if you don't mind, we're actually discussing something private," Etcetera said awkwardly. Electra narrowed her eyes.

"You're not telling us to leave after we spent all this time finding you?"

"Well, actually, yeah…" Etcetera rubbed the back of her head, embarrassed.

"Fine." Looking hurt, Electra turned to leave, when-

"Wait."

Everyone was startled to hear Plato speaking. His eyes were flat, but he beckoned Electra and Misto towards him. Hesitantly, they came.

"They can help us… if that's what they want," Plato said quietly. He looked towards Etcetera, smiling wryly. "I'm not the best candidate here for helping you track _him_… but remember what Misto's 'title' is?"

Etcetera's eyes widened, and a tiny grin appeared on Jemima's voice. "Magical Mister Mistoffelees," they said as one, and a tiny sparkle came to Misto's eyes. Electra lowered her eyes bitterly. No one noticed the dark tabby though, because both queens were rushing forward to whisper into Misto's ear.

"Misto, we need your help. Urgently."

"Please don't say no..."

"What are you two talking about?" Misto asked teasingly. Both Jemima and Etcetera stepped back.

"Misto, would you have any idea on how to track down Macavity?"

**

* * *

**

_Bounding through rolling green pastures, the color of his eyes. She'd never felt so free in her life, probably because she couldn't remember ever being outside of the city and because this place was so beautiful. She drew in a deep breath, her eyes sparkling at the very sight of the vibrant colors all around her._

"_Hey, Victoria."_

_Victoria's eyes widened at that voice. "You!" she exclaimed, her voice shrill with shock._

"_Yeah, me." That smirk… those dark eyes, the dull green color of a forest. That sweet lilting voice, the trilling laugh. _

"_You're dead… I saw you die." But Victoria wasn't so sure anymore. The sight of Alyana standing before her, one eyebrow cocked in an expression of amusement, was far too real. _

"_Unfortunate, isn't it?" Alyana sighed, kicking a stone. She looked up at Victoria slyly. "Do I get a present now? For dying?"_

_Victoria just stared at the white queen, unable to come up with a response._

"_It would make it a lot easier if someone appreciated the fact that I'm dead and gave me something to help me bear with it," Alyana explained. "So? Where's my present?"_

"_It's not like it's your birthday or anything," Victoria said, exasperated._

"_Nah," Alyana shrugged moodily, "But I did die, and I think that counts for something."_

"_So if you're… dead… why are you here?" Victoria probed Alyana with her eyes, hoping for answers._

"_This is just a dream, Victoria. It's not 'me' really. It's just my spirit, I suppose. I'm only here because I want to see something through before I'll finally feel at peace… then I'll leave you alone, I swear." She let out another laugh, and Victoria inwardly wondered how she could just joke about her own death._

"_Besides… it's not like you're ever actually going to see a place as beautiful as this." Alyana waved a paw around, indicating the hills that rolled out towards the horizon, and the forget-me-not blue sky. Victoria sighed wistfully. She and Jemima had planned to leave the city one day… head out to the countryside. Jellicles who had experienced living outside the city told of the wonders of fresh air and soft grass underfoot. The two best friends had listened intently, and one night, they'd made plans and promises beneath the ever-watching moon. A tear slipped out from under Victoria's pale eyelids._

"_Was it something I said?" Alyana commented airily, stepping daintily forward to flick the tear away. "Come now, don't cry. Cry for me if you're going to cry for anything, darling. I probably deserve it more." Her eyes became surprisingly distant. "It's not like anyone's going to anyway," she murmured, frowning slightly. Victoria stared at her, sympathy surging through her._

"_Alyana?" Victoria whispered. The other white queen jerked her head slightly in acknowledgement. "Where did you come from anyway?"_

"_Ah…well, that's an interesting tale, for sure," Alyana sighed. "But maybe later."_

"_Hey!" Victoria protested. "You promised… before you died…" She narrowed her eyes, trying to recall Alyana's exact words. "You said, 'I'll explain everything to you later'. You promised me!"_

_A bitter smile twisted Alyana's lips, and she closed her eyes. "I think now that I'm dead, I'm not bound to anything anymore," she smirked. Victoria's mouth fell open indignantly, and just then, the dream began to fade away. One thing remained though – Alyana's muffled voice._

"_But… you can ask Macavity. Ask him about your family." _

**

* * *

**

Victoria woke up just as slowly as last time. She was still in the same room as before, but this time, Macavity wasn't there. Sighing, she closed her eyes again. Why did she still feel so tired?

"Victoria? Are you awake?" Victoria started and looked around the room again, but there was no sign of Macavity.

"Where are you?" she whispered.

"Away," he replied simply. "Did you forget that voice in your head? The one that kept you company when you were all alone, like you are now?"

Victoria gasped, covering her mouth with a paw. "It's your fault I'm alone right now," she said quietly. "Even if… you helped me… you've wronged me as well. I… I don't want to speak to you."

"…Then, Victoria, why don't you think instead?"

_I don't want to do that either._ But naturally, Victoria had slipped back into her old way of conversing with him. Of course, back then, she'd had no idea who on earth he was.

"Then stop thinking. It's easy."

_What? _There was an edge of frustration to Victoria's thoughts. After a long moment of trying to hold back the flow of thoughts rushing through her head, she couldn't help herself. _Macavity, is it true that you um… hypnotized me or something?_

"Where did you hear that, Victoria?"

Immediately, before she could cover it up, the memories of eavesdropping on his banishment from the tribe along with Alyana flashed into her head. She heard Macavity snarling in irritation.

"That Alyana," he grumbled.

_Yeah, that DEAD Alyana. The one you killed._ Victoria was beginning to get pretty irritated herself.

"Forget it," Macavity said harshly. Suddenly, Victoria had a vision of Macavity stabbing her with the same knife he'd used to kill Alyana. She shuddered delicately, and decided not to pursue the subject. She'd get her answers…

"You know, I can hear all your thoughts, Victoria. Making your little plans won't help." Macavity's voice was filled with exasperation and Victoria felt the urge to bury her face into her paws. But she couldn't – she felt far too weak to even do that.

She just wanted to go home…

"I can take you home, Victoria, if you like." Macavity's voice was level and perfectly pleasant.

Victoria sighed. _What's the catch?_

"There is no catch. I'll take you home. I'll take you to your family."

_You're lying. I know… I know that you wouldn't just take me back to the Jellicles so easily._

"Who said anything about Jellicles?" Victoria could almost imagine the fiendish grin on the red tom's face.

_You said home… the Junkyard is my home… the Jellicles are my family. What else could you mean? _A wave of fatigue surged over Victoria, and she closed her eyes wearily.

"You'd be surprised at what you don't know about yourself…" Macavity whispered, his voice a breath on the wind. Victoria struggled to remain conscious, but she could barely form the thoughts to reply to him.

…_What…? _

"Victoria? Victoria, are you okay?" Macavity's voice was a distant echo in Victoria's mind, but if she'd been fully conscious, she would have heard that it was sharp with concern. But she had nothing left within her to reply to him, and surrendered to the blackness once again.

**

* * *

**

Electra knew that she wouldn't be included in her friends' plans. She was taken in by the idea of tracking Macavity down, making him pay for his actions… but what use was she? Plain, boring Electra who had no talent in anything. It could've been different. Even her name indicated all the possibilities of what could've been. As if she needed the constant reminder.

"Electra?" _As if I need the constant reminder…_

"Yeah?" Electra looked up at Misto. She was beginning to feel as if he was the only one she could trust. He was the only one who was treating her like a friend at the time anyway…

"Are you coming with us?" He asked, smiling slightly. Encouragingly. Electra frowned at him and turned away.

"You don't need me. I'm not much use for anything," she said quietly.

"You add to our numbers!" Etcetera put in, smiling brightly. Electra's eyes darkened. _Yeah… like that makes me feel any better. Thanks, Etcetera. _Apparently, Misto was thinking the same thing, because he sent Etcetera a disapproving glare.

"Etcetera," he said coolly, "I think she's going to be a great help, actually."

"I'm not coming," Electra said flatly. "Why would I want to anyway?" Actually, she _really_ wanted to go. But the reason? It was an entirely different reason to all of her friends.

"I'm quite sure you do, actually." That was Plato, his voice level, convincing. She didn't look at him, because she hated seeing his eyes. _As if I need the constant reminder…_

"Damn you, Plato!" she snapped. "I don't need you bringing all those memories back…" Tears sprung into her eyes, and she heard cats approaching her as she turned to leave.

"Wait, Electra!" Misto caught her shoulder with a paw and spun her round. Her tearful face was exposed to all her friends, and she spat at the tuxedo cat's face. He flinched, but didn't let go. Plato took a hold of her other shoulder, his eyes the perfect picture of calm. Or were they? Upon looking closer, she could see a faint shadow of panic beneath the serene exterior he had perfected. She sneered at him.

"You know… about Macavity." Misto's face was pained as he spoke. "And he… he won't be able to hurt you, right?"

Electra's eyes darkened. "Shut up and piss off, Mistoffelees," she said darkly, using Misto's full name to indicate that she just wanted to leave. With that, she pulled away and rushed from the den, a blur of dark brown fur.

Everyone was silent for a long time. Then, Plato finally spoke. "She'll be back."

"What makes you think that?" Misto looked up into Plato's eyes, and saw very easily the frantic shadow hidden deep inside. The one that only very few cats would notice. Misto was very sure that Plato would see a blatant fire of frenzy within Misto's own eyes. It wouldn't be long before… he shuddered at the thought. They needed Victoria… how could she be dead? How could Macavity do that to them?

"Yeah… why do we need her?" Jemima's voice was uncertain. She blushed as all eyes fell upon her. "I mean… sure, she adds to our numbers…but what were you guys talking about before? I didn't get it…"

Plato sighed. "Jemima, you can be sure that she'll be very useful to us." He closed his eyes, deep in thought. "As to why she'll be back?" A wry smile twitched upon his lips. "She won't be able to resist. Macavity, dead? She's wanted that all her life."


	17. Bad Girl

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 17;; Bad Girl**

_"That's why I so totally believed that we needed each other. I thought that if two broken souls came together, they would form one healed soul."_

**

* * *

**

"_Back already, huh?"_

"_It's not as if I really want to be in the real world."_

_Victoria and Alyana sat opposite from each other. They were back in the pretty meadow again. It was dawn in the dream, and birds were hopping about, unconcerned that two cats were only a mere distance away. The light of dawn made both Victoria and Alyana look as if their fur was the color of faded roses._

"_So you're only here because I'm the only alternative, huh? Glad to know it." Alyana sighed deeply, and she didn't sound herself at all._

"_I'm sorry."_

"_How's life with Macavity treating you?" When Victoria looked at Alyana, she only saw bitter regret in the white queen's eyes._

"_How can you talk about him without getting angry?" Victoria was shocked. If Macavity had killed her, she'd be absolutely seething at the very sound of his name. Yet, here Alyana was, sitting and conversing about him with a mere tinge of sadness in her voice._

"_Ah well," Alyana sighed. "Yeah, he killed me. We both know that. But it was my fault, really. I should've expected it."_

"_In no way was it your fault!" Victoria felt as if she had to get angry on Alyana's behalf._

"_Calm down, Victoria," Alyana smiled. She placed a soothing paw on Victoria's shoulder, and she took a shuddering breath. "I should've known that Macavity would get tired of me. Still, I found him irresistible." She shrugged. "I guess I should've left him while I had the chance."_

"_Why do you talk about him like that?" Another surge of anger turned Victoria's comment into a hiss. "Like he's…wonderful?"_

_Alyana turned her big green eyes on Victoria, and the younger queen felt a jolt of surprise. Alyana had such huge eyes… they made her look younger. Yet, they had a sheen of bitter regret that Victoria could only imagine in the eyes of a far older cat._

"_He has a lot of power, Victoria," Alyana whispered, an aching throb in her voice. "It's a terrible burden."_

"_A burden?" Victoria spat. "To be able to hypnotize unknowing cats like me or my sister? Bast, he could've hypnotized you as well!"_

_Alyana looked away. "I know that, Victoria. But in death, it wouldn't affect me." She turned back to Victoria, looking levelly at her. "I stand by what I said before. I don't blame Macavity for killing me, and neither should you. I'll convince you."_

"_Like hell you will."_

_A cloud drifted over the sun, and Victoria shivered at the sudden lack of warmth. It was as if Alyana changed with the weather; or maybe it was the weather that changed with her? The white queen's eyes were cold, filled with undying loyalty for the cat who had killed her._

"_I said, I'll convince you." Alyana closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Who cares if he hates me for it?" And she laughed a bitter laugh that sent chills racking down Victoria's spine. "I'm dead already, aren't I?"_

"_Alyana…"_

"_I won't tell you everything. Not like I promised…it wouldn't be right. You need to find the answers, and I promise that you will, as long as you stay with Macavity. But I can tell you a few things…just so that you can understand my way of thinking. It would make me feel a whole lot better talking to you."_

"_Alyana… I don't get it…"_

"_It must be hard. Patience, Victoria. You can wait it out." Alyana finally opened her eyes. "I'm ready, Victoria. Are you?"_

"_Yes…I want to hear what you have to say."_

**

* * *

**

Electra stormed through the Junkyard until she got to the very edge, and there, she halted. She knew that if she left the Junkyard, she wouldn't last long. How many times had she heard it? _The world outside of the Junkyard is filled with dangers. As a Jellicle, you have the protection of the Junkyard. Don't take it for granted; rather, stay and leave only when absolutely necessary._

And Electra had no dire reason to go other than she just wanted to escape it all. She wanted to get away from the Junkyard, the Jellicles… from herself.

_You know… about Macavity… and he… he won't be able to hurt you, right?_

Misto's voice kept ringing in her brain, over and over and over. She hated him. She hated him for what he had done… he and Plato had exposed her, exposed her deepest secret to her friends. As if she wanted that. A stray tear formed in her left eye, and angrily, she swiped it away. She was useless as it was without crying more and more useless tears. _Stupid._ She couldn't believe that those toms could be so inconsiderate as to revealing the one thing she wanted to forget. The one thing secret she wanted to bury under layers upon layers of faked smiles.

_You know… about Macavity… and he… he won't be able to hurt you, right?_

It was true, though. He wouldn't – _couldn't _– hurt her. It was all because of what had happened during birth. He'd saved her by ripping away the one thing that made her special. Now, she was just plain, boring Electra. No one had ever considered just why she was so different from most Jellicles. They were beautiful, absolutely beautiful. They all possessed melodic voices and the ability to dance with utter grace. Electra? She was like a dull stone sitting among a group of polished diamonds.

Sighing in frustration, Electra sat down and stared out onto the street. A couple of humans strode past, glancing fleetingly at her as they went. A supposedly drunken cat lolled around, his eyes rolled back in his head and his tongue hanging out, the saliva drooling down his chin. Electra made a noise of disgust and moved back a little.

"No… wait…" the cat slurred, turning its bloodshot eyes upon her. "Hmm… there's something about you." He gave her a slack-jawed grin and made a clumsy attempt to stand.

"Get back," Electra spat, disgusted.

"Heh, heh. I sense the traces of _magic_ lingering upon you," the cat proclaimed loudly. At least, Electra was pretty _sure_ that was what he said. For one thing, she couldn't believe that this drunk cat would know anything about magic. The second? It was difficult to understand a word he spoke.

"Oh…?" Despite herself, Electra wanted to hear what he had to say.

"Oh, yes." He let out a laugh, but it quickly turned into a series of racking coughs. Electra stood back, eyes still full of suspicion. "But darlin'… you're weak. Where'd your magic go, hm?"

Electra opened her mouth, but her voice stuck in her throat. How could he know…?

"You're surprised… aren't you?" The cat's voice was blurring with fatigue, and his eyes were closing. He leant his head back against the wall behind him. "Mm… I used to be rather like them, you know? I always dream of it, yes. But it's gone from me now. Oh, I had glory… but my glory left me in shambles…" His head lolled to the side, and Electra thought that he'd fallen asleep. But as she turned to leave, doubt clouding her mind, she caught his voice in the breeze.

"They'll all be like me eventually. Mm… the handsome tuxedoed one, the green-eyed one, the one that reminds me of fire… they'll be just like me." He smiled lopsidedly, his breathing slowing. "I watch them now with that knowledge…" Electra frowned.

"Oh, and darlin'? You lost your magic, hm? If you're gonna attempt to recover it…" But he trailed off, and as Electra watched him expectantly, he let out a snore. She was tempted to wake him, but the thought of touching that wretched cat… she shivered, and decided she'd heard enough from him. Troubled by what he'd said, she stepped quietly away, back into the Junkyard.

**

* * *

**

"_Macavity and I, we've known each other for a long time." Alyana had turned her back on Victoria, but the breeze lifted her voice, entwined it around the younger white cat. Victoria closed her eyes as she listened. "He sought us out one day; he asked us for our help."_

"_Us?"_

"_Yes, us. My family and I." Alyana's voice became distant as she relived the memory. "I remember thinking that he was the most powerful I'd ever seen. I was young, but I'd seen many of them."_

_Victoria still didn't quite understand, but she listened intently anyway._

"_He was young, I was young, we were all young. We're older now, but as if that brought us any sense." She laughed lightly, and Victoria couldn't help but wonder how she could sound so lighthearted. It was impossible to understand just how Alyana's mind and heart worked… did they co-ordinate? Or did they twist apart, their separate desires creating the broken cat that now stood with her back to Victoria? _

"_Yet, even though he was young, his powers were already taking a toll on him. I could see it in his eyes… that strange frenzy. He was losing his sense of being." Alyana heaved a sigh and it was a while before she continued. "He told us that his father had sent him. He told us that he was from the Jellicles. Now, my family knew the Jellicles well." Her voice turned wry. "After all, we'd done business with them upon many an occasion."_

"_Done business?" Victoria echoed. "Alyana, what do you mean by that?"_

"_Ha. That's not for me to tell you." Was it Victoria's imagination, or was Alyana's voice breaking? "Simple business. It keeps our family going, but I've never truly liked it. I've always thought it was revolting… but what else is there for us to do?" Victoria wished that Alyana would just turn around and face her so that she could see the expressions on the green-eyed cat's face. It was strange to hear her voice filled with such doubt and bitterness. "If we didn't do it, so many cats like Macavity would suffer."_

"_So… what happened next?" If Alyana wasn't going to explain herself, Victoria didn't want to hear more things that she didn't understand._

"_Macavity stayed with us for a bit. His father had sent us a letter instructing us to let him stay, you see."_

"_Old Deuteronomy?"_

"_That's right. The great cat himself. The longer Macavity stayed, the more I could see him regaining control. But there was always a shadow lingering in his eyes." Suddenly, Alyana spun around and strode up to Victoria, who reeled back in shock. "Couldn't you see that shadow, Victoria? Why couldn't you see? Why couldn't you understand?"_

_Victoria choked a sob. "Alyana! You know that there's a lot that's obviously been kept hidden from me! How was I meant to understand? How AM I meant to understand?" Her eyes darkened. "Alyana, I've lived all my life a sheltered cat! Only now do I realize that there's more to life than everyone's letting on. So explain to me… help me to understand." She brought her paws together in a beseeching motion._

"_I'm sorry. I forgot myself for a moment," Alyana said curtly. "I keep forgetting that you're so clueless. It's hard to remember whenever I see your white fur."_

"_What does my white fur have to do with anything?"_

"_Oh, Victoria… it has to do with everything."_

**

* * *

**

"Take my magic back," Electra murmured. "Why shouldn't I? I tried to recover, to move on… but obviously, that's not going to happen." She was hovering indecisively outside the old den where her friends were discussing. They weren't yet aware of her. From what she could hear, they weren't making much progress. Misto had offered to help them track down Macavity, but they were unsure if they could overpower him or not.

A wry smile twisted Electra's lips up. If they had her, they'd be fine. But they didn't.

_You guys don't even know how close I am to just coming in and giving in. I want my magic. So much. I want to be like Misto. Why not? Why shouldn't I?_

Those three words pulled at Electra's will. _Why shouldn't I? _It was all for the best, right? If she got her magic back, she'd be beautiful and filled with power. She wouldn't be boring old Electra anymore. Her heart was telling her, 'Go, go inside and tell them you'll help them'. Yet, there was a lingering doubt in her mind. She was reluctant to let go of her secret; she'd lived with it all her life. And then, there were the words that the strange 'drunk' cat had spoken to her.

"_Oh, and darlin'? You lost your magic, hm? If you're gonna attempt to recover it…"_

If she was going to attempt to recover it…what? What did the weird old cat know? Because as unreliable a source he looked, he had spoken some sense. He had known about magic. Was he going to warn her of something, or offer advice? And did it even matter? Electra clenched her teeth in frustration.

But there was one thing she was sure of. She wanted to go with her friends and kill Macavity _badly_. A sad smile pulled at her lips for a moment as she felt the decision made within her heart. She would go. _Why not? Why shouldn't I? It's for the best._ Taking a deep breath, she re-entered the den, her footfalls quiet. She kept her expression stony and averted her eyes from Misto's face.

"Welcome back, Electra," Plato said softly. "Have you changed your mind?"

"We'll see," Electra said curtly, seating herself at the entrance of the den. She felt everyone's eyes upon her, and her kept hers fixed on a small stone that she'd probably kicked inside.

After a long pause, the conversation continued somewhat awkwardly. But Plato really couldn't help himself.

"Electra, we could really use your help."

"I know."

"Then help us." Electra could actually feel Plato's emerald gaze burning into her – that was how intense it was. She knew that if she looked up, she would be captivated and would easily give in to him. She didn't want to look like a fool, so she kept her eyes away from him. After a moment, he laughed. "Clever Electra. We need you. What's stopping you? Why shouldn't you?" She froze at that line. It was almost as if he'd read her mind just to find the words that would break her resistance. _Cunning, he is. I'd better watch out._

She heard his pawsteps coming towards her. "You know you want to," he hissed in her ear. "It's your only chance, Electra… you would be doing a great thing, for yourself and for your friends. So stop with the vague answers and say yes."

"Yes." He'd manipulated her somehow. Pulled the words from her lips without so much as a second of eye-contact. Maybe he had more power than he was letting on… or maybe, maybe she was just tired of saying no to something she wanted so desperately. Maybe it had nothing to do with Plato's prompts.

"Louder. So that everyone can hear," Plato urged.

"Yes," Electra repeated, closing her eyes in defeat. "Fine, yes, okay."

"Thank you." Plato's voice was cordial, but she heard the triumph in it clearly.

"Wait…" That was Etcetera, her voice raised slightly and high-pitched with curiosity. "Why do we need Electra so much?"

Electra glanced up and saw Plato opening his mouth to speak. "Don't you dare," she cut in warningly.

"It's not for you to tell," Misto added quietly, and though she was still angry at him, Electra was glad for his support.

"Whatever," Plato shrugged.

"It doesn't matter." Electra spoke directly to Jemima and Etcetera, who both looked beyond confused. "You really don't need to know… you don't want to have to deal with the knowledge of it all." Electra sighed wearily. "It's hard, so hard. There's so much that we don't know… so much to be afraid of… ignorance is bliss."

"I'm sorry," Jemima murmured. Her eyes were sad. "I… I guess there's a lot I don't know. I won't ask."

Etcetera's eyes were positively burning with curiosity, but she said nothing. "Okay, so we keep planning now?" she asked tentatively. Everyone nodded, and the discussion resumed – only now, they had Electra.

"So we track Macavity down… what then?" Etcetera stood up and began to pace in her usual manner. The other eyes of the other four cats followed her wearily as she stepped back and forth. "Um… is Electra going to, um, do something… or something?" Her voice rose in pitch at the end of her question.

"Yeah, maybe," Electra smirked. "But aren't we all?"

Etcetera let out a tiny squeak of frustration, but didn't ask further. Electra knew she'd have to talk more privately with Plato and Misto later; she couldn't let Jemima and Etcetera get tangled up in something as terrible and complex as magic. If they ever got caught by it, they would never be free again.

"We need to know more about Macavity, I think." Everyone listened intently as Jemima spoke. She usually spoke sense, rather than Etcetera who just suggested whatever came to mind. "That way, he won't be so unpredictable. It'll be useful to ask around, I think."

Etcetera clapped her paws together. "Excellent idea, Jemi! Let's do that! C'mon!" She looked ready to bound out of the den, her eyes sparkling, jigging from paw to paw.

"Hang on a second." Jemima held her paws up. "We can't just ask anyone and everyone, right? They'll get suspicious. We need to have a reason to ask, and we need to know _who_ to ask. Who'll know Macavity best in the tribe, do you think?"

"Old Deuteronomy, Munkustrap, Tugger," Electra reeled off straightaway. "They're his family. And Demeter and Bombalurina too. Remember? They were his 'friends'."

"And by the sounds of it, you know him well too." Plato raised his eyebrows questioningly, and Electra sent him an icy glare.

"Just shut up, Plato. I'm getting tired of you, to be honest." He smirked, and Etcetera pouted. She obviously didn't like Electra speaking to her 'tomfriend' like that.

"Okay, we'll ask them… anybody else?" Jemima rushed in to push the conversation along. The tension in the air didn't fade, however – Plato was still grinning foolishly and Electra's tail was whipping back and forth.

"I don't think so." Misto spoke up for the first time in a while. "He was a solitary cat. He barely interacted with any Jellicles."

For a moment, Electra could've sworn that Etcetera's eyes were filled with fear and regret. But the flash of emotion was gone in an instant, and the dark tabby just shrugged it off. Etcetera was still too immature to look so upset… right? As if she'd experienced anything to make her feel like that… right?

"Alright then… so what do we ask them?" Jemima frowned. "Shall we say that we just need to know about… _her_… murderer?"

_She's reluctant to say Victoria's name._ Everyone's eyes darkened as they inwardly replaced the word 'her' with Victoria.

"We'll make it up as we go along," Etcetera shrugged, a tiny smile quirking her lips. "That's fine, right?" She paused as everyone nodded slowly. "Oh, and guys…? I bags Tugger."

**

* * *

**

Etcetera and Jemima had already left; Etcetera had claimed speaking to Tugger, and Jemima was planning to go talk to Munkustrap. Unfortunately for Electra, that left her alone with Plato and Misto.

"Who're you going to ask?" she sighed when no one spoke a word.

"I can ask Bombalurina," Misto shrugged. "She's on pretty good terms with me, I think."

"Shouldn't someone, you know… more masculine go? You know she's into that," Plato teased. Misto scowled and swiped him across the nose, careful to keep his claws sheathed.

"Well, you ask Bomba then! I'll go speak to Demeter with Electra," Misto sighed.

"Fine by me," Plato smirked.

"And you didn't even ask me how _I_ feel about that," Electra muttered dejectedly. Both Plato and Misto laughed at her.

"You're not mad at us, are you?" Misto purred. Electra just sniffed and turned her back on the pair.

"You two are _so_ stupid," she mumbled under her breath, not even realizing that two grinning toms were creeping up behind her.

"We're sorry!" they hollered as they pounced on her. She let out a shriek as she was bowled over, and all three cats rolled out of the den. Plato, being the smooth cat he was, leapt away before he got too covered in dust, but Misto and Electra kept on rolling. Misto's eyes were glowing with laughter and magic was sparking from his paws. Electra couldn't help herself – seeing his laughing face so close to hers made her giggle as well. As she began to laugh, feeling totally at ease, a tiny, purple spark glimmered in her right paw, and then exploded into what resembled a miniature firework. Her eyes widened.

"Misto… did you see that?" she gasped. He nodded soundlessly, just as shocked as she was. They both sat up, Misto leaning over her shoulder as she lifted her paw to her face. "Did I really just… make magic?" A glimmer appeared in her eyes, lighting up the usually dull green. She stretched out her paw, and once again, a tiny purple spark just popped out. Breathless with excitement, she turned to Misto.

"Misto, I just magic! I just… oh my god…"

Misto smiled at her, looking almost as excited as she did. "You did," he affirmed, taking the paw that she had just produced magic from. They beamed at each other, feeling the magic sparking in each other's paws.

"Maybe it's coming back, Misto. Maybe… no, wait…" She frowned, suddenly moody again. Misto released her paw and sat back.

"What, Electra?"

"She's suggesting your magic is rubbing off on her." Plato approached them warily. "Right…?"

"You're such a know-it-all, Plato," Electra said. "Yeah. That's possible, isn't it?" She pressed her lips together.

"Yeah… that could be it, but-" Misto began, his eyes locking with Electra's.

"Don't say you don't mind, Misto…"

"But I don't. I don't mind." Misto's voice was gentle, comforting. "It's not fair for me to have so much and-"

"No, Misto, you don't get it…" Electra turned her back on him, her shoulders hunched. "I can't steal your magic. That's just wrong… I've been around you too much lately. I'm sorry." Her shoulders began to shake. "I'll stay away from you from now on… I can't steal your magic. It's not mine. It doesn't belong to me… but I can't help myself. I crave it…"

"Electra…" Misto whispered, unable to raise his voice any further.

"All I can do… is recover my own magic. Take back what's rightfully mine." She shuddered, trying to breathe evenly. "You know… they always told me Macavity saved me." She began to walk away then, and neither tom tried to follow her. They knew that she needed to be alone. But before she rounded the corner, she turned back to face them, and they both saw that her eyes were hardened with resolute determination.

"So it's only fair that I 'save' him, isn't it?"

**

* * *

**

"_So, Macavity stayed with us for a while. And I…spent a lot of time with him." Alyana's eyes hazed over, just slightly. Her lips turned up in a bittersweet smile. "I think that was when I fell in love with him. I thought that he fell in love with me as well, but I understand now that he never loved me."_

"_I'm sorry, Alyana…" Victoria clasped her paws together. The look on Alyana's face made her feel as if little needles were stabbing into her heart. Alyana sniffed and turned her back on Victoria again. Victoria felt as if she were doing it deliberately just so that she could hide her face._

"_Don't be sorry. It was my fault for being so careless," Alyana shrugged. "Anyway, we made plans. My family… arranged… for us to leave together and return to the Jellicles." Upon hearing Victoria's gasp, she let out a sad laugh. "Oh yes, Victoria. I was meant to become a Jellicle. I was meant to be great among the greatest tribe known in the city. I was meant to accomplish so much more than I did…"_

"_But what happened?" Now Victoria was very interested in Alyana's story._

"_A lot of things happened – I wasn't even aware of them, that's how fast they happened. You see, my younger siblings were born while Macavity was staying. A beautiful litter, they were. They grew quickly and by the time I was about to leave to join the Jellicles with Macavity, they were intelligent kittens, the lot of them." Alyana's voice turned bitter._

"_What do your younger siblings…?"_

"_Don't worry about them, Victoria. There was one, though… Macavity took a liking to her. I never knew about this, by the way – like I said, it happened very quickly. And for some reason, he chose her over me. He asked if he could take her instead – offered a lot more for my sister than he offered for me, I hear. And so the deal was done. He chose my sister and left without speaking another word to me."_

"_Oh no… Alyana…" Victoria's brow furrowed. "Wait… what do you mean by he offered-"_

"_Victoria, you need to stop asking questions like that. It annoys me," Alyana said matter-of-factly. "Obviously, I was upset. I had no idea what was going on, only that he'd left and that I wasn't to go with him. My family tried to calm me, but I was beyond being reassured. I needed to know." She sighed. "So I left my family then. They were very angry at me, and I bet they still are. What a wasted business opportunity I was to them."_

"_A-"_

"_Victoria." Alyana spoke sharply. "No more interruptions. You'll understand eventually. So yeah, I left. I was a bad girl. I knew they would never welcome me back. I had to learn how to survive on the streets, and I became even more of a bad girl." Alyana laughed shortly. "I'd always been that way, but… oh, I dunno. Before I died, I knew that I was beyond fixing. So maybe it's the best I'm gone now." She looked over her shoulder and smiled at Victoria. It wasn't a sad smile, nor an angry smile. It was an accepting smile. _

_Victoria felt the urge to babble more words of protest, but she knew that the other white queen would get annoyed, and so shut her mouth._

"_I searched out Macavity. And then I watched, and I watched, and I watched. I watched the Jellicles for so long. Strangely enough, it never became tedious. But I saw that Macavity was in pain. They knew, but they never did anything about it. That's how he came to be so… messed up."_

"_They?" Victoria hardly realized that she'd reverted back to her questions._

"_His father, obviously. That old rag." Alyana sneered hatefully, and Victoria winced. How could anyone hate Old Deuteronomy? But Alyana continued then._

"_Anyway… I was beyond fixing, but I could see that Macavity was as well. That's why I so totally believed that we needed each other. I thought that if two broken souls came together, they would form one healed soul." Alyana stiffened slightly as she spoke, but she still kept her face turned away from Victoria._

_Victoria snapped a paw over her mouth, and she couldn't prevent tears from spilling from her eyes. There was something in Alyana's story that made Victoria feel utterly heartbroken. Maybe it was how Alyana spoke so adoringly of Macavity… even though he was the very cat who'd killed her._

"_And then we found each other. I showed myself to him, and we pretended that he'd never left without me. He seemed so happy… but it didn't last. It wasn't long after that before we found you. And then, you know…"_

"_He killed you." _

"_Yes. I blame myself, though. I told him my little theory about why we needed to be together. I think he was frightened; he didn't feel that way about me. I was just someone to keep him company, I suppose. But when I told him about how I was broken and wanted him to save me, to fix me… he found a better way, I suppose. So what he was doing by killing me… was in reality, saving me. He saved me, Victoria."_

"_Alyana… you can't say that! He's a bad-"_

"_No, Victoria." Alyana sighed deeply. "No, he's not. He may have been driven mad by his burden… but he's not bad. He wants to be good, believe me, but he can't. He doesn't know how."_

"_I'm sure that he doesn't want to be good, Alyana…"_

"_Oh no, I know that he does, Victoria. Because that's why he never fell for me." Alyana sighed again, and finally turned to face Victoria. She was wearing the most terrible, broken smile that Victoria had ever seen. Victoria gasped, her stomach clenching painfully at the very sight of that expression._

"_He never fell for me because I was a bad girl, and I never had a hope of healing him."_


	18. Laugh it Away

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 18;; Laugh It Away**

_A flash of red was at her neck, wrapping round, squeezing, constricting, and she couldn't breathe, she couldn't breathe-_

**

* * *

**

Victoria woke up feeling as if her heart was twisting painfully. Her dream lingered in her head with perfect clarity. Alyana's terrible smile kept flashing across her vision – it was as if the memory had been burned into her mind. She moaned and strained to move her paw so she could rub her forehead. But it wouldn't move. She clenched her jaw and a sweat broke out on her forehead, but the only response from her arm was a slight twitch. Groaning, she gave up, and tried to open her eyes. They opened, but it was an effort to even lift her eyelids.

When she saw the flash of red hovering at the edge of her vision, her eyes snapped shut again.

"Are you really that repulsed by me, Victoria?"

"…Y…es…" she rasped, hardly able to speak. Immediately, she felt a breeze as Macavity shifted to stand over her.

"Don't speak," he said, placing a paw over her mouth. She made a horrible choking noise in protest, but she couldn't even struggle to show her anger at his mere touch. "Victoria… just…" He seemed to be struggling to find the right words. "Slow down, Victoria. You're moving too fast…"

"I'm… not… moving…" Victoria gasped out.

"You don't get it!" Macavity yelled, his voice tinged with pain. Victoria opened her eyes to stare warily at him. Even her vision was imperfect – all she could she was a blur of red before her eyes. "How can you understand…?" he whispered, lowing his voice. "I'm sorry, Victoria. I never should have taken you from the Junkyard in the circumstances… I should've waited…" He covered his face with his hands. "Now you're…"

"What's… wrong… with… me…?" Victoria whispered, her eyes glazing over at the pain of effort. Again, Macavity placed a paw over her mouth.

"Don't speak," he growled. "Rest. Close your eyes. You need to recover…" He swore under his breath. Victoria quickly complied, wondering why he was so concerned for her health.

_What's wrong with me? What have you done to me? Have you placed some goddamned curse on me? _She was afraid to be so rude to him, but in her head, she couldn't cover up her anger. She couldn't pretend.

"No… but it's still my fault, in a way." Again, Victoria heard that pained note in his voice. She was surprised that he didn't get annoyed at her for being so rude to him. Then, she assumed that he knew he deserved it. But still, it was _weird._ Could it be…?

_He may have been driven mad by his burden… but he's not bad. He wants to be good, believe me, but he can't. He doesn't know how._

Was Alyana right? Did he truly want to be good?

"Alyana?" Macavity's voice suddenly turned curious, and Victoria inwardly cursed him for being able to read her every thought. "What about Alyana?"

_You're not the one asking questions here._

"…You're right," Macavity agreed reluctantly. "Right, um… ask your questions, then. I'll answer… if I can…"

Victoria felt even more surprised then. He was being _really_ strange. He just wasn't the type to be so docile, so lenient…

"Victoria… stop being shocked and just get it over with," the red tom sighed. Victoria heard the scrape of a chair as he sat by her bedside.

_So… do you know what's wrong with me? _Victoria's thoughts were tinged with desperation. _Am I… going to die? Am I sick…? _

"Not sick…" Macavity paused. "Do you remember what happened on the night I took you from the Jellicles?"

_You killed Alyana. _Victoria winced as Alyana's heartbroken smile flashed before her eyes.

"Before that…"

_You…didn't you fight with Plato?_ Victoria could barely stop herself from thinking, _Oh, Plato._ She knew it would anger Macavity, even if he was being suspiciously nice. She missed him desperately. He probably didn't care, yet, Victoria still hoped. Why else had he tried to save her?

"Yes. That's exactly what I wanted you to think of." Macavity hesitated then. Macavity hesitating? Had the world gone mad? "Did you… feel something strange during that fight?" His voice was wary, and he was obviously reluctant to tell her the truth.

_I remember feeling your power coming off you. I remember seeing both your eyes… shining weirdly…_

"That's right. So, you know that I have…powers, right?" Macavity almost snarled the last few words.

_Yes. I heard that you can…'dazzle' people. Hypnosis, right? I can only wonder at what other powers you've been granted. You don't even deserve them…_ Just then, she felt pressure on her throat, and she panicked, her eyes flying open. A flash of red was at her neck, wrapping round, squeezing, constricting, and she couldn't breathe, _she couldn't breathe-_

The pressure released. Macavity threw himself back against the wall, breathing hard. His yellow eyes were wide and shocked at the realization of what he'd just done. "I'm sorry, Victoria," he gasped.

_I… I…_ Victoria felt numb inside, but her entire neck was throbbing. Every breath she took came as a rasp, and every breath she released was a wheeze. But she needed air, desperately. She stared at the ceiling, focusing on it, ignoring the cat who had almost killed her. She would focus on refilling her lungs, on appreciating the sweetness of the air.

"I'm sorry," Macavity repeated. "I… I didn't mean to."

It was déjà vu.

"_VICTORIA LIKES SOMEONE!" Etcetera screamed, jerking Victoria out of her little fantasy. She let out an indignant cry and without thinking about it, slapped Etcetera across the face. Etcetera let out a gasp of shock, and stepped back slowly, whimpering. Victoria's eyes widened in horror, and she fell to her knees in an impossibly graceful way that only made Etcetera blubber and trip over backwards._

"_I'm so sorry! I-I didn't mean to!" Victoria mumbled, remorse showing on her face._

That time, Victoria had simply acted on impulse. Etcetera had said something that Victoria hadn't liked, and so Victoria had slapped her. Plain and simple. She realized the same thing had just happened between her and Macavity… only he'd tried an attempt on her life.

_I keep forgetting just how dangerous you really are._

"I'm sorry…"

_I'll have to be more careful from here on out. And I'm not going to forgive you. Yet._ It was strangely satisfying to be able to speak to Macavity as if she were the more powerful one. But Alyana's story kept prodding at her, reminding her that she always had to be _very_ careful with a tom like him.

"I said _sorry!_" Macavity snapped. "Aren't you meant to forgive me or something?" He raked his claws across the ground. For any other cat, that would've seemed immature. But with Macavity, it was plain scary. Ignoring his frustration, Victoria suddenly saw something in perfect clarity.

_You've never said sorry sincerely before in your life, have you?_

All she received from Macavity was silence. Silence that hung between them. If Victoria could see clearly, she was sure she'd see him frowning.

_It's okay, Macavity. It's difficult, isn't it? I'll forgive you, just this once. That is, if you explain why you tried to hurt me._

She heard him wince audibly. "Thanks, Victoria," he mumbled, the words sounding forced. Victoria suspected he'd never thanked anyone genuinely in his life before either. "It's just… you couldn't understand how much I hate my powers. I wish I was born normal all the time." He quickly stopped as if he'd given away too much. His wistful voice turned hard again. "So I got angry."

_Why do you hate them? _Victoria was bewildered as to why having powers would be a bad thing.

"You can't understand how painful it can be… magic has a price, just as everything else does. The price isn't worth the magic." He sounded weary. "It forced me to keep my distance from the Jellicles, _all the time_. I said that I could control myself, and my _father-_" He emphasized the word contemptuously. "MY father said he'd give me one chance. I stuffed up. I hurt her." He hunched his shoulders and said nothing more.

_Who's her?_

"None of your business." Victoria realized he was pulling away now, that he was becoming the old Macavity that she hated again. The cruel Macavity. She couldn't let that happen. When he was actually showing emotion and letting down his barriers, she could understand Alyana's reasoning. Besides, she still didn't know what was wrong with her.

_Macavity, I won't probe into your privacy… but what's wrong with me?_

"Oh." He sounded as if he'd completely forgotten. He probably had. "Basically, our powers clashing – mine and that idiot's – had a very big effect on you. That's why you feel so weak. You're not sick, but…" He trailed off.

_But…?_ She prompted, her stomach clenching. She didn't yet need to know why their powers had affected her. She just needed to know what the 'but' meant.

"Don't worry about it." Macavity's voice was flat. He'd made up his mind not to say anything more.

_How can I not worry about it? When you say something like that, I begin thinking that I'm going to die or something! _Her thoughts became hysteric – she truly believed that something like that was going to happen.

Macavity released a long breath and stood up. He bent over Victoria, and their eyes locked. "I won't let you die, Victoria," he breathed. He straightened up for a moment, and Victoria stared after him as he moved away. "I'll be back in a bit, alright?" he called over his shoulder as he left. Victoria closed her eyes against the world and tried to simply absorb everything that had happened since she had first woken up.

Yet, it all felt more like a dream than reality.

**

* * *

**

Etcetera trotted across the Junkyard, her eyes roving about in the hope that she would come across Tugger. It was noon, and if Etcetera had her 'Tugger daily routine' down, he would be sunning right in the main part of the Junkyard where everyone could see him. Etcetera often used to go Tugger-watching at noon, because when he was lounging atop the TSE1, sunlight soaking into his shiny black fur, he looked particularly good.

Of course, Etcetera had fallen out of her old habit. She found over time that her friends weren't as willing to be dragged out to go Tugger-watching every day. And watching him alone, with no one to squeal with just wasn't as fun. Besides, _stuff_ had obviously happened, and now that she had Plato, she neglected Tugger. She almost felt bad.

Just then, her 'Tugger-sense' tingled and she smiled to see him exactly where she'd predicted he'd be, sprawled out across the hood of the TSE1. He was alone, which pleased Etcetera. Sometimes, he'd go sunning with Bombalurina, and she didn't exactly enjoy seeing that. After all, no matter how much she loved Plato, she could never just forget Tugger. Who couldn't love him?

"Tugger!" she called out, approaching him. His eyes flickered open and he eyed her lazily as she bounded towards him rapidly and hopped onto the TSE1.

"Hey, Etcy. I haven't seen my favorite fangirl in a while," he purred, ruffling her headfur. Etcetera squirmed happily and sat beside him.

"Oh, you know. Stuff's happened," she shrugged.

Tugger sighed. _Wait, did Tugger just sigh? Nah, Tugger doesn't sigh._ Then again, under the circumstances, no one could just go back to being cheerful, not even Tugger. Etcetera had to remember that. It was just… weird. "Yeah, I know what you mean," Tugger said, rubbing his forehead. "_Stuff._"

Etcetera chuckled nervously. "Um, yeah. Stuff." She spoke the word with a serious tone.

"Mhm. Stuff."

_This conversation really isn't going anywhere,_ Etcetera thought to herself. "Um, moving on," she giggled.

"How've you been?" He flicked her on the shoulder. "Seriously, I haven't seen you in ages. Don't you love me anymore?" He cocked an eyebrow.

"Tugger…" Etcetera solemnly placed a paw on her heart. "I will _always_ love you."

A grin burst out onto Tugger's face, and Etcetera marveled at how impossibly handsome he was. "You're cute," he chuckled. "C'mere." He opened his arms and Etcetera rushed into them. _A hug!_ Since Tugger was a lot bigger than her, she couldn't really return the hug, but it was nice to feel him wrapping his arms around her. She pressed her face into his chest and just enjoyed the moment. Finally he let go, and reluctantly, Etcetera stood back.

"Thanks… I guess I needed that," Etcetera said, smiling faintly. She remembered how Pouncival had told her to smile for Victoria's sake, and her smile widened. _Just for you, Vicki._

"I could see that." For once, Tugger wasn't acting with his usual swagger. It threw Etcetera off, and she looked at him curiously. "A hug from _the_ Rum Tum Tugger always helps in a bad situation," he added. It was as if he'd read Etcetera's mind. She laughed, glad that he wasn't being _too_ different.

"Of course," she smiled contentedly.

"So, I've seen you hanging out with that Plato. Is there something between you two?" The look on Tugger's face was almost mischievous. Of course, Tugger was far too mature for that, right?

"I guess so." Etcetera shifted uncomfortably. "Sometimes he's a bit weird, you know? It's because of… her."

"Victoria," Tugger stated easily. "I wouldn't be worried, Etcy. We're all a bit weird after what happened." His eyes darkened slightly then, and Etcetera recoiled in shock. He was being _way_ too weird now.

"Tugger…?" she whispered tentatively, reaching out a paw. He laughed lightly.

"I'm sorry, Etcy. It's just… the thought of Macavity…" He shuddered, paws balling into fists and teeth clenching.

"Why do you hate him so much?" Etcetera was delighted that she didn't even have to bring the subject to Macavity by herself. That way, he wouldn't be suspicious of her.

"Oh, for a lot of reasons." Tugger frowned at fiddled with a few strands of his mane that were out of place. Etcetera watched as he fixed them, and then sighed, knowing she'd have to probe deeper to get any information out of him.

"He was your brother, right?" she murmured. "Why would you hate him?"

"We all hated him right? All of us?" Tugger said absentmindedly, still fiddling with his mane.

"I didn't. Not until he killed Victoria." Tugger glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, his face betraying surprise. "I didn't know him… did you?"

"Of course I knew him." Tugger reluctantly turned to face Etcetera. "And I suppose you want me to tell you…?"

"Please."

"Alright. For you, Etcy. For your dedication." Tugger closed his eyes, obviously recalling some memory. "Munkus, Macavity and I… we were littermates. Brothers. Sons of Deuteronomy and Grizabella, blah blah blah, what an honor to be descended from two cats such as them, and so on. I never understood what was so honorable about it other than my dad being leader. Obviously, _she_ turned out to be anything but honorable." His voice had turned nasty, hostile. Etcetera placed a soothing paw on his shoulder.

"I don't know anything about her either, other than she betrayed us…" Etcetera murmured.

"You're young, Etcy. Course you don't know." Tugger smiled slightly at her. "Anyway, you could say that Macavity was decent back then. He was normal. Pretty nice, really. I admired him. He was to become Jellicle Protector and eventually, leader."

"_What?_"

"I know, Etcy. It's hard to believe, isn't it? For whatever reason, dad was set on Macavity becoming the next leader. I mean, I just wasn't cut out for it, and Munkus…" Tugger's eyes became distant. "Munkus was too sick."

Etcetera had never heard _any_ of that before. It just showed how little she knew about the Jellicles really. "He was… sick?"

"Yes. He still is." Tugger's voice was troubled. "He keeps it secret, course. Doesn't want anyone to know or to worry about him. Especially not Deme. He keeps saying he'll tell her, but…"

"Wait… how is he sick?"

"I shouldn't be telling you this, Etcetera." Tugger gazed at her, oddly serious. "I promised not to. It's going to come out, eventually, but… he'd rather keep it quiet for now. You could always ask him yourself…?"

_Jemima's going to talk to Munkustrap…maybe he'll tell her._

"Anyway, that's unrelated. I probably shouldn't have even mentioned it in the first place." Tugger scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "So, Macavity was set to be leader and all. That was when _she_ died."

"Who's 'she'?" Etcetera blurted out.

"I'm not even sure anymore. I can't think of her name, her face… all I can remember is that she existed. It's the same for everyone. It's as if she's simply been erased from our memories. But somehow, she was important. Dad and Macavity were both really upset when she died. Everything started going wrong then. Macavity started to lose it… I could see it in his eyes. There was a shadow lurking in them. I was… scared of him, I guess."

Etcetera squeezed his shoulder lightly.

"It was the same with my mother, and to some extent, my father. There were a few other cats in the tribe as well. They all changed, Macavity with them. One by one, they just disappeared from the tribe. I had no idea what was going on. It was… a dark time. My mother was one of the last to go. There was a real scene when she left, and… she hurt us. A lot of us." His eye twitched and he reached up one paw to touch a faint scar on his neck. Etcetera gasped in horror.

"Did she…?"

"Don't worry about it, Etcy. That's nothing to what happened with Macavity." Tugger's jaw clenched. "He didn't disappear, unlike the rest. Dad made him stay, and the shadow in his eyes… it kept getting worse. More…" He grasped for the word. "Pronounced. Dad kept saying, 'There's still hope for you, Macavity. You will become the next leader.' But as Macavity became crazier, the more we all doubted it. He began to hide away from others… and when he was with us, he'd always lash out." Tugger ran a paw down his arm, and Etcetera realized that a number of scars had been scored across it. Scars she had always failed to notice.

"Great Bast, Tugger, did he really?"

"Yeah, Etcy," Tugger replied grimly. "He did. My own brother. I guess I got the worst of it. Because Macavity was usually holed up in our den, it was difficult for me to avoid him. He took out most of his anger on me. I never told anyone – I was too frightened of him, of what he'd become. Of course, he got Munkus too, occasionally. Munkus had a clearer head than me, and he spent most of his time in Jelly's den anyway. He needed to be kept under her supervision."

Etcetera found herself growing more and more horrified.

"When Dad found out, he sent Macavity away. He wasn't angry, just sad. And Macavity…he seemed really, really happy. That was about the time when you and your friends were born, Etcy. I never found out where he went, but when he returned, he seemed to have calmed down. I could hardly see the shadow in his eyes. But from then on, he stayed away from the rest of us, and we avoided him out of fear."

"Oh Tugger… how come I never knew before?" Etcetera couldn't believe that she hadn't heard any of Tugger's story before. Then again, it was a terrible one.

"We never told you," he shrugged. He stared out into the Junkyard pensively, almost as if he was expecting Macavity to stalk into the Junkyard and start terrorizing the Jellicles again. "He'll be back," he said under his breath. "He'll be back."

"…Tugger?" Etcetera's voice quavered.

The tom glanced at her. And then he let out a laugh. He laughed it all away.

* * *

**A/N: …My advice is: NEVER. TRIP. OVER. You'll regret it. Thing is, you start bleeding, and then your tights get stained with blood, and then you go, 'DAMMIT, NO…' Plus it hurts, and you get home and you have to put on a plaster and then you're faced with parents who want to kiss it better and offer no sympathy whatsoever. Kids, if your parents 'kiss it better', it ain't going to magically heal, trust me on this one. It's just their excuse to kiss you in obscure places, m'kay? I'm not implying that your parents are pedos or anything. Yeah, I should end this discussion now.**

**Anyway, did I get Tugger's personality down? I was worried about him being OOC. Same with Macavity. I hope I'm doing alright here.**


	19. Luckless

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 19;; Luckless**

_In his usually bright eyes, thousands of shadows writhed, haunting the tom to his very soul._

**

* * *

**

Jemima picked her way across a particularly messy part of the Junkyard, wrinkling her nose at the odors that lingered in the air. It was the quickest way to the vicarage wall, where Munkustrap was, but it wasn't the nicest way by far.

As she drew close to her destination, she heard low voices. _Munkustrap and Deuteronomy…?_

"Things seem to be returning to normal." That was Munkustrap, his voice tight.

"On the outside, perhaps, but inside we are all burning with grief." Deuteronomy spoke calmly, but his voice betrayed that he too was still grieving for Victoria.

"What are we going to do about Plato and Mistoffelees?" Munkustrap sounded troubled, and Jemima leant in to listen, curious.

"Mm… I have no idea, I'm afraid." Deuteronomy, for once, sounded at a loss for words. "How are we going to bring another Chardir into the tribe? The circumstances are far too suspicious."

_Shar…deer?_

"Is Plato powerful enough to deceive the tribe?" Munkustrap questioned mildly. Jemima was beginning to feel frightened. There certainly was a lot about the Jellicles she'd never realized.

"Perhaps," Deuteronomy said thoughtfully. "But how can we pay the Chardirs again? It was difficult enough to find enough to satisfy them last time." His voice turned dark. "They ask a high price."

"They certainly do," Munkustrap sighed wearily. "Poor Electra… poor Plato, poor Mistoffelees…"

"I never would have expected Macavity to act in the way he did." Deuteronomy sounded unusually distressed. "I truly trusted him to be better than that."

"I didn't," Munkustrap hissed angrily. "Father, don't you remember what he did to us? What he did to Tugger?"

Deuteronomy winced. "How could I forget? But Macavity has done good things as well. You cannot understand what he has gone through, son."

"I am no magic cat. How could I?" Munkustrap's voice was cold. "But he's _bad_, Father. I thought that it was just his magic, and that was always his excuse. But then why, _why_ would he kill Victoria?"

"I do not know," Deuteronomy replied simply. Helplessly.

The two fell into silence, and Jemima fidgeted impatiently. What were they talking about? It wasn't as if she could just burst in and ask. They'd be angry. She'd have to wait a while before she could enter – that way, they wouldn't suspect her of eavesdropping.

Finally, she sauntered in as if she'd only just arrived. "Oh, Munkustrap, Deuteronomy!" She curtseyed and Deuteronomy smiled warmly at her.

"Good afternoon, Jemima. What brings you here?"

"I wanted to speak to Munkustrap." She lowered her eyes hesitantly, biting her lip. Here came the hard part. Hopefully, her young charm would erase any suspicions they were about to have.

"Why?" Munkustrap sounded intrigued. He patted the ground next to him and Jemima sat down, brushing away the dust.

"About… Macavity," she whispered.

"What? Have you seen him?" Munkustrap took hold of Jemima's shoulders and looked at her seriously. "Has he returned to the Junkyard?"

"No, no, nothing like that!" Jemima said quickly, her voice high-pitched. Munkustrap breathed a sigh of relief and released her shoulders.

"Then…what? What do you want to know?" He regarded her with narrow eyes. Deuteronomy watched from up on the wall, whiskers twitching.

"I… I…" Jemima broke down into wracking sobs. It wasn't a difficult act to put on. After all, she really _did_ miss Victoria. A lot. "Oh… Victoria…" She sobbed into her paws.

Munkustrap sighed and wrapped a comforting arm around Jemima's small torso. "I'm sorry, Jemima."

"I just…why her? Why Victoria? I don't even know _anything_ about Macavity. I just… I need to know." Jemima smiled inwardly. She was doing well. _Victoria… soon, we'll find him. Soon, we'll kill him._

"I guess I can understand," Munkustrap said wearily, stroking the fur on Jemima's head. "Are you sure you want to know about him? It isn't pleasant…"

"Munkustrap, you should tell her," Deuteronomy put in. His eyes held a warning, though. He was warning Munkustrap not to tell too much. "Go, now. I'd like some time to think…" With that, he closed his eyes and gave a long sigh.

"Come on, Jemima." Munkustrap led Jemima away from the vicarage wall in the direction of the Junkyard. He paused at the outskirts and glanced at her.

"We'd better stop here. It wouldn't be good if everyone overheard…" His eyes darkened, and suddenly, he clutched at his chest, breathing heavily.

"Munkustrap?" Jemima gasped, grabbing the Jellicle Protector's arm. He shook his head, his breathing raspy and labored.

"I'm okay," he said softly. "I'm fine. I… wasn't expecting that…"

She regarded him nervously. "What's wrong, Munkustrap?"

He shook his head again. "Please don't mention it to anyone," he said firmly.

"Only if you tell me what's wrong!"

Munkustrap glared at the calico queen for a moment before sighing and rubbing his forehead. "Fine."

**

* * *

**

"Shall I just go to Demeter without her?"

"That'd probably be the best thing, Misto."

Plato and Misto sat together, staring gloomily at the corner Electra had disappeared around.

"I don't want to go without her, Plato," Misto whispered, his teeth gritted. "What if she doesn't come back to us? You know we don't have a hope of approaching Macavity without her."

"She'll come back," Plato said grimly. "Just… not to you." He said those words with a sympathetic finality, and Misto let out an agonized whimper.

"I'm so sorry, Electra…"

**

* * *

**

"Tugger, Macavity and I were born as littermates. I'm sure you already know that, but I doubt you know much about our kitten-hood." Munkustrap pressed his lips into a hard line, and Jemima took his paw quietly to comfort him. She was good at comforting other cats.

"Macavity was to become Jellicle Protector. It was decided a month after our birth."

Jemima gasped and covered her mouth with a paw. Macavity, Jellicle Protector? She couldn't fathom the idea.

"He was the only one cut out for it, really. Tugger just wasn't suited to the job, and even though I was, I wasn't in the best condition… Macavity never did want to, but he went along with it. He used to be a very agreeable tom. I looked up to him." Munkustrap frowned sadly. "How things changed…"

_I can hardly believe what he's telling me…_

"But I barely spent any time with my brothers. That's why I'm so different to them. I never had a true kitten-hood, really. I never had… fun…" His eyes grew distant, and Jemima squeezed his paw gently, urging him to continue. "I was too sick, you see. Deuteronomy asked that Jellylorum take me into her den. I was too sick to remain under his supervision any longer. I needed treatment of a more expert kind."

"Munkustrap, what's wrong with you?" Jemima asked, biting her lip.

He shook his head grimly. "No one knows. I had it bad when I was a kitten, but it's getting better… otherwise, I wouldn't have the position I have now in the tribe. I have to keep it quiet, Jemima. Otherwise I'll lose everything I've worked for in my life." He looked crestfallen at the idea.

"I'm sorry, Munkustrap." Jemima narrowed her eyes. "How can you be Protector while you're so sick, though?"

"I'm not _that_ sick," Munkustrap insisted stubbornly. Jemima recalled the moment when he'd doubled over, gasping for breath and clutching at his chest. It'd looked pretty bad to her. "When I was a kitten, I was always weak. I'd sometimes get attacks that would give me a terrible pain just here." He placed a paw on his chest. "These days, it only happens occasionally. But every time, afterwards, I feel like I can hardly move." He squeezed his eyes shut.

"You can't keep being Protector, Munkustrap!" Jemima said frantically.

"Of course I can." Munkustrap frowned at the calico queen. "Why not?" And then, something inside of him seemed to collapse. "Because I'm a danger to the tribe…" he said softly, under his breath. "Because if something happens, and I have an attack then the entire tribe will be in danger…"

"Yes," Jemima nodded, eyes fearful. "You can't keep doing this to yourself."

"There are risks to be taken in life, Jemima. I'll get better. I worked for this… for Deuteronomy's sake. When Macavity went crazy, I became the only choice."

"There's always Alonzo…"

Munkustrap shook his head. "It's a tradition that a son of the Jellicle Leader becomes Protector, Jemima."

"But that's stupid!" Jemima said hotly. "And why not Tugger?"

"Jemima, you have to understand… I want to be Jellicle Protector. I wanted the job. I worked for it; I'm now the strongest tom in the tribe. I can't let some petty sickness stop me." His eyes hardened, and Jemima balked. There was no way to deter him from his job. He was utterly devoted.

"Anyway, enough about me. Didn't you want to know about Macavity?"

"Yeah… I suppose so." Jemima was so wrapped up in concern for the Jellicle Protector that she'd almost forgotten about the red tom. "Why did he not become Jellicle Protector?"

Munkustrap's brow furrowed. "This is difficult to explain, Jemima. Let me think." After a moment, he sighed. "I guess it's time," he muttered reluctantly. "Jemima, do you remember what happened on the night Victoria died? Do you remember how Macavity and Plato…?" He trailed off, apparently unable to find the words to describe it.

"Yes, of course I do." Jemima closed her eyes, recalling the battle between the two toms. "They have powers, don't they? Macavity, Plato… Misto, Coricopat, Tantomile. They're all different from the rest of us Jellicles."

Munkustrap's lips turned up in a wry smile. "Very perceptive, Jemima. Yes, they're what we call 'magic cats'. You may think that they're lucky to have been born as such, correct?"

"Well… yes. They are, aren't they? Imagine being like Misto…" Jemima trailed off dreamily. Misto was amazing when he had lightning sparking from his paws. Some of his magic tricks were phenomenal.

"You're wrong," Munkustrap stated blandly.

"Huh?"

"Magic is a _curse_ to most cats."

"A curse?" Jemima echoed.

"You see, powerful magic is a rare but powerful thing. In Jellicle blood, however, it occurs more often. All cats have magic to an extent, but we Jellicles have more of it. That's why we have so many magic cats. That's why we can sing and dance and have the Jellicle Ball. Other cats, they don't do that. They lack in magic."

"Am I…magic?"

"You possess much more magic than the normal cat." Munkustrap looked upon her fondly. "But you are not like Plato or Misto. You're lucky. You see, too much magic is too much for a cat to handle. We aren't _that_ strong. A magic cat will be able to handle the magic for a short span of their lives, but their bodies will not be able to contain such power for too long. Most magic cats fade in the middle of their adulthood." Munkustrap's eyes were deadly serious.

Jemima stared at him in horror. "So Plato… Misto… they never had a chance at living past their adulthood?"

"That's where it gets complicated." Munkustrap sighed heavily. "I'm not at liberty to tell you why, but Misto and Plato _did_ have a chance. They could've lived for much longer. But now, I'm afraid, they're already losing control."

"Why?" Jemima's voice rose in desperation.

"I can't tell you," Munkustrap said helplessly. "I'd like to, but I can't."

Jemima stared at the ground. "What about Macavity, then?" she asked finally. "Is that why he was so isolated?"

Munkustrap nodded. "His magic prevented him from coming close to others."

"…I feel sorry for him," Jemima admitted, her eyes shining with pity. "It must be a terrible burden."

Munkustrap stared at her in surprise. "You're a good kitten, Jemima," he said finally. "But maybe you're too kind for your own good."

**

* * *

**

Etcetera left Tugger feeling as if she'd really overlooked his past. There was so much she hadn't known about him! She promised herself that she wouldn't be so clueless from then on.

She wondered if anyone else was done talking to their 'assigned' cat. Eventually, she stumbled across Plato and Misto, who were both conversing quietly. Misto looked forlorn for some reason. Blinking, Etcetera approached them.

"Hey guys," she greeted, trying to sound as cheerful as possible. "Didya talk to Demeter and Bombalurina?"

Misto looked up, startled. Plato headed over to Etcetera, his eyes sharp with emotion. "No," he replied simply. "I'm sorry, Etcetera. We were… distracted." His lips came together in a thin line, and Misto's eyes dulled even further.

"Oh." Etcetera's brow crinkled in confusion and worry, but she decided to keep quiet. It was frustrating; she hated keeping quiet. It seemed that she was having to do a lot more of it though now that Victoria was gone…

Just then, Jemima ran towards them. "You'll never believe what Munkustrap told me!" she called breathlessly. Then, her eyes fell upon Plato's grim expression. "Plato?...Misto?"

Neither tom said anything. When Jemima looked questioningly at Etcetera, the tabby queen just shrugged.

"Where's Electra?" Jemima asked finally, noticing the absence of the dark tabby queen. Misto made a choked noise at the sound of her name.

"She just went for a walk," Plato said coolly. "She wanted some alone time. Jemima, would you accompany Misto while he talks to Demeter?" He smirked slightly, his expression cold. "I don't think he can go alone."

"Um, okay," Jemima nodded nervously.

"C'mon Etcy," Plato sighed, lightly taking the tabby's paw. Silently, the pair walked away.

"Misto, are you okay?" Jemima asked the tuxedo tom quietly.

"…Just fine," he said curtly after a while. Jemima studied him anxiously – he _did_ seem fine. That was, until she looked into his eyes.

In his usually bright eyes, thousands of shadows writhed, haunting the tom to his very soul.

**

* * *

**

"Plato, what's wrong with Misto? And Electra?" Etcetera was on the verge of whining. But Plato never responded. He just held her paw limply and kept moving, his eyes staring straight ahead. Etcetera eventually lapsed into silence, feeling uncomfortable.

There was apparently something wrong with Plato as well.

**

* * *

**

"Misto… is this about your magic?" Jemima asked the tuxedo tom in a low voice. His head shot up.

"How do you know about that?" he hissed, looking almost angry. Almost. The thing was, Misto was _never_ angry. He just wasn't that kind of cat.

"Munkustrap told me," she explained. "He told me not to tell anyone else what he told me… but I figure that you already know, since you're a magic cat…" She lowered her eyes. "I'm sorry, Misto."

"Do you know… _everything?_" he questioned, eyes doubtful.

"Well, I think so… wait… he said there was one thing he wasn't at liberty to tell me."

"Of course," Misto murmured. "He wouldn't give away _that_ secret all that easily."

"What secret?" Jemima's voice was sharp with intrigue.

Misto shook his head, a sad smile twisting his lips. "I'm not really at liberty to tell you either. I'm sorry…" His eyes darkened, and the shadows thrashed within them. "The Jellicles have a lot of secrets concerning magic."

He sat silently for a while, and Jemima watched him with wide eyes. "I can't believe I've been so oblivious," she whispered.

Misto glanced at her with sharp eyes. "You're lucky, Jemima… so don't go and find out anything more than what you already have, okay?"

"Why? I want to know!" Jemima persisted, narrowing her eyes.

Misto glared coldly at her, and she recoiled in shock and fear. "Misto…?" she breathed. He wasn't acting himself.

"Don't pursue it, okay? Magic… it's a terrible thing." With that, he vanished into thin air.

"Wait! Misto!" Jemima cried, clutching at the space where he'd just been. But he was gone. Making a noise of annoyance, she sat down again. "What am I meant to do now…?"

"Jemima? Is that you?"

Jemima glanced up in surprise as a tom's voice intruded on her thoughts. He slunk towards her, eyes shining at the very sight of her.

"Um, hello," she murmured, a little bit uncomfortable. It'd been so long since she'd spoken to him… she was unused to his company.

He didn't seem deterred, though. Lips quirked in a smile, he approached her. Jemima had forgotten just how handsome he was… "It's been a while, Jemima," he smirked, taking her paw and kissing it lightly. She rolled her eyes. Sometimes, his attitude was too much for her.

"Yeah, well, I have places to be going," she said quickly, pulling away. He frowned at her.

"Have you been avoiding me?" he asked, his voice low. "_She_ never meant anything to me… you know that."

"Well, you know what? Just like she never meant anything to you, you mean nothing to me. I've got better things to do than talk to you. _Goodbye._" She ripped her paw from his grasp and stalked away, her eyes fiery with anger. She _hated_ him, she did, she did.

She would never forgive him.

* * *

**A/N: I know that a lot of you are interested in Munkustrap's sickness, but it's only a tiny subplot that'll be mentioned once later in the plot. At least, that's what I have planned.**


	20. Surrender to the Fire

**A/N: Looks like we've reached chapter 20 - my, this is getting long. And it only gets longer from here on out. **

**There are a few warnings for this chapter, I'm afraid. It's especially dark. Implied rape, swearing, violence and Demeter being sickly sweet (which is a warning in itself!)**

**As always, enjoy!**

**

* * *

**

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 20;; Surrender To The Fire**

_She glanced over at him, and he smiled a bitter, intense smile. Her breath caught. Under the fading light of the sun, he was made beautiful._

**

* * *

**

When Plato and Etcetera came across Bombalurina, she was already with Demeter.

"What are Misto and Jemima supposed to do? Weren't they meant to speak to Demeter?" Etcetera hissed in his ear.

Plato shrugged indifferently. "They can wander around looking for Demeter. Maybe Jemima can help Misto cheer up."

Etcetera just sniffed and trotted after Plato as he approached the two queens.

"Hello, Demeter, Bombalurina," Plato greeted the two queens courteously. They smiled at him, eyes unwaveringly scanning his handsome face.

"Hello, Plato," Bombalurina purred in her low, lustrous tones. Etcetera made a face. _Just 'cause he's handsome doesn't mean you need to flirt! He's mine! _But on the outside, she hastily pasted on a huge smile.

"What are you two doing here?" Demeter asked quietly. Etcetera had never really liked either of the sisters; one was _too_ close to Tugger and one detested him. Both of those qualities _really_ ticked Etcetera off.

"Ah, actually…" Plato sent Etcetera a sideways look, for once looking uncomfortable.

"Victoria," Etcetera said without thinking.

Demeter frowned, her eyes going flat. "What… what about her?"

"Macavity," Etcetera added, a desperate tone to her voice. _Bast, Plato, I'm no good at this!_

Demeter simply turned away then, her face stony. Bombalurina, for once, lost her flirtatious attitude and stared at Plato seriously.

"You don't need to know anything about that monster," she snapped.

"Yes we do," Plato stated softly, his voice assertive. Bombalurina hesitated, but shook her head at him.

"Leave. I'm sorry."

Etcetera tugged at Plato's arm, and he glanced at her, a worried frown turning down his lips. When he saw the fraught look on her face, he sighed. As he turned back to look at Bombalurina, a certain determination flashed across his face.

"Bombalurina…" The sound of her name caught the red queen's attention. As she glanced towards the green-eyed tom, a glazed look came into her eyes.

Etcetera's breath caught.

"Demeter…" There was fear and uncertainty in Plato's voice as he called the name of the other sister. Demeter, her shoulders shaking, sent a single, fleeting look at him over her shoulder. That was all it took. Within moments, both sisters were standing meekly before Plato, their eyes devoid of emotion.

"Oh, Plato…" Etcetera whispered, staring down at her feet.

**

* * *

**

"Misto… Misto… oh, this is useless." Jemima scowled and stomped into her den, tired of searching for the tuxedo tom.

"Looking for someone?"

Jemima almost leapt halfway across the den. Misto was sitting right on her bed, coolly examining the area. He glanced over towards her and winked, though it contained none of his usual lightheartedness.

"Bast, Misto," Jemima grumbled. "Have you been here all this time?"

Misto looked shocked. "Of course not! I wouldn't just… I wouldn't come into your den without permission!" He began to blush, at which Jemima smiled sweetly.

"I suppose that's true," she giggled. "You're far too… prim and proper." She poked out her tongue teasingly. Misto smiled very slightly at this, and Jemima thought she was doing okay at cheering him up.

"Oh, I am _not_," he sniffed, assuming a stiff-backed pose, his hands folded into his lap. He really did look prim. Jemima burst into laughter, her sweet face lighting up. Misto stared at her curiously for a long time. He looked at her closely; her lips, the color of ripe red apples, her cherry blossom cheeks, eyes that had captured the essence of moonlight from too much star-gazing. As he stared, her laughter died down and she stared back at him, her lips quirking in a smile.

"You are Misto, you are," Jemima sighed contentedly, playfully pushing the tuxedo tom. He blushed again, and he wasn't all too sure why. "So, um, what was wrong before?"

"Oh… well…" Misto hesitated, a crease forming between his eyes.

"If you'd rather not share, that's okay," Jemima said gently, taking Misto's paw and squeezing it. He blushed further.

"N-no, I can. I will. It's just… I had an argument of sorts with Electra." Misto bit his lip so hard that Jemima was sure he'd drawn blood. She winced.

"Electra…?" She stated the name a little doubtfully. Electra wasn't one for arguments. Then again, none of the Jellicles had been acting normal lately.

"Yeah." Misto shifted uncomfortably and his eyes took on a distant look.

"What did you argue about?" Jemima prompted. There was a long, tight silence.

"Nothing," Misto said finally.

**

* * *

**

Electra had found herself a perfectly lonely spot, and she didn't intend on leaving anytime soon. She sighed and glanced down at her paws. Before she could stop herself, she sent a couple of tiny purple sparks flying through the air. Then, she just put her hands into her paws and made a few choking noises that faintly resembled sobs.

She remembered how Misto had looked at her with sympathy. How he had told her that he didn't mind if she stole his magic. He had such a pure, good heart… but Electra wasn't prepared to take advantage of it. She just couldn't do something like that.

Electra did feel a little bad for taking off and leaving the other cats to question the Jellicles about Macavity. There was just a tiny tug at her conscience, reminding her that they were her friends, that she was meant to be helping. But she figured that she would end up doing a lot more when they actually confronted Macavity – if they even made it that far. She had to keep reminding herself that she wasn't quite yet a queen, that none of them had passed adulthood yet. They were a foolish lot, to be sure.

Misto's face flashed back into her mind. He was a fool too. Was he _really _prepared to give away some of his precious magic to her? Somehow, she couldn't fathom it. What was she but an annoying kitten to mighty, magical toms like him? All of a sudden, Electra found herself feeling very bitter.

She was nothing to look at.

She had no talents.

She was plain, useless and boring. Rather like stale bread. She didn't even have an interesting topping to somewhat add to her taste.

So why on earth would the great Mistoffelees even care about her? _Because he does care… right?_ Electra growled to herself, trying to shut out her blabbering thoughts. Why would she care if he cared? She _knew_ that no one cared about her, not truly. Not in the way she wanted…

Did she want Misto to care about her… in that way?

"Shut up, you idiot," she mumbled to herself, clutching at her head. She was a fool, just like the rest.

**

* * *

**

"Etcetera, trust me. This was the only way." Plato's eyes were almost wild with emotion, but he spoke so calmly to Etcetera that she believed him easily. Almost _too_ easily.

"Are you… are you hypnotizing me?" she mumbled, turning her eyes away from his in shame.

His eyes darkened and somewhere within them, a shadow reared its ugly head.

And he'd been trying so hard to contain it all, too… he wasn't like Misto, who displayed his every emotion in his eyes like banners.

"I would never do such a thing to you, Etcetera," he growled, turning away from her. The look on his face made it plain that he had taken offense.

"I'm sorry," Etcetera apologized quietly.

Bombalurina and Demeter watched the whole thing without a twitch of a single eyelid.

"Etcetera, you can go now if you'd like…" Plato's voice was harsh, and he didn't turn to face her when he spoke.

"No, it's okay," she replied, trying to keep the shakiness out of her voice. Plato simply made a sound of annoyance and stepped closer to Demeter and Bombalurina.

"Alright, ladies," he said softly. "I'd like you to show me… show me Macavity. Show me everything you know." Breathing slowly and deeply, he rested his forehead first against Demeter's, and then against Bombalurina's. Occasionally he would flinch or gasp out. Etcetera fiddled with her paws, her eyes wide as she watched the magic before her eyes.

Finally, Plato pulled away, breathing hard. The expression on his face constantly shifted with the pained twitch of an eye or a scrunch of the nose. It was impossible to get a read on him.

"Thank you," he gasped out. "I'm… finished now." He nodded towards the two sisters, who immediately blinked and gazed at each other in bewilderment. To Etcetera, he said, "C'mon." Together, they slipped silently away like shadows blending into the night.

"What did you do?" Etcetera hissed once they were out of earshot of Demeter and Bombalurina.

"I… touched their minds. I asked them for their memories." Plato's voice was strained, but Etcetera was glad that he trusted her enough to tell her. Or maybe he knew it was too late to hide.

"Did you… see their memories?" Etcetera's nose screwed up a little as she thought about it.

"Yes. I did." Plato shuddered. "I see why they hate Macavity so…"

Etcetera swallowed weakly. "Wh-what did he do?"

Plato turned on her, his eyes grave. "Why don't I show you?" He stepped close to her so that their faces were almost pressed together. Etcetera reveled in the beauty of his eyes close-up, but warned herself to be careful not to be mesmerized. Sighing slightly, Plato closed his eyes and touched her cheek, tracing patterns in her soft fur.

"Plato?"

"I'm sorry," he murmured, removing his paw from her face. He brought her into an embrace and whispered into her ear, "Don't be frightened, Etcetera. Remember that I'm here, that your name is Etcetera and that what is happening is _not_ real. You are _not_ Demeter. Keep those thoughts close to you and you won't drown in her memories…alright?"

"Just how scary are her memories?" Etcetera asked, her voice tinged with fear.

Plato sighed heavily. "Scary enough to terrify me," he admitted. And then he let her plunge into a memory that was not hers.

**

* * *

**

_She was pacing through the Junkyard, anxious about what was about to happen. Her paws were flecked with gold, her arms black. Whenever she looked up, she saw Bombalurina's dark, worried eyes gazing back at her._

"_I'll be okay," she murmured to reassure herself more than her sister._

"_Good evening, Demeter." She looked up and gasped at the golden eyes burning right before her. The red tom smiled charmingly at her, and reached out to grasp her clammy paw._

"_H-hello, Macavity," she mumbled chokingly._

"_Don't be nervous," he crooned into her ear. "I'm not going to hurt you…" His eyes flared. "This time, I promised," he assured her. She nodded, her eyes flitting back to her sister, who waved her hands about encouragingly._

"_O-okay."_

_Macavity, holding her paw lightly, led her out of the Junkyard. She was well aware of the curious eyes following them as they left. Macavity was not known for being a social cat, not anymore. She remembered him when he was good, when he was to become the Jellicle Protector. Deuteronomy insisted that he was still to take the job, but after the red tom's brief bout of madness, many cats whispered that they couldn't trust him with a great responsibility like that. She agreed with them secretly, yet, she still agreed to going for a walk with him that night. It was just a walk, after all… what could go wrong?_

_She was still afraid, though. Macavity was not a normal cat._

"_You're afraid of me, aren't you?"_

_She glanced over at him, and he smiled a bitter, intense smile. Her breath caught. Under the fading light of the sun, he was made beautiful. _

"_Yes," she admitted quietly, shamefully. Something about his golden eyes compelled her to love him. She felt as if she could follow him halfway across the earth._

"_Don't be," he said assertively. "There's nothing to be afraid of."_

_She almost believed him. _

**

* * *

**

_One hour was all it took; he had her, hook, line and sinker. She gazed at him with doe eyes, and he smirked back at her, holding her delicate body in his arms._

"_I'm glad I asked you to come," he said softly. "I've been waiting for a while."_

"_Oh, I'm glad too, Macavity," she simpered, pulling him in hungrily for a kiss. He chuckled lightly._

"_It's been a while since my dad allowed me to be close to others," he sighed once they'd broken apart._

"_You're such a wonderful cat, though!" She wrung her golden paws. "I'll help you, Macavity! I'm on your side."_

_He smiled, and she failed to see the malevolent edge in his eyes. "Thank you," he said quietly. "Thank you."_

**

* * *

**

"_He's a good cat really," she giggled, eyes trained on her sister. "I really like him."_

"_That's good," the red queen replied airily, examining her claws._

"_I'm going out tomorrow to see him as well, just to let you know." She bounced from foot to foot in her excitement, but her sister didn't even look up._

"_Oh, that's nice…" _

_The golden queen remembered how she had actually gotten to meet Macavity in the first place. Deuteronomy had asked for a friend for his son, and Bombalurina had immediately volunteered her younger sister for the job, saying that the golden queen was the strongest cat she knew. She hadn't been willing at first, but now her blood thrilled at the very thought of the blazing red tom._

_She knew that her life was now perfect._

**

* * *

**

_When she returned to Bombalurina after her second date with Macavity, she was positively glowing. "Oh, Bombalurina, I think I love him!"_

_The red queen raised a questioning eyebrow. "Gee, Demeter, this isn't like you. What happened to tough as nails Demeter?"_

_She ignored her sister's attitude. "He's so perfect," she said dreamily. "His fur reminds me of the sunset-"_

"_It's just as red as mine," Bombalurina said with a roll of her eyes._

"_His eyes are liquid gold-"_

"_Stop with the metaphors, you're beginning to frighten me. 'Sides, your fur is a prettier gold than his eyes." Bombalurina scowled, resting her chin in her hands. "He's not THAT great, Deme. All you're meant to be to him is a friend, not a lover."_

"_Deuteronomy won't mind," she shrugged. "We can't just be friends…how can we ignore the static between us? The desire, the way our eyes lock-"_

"_Oh, shut up, Deme," Bombalurina said harshly, standing up and leaving the golden queen alone to her fantasies._

**

* * *

**

"_What's wrong, Macavity?" She peered over his shoulder. She'd seen him standing alone, shaking with some sort of emotion. She'd simply wanted to cheer him up._

_She hadn't been expecting his reaction._

"_Piss off, bitch," he snapped, turning on her. She quavered and pulled away from him, her eyes wide._

"_Wh-what?"_

"_You heard me. Fuck off." His eyes were pulsing with darkness, and blood oozed from his mouth. He'd obviously bitten the inside of it so hard that it was bleedin._

"_Macavity…" She reached out to him pleadingly, but he snapped away, eyes blazing with anger._

"_Do you want to provoke me?" he questioned darkly. "Do you want to die?"_

_Gasping out, she backed away from him. As soon as his eyes flitted away from her, she ran._

**

* * *

**

_The next day, things didn't return to normal._

_She couldn't even find Macavity. He had simply disappeared. She'd tried to ask Bombalurina for help, but the red queen had just rolled her eyes and bounded after Tugger._

_Some sister she was._

_She was still afraid of the way that Macavity was acting, but she wanted to see him nonetheless. She'd convinced herself that she loved him. What was it that made her love him? Perhaps it was the scorching power of his glittering eyes._

"_Demeter…"_

_It was him. He stood behind her, his eyes still riddled with darkness and oozing shadows._

"_Demeter…"_

"_What happened yesterday, Macavity?" She turned on him, her eyes flashing with worry. "Why did you speak to me like that?"_

"_I'd better leave you alone from now on, Demeter." He stood a far distance away from her, stiff, statuesque. "I knew it wasn't going to work out from the start."_

"_Wh-what?" She clenched her paws tightly, her claws digging into her own skin and drawing blood. "How can you even say that? I love you!" Eyes hardening in determination, she ran towards him. He didn't move._

"_I'm saying it for your own good. You'd better run, Demeter. Run before I can touch you. Run before I can destroy you." As he spoke, though, a terrible, sadistic smile played across his lips. He knew that she wouldn't run away. He knew that she would run towards him._

_She just couldn't resist him._

_As she reached him, she thrust herself into his arms, burying her face into his chest. "This is where I'm meant to be," she told him quietly._

"_You won't be saying that tomorrow," he smirked, stroking her fur. "And that's my last warning…" He was tempted to snake his arms around her pitiful frame, to squeeze the life out of her. But he was allowing her one last chance._

"_You and I, we're meant to be," she smiled contentedly._

_Macavity let out a terrible laugh._

**

* * *

**

In Plato's arms, Etcetera whimpered slightly.

**

* * *

**

_The world around her exploded._

_She had the distinct impression that agony was cutting into her, ripping and tearing hungrily at her body. But she was awed by the lights. She was mesmerized by the fire running its cold fingers down her body. The fire was burning her, digging its claws in, but she was frozen, and the pain couldn't quite register in her mind._

_She was drowning in the gold. It promised her pleasure, it held her to the spot. It assured her that she wasn't in pain. It winked at her, and a thousand different meanings were contained in that simple gesture._

**

* * *

**

Etcetera began to breathe harder, and she wrenched out of Plato's grip. He held on to her tightly, pulling her back into his arms.

"Etcy, Etcy, it's not real…"

**

* * *

**

"_Demeter, Demeter," the fire sighed._

"_Macavity," she said numbly._

_And then she really did feel the pain. She screamed, the sound pulled from her lips. But the pain didn't release its vice-like grip on her. If anything, it gripped her harder, and another scream resonated through the Junkyard-_

**

* * *

**

-and Etcetera too was screaming, crying out as the agony hit her-

**

* * *

**

"_You see what you got yourself into?" the fire smiled as it blazed into her. She was the fuel to the fire. She would be devoured by it eventually._

_The lightning in his paws ran through her veins and her fur stood on end. Every touch made the experience all the more painful. Yet, at the same time, it was strangely enthralling. His power thrilled through her, and she was flying. But it hurt so much-_

**

* * *

**

-and Etcetera was writhing in Plato's arms-

**

* * *

**

_Eventually, it ended. Lightning still crackled from his paws as he left her, sending one last, indifferent glance back towards her. She lay listlessly on the cold earth, her body twitching as the lightning coursed through her. Even after the fire grew bored, the lightning was relentless._

_It would never let up._

_She lay, useless, broken, emotionally ripped apart. The fire had devoured her._

**

* * *

**

Etcetera was limp. Plato shook her, called out her name, but she didn't respond. She was one with the memory.

**

* * *

**

_She found herself in Bombalurina's arms. Everything around her blurred into a mess of colors. She moaned and rested her head in the crook of her sister's elbow._

"_I'm sorry, Deme," the red queen was sobbing. "So sorry…"_

_And Deuteronomy was there too, his eyes solemn._

"_Where's Macavity?" she rasped._

"_Gone," Deuteronomy said shortly. "Gone for a while. I thought maybe a good queen like you could fix him… but I see now that it really has overcome him. It drove him insane."_

_She closed her eyes, accepting it. She still wanted him back, but it wasn't the insane Macavity she wanted. She wanted the sweet, gentle Macavity she'd first met. Obviously, that wasn't the real him. The real him was…_

_She cried out, unable to come to terms with her own suffering._

_Would she ever recover? Probably not. The scars of her trauma were fresh then, but they would never fade, no matter how much time passed._

_Even now, she felt his power tingling in her blood._

**

* * *

**

_When he returned, he seemed calm. But he didn't look at her, speak to her, think of her. How did she know? His mind was an open book to her. She could sense his every movement when he was close to her. She hated it._

_She just wanted to forget him and his cruel fire._

**

* * *

**

"Etcetera, _Etcetera!_" Plato's voice was frantic. He shook the pale tabby queen in his arms, trying to awaken her. But she lay ever still, her breathing faint.

"_You are not Demeter!_" He yelled.

Her eyes flickered open. She gazed at him for a long time, no recognition in her eyes. Her face was utterly blank – she was adjusting back to being Etcetera, not Demeter. He stared back at her, pain in his eyes. She didn't know how much it had hurt him to see her scream as if Macavity was torturing _her_, not Demeter. He should never have showed her the memories.

They were far too terrible for a poor kitten like Etcetera.

Then, a light flickered in her eyes. She blinked at him, her mouth slowly forming an 'o' shape. And then she was twisting away from him, crying out in fear, slamming straight into a wall in her desperation to just _run_. As her head cracked against the hard brick wall, she whimpered and clutched at her throbbing temples.

"Etcy, what's wrong?" Plato asked her, eyes wide.

"Y-y-you," she stammered, still pawing at her aching head. "Y-y-you-"

"…Etcy…?" He'd never seen her so scared in his life.

She pointed at him, her paw shaky. "Macavity," she gasped out. "You… Macavity…"

"I'm not Macavity…" His paws clenched. Why was she doing this? Why was she so scared of him?

"You're just like him," she mumbled, staring at the ground. "You and him… you're both… terrible… with your eyes… you hypnotized me…" Her voice faded as tears began to roll down her cheeks.

"No, Etcy! I'm not like him! I have control!" Plato reached out to her, terrified to lose her. But she turned her cheek, unwilling to look into his eyes.

"You're gonna dazzle me," she choked, wiping at the tears. "I-I'm scared…"

"I'm _not!_ I'm not like Macavity! I never hypnotized you or _anything_ like that!" Plato's voice was tinged with desperation. "And I never will! I could _never_ hurt you!"

"You'll lose control…one day…" Etcetera swayed unsteadily. "I have to leave… before then. Before you… hurt me…"

"Dammit, Etcetera! _I won't hurt you!_" He ran towards her, trying to catch her before she fell. But she saw him coming. One glimpse of the green of his eyes and she was gone.

"I'm not going to let you!" she cried as she ran.

Plato stared after her, unable to come to terms with what had just happened. _Why…why, Etcy? Why can't you see that no matter how my magic hurts me, I would never lay a paw on you?_

Feeling as if a hollow space was yawning within him, Plato fell to his knees and surrendered himself to the shadows.


	21. Alone and Not Alone

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 21;; Alone and Not Alone**

"_Breathe," she advised him, and he sucked in air with a look of reluctance in his eyes as if he didn't want the oxygen._

**

* * *

**

Victoria woke to the sound of cats speaking. Their voices were blurred and distorted to her ears. She was fast fading from life.

"We brought yah wot yah wonted, Macavity."

"…Thank you."

"Didn' yah say there'd be… yah know… a reward?"

"…I did."

"Well ain't yah gonna give it to us?"

"I will, in time."

Victoria let out a tiny moan. Her throat ached in protest.

"Wha' was tha'?"

"Did yah hear tha', Teaze?"

"Macs, what're yah hidin' from us?"

"Oh, just shut up and go away. Your reward will come… in time. I'll make it worth it."

Muttering suspiciously amongst themselves, the two cats left. Victoria had a definite impression that she knew them, but her mind was too foggy to recall much about anything. Only a few things were clear to her: Macavity and his nature, the fact that she loved Plato and that she was dying.

Macavity… he wasn't going to be able to save her.

Recoiling from the thought, Victoria tried to think of other things. Better things – such as Plato. He really was amazing. His eyes… the mere memory of them made Victoria want to sing. Of course, that was impossible in her current state. She wondered vaguely why she was so far away from him. _Bast, I can't think of anything…_

_Who am I, again?_

"Victoria."

_Oh, yeah._ Victoria inwardly sighed. Everything, _everything_ was fading away from her. She clutched vainly for her prized possessions, but they always slipped out of her reach. But Plato's eyes? They shone clearly in her head. She clung on to them. That memory was her lifesaver.

Victoria forced her eyes open and glanced about blearily. She could hardly see – the edges of her vision faded into black, and everything else was a blur of colors and lights. Groaning, she closed them again. It was no use.

"Victoria, can you hear me?" There was a paw on her forehead; she could barely feel it. She let out another soft moan.

The cat – Macavity, wasn't it? – cursed. He thrust something before Victoria's nose, and she inhaled. The scents presented to her were familiar, but she couldn't place names to them. All but one.

_Plato?_

"What about the rest?"

Victoria whimpered. _I can't remember them anymore._

**

* * *

**

Jemima ducked under the shade of a tinfoil roof and collapsed into a pile, panting heavily. _He'll never find me here._

"Ready or not, I'm coming," a teasing voice called. Jemima's heart sank as _he_ crawled into the shelter and made himself comfortable in the little space available.

"Alonzo," Jemima snapped, "Will you _please_ just leave me alone?"

"No can do, my lovely," he purred.

Jemima almost screamed into his face. What right did he have to come to her and act all cocky? What right did he have to flirt with her? He was far beneath her – he was scum to her after what he'd done. And yet, he still insisted on stalking her like a deranged fangirl. Though, technically speaking, Alonzo wasn't female, he was beginning to remind Jemima of Etcetera and her 'Tugger hunts'.

"I'm outta here," Jemima muttered, trying to squeeze past Alonzo. He smiled one of his infuriatingly egotistical smiles.

"No you aren't."

Jemima just stared at him, her mouth hanging open slightly. "What right do _you…_?" she trailed off, temporarily stunned by the blue of his eyes. Then, she shook her head and made a noise of annoyance before shoving past Alonzo and away.

Alonzo just smiled lazily before standing up and brushing the dust from his behind. "Playing hard to get, huh, Jemi? Don't worry… this is the fun bit." Then, he easily sauntered after her as if simply enjoying the pleasant day.

**

* * *

**

Jemima stormed through the Junkyard, head down, arms at her side. That tom! He would be the death of her someday. She couldn't believe how much she hated him.

"Jemi-"

"_Just leave me alone!_" she yelled into the face of the tom who had just leapt in front of her. Only when looking him over did she realize her mistake. "Oops," she blushed, offering Pouncival a small smile.

"Um, so, uh, what's up?" He raised an eyebrow and scratched the back of his head, obviously amused.

"Alonzo," Jemima said flatly. "He's… _ugh_… I hate him! He's such a… a… a stalker!" She grimaced.

Pouncival chuckled. "You're cute, Jemi."

"And I'm starting to think that you're just as bad as him." Jemima narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "Oh, damn it all," she sighed, sinking to the ground and rubbing her eyes in a flustered manner. "How'm I meant to deal with all this, Pounce? It's overwhelming me." She stared up at him with her huge eyes, and he stared back, just a _little_ enchanted.

"I could help," he offered. "Y'know, as a friend."

Jemima snorted, but said nothing. It was no secret that Pouncival was attracted to every female on legs.

"Oh, why must you doubt me so?" Pouncival lamented, throwing his arms about. Jemima snorted again, this time with laughter. No matter how ridiculous his antics, Pouncival was _funny_.

"C'mon, idiot," she smiled, offering him her paw. He grinned and took it, and the pair headed back to the main part of the Junkyard. Every so often, Pouncival would throw Jemima a soppy smile, and she'd just roll her eyes.

When they arrived, Jemima caught a glimpse of Electra's dull green eyes flashing quickly out of sight. The dark tabby slipped away with a simple wave of her tail. The sight of her friend reminded Jemima of how Misto had spoken of his argument, and Jemima immediately dropped Pouncival's paw.

"Huh?" He glanced down, seemingly upset.

_I wonder how Misto's doing?_ "Sorry, gotta run!" Jemima told him, giving him a small smile. And then she was off, leaving him staring after her with wide, wide eyes.

**

* * *

**

Jemima found Misto holed up inside his den, just as she'd expected. He was lying on his back on his bed, the rags he called 'blankets' pushed aside. He stared at the ceiling unblinkingly, and there was a certain aura of gloom about him.

"Misto, it's noon – what're you doing in here?" Jemima spoke sternly, hoping her voice would do something to bring the tom out of his miserable state.

"Sleeping," he replied emotionlessly. He rolled onto his side so that his back faced to her.

"Come _on_, Misto. Don't be such a grump." She walked up to his bed and flicked the back of his head. He flinched at her touch.

"Go away," he muttered, closing his eyes.

"No."

"_Now._"

"Get _up_, Misto!"

"_Just leave me ALONE, Jemima!_" Misto shouted, rolling off his bed and standing over her. He'd always been a little taller than Jemima, and he used it to his advantage. He towered over her, glaring down into her face. Shadows wreathed about freely in his eyes.

"Misto…" Jemima's voice was pained. She didn't want to leave him alone. She sensed that his anguish would only grow, that the shadows would only fester.

"I'm _sorry_," he snapped, sitting on the bed and hiding his face in his hands. "But I just don't feel like speaking to you, Jemima."

"I can help," she pleaded. "I'm your _friend_, Misto… you need someone to help you."

He uncovered his face and stared at her with hollow eyes. "It's too dangerous, Jemi," he whispered.

Jemima shook her head, understanding and not understanding at the same time. "I don't care," she said, pressing her lips into a thin line. "I'm willing to risk that."

He continued staring at her for a long time, and she offered him a small smile. "Fine," he relented at last. "I'll come."

**

* * *

**

Etcetera wouldn't allow herself to cry. _This time,_ she told herself, _I'll be brave._

She hated what she'd done to Plato, but at the same time, she knew it was right. If she stayed with him any longer, he could turn nasty, just like Macavity had done with Demeter. After all, the two cats were very similar. They both had the same power – the power to delight and mesmerize with their eyes. And although Etcetera had seen no evidence of it, she was sure Plato had the potential to harm in the same way that Macavity could. She shuddered, remembering how Macavity had taken pleasure in harming Demeter with his magic.

She frowned slightly. But what if she was just being stupid?

_Don't take that risk, Etcetera,_ she chided herself. _Remember what happened with Macavity?_ She cringed away from the thought and gave a long sigh.

"Something up, Etcy?"

"Gack!"

Etcetera was faced with a tom she hadn't seen in so long she could hardly remember his name. Inwardly, she slapped herself. _It's Tumble, you dufus._

"A-ah, hi, Tumble," she chuckled, scratching the back of her head in embarrassment.

"Hey, Etcy. Long time no see!" He beamed at her, evidently pleased to see her. Etcetera, on the other hand, just wanted some time alone to think.

"Um, well, I actually have to… have to…" She searched for an escape. "Oh, yeah, I promised Jemi I'd be at her den right now. Gotta run!" She made to move away, but Tumblebrutus grabbed on to her arm.

"I haven't seen Jemi in ages either! You guys been avoiding me or something?" He chuckled at the notion, obviously not believing it. "I'll come with you."

"N-no!" Etcetera sputtered. _Oh Bast, what did I do to deserve this…?_ "It's y'know… a girl thing." She blushed, knowing she sounded like an idiot.

"Well, I'll walk you there." Tumblebrutus blinked and smiled at her, happily oblivious to her discomfort.

"Alright," Etcetera agreed reluctantly, knowing if she refused his company she'd only seem rude. Silently, she headed in the direction of Jemima's den, desperate the shake the tom off.

"You know," Tumblebrutus began, hurrying to keep up with her, "I've been trying to speak to you for a long time, Etcetera."

"Really?" Etcetera asked over her shoulder, indifferent to his response.

"Yeah," he said quietly, smiling secretively. Etcetera didn't even glance back, but he continued anyway. "I really like you, Etcy," he admitted.

"Wh-_what?_" That out-of-the-blue statement garnered a response from Etcetera. She stopped, spun round and stared at him with her mouth agape. He blushed, drowning in her bright eyes.

"That's why… that's why I'm so happy to walk with you, you see?" He smiled hesitantly.

"Um, Tumble…" Etcetera had no idea what to say. She still wanted Plato desperately… how could she even _think_ about Tumblebrutus? Then again, Tumblebrutus was definitely a lot safer than Plato. He was nice almost to the point of _too_ nice and pretty handsome too.

"You probably don't like me," Tumblebrutus said after a moment, looking at the ground. "But I needed to tell you, Etcy. I can't bottle up these feelings any longer. I've been sneaking around and watching you, waiting for the moment… I thought that I had a small chance. Obviously not." Dejected, he turned and began to leave.

"W-wait. Tumble." Etcetera called him back shakily. "I've hardly said anything yet."

He glanced over his shoulder at her, eyes lit with hope.

"I…" Etcetera closed her eyes. "Tumble…"

She didn't get the chance to say anything else. Suddenly, Tumblebrutus was right in front of her, leaning in, kissing her. She panicked, but didn't pull away, not wanting to offend him.

_This wasn't how my first kiss was meant to go!_

_It was meant to… be with Plato…_

Tumblebrutus finally pulled away. He smiled brightly at her. "That was even better than I thought it would be," he purred. Then, noticing the stricken expression on Etcetera's face, he stepped back. "Etcy…?"

"I'm sorry," Etcetera mumbled, turning away from him. She was horrified.

And evidently, so was Plato. He stared at her with hollow eyes, tracing the outline of his own lips with a paw. His green eyes glittered in the shadows where he'd been standing, watching. He hadn't planned to let her go, but now, things were different. With one last, ghostly smile, he turned away and left, the flowers in his paw falling to the earth.

**

* * *

**

Electra stood back and averted her eyes from the sight of Jemima leading Misto about as if he were some sort of cripple. Surely he wasn't so affected by his magic that he needed Jemima hanging on his arm?

"Upset, are you?"

"Oh, just go away, Plato," Electra shot back. She turned to him with sharp eyes, but relaxed her expression when she saw the look on his face. He looked as if he'd already gone mad. "Breathe," she advised him, and he sucked in air with a look of reluctance in his eyes as if he didn't want the oxygen.

"I know how you feel." He indicated the way Jemima was smiling at Misto, the way he looked back at her with an odd glimmer in his eyes. "I know what it's like."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Electra snapped, any sympathy she'd felt for him evaporating.

"If you want to deny it, then fine. But I'm not going to play along with your denials. I'm going with the obvious truth." He offered her a small smirk.

"What you're thinking is _not_ a truth. Get over yourself." Electra was about to get up and leave when she noticed Plato's distant expression. "Hey, what's wrong with you anyway?"

"Nothing important," he muttered stonily.

Electra snorted. "If it wasn't important, you wouldn't be this upset. I'm not stupid, no matter what you'd like to think." With that, she slipped away.

**

* * *

**

Victoria let herself drift on the currents of time, knowing she didn't have much longer. She could hardly feel anything anymore. When she opened her eyes, she saw nothing but black-or perhaps it was that her eyelids refused to raise? Either way, she couldn't see. Any sound she heard was so muffled that she couldn't hear, either. The scents that were usually so sharp in her nostrils had disappeared, and everything was _numb_.

_Victoria…can you hear me?_

_Macavity?_ Victoria registered a feeling of shock jolting through her. His voice rung clearly in her mind – as clear as her own voice.

_I'm so sorry. _His voice was choked, riddled with the pain of his failure.

_That's alright._ Victoria had no energy to feel anger anymore. Forgiveness was much easier.

_What can I do? Is there anything that could make it easier?_ Macavity's voice was unusually soft.

_Not really,_ she responded with gentle acceptance. _Just… make sure I'm not alone._

_I'll stay, _he said.

And somehow, Victoria felt her lips twitching into a tiny, but certainly real smile.

* * *

**A/N: I hope I didn't stuff up the cockney accents.**

**I'm working on a second story now. It's called 'In Fact, I Liked Her Better Before'. If you like seriously messed up stuff, this is your thing.**


	22. Left in a Mad World

**A/N: This chapter may not be tear-inducing, but it's depressing.**

**

* * *

**

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 22;; Left In A Mad World**

_And in her head, a tiny voice called 'Liar!'_

**

* * *

**

Victoria could hardly feel. She could hardly think.

_Alyana… what is it like… to die…?_

_Alyana's not here, _Macavity replied, his voice uncharacteristically gentle. _But I am…_

_Does it… hurt, Alyana…? What is it… like?_

Macavity said nothing, but he reached for her paw and, biting his lip in an almost nervous manner, squeezed it.

**

* * *

**

All she could feel was a familiar, comforting presence. That presence stayed by her side, whispered solace, made her smile broaden.

And then, even that was gone.

He was gone, she was gone…

_Everything_ was gone.

**

* * *

**

Tantomile froze, Coricopat mirroring her movement. Then, the queen let out a soft, anguished wail. "No! No, Cori, this _can't_ happen!"

"It's happened," he said, his voice barely a whisper on the breeze. "She…Victoria…"

Tantomile's paws clenched into fists. "No, _no!_"

**

* * *

**

Macavity just stared for a long, long time. Victoria lay still – even stiller than she'd been before. Fearfully, he touched a tentative paw to her forehead. Warmth…

He ran a paw down her arm, hoping for even a twitch, a shiver. Nothing.

"Dammit, Victoria, don't go!" he snapped, slapping her across the face. Nothing.

_Victoria? VICTORIA? _He called out to her. Nothing.

And when he touched her forehead the second time, he froze. Cold. She was as cold as the frigid air around them.

**

* * *

**

"_Well, hello again."_

_Victoria stared at her paws, shocked that she could actually see. She lifted one paw, shook it around, took a tentative step forward. She could move! A smile gracing her lips, she danced forward, twirled round, laughed in delight. She felt free again._

"…_you going to say hi, or not?"_

_Victoria glanced up then, smiling apologetically. Alyana sat a small distance away from her, traces of a smile twitching on her lips._

"_Hi, Alyana," Victoria laughed._

"_You're in an awfully good mood." Alyana raised an eyebrow and took a step towards Victoria. "I mean, considering your circumstances and all…"_

"_What do you mean?" Victoria paused in her dancing to glance over at the other white queen._

"_You don't even know," Alyana realized, sympathy flashing in her eyes._

"_Know… what?" Victoria whispered._

_Alyana sighed. _

"_Victoria… you're dead."_

**

* * *

**

Etcetera stared at the wall. She wondered vaguely what Plato was doing, and then she chided herself for thinking of him. She had to stop thinking of him, or else she thought she would explode.

But if she wasn't thinking of Plato, she was thinking of her encounter with Tumblebrutus. She shuddered, wrapping her arms around herself and shaking. Everything was going so wrong. Everyone was upset… how on earth were they going to kill Macavity?

_I'm so sorry, Victoria…_

She thought of her friends – Jemima, Electra, Misto… Plato… and then she wondered if they were all going to die at Macavity's powerful paws.

What would the Jellicles think of them if that were to happen?

_All around me are familiar faces  
Worn out places  
Worn out faces  
Bright and early for the daily races  
Going nowhere  
Going nowhere_

"Etcy…?"

Etcetera kept staring at the wall, stubbornly ignoring _that_ voice.

"I just thought I'd say… I'm sorry…"

The wall needed a clean. It was covered in stains and dirt.

"Etcy? Hello?"

Other than that, though, it was a good wall. Strong. It could probably withstand a punch or two…

Just then, Tumblebrutus shook her by the shoulder. "Hello?"

"Just go away," Etcetera whispered, still staring at the wall.

"Why?" Tumblebrutus' voice was desperate. "Why are you so upset, Etcy?"

"Because…" Etcetera trailed off. Taking a deep breath, she gathered the courage to continue. "I don't love you, Tumble."

_And the tears are filling up their glasses  
No expression  
No expression  
And in my head I want to drown my sorrow  
No tomorrow  
No tomorrow_

"But-" He made a soft choking noise. "But you…"

"You can't tell me how I feel, Tumble," Etcetera said softly. "Letting you kiss me was wrong. I'm sorry."

"But then…" His voice was filled with bewilderment. "Then who _do _you love?"

Etcetera swallowed, her throat choking up. "I… no one. I don't love anyone."

And in her head, a tiny voice called '_Liar!_'

**

* * *

**

Plato stared at the wall. With his eyes, he turned it into Etcetera. Etcetera stared at him from the wall, smiling her bright smile, eyes glimmering with laughter.

_And I find it kind of funny  
I find it kind of sad  
The dreams in which I'm dying  
Are the best I've ever had  
And I find it hard to tell you  
I find it hard to take  
When people run in circles  
It's a very, very... mad world... mad world...  
_

Then, subconsciously, he twisted her expression into something else. Fear. It was the way she'd looked at him after seeing Demeter's memories. It was the way she'd looked at him after Tumblebrutus had kissed her.

"_Dammit!_" he yelled at the wall, and the image of Etcetera shattered.

Shattered into nothing.

**

* * *

**

Misto sat silently through Jemima's nervous babble, staring at nothing in particular. Inside, his stomach was churning and his heart was beating unpleasantly against his ribs.

"And I – Misto?"

He shushed her with a motion of his hand, and then he glanced at her with such agonized eyes that she simply fell into silence.

_Children waiting for the day they feel good  
Happy birthday  
Happy birthday  
Made to feel the way that every child should  
Sit and listen  
Sit and listen_

"Misto… how bad is it, anyway?"

He shook his head. "It gets worse every moment I live with it," he whispered. "Why did she have to go?"

Jemima opened her mouth, trying to force words out. Her fists clenched. "Victoria?"

He nodded wordlessly.

"She… Macavity… I swear." Jemima stared at the ground, teeth gritting. "I swear I'll… rip him apart."

Misto shot a look at the calico, troubled by her words. She was usually the most gentle queen he knew, yet… "It wasn't entirely his fault," Misto muttered.

"What – oh." Jemima nodded with understanding, eyes bitter.

"I know how it feels now." Misto still stared at her, eyes painfully hollow. "I… I think I could kill too," he admitted.

"Oh, Misto…"

"It's terrible Jemima, it's terrible… I feel crushed under the weight of it."

She sent him a despairing look, wishing she could help him. He just stared blankly back as if he was looking right through her.

_Went to school and I was very nervous  
No one knew me  
No one knew me  
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson  
Look right through me  
Look right through me_

"I always thought you were so lucky." Jemima sat beside Misto and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. He shuddered.

"Me too."

**

* * *

**

Electra walked alone through the Junkyard, her stomach twisting into knots. She tried to ignore the hollow feeling within her, but it pressed indignantly against her brain whenever she tried to dismiss it.

"I need my magic," she whispered, letting purple sparks fall from her fingertips.

She recalled the way Misto had looked while he was walking with Jemima. He'd smiled at her and let her hold his paw. She'd been bouncing with delight – no wonder, she was probably deeply and madly in love with him. Electra scoffed. Yet… Misto had seemed to enjoy her company. Did that mean that he loved her back? Electra bit her lip.

_Why am I even worrying? That idiot. I need to keep away from him until I recover my magic._

But she couldn't keep her mind off him or off the subject of magic. She clenched her fists, trying to rid herself of the empty feeling. Without magic, she knew that she would _always_ feel empty. Close to cats like Misto, she felt a little better.

_That's because I'm stealing from them, _she thought hopelessly.

**

* * *

**

"_Jenny's having her kits!"_

"_Already?"_

"_It looks like she's in trouble!"_

"_We need Jellylorum!"_

"_Jellylorum's busy with her own kit!"_

"_We need her! NOW!"_

"_What's wrong?"_

"_WE NEED JELLYLORUM!"_

_The area around Jennyanydots' den was in utter chaos. Cats crowded around trying to peer inside to see the cause of the havoc, but Skimbleshanks shooed them away, murder in his eyes._

"_Get out! Get out!" he screeched at them. "Where's Jellylorum!"_

"_We just said!"_

"_She's busy with Etcetera!"_

_Just then, a flash of white light lit up the inside of the den. The Jellicles caught a faint glimpse of Jennyanydots, her face twisted in agony. Skimbleshanks glanced back, his eyes wide in terror._

"_What's the problem?" came a rough voice. Cats leapt back as Macavity wove through the crowd, eyes narrowed._

"_You! Leave my mate alone," Skimbleshanks snarled._

_Macavity snorted. "I was told by the psychics that my presence was needed here," he said coldly. "So let me through, why don't you?"_

_Skimbleshanks stared for a moment longer, shuddering with the urge to protect his mate. Then, stiffly, he moved aside to let Macavity enter the den. The red cat smirked slightly and headed past._

"_Are you sure it's safe to let him in?" one cat worried._

"_Maybe he's our only chance," another said quietly._

_Tantomile and Coricopat themselves then arrived upon the scene. Cats pressed them for answers, hoping for details on the future. They shook their heads grimly._

"_You will see the future yourselves in time," they said tonelessly. Then, they glanced at each other._

"_Strange things are happening."_

"_A magic cat is being born."_

"_She is a powerful one, this kitten…"_

"_Too powerful."_

_The Jellicles lapsed into silence at this, awed. Meanwhile, inside the den, Macavity was standing next to Jennyanydots. The orange queen was shaking, her eyes fogged up in exhaustion and pain._

"_Hey," Macavity said._

_Jennyanydots responded by ripping a terrible scream. Another bright flash lit up the room, and Macavity grimaced and shielded his eyes._

"_I'm not even sure how I'm meant to help," he muttered. "I'm no expert on THIS magic."_

"_JUST HELP ME!" Jennyanydots shrieked, curling into fetal position._

"_How?" Macavity growled shakily._

"_I don't know," Jennyanydots whimpered. Macavity looked her over, and then winced at the sight of the blood in the queen's fur. Looking closer, he realized one kitten was already curled up against the chest of her mother, mewling pitifully._

"_Do it for your living kit," Macavity hissed. "Just… push or something."_

"_I CAN'T!" Jennyanydots screamed, and just then, there was another explosion of light. When Macavity deemed it safe to open his eyes again, he saw the second kitten finally slither out onto the sheets. Jennyanydots closed her eyes, breathing hard, and promptly fainted._

"_Heaviside," Macavity muttered, creeping closer to the kit. Skimbleshanks rushed into to comfort his mate and care for his firstborn, but Macavity was intrigued by the second-born kitten; the one who had almost caused her mother to die._

"_Well, hello there," he said under his breath, touching the kitten tentatively with one paw. She looked harmless enough – rather like a normal kitten, in fact. But she wasn't normal. Not at all. That fact was proven when Macavity leapt back, eyes wide and electricity tingling in his fur._

"_Bast," he hissed, giving the kitten a closer look. And she opened her eyes. She'd only just been born, but her eyes were wide, dull green and utterly intelligent. She gave Macavity a malicious sort of grin, and he smiled back at her, his heart unsteady. In this kitten, he had a friend. He could tell by her eyes that she was just like him._

_No – not quite. She was more powerful than he._

_And then he was crying out in shock and pain. The kitten was positively radiating lightning. It bolted from her fur, shot across the den, sent objects flying. Skimbleshanks was yelling, the firstborn was squealing in fear, Jennyanydots was moaning._

_And the kitten? She was laughing in delight._

"_I have to stop her…" Macavity realized, a wave of pity rolling through him. The kitten was happy as could be. She had every right – she was one of the most powerful cats in the world, and she'd only just been born. But Macavity was about to take that power away from her._

_It was for her own safety. It was for everyone's safety._

_Heart heavy, Macavity rested his paws on the kitten's forehead and took her magic into him._

**

* * *

**

Electra glanced at her paws. In the pain of the memory of her birth – a birth she recalled clear as day – she'd dug her claws into her own arm. Blood trickled into her fur, and she gave a long sigh at the sight of it.

Not many were certain of the events that had occurred on the day of her birth. No one quite knew why Electra was so weak as a kitten and so plain as a queen.

She did, and she hated it.

"Electra… I found you."

The dark tabby spun round, hissing. Misto approached her warily, noting her mood.

"I've come to ask you for a favor." He lowered his eyes shamefully.

"Yes…?" Electra asked in a low voice.

"I… I… please, take my magic away," he whispered brokenly. "I hate it. I don't want it."

Electra stared at him, eyes wide. "Take your magic…?"

"Please." Misto gazed at her with pleading eyes, his paws shaking.

"…No." She turned away from him, her eyes hard and bitter.

"Electra! Please! Don't you…want magic?" He stretched out a quavering paw to her.

"Yeah, I do," she said softly.

"Then why? Don't…try to be noble…this is for me, Electra, not for you. And I know that's selfish, but-"

"No, that's not it." Electra began to walk away. "I don't want your magic simply because," she called over her shoulder. "Simply because it's too weak for me."

"I…what…?" Misto asked weakly.

Electra stopped and glanced back at him, her eyes cold. "My magic was so powerful that they didn't allow me to keep it. I'll only be satisfied with my _own_ magic. Don't you see? I don't want your smoke and mirrors. I want my lightning. _Electra,_" she breathed, smiling ruefully at him. And then she walked away.

_And I find it kind of funny  
I find it kind of sad  
The dreams in which I'm dying  
Are the best I've ever had  
I find it hard to tell you  
I find it hard to take  
When people run in circles  
It's a very, very... mad world... mad world...  
Mad World  
Mad World

* * *

_

**A/N: I don't own Mad World. This version is owned by Gary Jules (but it was first written by Tears for Fears, I think). Adam Lambert and Nathan Brake both covered it. Amazing singers, by the way.**


	23. Secrets are Suspicious

**A/N: This chapter is for SnapBanditWolf and for Nekosoda, who are amazing artists who drew beautiful drawings of two of my OCS. I love you both. ;D**

**

* * *

**

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 23;; Secrets Are Suspicious**

_She said nothing in response. Her lips were fixed in a permanent smile._

**

* * *

**

Macavity sat at Victoria's bedside, head held in his hands. She was the lifeless white laying still and silent on the bed. Macavity didn't want to look at her. He felt hollow inside.

"Wake up," he said softly. She just lay there. "Dammit, just _wake up!_" No response.

Just then, the sound of two voices muttering and giggling reached his ears. He groaned.

"Ma-acs? Yah in here?"

"Go away," he rasped.

"No chance, Macs!" came the all too cheerful voice of Mungojerrie. Macavity winced as the two near-identical cats pranced into the room. As they came in, they were beaming, but at the sight of the body on the bed, their smiles quickly faded.

"Macs… yer a monstah," Rumpleteazer frowned. "Dontcha even 'ave the honor to give 'er a propah burial?"

"Yeah, Macs!" Mungojerrie prowled forward and sent Macavity a heavy glare. Inwardly, he considered glaring back, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

"It's not what it seems," he said in a low voice.

"Oh really?" Rumpleteazer cocked an eyebrow. "Well? Are yah gonna explain?"

"I feel no need to." A haughty edge came to Macavity's voice. Rumpleteazer just sniffed.

"Well, anyway." Mungojerrie averted his eyes from the body. "We came for our reward, Macs. Yah promised us one, 'membah?"

"I did." Closing his eyes, Macavity lifted his paw. In it, a pearl necklace materialized and dangled from his fingers. Rumpleteazer's breath caught.

"Oh wow…" she whispered, eyes glittering with desire.

"This is your reward." Macavity waved it to and fro before Rumpleteazer's eyes, and she danced forward to the momentum of it. Before she could snatch it from him, though, he pulled it back and out of her reach. She pouted.

"Give it tah me!" she whined. Mungojerrie sent Macavity a heavy glare.

"I will… in time." Macavity kept his voice level and slightly vague. "However, I have one more request before I grant you such a lovely prize." He held the pearl necklace in the light so that it glittered and sparkled tantalizingly. Rumpleteazer stared at it hungrily.

"Wot is it?" Mungojerrie asked grudgingly. He seemed uninterested in the necklace, but seeing the delighted look on Rumpleteazer's face was enough of a reward to him.

"It's only a small favor," Macavity said, eyes distant. "I would like you to pass on a message for me."

"To whom?"

"Go to the north side of town to the very outskirts. There, you'll find a tribe of cats. Tell them that I'm coming with a familiar 'friend' and to prepare accordingly."

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer glanced at each other in bewilderment, but nodded anyway. They'd long learnt not to ask Macavity too many questions.

"On it, sir," Mungojerrie nodded, slipping out from the den without a backwards glance. Rumpleteazer sent one last look at Victoria before following.

"Come on then, Victoria," Macavity said grimly to the lifeless cat. "Let's go."

**

* * *

**

"_I'm…dead?"_

_Victoria glanced down at her paws; suddenly the freedom to move wasn't worth it. Not if she had to pay her life. If she was dead, she wouldn't be able to see – what was his name again? She was sure that it began with a 'P'. Groaning, she shook her head, trying to recall the exact color of his eyes. Even that was fading._

"_What's wrong, Victoria?" Alyana asked quietly. She was lacking her usual attitude, but Victoria hardly noticed._

"_I can't remember anything," she moaned, rubbing her temples. "It's all fading away… even the one with the green eyes."_

"_Plato?" Alyana offered._

_All at once, memories of the green-eyed tom snapped into focus inside Victoria's head. "Plato," she breathed wonderingly, trying to imagine the feel of his lips moving against her own. She closed her eyes, resenting her situation._

_If she was dead, she would never be able to gaze into Plato's eyes again – ever._

"_I can't be dead," she whispered, clenching her fists. "I… I just can't."_

"_But… it's the truth." Alyana tilted her head to one side and gazed at Victoria with raised eyebrows. "Saying you're not isn't going to reverse it, kitten."_

"_NO!" Victoria shouted. Alyana's eyes, if possible, grew even wider. "I… just no," she said through her teeth, turning her face away from the other white queen._

"_Victoria…"_

"_Go away!" Victoria shouted. And then she ran. The green hills seemed to roll on and on past the horizon, but she didn't stop, even when she grew out of breath. Her heartbeat pounded in her head, faster and faster. It was in perfect time with the pounding of her paws against the earth._

_Behind her, Alyana called out. "Victoria! Victoria! You IDIOT! Get back here or I'll-"_

_But Victoria never heard what Alyana planned to do. With a gasp, she tripped up on a clump of grass and cannoned headfirst into the earth – only, suddenly there was nothing to support her. She was falling, falling from the world that belonged to Alyana, falling from the dream-_

_And plummeting right into a pile of snow. Alyana's voice still rung in her head, but the other white cat was gone now. Groaning, Victoria rubbed her sore head._

_With a start, she recognized her surroundings. Her paws crunched in the white powder blanketing the earth. The chill of the frigid air nipped at Victoria, making her shiver. And it was white – painfully white. So white that it hurt Victoria's eyes. She shut them, but the white had embedded itself in her head. Even with her eyes closed, it was all she could see. White, white, white, WHITE-_

_Victoria let out a scream and fell to her knees, clutching at her head. All she could think of was the overwhelming feeling of the white all around her._

_It was the place that she'd dreamt of once, a long time ago. But she remembered it – brief, brief snatches. Gritting her teeth, she dredged up the memory._

**

* * *

**

_**Where am I now?**_

_Victoria opened her eyes and unfolded her arms and legs. She had been scrunched up into a tiny ball, as if trying to hide from the world. As she moved, she realized with shock that she ached all over. Wincing a little, she forced her sore body into a sitting position._

_It was cold. That was the first thing that she realized. It was so cold that she thought she could feel frost gathering on her whiskers. It was so cold that she immediately felt as if her body was frozen permanently, that she could no longer move. Shivering, she waved her arms around just to check that she could still move. It turned out that she wasn't frozen, but the downside was that her arms screamed in protest at the effort required to move. She hurt._

_Finally, acknowledging her surroundings, Victoria took in a beautiful, white world. She was in the Junkyard, but it was completely empty except for herself. The usual rubbish wasn't scattered around. And it was perfect, because a thick layer of snow cloaked the entire place. It was pure white, surreal. Victoria's breath caught in awe, and she bounded down to investigate, ignoring the pain in her limbs. Never had she seen such beauty. It did snow in winter, but the snow was never white; it was always yellowed by dirt. We live in such a dirty world, Victoria thought, dismayed as she took in her beautiful surroundings. _

_**Life. Life destroys beauty. Life is beauty.**_

"_You look completely beautiful, Victoria." Starting at the sound of another voice, Victoria glanced back to the spot she had just come from. Plato was standing exactly where she had been, smiling lovingly at her. She smiled shyly back, and it was almost as if she were glowing. While Victoria had been astounded by the beauty of the Junkyard, Plato only had eyes for Victoria. Standing in the snow, it was almost impossible to distinguish her, as she and the snow shared the exact same color; pure, untainted white. Yet, there was a definite contrast. To Plato, she was far better. She stood out to him, always._

_Awed, Plato picked his way down to her, placing his paws in the paw prints that she had left in the snow. He smiled at how small and delicate her step was compared to his. "I didn't expect to find you here," he commented. "I thought I would be alone. But seeing you… is so much better." By then, he was standing very close to her, their faces just inches apart. He wrapped his arms around her and their lips met fleetingly._

"_Where are we?" Victoria whispered, pulling Plato into a close embrace. "I want to be here, always. It's so beautiful."_

_He hesitated, glancing around, avoiding eye-contact. "This isn't real," he told her gently. She flinched a little at that. The beauty was unreal…but she wanted so badly for it exist. Plato lifted her chin so that she gazed straight into his alluring eyes. "But that doesn't mean that you can never return," he breathed. "This is your creation. This is you. Your beauty. It is something within your heart. Whenever you let all the barriers down, this is your place. It can only be real then."_

**

* * *

**

_He'd spoken to her; explained everything. It was only now that Victoria finally understood the meaning of his words._

"_This is your creation," he'd said. "This is you. Your beauty. It is something within your heart."_

_Inwardly, Victoria cursed herself._

_Back then, she'd been happy – for the most part, anyway. Therefore, the wintery world within her heart had been beautiful, surreal to her._

_But now? Now Victoria was about as dejected as it got. And the snowy land had changed with her feelings. What was once beautiful to her was now just a stark, frozen prison._

_Victoria stiffened. Frozen prison…_

"_We saw a poor soul, trapped in its own frozen prison."_

_The voices of Tantomile and Coricopat rang over and over in Victoria's head. She groaned as the realization hit her._

_She'd trapped herself within her own heart._

_Her own frozen prison._

**

* * *

**

Etcetera thought it was an act of true bravery that she was calling her friends back to another meeting. She'd asked Jemima to pass on the message to Plato, of course. The calico had seemed surprised, but she'd agreed anyway, to Etcetera's relief. She didn't think she could face the green-eyed tom, not after all that had happened between them.

And so the five cats – Jemima, Etcetera, Electra, Plato and Misto – gathered in the abandoned den once again. Jemima was well aware of the tension that glimmered and sparked between them. It hung so heavy in the air that it was stifling. But Jemima plastered on a smile anyway, Etcetera half-heartedly doing the same. The other three cats sat with masks of stone fixed upon their faces.

"So, uh… I thought we should talk about our plans again," Etcetera began hesitantly, looking anywhere but at Plato.

"More specifically, what information we've gathered since our last meeting," Jemima put in quietly. The other three cats were silent.

"Um, well, okay." Etcetera's voice grew more high-pitched the more she spoke. "So, I guess I'll start." She cleared her throat. "Well, I talked to Tugger… he said Macavity was really nice, but then this cat died and he went mad. Apparently, heaps of other cats went mad too and they all disappeared. But Deuteronomy made Macavity stay…" Etcetera trailed off, trying to recall what else Tugger had said. She couldn't think of anything. "…Yeah."

When she looked around, she saw that Misto's paws were shaking and Plato's jaw was clenching. But they said nothing, nothing at all.

"That makes sense," Jemima said thoughtfully.

"Wh-what do you mean?" Etcetera narrowed her eyes. "_I_ can't make heads or tails out of it!"

"Well, you didn't hear what Munkustrap told me," Jemima said matter-of-factly. "He told me…"

"Things that I doubt need to be told in detail," Misto interrupted quietly. Jemima bit her lip, then nodded. He meant that Etcetera didn't need to know.

Etcetera wasn't entirely oblivious, though. "I know you guys are trying to keep secrets from me," she said wearily. "Right? It's always like this. Leave Etcy in the dark…"

"I'm sorry, Etcy," Jemima said, voice tight.

"Well, I think I have a faint idea of what you're hiding anyway." She hesitated, staring at the ground. "Magic," she whispered finally.

"How…?" Jemima shook her head. "Well, yeah. Munkustrap said that Macavity's magic drove him mad."

"That means… oh. I get it." Etcetera's voice had lost all its cheer. "I… I guess those cats that went mad… they were magic cats."

Misto's shaking paws froze. Plato wheezed in a breath.

Etcetera didn't go on, but everyone knew what she was thinking. _What does it mean for Plato and Misto?_

The answer was obvious. They, too, would go mad.

"So, uh," Jemima cut in hastily. "Who spoke to Demeter and Bombalurina?"

"I did," Plato said roughly, speaking for the first time. "And before you ask, all I learnt was that Macavity is a monster and he deserves to die. We all knew that already though, right?"

The cats all nodded.

"So when are we going to, you know…" Jemima waved her paws about in a flustered manner. "Kill him?"

There was a heavy pause. Finally, Plato opened his mouth again. "I need some time to talk to Misto and Electra… alone."

Misto just kept staring at the ground. Electra stared out the entrance of the den, eyes distant.

"Ah, well, of course you do," Jemima responded after another awkward pause, trying to keep her voice cheerful. "C'mon, Etcy, let's-"

"I don't see why they have to be so secretive about their magic," Etcetera muttered, her voice resentful. "It only makes them seem… suspicious." With that last statement hanging in the air, she left the den.

"Ah…" Jemima shook her head, embarrassed. "Yeah, I'll be going."

"Wait, Jemima." Plato held up a paw. "Give us a week. We'll figure something out." He offered her a hesitant smile, but the darkness of his eyes contradicted the expression.

"Thank you," she said, smiling gratefully. Then, she left.

"What'd you do to piss Etcy off?" Electra said pointedly as soon as the calico was out of earshot. She directed her harsh words towards Plato.

Plato said nothing.

"So, what's the plan?" Electra spoke up again, seemingly unconcerned by the lack of response.

"Misto tracks Macavity down. And then… we'll have to improvise." Despite his dark mood, Plato couldn't help but smile slightly.

Electra rubbed her paws together, and smiled a _very _malicious smile. "Excellent," she said. "I'm all for that."

"Misto, can you get a read on Macavity's whereabouts right now?" Plato questioned. Misto continued staring at the ground for a few moments before he responded.

"I'll try," he said flatly, his voice wavering. He closed his eyes, assuming an expression of deep concentration.

_Flash of bright red, standing alone in room, bed, lifeless white, cold gold eyes-_

Misto gasped as his magic was abruptly cut off. "_Dammit!_" he snapped. "He sensed me before I got a chance to see where he was."

Plato growled in frustration. "And now he'll be constantly alert for any signs of a spy…"

"Well, that's inconvenient," Electra sighed.

"I did see one thing though," Misto said hesitantly. "I saw a bed… and white."

Both Electra and Plato caught on immediately. "Victoria?"

Misto nodded, eyes flat with pain. "Yes… her body."

**

* * *

**

Etcetera watched with sad eyes as Tumblebrutus entered the Junkyard and glanced around. Their eyes met for the most fleeting of seconds, and then he broke the contact and looked away. Etcetera stared at the ground, biting her lip. She wished they could just be friends.

Suddenly, she felt an arm wrap around her neck. She tried to scream, but only a choking, gurgling noise emerged from her throat. The cat pulled her away, back into the shadows. Thinking it was Macavity, she struggled wildly, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Shut up."

She froze. _Him!_

"Just listen, okay, Etcetera?" Plato set her down and stood across from her, regarding her warily.

"Why…?" Etcetera whispered hoarsely, rubbing her throat.

Plato laughed coldly. "There was no other way to make you come."

Etcetera shivered. "What… what do you want?"

Plato's eyes darkened; the shadows within plunged and wreathed about. "I just… I just wanted to see you again," he said softly, moving closer. She made to back away, but he shot out an arm and gripped her shoulder tightly. She cried out in fear.

"I would never hurt you," he told her, green eyes sincere. Etcetera turned away from him.

"You might not _mean_ to hurt me," she said, voice cracking. "But you will, eventually."

Plato said nothing to that. Instead, he changed the subject. "You can't say you don't want me though."

"I…" She turned towards him again, biting her lip at the sight of his face. "I… I don't…"

"Stop it… don't lie to me." Plato trapped her against the nearest wall, but it was in a way so gentle that Etcetera wasn't scared of him. "The least you can do is tell the truth, Etcy."

"I… I do want you," she admitted, breaking down into tears. "But I… I'm so scared."

"Don't cry…" Plato wiped the tears from her cheeks, his paw lingering there a little too long. "Don't be afraid of me."

"I have to… for my own safety…" Etcetera's resolve was weakening, and Plato knew it.

"You stayed away from me and look what happened! Tumble went and _kissed_ you, dammit!" Plato's eyes turned serious as Etcetera choked back a sob.

"That wasn't my fault," she said softly.

"I know, and that's my point. He doesn't know you like I do, Etcy. I knew you weren't ready for it, so I held back… but Tumble." Plato shook his head, teeth clenching. "He… he… that bastard!"

Etcetera lowered her head. "He didn't…he didn't know…"

"Exactly! And that why _he_ could end up hurting you. He's even less safe than I am. Don't you understand, Etcy?"

"I…"

"Being with someone who doesn't understand you is a fatal mistake! Don't tell me you're planning to go out with him?" Plato's eyes narrowed. "Fucking hell, Etcy, don't do this!"

Etcetera's chest throbbed with stifled sobs. "I don't know," she whispered.

"Then… then let me help you." Plato leant in towards her, so close that their faces were almost touching.

"Plato…" Etcetera looked up at him with eyes so huge and filled with desperation that he couldn't help himself. He closed the little remaining distance between them. Their lips met sweetly, and Etcetera made a tiny noise – of fear or pleasure, Plato couldn't tell.

At first, Etcetera's lips were still, but before long she succumbed to her desires and lost herself within the kiss. It felt amazing. Beautiful. Right.

Finally, they broke apart. Plato gazed at Etcetera with inscrutable eyes before dipping his head to her and flitting away. Etcetera stared after him for a long time before sighing and returning to the main part of the Junkyard, lips still tingling.

**

* * *

**

"Dammit…what is he trying to do?"

Macavity bent over Victoria's body, face twisted into a snarl. "That Mistoffelees…why is he trying to spy on me?"

Victoria said nothing in response. Her lips were fixed in a permanent smile.

"I'll have to be more careful from now on, won't I?" With a sigh, Macavity scooped Victoria into his arms. "Well, Victoria, it's time to go."

Her head lolled over his arm.

"I wish you'd answer me once in a while…" Macavity frowned upon her peaceful face. Her expression had been frozen into place for the past night. _Believe it or not, Victoria…_

_I miss you.

* * *

_

**A/N: Now, the matter of a sequel…I do have ideas. However, I don't know if I'm prepared to put in the effort to write it – it's quite an elaborate plot, I think, that'll require some extensive planning on my part. Oooh, I sound fancy. Anyway, it's up to you guys. If there's enough enthusiasm, I'll go ahead. **


	24. Descent into Madness

**A/N: Please excuse my use of OCs. There are three new in total (not all in this chapter) – they're only here to support the backstories of the existing characters.**

**

* * *

**

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 24;; Descent Into Madness**

"_Don't they usually call that… love?" she put in gently._

**

* * *

**

"Misto! Misto, wait up!"

The tuxedo tom turned and shot Jemima a sulky look. "What do you want _now?_" he snapped, voice unreasonably harsh. Jemima rolled her eyes at him.

"Stop being a grump. C'mon, I'm sure cheering up will help to ease the…" She waved her arms around, unsure of how to describe what Misto was going through.

"Descent into madness? Sure," Misto said coldly, turning away from the calico. "Look, Jemima, I put up with your cheer and happiness already – right now, I just need some alone time." With that, he stalked away, fur on end.

Jemima stared after him, eyes hard.

_I'll get through to him – I know it._

**

* * *

**

By time alone, Misto didn't mean 'alone'. He meant to find different company – a cat who wouldn't constantly natter happily into his ear like Jemima did. She was a sweet queen, and she meant well, but she just didn't understand the extent of what he was going through.

He found Plato and Electra sitting together, watching the sun set. They didn't seem to really be watching it, though. Electra was looking in another direction entirely and Plato's eyes were carefully devoid of emotion.

"Misto," Plato said, not turning around. As if it were a confirmation, the tuxedoed tom seated himself by his friend.

"Plato," Misto sighed in return.

For a few moments, they sat in silence. The sun inched bit by bit below the horizon.

"Have you tried to glimpse Macavity again?" Electra asked, making sure not to make eye contact with him. Just as cautiously, he replied.

"No. It would be dangerous to raise his suspicions too far." Misto narrowed his eyes in thought. "I need to catch him when he's asleep."

"Anyone here know the sleeping patterns of Macavity?" Electra asked dryly. Neither tom even bothered to acknowledge her question.

"…Why are you guys talking about _him?_"

All three cats tensed up at the sound of Demeter's voice. She stalked in, eyes wide and filled with suspicion.

"No reason," Electra said nonchalantly. Misto could've slapped her for her idiocy.

"He… he can probably hear you." Demeter shivered, eyes frantically glancing to and fro. "He's _everywhere._"

"Demeter… he _can't_ be everywhere," Plato said, keeping his voice low and sympathetic. He understood why she was so frightened, after all.

"Macavity… you don't understand what he's capable of." Her eyes turned wide and frightened; she was obviously reliving her memories. "Be…be careful."

She skittered away just as quickly as she entered.

"What was she on about?" Electra muttered.

"You don't need to know," Plato said. "Macavity screwed with her head. No wonder she's so frightened."

"She's right, though." Misto's forehead creased. "We need to be _really_ careful."

"Whatever," Electra snorted. "I don't." She stated this with a malicious edge – one that frightened Misto.

"Electra?" he murmured, half-frightened to speak to her. She froze.

"What?"

"I… I… please, don't be reckless." He didn't meet her eyes, but she heard the fearful quaver in his voice and understood what it meant. He cared.

"…I'll think about it," she said shortly.

The three cats finally lapsed into silence once more as the sun sank and the moon peeped her silver face from her blanket of clouds.

**

* * *

**

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer finally reached the place that Macavity had sent them to. The scent of cats lingered everywhere – only this scent was different to the Jellicles. These cats had a sweeter but fainter scent. Sniffing curiously, the notorious pair crept closer.

"Yah think this is the place?" Mungojerrie questioned.

"Oi'm sure," Rumpleteazer replied, eyes gleaming.

"Who's there?" a voice barked out suddenly, almost making the two 'intruders' jump out of their fur. Suddenly, they were surrounded by…

White cats?

"What is your business here?" one snarled, jabbing a stick at Mungojerrie. He backed up, bumping into Rumpleteazer. The two both slid to the ground in an effort to avoid the stick. Masses of white cats crowded in. There was no escape.

"Don' hurt us!" Mungojerrie pleaded. "We're 'ere for Macavity! 'Ave yah heard of him? Bright red, roight nasty tom-"

At once, the stick clattered to the ground and the cats stepped back, allowing the two cats some space. They breathed heavy sighs of relief. "We know Macavity," the one who'd held the stick said, eyes cautious. "What does he want?"

"Well, Oi'm not sure, really." Rumpleteazer scratched her head, trying to recall the message. As someone lunged for the stick, she held up her paws. "Um! Oi think he said somethin' loike 'Oi'm comin' with a familiar friend so please prepare accordin'ly.'" She tried, unsuccessfully, to imitate his cold manner of speaking.

"That's _exactly_ wot he said, Teaze," Mungojerrie purred.

The white cats stared at the two cats for a moment longer, obviously confused beneath their calm exteriors. Then they disappeared back into their 'hideout' (as Rumpleteazer had named it upon sight) leaving the Jellicles outside.

"Hey, Jer, are we meant tah go in as well?" Rumpleteazer asked, scratching her head.

"Oi dunno, Teaze. They didn't seem awfully friendly." Mungojerrie cocked his head.

"And they were _all_ whoite! _Whoite_, Jer, _whoite!_" Rumpleteazer's eyes glittered.

"Jus' loike Vicki," Mungojerrie said softly, eyes brimming with awe. "Oi mean, isn't that meant to be extremely rare or wotevah? Like Old D said?"

"Yeah, that's wot he said! So wot does this mean, then?"

The two cats stared at each other.

"Wot's Macavity hidin' from the Jellicles?"

**

* * *

**

As if Jemima didn't already have enough on her paws.

Making secret plans to kill Macavity with her friends was enough to deal with. But on top of that, she had both a stalker and an infatuated fanboy.

_Great, just great,_ Jemima thought to herself, head held in her hands.

"Jemi!"

_No…!_ Jemima inwardly groaned.

"Jemi, I brought you something," came Pouncival's voice, for once sounding shy.

"…Yes?" she sighed finally, lifting her head from her hands. Pouncival stood at the entrance of her den, clasping a bunch of delicate white flowers in his paws. Blushing, he extended them to her. Eyes wide, she took them, careful not to drop them. "Wow," she breathed, touching the silky texture of the petals.

"Moonflowers," Pouncival said softly. "So called because they're flowers that bloom during night – beneath the moon. I… I thought you might like that."

_He really is serious about pursuing me, isn't he? _"Thank you, Pounce," she said aloud.

"I, uh… Old Deuteronomy told me that," Pouncival said sheepishly, scratching his head. "He, um… advised me. I asked him for help."

"D-did you?" Jemima was taken aback. He'd gone to the Jellicle Leader for help?

"He always tells us that he'll be there for us… so… even though I was really nervous, I went. I guess it really was worth it after all." He offered a nervous smile.

Jemima couldn't deny it – Pouncival was _really_ sweet when he wanted to be. Without hesitation, she rushed forward, flowers still in hand, and threw her arms around him. A petal caught on a lock of her fur and clung there. Shocked, Pouncival returned the hug, enjoying the feel of her warm body against his.

"Thank you," she whispered in his ear.

"You're welcome," he beamed.

Finally, Jemima stepped back. She felt cold without Pouncival's warm touch. Maybe, just maybe, she could give him a chance.

"Oh, hey… you have something in your fur." Blushing profusely, Pouncival stepped forward and picked the petal from her fur. She smiled at him. The temptation of those smiling lips so close to his was difficult to resist.

In the end, he didn't _have_ to resist. Her breath catching, she leant forward and pecked him gently on the lips. The petal fell from his paw and drifted slowly to the ground.

**

* * *

**

"Hello? Are you coming in or not?"

A petite white queen stuck her head out and regarded Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer with narrowed eyes.

"Oh, uh… we're allowed in?" Rumpleteazer asked sheepishly.

The cat rolled her eyes. "Of course. What are your names, then?"

"Rumpleteazah!"

"Mungojerrie!"

The two cats stated their names cheerfully. The white cat raised an eyebrow, but smiled slightly despite herself.

"My name is Chantelle," she said, curtseying.

Rumpleteazer giggled. "Well, ain't you a pretty li'l thing!"

Chantelle blushed. "Thank you. Now, follow me." She beckoned, and Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer followed her in. They let out gasps at the cobblestone pathways and the clean feel of the place. Flowers of vibrant hues sprouted up all over the place, giving it a vague feel of wild beauty.

"Well, yah certainly do well for yahself 'ere!" Mungojerrie exclaimed. Chantelle glanced at him.

"Our business is quite successful," she stated quietly, her eyes inscrutable. Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer glanced at each other – was she hiding something?

"Your…business?" Rumpleteazer asked doubtfully.

"Ah… I've said too much," Chantelle mumbled, turning away from the Jellicles again and quickening her pace. Bemused, the two cats shook their heads at each other. "Anyway," the white cat said over her shoulder. "Is it true that you know Macavity?"

"Yeah, we work for 'im!" Mungojerrie replied, trying not to sound resentful.

"Why the irritated tone?" Chantelle asked, sounding amused. Mungojerrie cursed under his breath.

"Ah, well… he ain't got the best reputation round town, yah see," Rumpleteazer explained in a low voice.

"Really, now?" Chantelle blinked, obviously surprised. "The elders here speak very highly of him. I met him once, when I was only a kitten – he seemed a very polite young cat." Here, she hesitated. "Very handsome too," she admitted.

"Well, I never woulda thought it, Chantelle…" Mungojerrie eyed her cheekily. "But yah act just like the queen-kits back home!"

"Ridiculous!" Chantelle cried, flushing furiously. "I-I am a noble Chadir! My coloring proves it!"

"Chardir?" Rumpleteazer and Mungojerrie were both clueless. Chantelle sighed as if it were obvious.

"This tribe," she explained.

"So, you 'Chardirs'-" Rumpleteazer spoke the word in an overly pompous tone. "-are very noble cats, yah say?"

"Yes," Chantelle said haughtily. "The elders always tell us so. We must always be polite and courteous, for that is the way of the Chardirs. Our reputation is a great one that must never slip. That's why…" She hesitated, looking Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer up and down as if checking them over. Seeming satisfied, she continued, her voice bitter now. "That's why those unsuited to the way of the Chardirs have to leave the tribe."

"Yah mean… they just chuck their family members out?" Mungojerrie exclaimed, horrified.

"Yes." Chantelle stared at the ground. "It does not happen often. From birth, we are made frightened of being rebellious. There are a few, though… that just cannot abide the rules."

"Was one of these yah friend, Chantelle?" Rumpleteazer asked gently.

"I suppose, but she is no longer. Now, she is dead to our eyes." Chantelle stated this flatly, but in her eyes there was obvious pain.

"I'm sorry," Mungojerrie said, reaching out to pat her on the back.

"D-don't touch me!" Chantelle cried, flinching away. Mungojerrie stared at her, wide-eyed. "Oh… I am sorry. But we are not to ever let outsiders touch us, not until we leave the tribe." She brushed down her pure white fur agitatedly. "We cannot be tainted."

Rumpleteazer glanced towards Mungojerrie – she was sure the two of them were thinking the same thing.

_What an awfully strange bunch these lot are!_

**

* * *

**

It wasn't long after Pouncival left that Jemima received another visitor.

She was still smiling from her kiss with Pouncival when he walked in, completely unannounced. She started at his entrance – he hadn't even bothered to knock.

"Alonzo!" she hissed, eyes flaring. "What the hell are _you _doing here?"

He smiled lightly at her, eyes flashing over the bouquet of flowers Jemima had left on her bed. "Had a visitor?" he questioned, eyes twinkling.

"Yes," Jemima said curtly. "And it's none of your business, so get out."

Alonzo just kept up that cocky, lazy smile.

Making an infuriated noise, Jemima stomped forward and gave him a hard shove in the chest. He pretended to stumble back dramatically, but really, she had little effect on him.

Well, other than the fact that his heart was suddenly beating twice as fast, of course.

He began to laugh, the sound of it uncomfortably familiar to Jemima. "Woah, why so rough?" he purred.

"Stop stalking me!" Jemima huffed.

Alonzo thought she was all too cute. "I adore you," he told her, lips twitching. Eyes flashing, she turned away from him.

"Are you going to leave or not?"

"Jemima… you really shouldn't still be pissed at me." Alonzo stepped forward and touched her shoulder lightly. She flinched and threw herself halfway across the room, feeling as if electricity was fizzing at the place he'd touched.

"I have every reason to be angry!" Jemima said hotly. "Neither of us deserved what you did."

"I know. And I apologized – many times, in fact. _To err is human; to forgive divine,_" he quipped.

"…We're not humans," Jemima said coldly.

Alonzo shrugged. "No. We're better than humans." His eyes sparkled with amusement.

"That still doesn't excuse what you did! You lied to me! You lied to Cassandra! I'll _never_ forgive you." Her voice began to rise in pitch. "I _hate_ you."

Momentarily, Alonzo looked hurt. "You don't mean that."

Jemima saw the lapse in his calm and stole her chance. "I will always hate you," she said coldly, bearing down on him with her hard eyes.

Alonzo stared at her with piercing eyes. "No you don't," he shot back. "I can see that you still feel for me, Jemi." Slowly and seductively, he crossed the room towards her. She pressed back against the wall, eyes wide.

"No, 'Lonz! I don't care about you – not at all! I… I just kissed Pouncival!" She spoke fast and desperate, constantly watching as he moved silkily forward.

"I don't care," Alonzo said softly, eyes smoldering with passion. "I did more with Cassandra just last night. It doesn't matter, Jemima."

Horrified, Jemima shook her head furiously. "'Lonz, it _does_ matter! Hell, cheating is _terrible._"

"And what's so terrible about it?" Alonzo questioned, noting she'd returned to using his nickname.

Jemima spluttered, trying to come up with an argument. But with Alonzo moving slowly closer, she could hardly think. "Ch-cheating… unfaithful… it's a sin…" Tears came into her eyes, burning.

"As long as I have the knowledge that I love the both of you, what's wrong?" Alonzo's voice was gentle, coaxing Jemima into accepting him. "And I know you still love me, no matter what you feel for Pouncival."

Jemima made a choking noise.

Alonzo finally reached her then, standing before her with blazing blue eyes. He made no effort to hide his passion for her – she could hardly hide her own. Slowly, so as not to startle her, Alonzo reached up and stroked her cheek.

"My Jemima," he crooned. "My sweet Jemima. How I've missed you."

Jemima couldn't hold herself back any longer. Gasping breathlessly, she threw herself forward, wrapping her arms tightly around him. Smiling, Alonzo trailed his lips up her neck, finally meeting her lips. Passionately they kissed, arms wrapped around each other, wanting to be closer, closer…

"'Lonz," Jemima moaned. "This is wrong."

Alonzo pulled back for a moment, eyes wild with desire. "Does it feel wrong?"

Jemima's eyes closed as she drew in a shuddering breath. "No."

And so they continued.

**

* * *

**

Electra and Plato stayed together even after Misto left. Secretly, out of the corner of her eye, Electra watched him go, saw his ebony coat shining under the cold light of the moon. He never turned back to look at her, but she could picture his face perfectly.

"What's up with you and him? You two've been jumpy around each other of late," Plato commented.

Electra rolled her eyes. "Like you'd care, Plato."

"I do." Plato regarded her with a twinkle in his shadow-filled eyes. "I'm not as heartless as you make me out to be."

"But you will be in time." Electra clapped a paw over her mouth and Plato's face twisted into a terrible snarl of fury. "Plato! I'm… I'm sorry! I didn't mean it…"

"Don't say that," Plato snapped. "Of course you mean it – it's the truth. I just don't like to hear it." Bitterly, he turned his eyes away from her. "It's hard to imagine that one day, I'll hardly be able to talk anymore."

"It's the price to pay for your gift," Electra reminded him gently.

Plato frowned at her. "And would _you_ be willing to pay it?"

"Honestly? Yes. Those few moments where I was free to dance among lightning, let it spark from my fur… they're unforgettable. They were the best moments of my life. Isn't that sad?"

"That you've lived all your life in a few moments? Yes, yes it is." Plato glanced back at her. "And, obviously, I'm sorry. You know we're all sorry. But-"

"I was a danger. Let loose, I could've destroyed _anything._ I've heard this a million times, Plato. I don't need to hear it again."

"…Yeah. I guess you're right. But Electra, you have to understand… I don't feel the same about my magic as you do about what you had. I'd give it up to live a proper life."

"Is that really true?" Electra questioned suddenly.

"Huh?"

"What if, I dunno, you had it taken away?"

"I… I…"

"Would you be glad?" Electra's eyes were burning. Plato bit his lip.

"I suppose. But… you're confusing me, Electra. I would miss its familiarity… I think…"

"I'll tell you how it'd feel." Electra's claws slid in and out. "It'd feel like a huge hole gaping inside you – right here." Electra gestured to her torso. "It'd feel like living in a dream – vague, unclear. It'd feel like losing your inner self. All that would be left… would be a shell of what you used to be."

"Electra…" Plato gave a long sigh. "Life is cruel."

"I've known that since the day I was born," Electra said with a harsh laugh. "Oh, and about Misto? He has the same problem as you, as you know. Like a whimpering, weak fool, he tried to thrust his burden onto my shoulders. He tried to give his magic to me."

"Electra, you don't know half of what it feels-" Plato began, eyes narrowing in anger on Misto's behalf.

"Wait. Don't interrupt me." Electra held up her paws. "Of course, I sympathize with him – he's never felt anything but good things when it comes to magic. But I don't think he understands that it's not _his_ magic I need. Obviously, any magic is tantalizing to me – but I can't have it. I could never steal something so precious and personal away from a cat. Not like _he_ did. Not like Macavity. And so…that's why I'm determined to find my own magic."

"I see," Plato said softly. "I understand now…"

"I hoped that you would." Electra offered him a small smile. "I find that as the days pass, you're the only cat that I can confide in."

Plato stared at her. He was touched that she'd revealed that single fact to him. Right there and then, he knew that he felt that same about her. There was no one else that he felt truly comfortable speaking with. Misto, though in the same situation as Plato, didn't listen the way Electra did. He was too centered in his own problems. Etcetera, obviously, was one of the causes of his frustrations. She wouldn't speak with him. Jemima was too carefree and she didn't understand magic – not truly. The rest of the Jellicles weren't close enough to feel comfortable speaking to.

So, Plato decided to just open his mouth and hope that Electra was in the mood to listen.

"Electra?"

"Hm?"

"You know… I've been having my own problems. Other than magic, that is." Plato casted his eyes to the ground.

"Oh… Etcetera?" Electra cocked her head.

"Yes. How did you know?"

"Plato… it's obvious. I have no idea how your relationship came to be, especially what with you being so close to Victoria, but anyone can see the tension between you two. It practically crackles in the air." Plato flinched at the mention of his past relationship with the white queen and Electra smiled sadly. "You know… ages ago, when you and Victoria first got together, Etcetera confided in me. She was enchanted by you to the point of…" She let out a gasp. "She was hypnotized."

Plato froze. "What?"

"Don't tell me that you didn't know! Macavity…he must've hypnotized her! There was a shadow in her eyes, Plato… Macavity was possessing her. That bastard!"

Plato felt himself going cold inside. "So… she doesn't love me?"

"You tell me! I don't know how hypnosis works." Electra jabbed a finger at him. "_You're_ meant to be the expert."

"Ah… it could've worn off. But it's not certain." Plato clenched his fists. "Macavity… I swear… he got to both of us… he'll pay."

"Both of you?" Electra's eyes widened.

"It's the reason I broke up with Victoria," Plato said quietly. "Macavity… he's powerful. He managed to hypnotize me for a short time. I broke free just before he… killed her. I never got to fix things between us…"

"So… what does that mean?" Electra looked shocked. "Your relationship with Etcetera was completely fake?"

"No! I… I've come to truly like her a lot," Plato admitted.

"Don't they usually call that… love?" Electra put in gently.

Plato closed his eyes. "I know, Electra… I know…" He knew he was about to cry, but he was a tom, and toms didn't cry.

"I know for a fact she likes – or loves – you too, Plato. I can tell."

"Yeah, me too. It's just…"

"What happened between you two?"

"She's afraid I'll hurt her when I go mad. And to be honest? I damn well might. But I can't keep away from her. I can't live my last days of sanity away from her." Plato's eyes were burning. He would _not_ cry.

"Explain that to her…she'll understand," Electra urged.

"I'm _trying_, goddammit!" Plato yelled into the sky. The tears were coming. He couldn't stop them.

"Well, then…you'll just have to try harder," Electra said.

And Plato knew that he most certainly would. For Etcetera, he had to.


	25. She's Home

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 25;; She's Home**

"_But… there's still hope for her."She lifted her green eyes to his and her lips twitched into a last, lopsided smile. "Unlike for me, I guess."_

* * *

"Have you found her yet?" he questioned, even though he knew that she had not.

"No. She is hidden from our eyes," she returned heavily.

The psychics sat in their den, the entrance covered by an old curtain so that no one could pry. It was night, so no there was no sunlight to slink in and peep either. Tantomile and Coricopat both gritted their teeth and increased their concentration. They let their minds weave together, let them bind into one. Together, they soared across the land, searching for her.

Searching for Victoria.

_This is no use,_ Tantomile gasped through their connection. _She is dead, Coricopat. We will find her in the air, treading the clouds. If anywhere, she will be rejoicing with the Everlasting Cat._

_I believe you are wrong. She would not have deserted us forever, _Coricopat snapped.

_Then, tell me, oh wise brother, where is she? _Tantomile hissed.

_I have a feeling, sister. As a psychic, I have learned to rely on such feelings. _He let his feeling seep through their connection, and Tantomile tasted it with her mind.

_Fine,_ she said reluctantly. _Your claims have some merit. Let us think._

_There has to be some sort of answer. Something that we have overlooked._

_Wait! Could it be? _Tantomile showed her brother what she was thinking of. _Do you remember our vision?_

_The frozen prison!_

At once, a new image materialized before their eyes. It was Victoria, hunched in the snow, knees drawn up to her chest. She was shivering from the cold and her lips were blue. Her eyes were squeezed tightly shut in an effort to block the whiteness out.

And then the twins were thrown back into reality, both breathing heavily.

"Coricopat…" Tantomile whispered. "Will she be trapped for all eternity?"

Coricopat frowned. "She trapped herself. As long as she cannot save herself, she will be stuck."

"What if… someone else were to save her?"

Coricopat shook his head, eyes sad. "How can anyone help a dead cat?"

**

* * *

**

Macavity struggled on through the night, though his eyes kept drooping and his paws trailed across the rough concrete, grazed from hours upon hours of walking. He had a slight limp from stepping on a sharp stone – his foot was bleeding as a result. His legs wobbled, but he kept on walking.

He couldn't afford to stop.

Eventually, he came to a halt just past a nightclub where music pounded deafeningly, shaking the ground that he stood upon. Grimacing, he moved ahead to where the sound faded and collapsed to the ground. He kept the white bundle safe within the protection of his red arms.

"Forgive me, Victoria… I'm far too tired to go on much longer," he whispered, eyes blearily glancing down at her smile. Sighing heavily, he worked up some magic and let it spread through his body, let the energy slide through his veins. It wasn't very effective, but it was enough to raise Macavity to his feet once more and it was enough to take another few steps.

Step by step, he would make it.

**

* * *

**

Chantelle led Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer into the midst of a crowd of white cats, all of which stepped back to avoid contact with the outsiders. She came to a halt before a pair of very old cats and bowed deeply before standing back.

"You must bow also," she hissed under her breath, and so they imitated her gesture. But it didn't stop there.

"Outsiders. On the ground," one of the old cats – a male – ordered in a deep rumble of a voice. Glancing uneasily at each other, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer crouched on the ground, heads lowered.

"Names?" the old cat questioned.

"Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazah, sir," Mungojerrie said hastily.

"Your business here?"

"We're Macavity's messengers, sir."

"Ahh… Macavity. It has been rather a long time since I have heard that name uttered in this place." Contemplatively, the old cat stroked his chin. "And what, pray tell, does he need from the Chardirs?"

"He says he's comin' sir. With a friend, or somethin' like that." Mungojerrie was careful to keep his eyes on the ground. He knew how to be cautious if required of him.

"I see, I see… very good. I assume you are Jellicles?"

"Yes sir, we are."

"I see. Then rise, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer of the Jellicles."

Relieved, the two cats stood at the full height. They were careful to keep their eyes low and their hands clasped together in front of them. They were intimidated by the old cat to be sure.

"Right," the old cat barked. "Chantelle! You are to gather the scouts and head off to welcome Macavity. Meiyina, come to me, little one."

As Chantelle bowed deeply once more and hurried off, a group of cats in tow. A white cat who had barely passed the stages of kitten-hood stepped forward.

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer were surprised by the young queen. The very way she held herself was regal, as if she knew she was better than everyone around her. She held her head high, lifted her paws daintily and had a severe edge in her glowing amber eyes. Although she still had the soft look of a kitten – fluffy fur, chubby cheeks – there was no mistaking that she was a learned cat and had was definitely _not_ the childish type.

"Yes, your highness?" she asked in a high, almost _tinkling_ voice, curtseying with a dramatic sweep of her paw.

"I request that you watch over the outsiders, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer of the Jellicles. Find them a place to stay – perhaps they would like a tour of our lovely home? See to their needs and remember to uphold the dignity of a Chardir."

"Of course, my king. I will do as you request," she said with another curtsey.

"Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer of the Jellicles, I introduce you to my daughter, Meiyina, Princess of the Chardirs. I ask that you treat her with utter respect, just as she will treat you with courtesy. Do you understand?"

"Of course," Mungojerrie said hastily.

"Then let us be going," Meiyina said to them, eyeing them with her sharp gaze. She pushed through the crowd of cats, still walking with that dainty prance in her step. Docilely, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer followed her.

"My father is the King of the Chardirs," Meiyina explained as they walked. "He is a very noble cat of great heritage. The cat beside him is his mate, the Queen of the Chardirs. She is also of impeccable bloodlines – though all Chardirs are, of course," she added, her nose high in the air. "I am their daughter, as you may have gathered. I am to someday take my father's place."

"Wow, that's amazin'," Rumpleteazer said, though she wasn't very interested. Meiyina seemed _way_ too stuck up for her liking.

"I have no need for your biting sarcasm," Meiyina threw over her shoulder. "If you are not interested, then do not comment. I am merely providing you with useful information you may want to know in order to stay out of trouble."

"Oh, ah, thanks, Meiyina."

"That's _Princess_ Meiyina to those inferior to me," Meiyina said coldly.

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer glanced hopelessly at each other.

"So, ah, Princess Meiyina, 'ow old are yah anyway?"

"Older than I look," Meiyina replied, seemingly pleased to have the opportunity to talk about herself. "It is a trait that runs in the Chardir blood, it seems. Kitten traits linger much longer than is normal, as you can see by my appearance. It is a very endearing trait, is it not?"

"Oh yes, it sure is-"

"No need to comment, Rumpleteazer of the Jellicles. You obviously do not agree," Meiyina interrupted in clipped tones.

Rumpleteazer just sighed.

"So, you are the messengers of Macavity? I am most intrigued, if I am to be honest. I met Macavity once, when I was much younger. He is a cat of certain interest." Meiyina stared at the two Jellicles, her eyes betraying more interest than her calm voice.

"Oh, yes, he's a strange one. Very mysterious." Mungojerrie scratched his head.

"We of the Chardirs speak highly of him – he has incredible powers that have been, ah… useful to us." A smug smile rose to her lips. "However, certain sources have told that outside of our beautiful home, he is not so respected as he is here. Is this true?"

Rumpleteazer's head was beginning to hurt – the way Meiyina spoke muddled and confused her. "Ah, ah…yeah. No one likes 'im much. 'E's a right nasty cat. We all think so – Oi do, too, and Jer."

"Yet, you still work for him?" Meiyina clasped her paws together. "I am sorry, but you are beginning to confuse me slightly. Please explain?"

_We're confusing YOU?_ Mungojerrie thought to himself. "Ah, well, 'e rewards us, yah see."

"But of course." Meiyina gave a light laugh. "I should have realized. So… how is his situation back at home?"

"'E's in exile," Rumpleteazer said coldly. "And 'e deserves it, too!"

"Oh…? Why do you speak with such hot passion, Rumpleteazer of the Jellicles?" Meiyina kept the level of interest in her voice mild, but curiosity blazed in her eyes.

"'E killed our Victoria." Rumpleteazer clenched her fists. "Slit 'er throat with a knife and let the blood soak into 'er lovely, white fur." Uneasily, she glanced at Meiyina. "She looks a lot like you… like you Chardirs."

Meiyina blinked. "Victoria? Did you say Victoria was her name?"

"Well, yeah…"

"And am I correct in saying she was white and resembled us closely?"

"Yup, that's wot I said."

"_Dammit!_" Meiyina snarled, suddenly losing her cool, collected attitude. "What the _hell_ is he trying to do?" With that, she sent Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer one last, enraged glare before stalking away and leaving them alone and lost.

**

* * *

**

"Anyone seen him?"

"Got his scent?"

The scouts bounded through the cobblestone paths of their home, eyes wide with excitement. The babbled loudly amongst themselves.

"Be quiet and _listen!_"

Chantelle leapt forward and at once, the scouts halted. She stood before them, eyes narrowed. She had to act stern with them, otherwise nothing would ever be accomplished. She didn't like it, though – it wasn't her true nature to act in such a fashion.

"Were you not all specially chosen to perform this duty? You fools! Why choose this moment to forget all you have learned?"

The scouts quavered slightly. They hated it when Chantelle got angry. The leader closed her eyes and spread her arms wide apart, inhaling, tasting the air, listening. They watched closely. There was a reason that she was their leader. She was their best.

"I believe he is not too far off, but I cannot determine his specific location. Spread out in pairs. Remember: stay quiet, stay alert. Macavity is a red Jellicle cat. He should not be difficult to recognize."

The scouts all nodded and paired up. Pair by pair, they left the home of the Chardirs and padded like shadows through the streets. Chantelle waited until they had all left before she herself ventured out. She sighed, despising that the scouts were of an odd number. Being the leader, she took the responsibility of acting alone. She was the only one that could be trusted to do so.

"Chantelle, wait!"

"Hm?" Chantelle glanced back, eyebrow cocked as Meiyina raced after her. "What is it, Princess?"

"I have learned a few…_interesting_ things from the outsiders. I request that I come with you, as you are alone."

Chantelle narrowed her eyes in thought. "You have no experience. Macavity needs to be found as soon as possible – what help will you be to me?"

"It's true that I may hinder you, but as Princess of the Chardirs, I request that I come with you," Meiyina said softly. "Besides, there are other scouts searching – they may find him before you do."

Chantelle snorted. "I highly doubt that. They're a bunch of incompetent fools, the lot of them."

Meiyina couldn't help but smile at that. She placed a hand over her heart and placed the other on Chantelle's shoulder. "It is of dire importance to me that I come, Chantelle."

Chantelle sighed. "Very well. You can come. But stay silent and follow me."

**

* * *

**

Macavity slumped against a brick wall, eyes flickering shut. He had staggered into an alley just to rest his legs for a short time, but he felt as if he wasn't able to stand again. He'd been walking all day. Night had since fallen and the darkness made Macavity feel even more tired.

"I'll get you home," he promised the limp bundle held in the protection of his arms. As usual, she just smiled.

Just then, Macavity saw – no, he felt – a presence appear before him. Wearily, he opened his eyes to stare.

And his mouth fell open.

"You!" he spat. "What are you doing here? What are you doing _alive?_"

Alyana blinked at him. And then she gave him a smile identical to the one that Victoria was wearing. "I'm not alive," she said, her voice echoing over and over in Macavity's head.

"Alyana…"

"You saved me. But I'm not quite ready to go." She bent over Macavity, crouching down to his level. "I have to see through… a few errands. The sky awaits me. It'll always be there. I'll be there too, eventually. And then… I'll wait for you, Macavity."

"I don't ask that of you," he said coldly. "I don't want to see you."

She shrugged. "I figured. But I do want to see _you_." Tentatively, she brushed her glowing white fingers across Macavity's cheek. He didn't pull back, but the feel of her cold touch sent terrible chills down his spine.

"Why are you here?" he snapped.

"In truth? It is not for you. I couldn't appear to you if I tried. No… it's for my little sister that I was allowed to materialize." Fondly, she let her hand drop to stroke Victoria's cheek. "Macavity… you can't rest. You _must_ get to the Chardirs – now!"

"Wh-what…?"

"Victoria isn't in a happy place. She isn't in the sky, frolicking among the clouds. Nor is she allowed to freely wander through cats' minds like me."

"Then where is she? Stop being so bloody cryptic – it isn't like you."

"I'm frightened for her, Macavity. I have no idea where she is. But… there's still hope for her." Alyana lifted her green eyes to Macavity's and her lips twitched into a last, lopsided, ghostly smile. "Unlike for me, I guess."

Macavity watched as her white form evaporated into darkness. Alyana was gone. But her words still stayed clear within Macavity's mind. With a groan, he forced himself to his feet.

"Fine," he said quietly. "I'm on it, Aly."

**

* * *

**

"Any sign of him, Chantelle?"

Chantelle paused and inhaled deeply. The roguish scent of Jellicle filtered into her nostrils. To be sure, she tasted the air. He was close by.

"I've detected his scent," she said shortly, ears swiveling. _There!_ A rustle, the sound of paws thudding on concrete. "Come on, let's go."

She rushed around a corner and almost smacked straight into the fiery red cat she'd been searching for. Gasping in shock, she stepped back to allow him some space. She hadn't realized he was _this_ close. Meiyina followed close behind, eyes widening at the sight of him.

Macavity.

He stared at them, yellow eyes glowing. Then, he spoke. "Long time no see… Chantelle, Meiyina."

"You remembered us," Meiyina said quietly.

Macavity chuckled. "How could I forget such lovely queens?" He hoisted Victoria more comfortably in his arms, and it was then that Meiyina's eyes were drawn down.

"Victoria!" she gasped – though it was more of a choked sound than a gasp.

Chantelle's hands flew to her mouth. "_What?_"

Macavity smiled wearily at them. "She's coming home."

Meiyina staggered forward so as to get a better look. "So… it is true. What the outsiders told me… you killed her, Macavity." She looked up at him, eyes blazing with fury. "You…you _monster!_"

"Wait. Listen to me." Macavity kept his voice calm. "I didn't kill her – it was a trick to fool the Jellicles."

"But… but she is dead." Meiyina gestured miserably to Victoria's lifeless body. "Anyone can see that."

"But I didn't kill her." Macavity paused, closing his eyes. "Well, in a way, I suppose I did. It was an overdose of magic that took her life."

Meiyina's teeth clenched. "This is why I was _against_ her leaving! I _knew_ something like this would happen! Victoria should have lived a long, untainted life – a life with her family! You never should have taken her!"

Macavity's eyes remained closed. "I'm sorry."

"This was why… this was why Alyana was meant to go with you! When you came, she let you touch her… she became tainted. We did not need her."

"Don't speak of her like that… she's better than you think. Well, she was, anyway." Macavity frowned, recalling how she'd appeared to him only moments earlier.

"You mean… she is dead as well? Good riddance!" Meiyina sneered.

"Anything to secure your title to the throne, huh, Meiyina?" Macavity tilted his head to one side. "Not even the death of your littermate could destroy that spark in your eyes."

Chantelle watched on, eyes narrowed. "Alyana…" she murmured. Both cats turned to look at her. "How did she die?"

Macavity smirked. "Pretending to be Victoria."

Chantelle's lips parted slightly as the realization hit her. "Then… you killed Alyana in Victoria's stead."

"You could say that."

Chantelle turned away. "That's disgusting."

Meiyina laughed bitterly. "Who cares?"

Chantelle began to walk away, but before she rounded the corner, she halted. "I do." Then, she left.

"Idiot," Meiyina said. "There is no changing her mind."

"Alyana was quite a character," Macavity said. "I suppose that Chantelle is having trouble forgetting her."

"Well, she will have to, or else she will not last much longer among our kind." Meiyina glanced back at Macavity. "Come on. Let's take Victoria home."

**

* * *

**

Cats whispered and passed rumors as Macavity entered the home of the Chardirs, head held high, Victoria nestled safely in his arms. Meiyina walked beside him, sending cold looks to those who spoke too loudly. Chantelle had arrived just before them. She turned away as they passed by.

Meiyina took Macavity straight to the King. A smile passed over his lips at the sight of the red cat.

"Welcome, Macavity. We have been expecting you."

"Thanks to my message, I assume?" Macavity dipped his head in respect.

"Of course… but what is this? Is this the 'friend' you mentioned in your message?" The King stood and slowly walked down to Macavity. "Victoria?"

"Yes."

The King's mate – the Queen – stood abruptly with a loud gasp. She bolted away, hands over her mouth.

"I had not expected to see her so… lifeless." The King glared at Macavity. "Do tell me, Macavity, what happened to her?"

"She was exposed to some very powerful magic… it stole away her life, in the end." Macavity lowered his eyes to the ground.

"Did you not try to save her?"

"Of course I did! I had a rag brought to me – a rag with many scents lingering upon it. It held the scents of her friends and family. But by that time, she was too weak."

"Tell me the circumstances of the magic she was exposed to." The King still looked suspicious, but less angry.

"I had a fight with another magic cat. She was watching."

"And after this fight, did the magic take any toll on you?"

"Obviously not. Victoria took all the pain into herself – mine and the pain of the cat I was fighting. That's why she died."

"So… her cause of death was due to extreme magic. I understand." The King sighed. "Well, this certainly is unfortunate. What a waste… healers, take her to the Medicinal Den."

Macavity was reluctant to let them take Victoria from him, but he didn't resist. His arms felt empty without her familiar and comfortable weight. "What are you going to do?" he asked.

"We'll see," the King said.

* * *

**A/N: So, my stepbrother had a question involving Macavity in his test today. ;D Cool, right?**


	26. Smile for the Lightning

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 26;; Smile for the Lightning**

_She looked across at him and smiled sadly. "I wish to see my baby sister open her eyes and gaze at the world in wonder…"_

**

* * *

**

"Macavity!"

"Macavity!"

"How have you been, Macavity?"

"How are the Jellicles, Macavity?"

"Would you like a drink, Macavity?"

Macavity groaned, wishing that they would all just _shut up_. The one thing he hated most about the Chardirs was that they would never, _ever_ leave him alone. To them, he was exotic, handsome, mysterious.

Of course, that wasn't the only thing he hated about them. _Hell, it's easy to hate a bunch of pompous jerks like them._ He hated their stuck-up attitudes, their tendency to act 'superior', the way they avoided touching him, the way they spoke to him like he was an animal in the zoo… really, he hated them all. With a few exceptions, of course.

"If you ladies don't mind," he said, completely ignoring the fact that several toms were also gathered round, "I need a little time to myself."

"But of course, Macavity!"

"Feel free, Macavity!"

"When will we see you again, Macavity?"

Blocking his ears to their chirpy voices, he set off, teeth gritted. Thankfully, they left him alone, though a few trailed after him before giving up. Sure, it was nice to be so loved after being exiled by his own father, but the questions were too much for him. He couldn't keep up. He didn't want to, anyway. He just wanted to sink into a deep dream – a dream where he lived a life without magic and became the Protector of the Jellicles in his brother's stead.

Everyone would've been better off if that dream was a reality. Munkustrap would live a calm life – the sort of life he needed if he was ever going to overcome his disease. By taking responsibility as Jellicle Protector, he got little sleep and needed to keep in shape. It wasn't good for his body. Macavity sneered. _My brother is an utter fool – my father, too._

But Munkustrap wasn't the only one who would've benefited. The entire tribe would have been safe under Macavity's protection. He was strong – stronger than Munkustrap, he was sure.

_Stop dreaming of things that'll never be reality to you. It's useless. Pitiful._ Macavity's throat tightened as he told himself this. He needed to stop fluffing about.

"Stop dreaming of things that'll never be reality to you. It's useless. Pitiful… just like you," he repeated aloud, just to reassure himself.

"And what, may I ask, is troubling you?"

Inwardly, Macavity cursed. "Didn't I just ask you all to leave me alone?" he spat, rounding on whichever damned queen had followed him.

Meiyina raised an eyebrow. "If I was there, I did not hear you," she shrugged.

Macavity sighed gratingly. "No, you weren't there, actually," he admitted gruffly.

"Ah… then it was unwise and rather rude of you to assume that I was, no?" she chuckled. "I expected more of you, oh great Macavity."

Macavity rolled his eyes. "You know that I'm not as amazing as they make me out to be, Mei."

Meiyina shot a curious glance at him. "You called me by my kitten-name," she said almost accusingly.

Macavity shrugged. "It's what I've always known you as."

Meiyina sniffed and looked away again. "So…alone as usual?"

Macavity gave a dry laugh. "The company of your kind gives me no pleasure, I'm afraid. They always ask so many bloody questions and I'm not even allowed to touch them!"

Meiyina didn't reprimand him as she would've with any other cat. "You know why we do not allow physical contact between outsiders and ourselves," she said quietly. "Allowing cats like you to touch our pure fur would be… such a waste."

She didn't need to say it aloud for Macavity to know that she was referring to Victoria. His smile tightened, but he responded lightheartedly.

"Yeah… sucks to be you."

"Well, I could say the very same thing to you," Meiyina retorted.

Macavity tipped his head to one side. "Say it."

"…Sorry?"

"'Sucks to be you'. I want to hear you say that." Macavity's eyes glinted devilishly.

"Er…Sucks to be you," Meiyina said, delicately navigating through the pronunciations. Macavity burst into laughter. "What do you find so amusing?" she asked in an irritated fashion.

"For a moment there… you reminded me a lot of Aly," he said fondly.

Meiyina's face turned to stone. "Are you attempting to irritate me deliberately?" she asked coldly.

"Whether or not it's deliberate, I'm succeeding," Macavity chuckled, tempted to reach out and brush her cheek. But he knew if he did, the consequences would be dire. She did look beautiful though, amber eyes all ablaze with icy fire and lips set.

_There's only one reason you're looking at her like that, _Macavity reminded himself.

"So, um… when's Victoria's funeral?" Macavity glanced sideways towards Meiyina, whose fists were still clenched. Amber eyes smoldering with fury met wary gold.

"Her… funeral? Macavity, do they tell you nothing?" Meiyina sighed, voice still hard.

"I was hoping that maybe you could tell me?"

"It is easier to show than tell. Come, Macavity. I will show you what they are attempting to do." Meiyina stood up and looked to the red tom expectantly. Brow crinkled in confusion, he rose to his feet.

"Meiyina, what on earth are you going on abou-"

"Just come," she said bossily, trotting of with a dainty bounce in her step. With a roll of his eyes, Macavity followed her.

**

* * *

**

Meiyina headed straight into a den Macavity recognized as the 'Medicinal Den'. She ordered him to wait outside and so he did, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. Several queens passed by, pointing at him and whispering excitedly. He ignored them and closed his eyes, keeping his expression hard and emotionless.

"Oh gosh, just look at him…"

"He's so handsome he just about makes my heart burst!"

"Look at the color of his fur… it's so vivid! So lovely! It's like looking at a bonfire."

"It's a shame he's an outsider… I'd love to hold his hand, just once…"

"He's so much more exciting than our toms!"

"Oh, now don't let your tomfriend hear that!"

"Aw, whatever, we're all allowed to crush on Macavity. He's _gorgeous._"

Macavity clenched his teeth and tried to block their natter out of his head.

"I just love a moody tom, don't you?"

"Mmm… that burning gold of his eyes, so hard, so soft, so… yummy…"

"I do believe you're in love."

"That look on his face right now… it just says 'I'm a solitary tom. I don't need anyone. I bear with my problems _alone_.'"

"Heehee! You got it perfect!"

Macavity wondered what the consequences would be if he walked up to the pair of queens and slapped them both across the face.

"They do say certain things about him, though…"

"They say he's notorious! Deadly! But… he's so handsome…"

Macavity's eyes snapped open. Well, at least they did know a thing or two about him. "Ladies," he purred, eyes searching for the gossiping pair. "When you wish to speak of a cat behind his back, you're meant to do it… quietly."

He heard a couple of mortified gasps. The two queens leapt out of their hiding place and prepared to bolt. But he held up a paw to halt them.

"Wait a moment."

"H-huh?"

"H-he's talking to us!"

"I think I might die…!"

"I _am _dead! This is heaven!"

Inwardly, Macavity rolled his eyes. "Come closer…" he purred, using his most seductive voice. His eyes began to glow a bright, alluring color.

Both queens stumbled forward, mouths agape.

"What have you Chardirs heard about me?" he asked softly when they were close enough to touch. He refrained from reaching out to them, though – he knew it would be unwise.

"We-ell… not much, I guess."

"You're our mystery!"

"Our _favorite_ mystery!"

"Some say that we shouldn't welcome you, though…"

"They say that you're beyond saving."

"I think they're stupid! You're not dangerous – not around us, at least."

Macavity narrowed his eyes in thought. "No, of course not," he said vaguely. Why would Chardirs be wary of him? Around them, magic lost its stifling grip on him. Around them, he felt free to be the cat he would've been if he wasn't 'gifted' by magic.

"Macavity! Tell me, what are you doing speaking to these two?" Meiyina's voice startled Macavity from his thoughts. He glanced back at her and offered a smile, toning down the force of his eyes so as not to arouse suspicion.

"You were taking a while," he said smoothly. "I was bored, so I had a conversation with these two." The two queens nodded eagerly.

"Knowing you, Macavity, it was not any old conversation," Meiyina sighed. "Come on in. The medics have allowed it, but you are to be on your best behavior." She stared at Macavity like he was a cheeky schoolchild and she was a stern teacher. Seeing her kittenish face worked in such an expression made Macavity chuckle lightly.

"I promise," he said lightly, crossing his arms over his heart.

"Hmph." Meiyina disappeared back into the den again.

"Well, looks like farewell." Macavity waved at the queens and followed Meiyina inside. They stared after him wistfully for a long time before finally heading off.

"So, what do we have here?" the red tom asked as he sauntered in. He fell silent when he saw a crowd of medics bent over a bed of cushions and down. Victoria's body had been carefully laid out atop the 'bed'.

And she was still smiling.

"The King has allowed use of the precious magic you brought us years back, Macavity," Meiyina explained quietly. Macavity's eyes widened.

"No… you're not serious?"

"Deadly serious."

Macavity didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "Meiyina," he began warily. "You know that it could end up destroying her body and possibly killing everyone close by? Meaning… all the Chardirs?"

"We will be careful," Meiyina said. "I assure you that. We have been deliberating for a long time over this. We have decided to go through with it… it's worth a try."

"…Yeah. I know."

A medic brought in a large jar. He clasped it to his chest, gritting his teeth with the effort of keeping a secure grip on it. It rattled violently in his arms. Inside, Macavity could see several bolts of lightning sparking off the sides of the jar.

"Incredible," he murmured. "It's retained its potency after all this time."

"That is the way her magic works, it appears," Meiyina said, her eyes narrowing in intrigue. "You brought us only a small sample, but it is most powerful…very precious."

Deep inside him, a tingle of guilt flickered.

"Alright, are we ready?" one of the medics asked grimly.

"As ready as we will ever be," Meiyina said, her voice level. She stepped forward and hoisted the jar into her own arms. Macavity vaguely remembered that she had some training as a medic, and wondered just how skilled she was to be able to take charge like that.

"Wait… you're doing it _now?_" he asked.

"Better now than never," Meiyina shrugged, a strange smile coming over her face as she began to unscrew the lid of the jar.

"Meiyina, _be careful,_" Macavity snapped.

She didn't appear to hear him. Her eyes became gleeful, all too excited as she began to unscrew faster and faster.

Macavity, realizing she was losing control of herself in the delight of the magic she held, lunged forward. He ripped the jar from her hands and lifted it high above his head. Meiyina's horrorstruck expression reminded him of a distant memory.

"Meiyina, I said _be careful,_" he growled. "If you do that, all the magic will escape at once and kill us all. Didn't you…have a plan?"

Screeching, Meiyina threw herself at him, claws cutting through the air. Macavity dodged and glared at her. "Calm down," he ordered coldly, turning his eyes to full force. As he caught her in his web, she went limp. The watching medics let out sighs of awe.

"Are you going to be quiet?" he asked the almost comatose white queen. She nodded dumbly, and so he released her. She fell back, gasping, into the arms of one of the medics.

"Macavity…" she whispered.

Macavity set the jar down. It shook on the ground. "Yes, Meiyina?"

"Magic… it…" She could hardly speak. She grasped for words, her amber eyes dulled with exhaustion.

"You felt it, huh? This is dangerous stuff, this magic. Of course, all magic is dangerous…but maybe I should do it since it's affecting you this bad."

Meiyina nodded faintly. "It'll… kill… me… just like… it killed… Victoria…"

"I know, Mei," Macavity said softly. To the medics, he said, "Take care of her."

Then, he stepped up to Victoria's bed, jar held securely in his arms.

**

* * *

**

_Victoria hunched over, shivering. Days must've passed while she'd been trapped in her 'frozen prison', but she still wasn't used to the cold. She never would get used to it. She shuddered at the thought that she was stuck there forever._

_But she was, wasn't she? She was dead. It wasn't as if she had anywhere else to go. All that she'd been told about death and afterlife… it was a lie. There was no Heaviside Layer. There was no Everlasting Cat. When a cat died, they lived within their own heart for the rest of time. _

_Victoria let out a choked sob. She didn't want to._

_To calm herself, she closed her eyes and imagined that Plato was holding her. She envisioned his glowing green eyes and let out a soft sigh. She was in bliss._

"_But…I'll never see him again…" Victoria looked down at her paws helplessly. "Does he even care?"_

_The green eyes in her head began to change. They lightened in color. Plato had soft eyes, but they were turning a cold, harsh gold._

"_Macavity…?"_

**

* * *

**

Macavity put a hand on the lid of the jar and took a deep breath.

"Be careful," Meiyina whispered from where she was slumped against the wall. Macavity glanced over at her and smirked. He looked around at the group of medics standing around Victoria's body with expectant looks on their faces.

"Mm… I think…" Macavity closed his eyes. "I think that you should all leave the den. That way, if something goes wrong…"

The medics glanced around at each other doubtfully. "Will you be able to manage alone?" one asked.

"One can stay to direct me," Macavity suggested calmly.

"I shall stay." Everyone glanced over to Meiyina. She took in a shuddering breath and waved the other medics away. They went – though many seemed reluctant. When they were all gone, she looked across at Macavity and smiled sadly. "I wish to see my baby sister open her eyes and gaze at the world in wonder…"

"It'll be an amazing sight to be sure," Macavity agreed quietly. He helped Meiyina to her paws and she stood unsteadily at Victoria's side.

"Are we all ready?" she asked. "I am."

"Me, too," Macavity said.

Victoria smiled.

**

* * *

**

"_Why am I even thinking about him?" Victoria wondered. "He… he took me away from the Jellicles and he's evil."_

_But her heart reminded her of the time just before she had died. He had stayed by her side, offering comfort through the feel of his mind against hers. He'd kept her company through it all. But why? Of all cats, why had he chosen to steal her? Her head hurt at the thought._

_The golden eyes in her mind blinked at her. At that moment, thousands of memories rushed to the forefront of Victoria's mind. She clutched her head, gasping out. Macavity's voice in her head, Macavity wandering through the Junkyard alone, Macavity watching her from the shadows, Macavity standing over her as she faded into nothing, a very tall looking Macavity leaning down and whispering instructions in her ear, Macavity grinning gruesomely at Plato-_

_Victoria let out a wail. What did it all mean? The memories shuddered to a halt as soon as Plato appeared in them. Why did they hate each other so?_

_And why, just why was she bothering to think about Macavity when she was meant to be living out the rest of her existence with Plato's eyes in her mind?_

"_My, my… so this is where you're at. You coulda at least given me a clue before you went running off!"_

_Victoria's head snapped up. "Alyana…?" she whispered._

"_Damn right. Here I am." Alyana gave a dramatic flourish of her hands as she tramped through the snow towards where Victoria crouched. "What're you doing in this miserable place?"_

"_I can't leave," Victoria mumbled._

"_Why not?" Alyana quirked an eyebrow. "I mean, to my experience everyone else that dies either hangs out among the living – they aren't visible, of course – or goes to the Heaviside Layer. What makes you so special?"_

"_S-special?" Victoria hissed. "What's so special about being trapped in this fucking frozen world?"_

"_Ah, ah, I'm sorry, honey. I didn't mean it that way." Alyana held up her hands soothingly. "Where is this, anyway? It was by chance luck that I managed to find you."_

"…_Plato told me, a long time ago, that this is my heart," Victoria sighed._

"_What makes HIM so wise all of a sudden?" Alyana laughed._

"_Shut up! Don't insult him! Not in front of me," Victoria snapped._

"_Sheesh, someone's touchy," Alyana muttered. "And whatever made your heart such a damned miserable place?"_

_Victoria stayed silent. There was too much to even think of listing._

"_Well, anyway, who's for trying to get outta here?" Alyana said brightly._

"_It's impossible," Victoria said flatly. "I've tried a lot of things."_

"_Nothing's impossible," Alyana quipped cheerfully. "C'mon, everyone knows that."_

"_Well… a cat flying is impossible," Victoria said._

_Alyana blinked, a thoughtful look coming into her eyes. "The Chardirs tell many tales," she said, her voice suddenly serious. "One of such is the tale of winged cats."_

"_What the hell are you on about?" Victoria asked, raising an eyebrow. "Chardirs? Winged cats?"_

"_Ah… you'll see, kitten. You'll see."_

"_I hate it when you do that." Victoria sighed and stood up. She swayed unsteadily – she'd spent a long time on the ground. "Well, if you're so sure, let's see if there's a way out."_

_Alyana smiled sweetly. "Darling, I think I've already chanced upon one."_

**

* * *

**

"What happens if it goes wrong?" Macavity asked as he very gently began to unscrew the lid. The lightning flashed about within the jar – its constant movement reminded Macavity to take the utmost of care.

"We die or get severely injured and Victoria's body will be stolen away with the magic," Meiyina said. "But we must try."

"I know," Macavity said. The lid was almost off. His breathing quickening, Macavity lifted the lid just slightly.

All at once, the den was alit with flashes of lightning that flitted off the walls. Macavity slammed the lid back on and Meiyina squealed and ducked. Macavity flinched as lightning scorched his fur and threw himself to the floor. His eyes met Meiyina's and he realized that they were both completely terrified. The magic he'd just unleashed… it could kill them at a simple touch. It sparked above them, making Macavity think of a storm cloud.

"Macavity," Meiyina said. "What happens now?" Her voice was so shaky Macavity could barely make out what she was saying.

Macavity didn't need to answer, though. All of a sudden, a white cat rushed into the den and glanced around. "_NO!_" Meiyina yelled, seeing the lightning pelt towards the cat. But it had no effect. The magic flashed right through the cat and bounced off the opposite wall. She smiled.

"Worried for me now, are you, Mei?" she giggled. "I'm so flattered!"

Meiyina gasped in horror. "Macavity informed me that you were _dead_," she spat, eyes narrowing to slits of hate.

"And I suppose you were glad of the news, were you? What a caring sister I have," Alyana purred as she approached Victoria. The lightning flashed through her body over and over, never causing the slightest harm.

"To be honest, yes, I was… what are you doing?" For a split second, Meiyina forgot that there was dangerous magic flaring up above her. She rose up and assumed a protective pose in front of Victoria.

"Get _down!_" Alyana snapped, pushing Meiyina to the ground. She was too late, though. A blaze of lightning clipped Meiyina on the shoulder, making her gasp out and sink into a dead faint. Alyana glanced down at the unconscious cat. "What an idiot…"

"Alyana, what are you doing here?" Macavity asked, his voice flat.

"Have you forgotten already? I'm here for my little sister," Alyana said, stroking Victoria's cheek fondly. "Get up, Macavity. Are you daft? You are a cat of magic. Take the lightning from the air and direct it to Victoria's heart!" She blinked at him, warmth welling in her eyes. "I know you can do it," she whispered. "I know it's stupid, but… I trust you."

"You trust me? The cat who killed you? You're just as foolish as you were the day I met you," Macavity laughed. Slowly, carefully, he inched close to Victoria and took a deep breath.

"It's now or never," Alyana said. Meiyina's eyes blinked open.

Macavity let out a roar of pain as he lifted his paws and gathered the magic into them. He was a magic cat, so it couldn't destroy him, but it was almost too powerful for even him to handle. Cold sweat dripped down his spine and he clenched his jaw.

"Keep going, Macavity," Alyana urged.

Macavity made a low noise at the back of his throat and took the last of the magic into his paws. Shuddering with effort, he turned back to Victoria…

And let everything loose into her beautiful, smiling face.

**

* * *

**

"_Alyana! Where are you…? Why did you leave me alone?" Victoria whirled about, shocked by her companion's sudden disappearance. Without warning the other white cat had just up and left. Shivering hopelessly, she sat down again._

"_What're you doing, darling? Get up!"_

_Victoria gasped out as Alyana reappeared before her eyes and offered a paw. With only the slightest of hesitations, Victoria took hold of it. "Wh-?"_

"_I'm taking you home, Victoria," she said quietly. "I'm taking you home."_


	27. Sheets of Paper

**A/N: I have to apologize – it's another chapter with the Chardirs. It'll go back to the Jellicles in the next chapter at some point, I promise. **

**

* * *

**

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 27;; Sheets of Paper**

"_You see, all things come with a price, and I don't mean money when I say that. Money is but one form of currency."_

**

* * *

**

_Where… where am I?_

_What's happening to me…?_

_The light… it's so very bright. _

_Does this mean… I'm finally going to Heaviside?_

"No, Victoria. Something much better than that."

Victoria opened her eyes in wonder. Around her, two white cats and one red stood, all smiling. One of the white queens had a tight grip on her hand.

"I told you I was taking you home," she said teasingly, winking. And then, just like that, her image faded. Victoria blinked, wondering if it was all a dream.

"Alyana…?" she said softly. Her mind was foggy – she was having trouble getting a grip on her thoughts and memories.

"You have her to thank for many things," the red cat said. The remaining white cat narrowed her eyes slightly, but made no comment.

"Thank you, Alyana," Victoria said without really thinking,

_You're welcome, kitten._

"I have just seen a wonder occur," the white queen said, reaching out to brush a paw against Victoria's cheek. Victoria stared at her.

"…Who are you?"

The cat sighed. "My name is Meiyina," she said. "I am Princess of the Chardirs."

"It's good to meet you, Meiyina," Victoria replied, offering a smile and shaking Meiyina's paw. Meiyina sighed again, as if in regret.

"You too…"

The red cat chuckled. "Poor Meiyina," he said.

"Oh, be quiet for once, Macavity," Meiyina shot back in a cold voice.

…_Macavity…_

All at once, everything was rushing back to Victoria. She shot up, eyes wide. "Wh-wh-_WHAT?_"

"I suppose you remember everything now, huh?" Macavity asked lightly.

"I… I thought I was… dead…" Victoria whispered, shivering. "I thought I was trapped forever in a frozen prison."

"Nope. We brought you home," Macavity smirked.

"Home…" Victoria glanced around. "This doesn't look like the Junkyard… Bast, what the hell? I'm _so_ confused!"

"You have every right to be," Macavity shrugged.

"Begin with where I am right now…_what…_?" Just then, the medics all entered the den, apparently thinking that the danger had passed. Victoria's eyes swept over the crowd of pure white cats. She almost fainted there and then.

"This is the residence of the Chardirs," Meiyina said grandly. "Welcome, Victoria, to home."

"H-home? My home is the Junkyard!" Victoria spat.

"You were not born there," Meiyina said, offering a smile. "You were born here and taken there."

"N-no… that's impossible…" Victoria's breaths rasped in and out quick and shallow. She clutched at the empty air, eyes glancing back and forth between all the white cats. "Jellylorum and Asparagus are my mother and father-"

"No, Victoria. Your true mother and father reside here. No doubt, in time, you will meet them." Meiyina was still smiling as if everything was normal. Macavity gave a low chuckle, and Victoria sent him a dark glare.

"That can't be true," Victoria argued. "No way! And why the hell is everyone…white?"

"You're white," Macavity pointed out with a knowing smile.

"_Ugh._ That's not what I meant! Everyone knows that white cats are rare – a birth of a white cat is a cause for great celebration!"

"Well, in that case," Meiyina said offhandedly, "We would have to celebrate the birth of every kitten in our tribe."

"…This is stupid," Victoria said, wrapping her arms around herself and staring at her knees. She couldn't, wouldn't comprehend what these cats were telling her. They were _wrong_.

Macavity touched Victoria lightly on the shoulder – several of the medics gasped and Meiyina visibly flinched. "Oh, come off it," Macavity told them. Turning to Victoria, he went on. "Victoria, maybe our claims will be more believable if I show you… this."

**

* * *

**

"_Mother, where am I? Is this the 'Junkyard'?" Victoria asked, wonder in her eyes as she glanced back and forth. It was so very different from home! Home was clean and crisp…the Junkyard had an air of excitement and roughness, yet at the same time, it was very comforting._

"_Yes, baby. It is." Mother followed behind. There was a strange look in her eyes, one Victoria didn't recognize, but she made nothing of it. She was far too intrigued by the Junkyard. It was so, so big…and it was just a little, eensy bit frightening for Victoria._

"_It's very big…" she admitted to Mother, her worry showing in her voice. What if she got lost? But she had Mother, so it was okay. Mother would keep her safe, because she loved her. She said it many times to Victoria as if she was afraid that she was going to forget it, but Victoria always remembered, no matter what._

"_I know, baby. But it is a safe place," Mother soothed._

"_I'm a little bit nervous," Victoria whispered as they passed two huge heaps of junk. She imagined clambering to the top of one – she would be so high up! But she wouldn't, because she might fall and dirty her fur._

"_It's okay, my love. Everything will be alright," Mother reassured her, pulling her into a tight embrace. "Now, darling, look into my eyes."_

"_Yes, Mother," Victoria responded eagerly. She loved when Mother told her to look into her eyes because she always told Victoria very important things. _

"_Love, be strong. Always. Hold yourself with dignity, and be courteous. Remember, you're beautiful, and I want you to be lovely for Mother. Okay?" Mother touched a paw to Victoria's cheek and smiled sadly._

"_Yes, Mother!" Victoria agreed happily. Her Mother was such a lovely, beautiful queen. Victoria wanted to be just like her. "Of course!...But why are you telling me this?"_

"_Darling…" Mother's voice began to sound strained. Victoria blinked, bewildered. "Darling, I need to go for a little bit, but I'd like you to stay here. A friend of mine will arrive in a moment, so you won't be alone."_

"_Will you be back?" Victoria asked, fear welling in her eyes. What if she got lost? What if Mother never came back and she had to sleep on the ground and get her fur dirty? Victoria resolved that no matter what, she needed to find a place to rest and keep her fur purest white._

"_Of course," Mother replied quietly, so quietly that Victoria could hardly hear her. But it was enough to satisfy Victoria. She delicately made her way towards a rag that would serve as a place to lie down._

"_Okay! I'll be waiting!" Victoria promised, clasping her hands together and smiling brightly. Mother bit her lip and ran forward to plant several kisses on her daughter's forehead._

"_Thank you…" Mother said, her voice choked. Her eyes were filling with tears, but she turned away before Victoria could see. Before she lost her nerve, she forced herself to walk briskly away._

**

* * *

**

Victoria stared at the ground. She had to stare anywhere _but_ at the cats gathered around her.

"What the hell?" she whispered forlornly to the earth. "What is this… ? My entire life… it's a lie." She felt hollow, betrayed.

"Victoria…"

"My mother… she never came back for me… and I never waited. We broke our promises." Victoria's fists clenched and she squeezed her eyes tight shut. Tears welled up and escaped from beneath her eyelids. "What the _hell?_ Why?"

"There are a lot of things you don't know about yourself, Victoria," Macavity told her. "I think it's almost time you learned."

Victoria put her face in her hands. She was shaking with tears. "Dammit, why? Why has no one told me anything? Why was I left with the Jellicles? Why can't I remember anything about the true me? _Why?_"

"I understand that you are troubled, Victoria," Meiyina said, "But we would appreciate if you would give us time to put together a proper explanation." She sent Macavity a glare. "I am afraid that no matter what we say, we will sound guilty. Please… do not hold it against us."

"What, after abandoning me you're asking for forgiveness?" Victoria snapped.

"Victoria… it is the way of the Chardirs. Many leave us forever. Of course, your circumstances are different. Never has a Chardir returned to us after leaving." Meiyina bit her lip.

"…Why?" Victoria asked softly.

"Their memories are usually erased, just as yours were. It is for the best. It makes the parting easier," Meiyina explained bluntly.

"Who… who could do such a thing?" But Victoria already knew the answer. He was right in front of her, after all.

"Magic cats," Meiyina answered calmly. "Cats such as Macavity are asked to perform the deed."

Victoria averted her eyes from the red cat, hissing under her breath.

"I'm sorry, Victoria," Macavity said, his voice annoyingly pleasant. "Old Deuteronomy asked me to do it. I couldn't refuse him."

"But why?" Victoria burst out, well aware that she was asking yet another question. "Why would you take me to the Jellicles in the first place?"

Meiyina sighed. "Now that is the crux of the matter…" She glanced around at the group of medics standing around and sighed again. "Come on, I need to find the queen. Medics, you are no longer needed here. Give Victoria some time to think – I am sure she will appreciate that." She offered Victoria a rare smile, but Victoria chose not to return it. The white cats slowly dispersed from the den. One cat, however, stayed.

Macavity leant back against the wall of the den and smiled lazily at Victoria. She stared at him coldly, wondering when he was going to leave. "You going?" she asked finally, bothered by his presence.

"I'm quite comfortable here," Macavity shrugged, eyes glinting. Victoria's eyes narrowed.

"Like Meiyina said, I really _would_ appreciate being alone," she spat.

"Pretend I'm not here. Look – you can hardly see me anymore, can you?" Macavity's red shape began to fade until Victoria had to squint to see it.

"H-how are you doing that?"

"What do _you _think?" came Macavity's mocking voice.

"Magic," Victoria said resignedly. "So _that's_ how you stayed so out of the way in the Junkyard. That's why we never saw you…"

"You got it," Macavity said simply.

They both remained silent after that. Victoria decided it wasn't worth arguing with Macavity to make him leave the den. And she could barely even tell he was there anyway. Before long, she really did begin to forget he was there.

"Mother…where are you?" she whispered, staring at the ceiling. "Why did you leave me there, alone? You _loved_ me, right? So…why?" She was crying again – she couldn't stop herself. The single memory she had of the beautiful white queen wasn't enough. She needed more. "You didn't truly love me…did you? But I did love you…"

Victoria took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. The sobbing continued though, heaving unpleasantly in her chest. All of a sudden, she was seeing life in a different perspective. Jellylorum and Asparagus weren't her parents. Etcetera wasn't her sister. The Jellicles… they weren't her family. She didn't fit in. She was an outcast… just like Macavity.

Did she even want to go back anymore?

No… all she wanted was her mother's love. She needed to know _why._

"Shh. Calm yourself." Victoria started – all of a sudden, Macavity was in full view again. His eyes soft, he crept closer to her.

"Do _you _know?" Victoria asked miserably. She knew that he knew what she meant. After all, he always knew the contents of her mind.

"Yeah," Macavity sighed. "And I wish I wasn't mixed up in it all, okay? I'm _sorry_. I guess…it's all my fault."

"Huh?"

Macavity sat on the end of Victoria's bed and lowered his eyes to the ground. "I'm not sure Meiyina would appreciate me telling you anything right now… but I can show you something. Something that might cheer you up."

"Why would you do that? You're Macavity… you love seeing my pain," Victoria sniffed, rubbing away the tears.

Macavity's eyes flashed. "If that's your impression of me, you're very mistaken."

"But… you're Macavity…" She stared at him indecisively and he stared back with his frustrated golden eyes.

"I _hate_ that," he snapped. "I'm Macavity so I'm not allowed to care about anything-" He cut himself off suddenly, cursing.

Victoria stared at him, wide-eyed. "Oh!" she said in barely more than a whisper, her cheeks flushed bright pink.

"Fuck you," he muttered under his breath, turning away. He didn't leave, though. Instead, he offered her a paw, his back still turned on her. Biting her lip, Victoria touched a finger to his palm.

**

* * *

**

"_Come on, love. Just one step," cooed the Queen's voice. _

_Macavity watched on as a tiny kitten took a tiny, tentative step out of the den. She turned her humongous, blue kitten eyes to the sky and stared._

"_What do you think, Victoria?" the Queen asked, reaching out to cradle her kitten in her slender arms. "It's worth the trouble, isn't it, love?"_

_Watching them, Macavity couldn't help but smile. Maybe there was some decency in this place after all. That was when he felt a touch on his arm. He plastered a smirk over the warm look on his face and turned round to meet a pair of vivid, forest-green eyes._

**

* * *

**

_Only days had passed and Victoria the kitten was eager to rush about and explore her entire home. The Queen let her do as she wished; she couldn't resist Victoria's big blue eyes. And so he stood back and watched as the Queen dutifully followed her kitten around. It was as if the rest of the litter had been forgotten – they'd been sent to live with a few nursemaids. It seemed a little unfair, but the Queen had found her favorite and cared little for the rest._

"_Where are you going, love?" the Queen laughed, daintily stepping after the kitten._

"_Oh, Mother," Victoria gasped. "Do you see these?"_

"_It is the garden – we grow flowers here," the Queen purred, delicately seating herself before a small array of almost iridescent flowers. Of course, there was a reason why they glowed with such vibrant color – magic. _

"_Why?" Victoria's voice was filled with a kitten's curiosity._

"_Merely for pleasure, my love." The Queen gave a tinkling laugh. "Would you like to take one home?"_

"_Oh, yes! Can I?" Victoria asked eagerly, eyes wide as saucers._

"_Of course, my love. Whatever my princess wants, she gets," the Queen said. "Now, which one would you like?"_

"_Now, now… you never made promises like that to me!" Seemingly out of nowhere, another cat appeared. She was barely past her kitten-hood stages, yet she acted as haughty as a full-grown queen. Her green eyes sparkled with amusement. _

_From where he was watching, Macavity smirked. Things always got more interesting when Alyana was around._

_The Queen just shrugged. "You weren't worthy. Still aren't."_

_Alyana gave a laugh identical to her mother's. It was easy to see that they were related – they shared the same tinkling laugh, the same smile, eyes and attitude. On the most part, anyway. "You and your favorites, Mother," she said, shrugging. "Anyway, wouldn't it be, well, cordial if you asked the owner of those flowers before just making off with them?"_

"_Ha… you got me," the Queen chuckled. "Victoria, ask your big sister nicely."_

"_May I have a flower, please?" Victoria asked sweetly, her eyes wide and appealing._

_Alyana's lips twisted into a grin. "Nope."_

_Victoria's face fell. She bit her lip, tears welling up in her eyes. Then she ran, stumbling unsteadily as she did so. After all, she'd never run before._

_The Queen whirled round and glared at Alyana. "What was that for?" she spat. _

_Alyana shrugged. "They're my flowers, Mother. I grew them, nurtured them. They're very special to me." But when she looked up to see Victoria disappearing round a corner, there was a flicker of guilt in her eyes._

"_Don't you EVER upset my baby again," the Queen hissed, hackles rising. Before Alyana could do anything, the Queen rushed off after the fleeing kitten._

"_Damn," Alyana mumbled. "I didn't think THAT would happen. I hate it when Mother gets mad…"_

_Macavity emerged and came up behind her. "You shoulda given her a flower," he said, sighing._

"_Macavity… I couldn't. They're mine," Alyana argued. "Yours and mine. We worked to create them. I'm not giving them up for ANYTHING."_

"_Still," Macavity said. "You really upset your baby sister just then. You ought to make it up to her, no?"_

"_I guess I should," Alyana said indecisively. "I'll make it up to her somehow."_

"_Good girl," Macavity laughed, patting her on the back. She whipped round to face him, a seductive smile glowing on her face._

"_But I'm not worrying right now," she grinned. "Maybe later."_

**

* * *

**

"_No! You can't take my baby away from me!" The Queen's eyes were frantic. She glared down at Macavity, who just shrugged._

"_You heard what the King said," he drawled. "He's the top-ranking cat. No one may disobey his orders, not even his mate."_

_She gave a low hiss. "I don't care what my mate thinks. Victoria… I will NOT allow her to go and live among riff-raff."_

"_The Jellicles aren't riff-raff," Macavity said calmly. "Without tribes like us, you lot wouldn't be half as successful."_

"_But…" The Queen slumped, knowing she was beaten. "At least let me be the one to take her there," she begged. "Please."_

_Macavity gave this some thought. "Ask the King," he said finally, sighing. "But it's okay with me."_

**

* * *

**

Victoria opened her eyes and realized that her fingers were clenched around Macavity's hand. Coughing slightly, she loosened her hold.

"She loved you, Victoria," Macavity said. "And she still does."

"Th-thank you, Macavity." Tentatively, Victoria squeezed his hand. It was rough and callused – what from, Victoria didn't dare imagine. He released her hand as Meiyina re-entered the den, closely followed by –

"Mother!" Victoria squeaked.

The Queen rushed forward and embraced Victoria for a long time. Finally, she looked over to Macavity and mouthed two words. _Thank you._ He nodded, smiling slightly.

"I'm so happy that you remember me," the Queen cooed, rocking Victoria back and forth. Meiyina sighed impatiently.

"Griddlebone, can we please move on? I would like to get this out of the way as soon as possible," she said curtly.

The Queen – or rather, Griddlebone – stepped back and eyed Meiyina sternly. "Whatever." Her tone changed drastically. It turned harsh and cold. "Victoria…y ou've earned yourself an explanation." And just like that, her voice was warm and sweet once more.

"I know," Victoria said.

"All right," Griddlebone sighed. "Let's start from the very beginning. You see, the Chardirs are a very _special_ tribe of cats. It all lies in… our coloring."

"White?"

"Pure white." Griddlebone said this almost grimly. "It's a gene that runs through our blood. Not once has one of our kind ever been any other color. And… it is our defining trait. It is the reason we are such a successful tribe. Before I go on… Victoria, do you understand magic cats?"

"Um… they have magic, like Macavity, right?" Victoria said, tilting her head to one side. It made her so happy to speak to her mother…

On the side, Macavity's eyes darkened.

"That isn't all. They pay dearly for their talents, my love. You see, all things come with a price, and I don't mean money when I say that. Money is but one form of currency." She laughed, as if at an inside joke. "Magic is a very powerful thing – too much of it can easily kill. All cats have it, but those we call 'normal' have it in very small amounts. It is not enough to destroy them. However… magic cats are very different. They possess dangerously large amounts of magic. While they are young, they are able to handle it. Usually they are admired, _loved_."

This made Victoria think of Misto – all the Jellicles loved him. His magic was _amazing._

"But it comes at a price. We are only cats, and magic is far more powerful than any cat. In their adulthood, magic cats find their minds and bodies deteriorating. Their magic begins to consume them."

Victoria glanced over at Macavity, wide-eyed. He smiled darkly.

"There is, however, a way to prevent this. And that's where we Chardirs come in." Griddlebone gave a deep sigh. "Being pure white… we're like sheets of paper, untainted by ink. We contain no magic, my love. We are lucky. But a long time ago, cats started coming to us… half mad cats. There was one Chardir who befriended one of these cats. The tribe refused to let her near him, but he offered them a gift in return for her company. She calmed him, made him feel sane. He offered the tribe a gift of great magic… and they couldn't refuse."

Victoria suddenly began to feel herself understanding why she'd been sent to the Jellicles.

"Before long, other cats were coming to us, offering gifts and pleading. That was when our business started… our business of selling off our own kittens to magic cats. You see, Victoria, we are the only hope for them. Being white, we sort of _absorb_ the terrible effects of their magic. We take it into our pure bodies, and the magic cats live long, happy lives. But… of course, it cannot be perfect. There is no such thing as a perfect solution. We white cats… we don't live long lives as a result of the pressure placed upon us. Most of us end up dying extremely young. For instance… you." Griddlebone's fists clenched and Victoria's mouth went dry.

"So… you sold me off to the Jellicles to save them? Misto… Plato… Macavity…" Her voice was shaky. "I… I understand. But…why me? Mother, I thought you loved me!"

"I'm so sorry, Victoria, so sorry. But it was orders. You were their choice."

"Couldn't you have refused? Surely I'm… better. Surely I should've stayed here!" Victoria's claws slid out in her frustration.

"I'm not sure I like that tone," Macavity muttered under his breath.

"They offered us… an amazing gift. Incredible magic." Meiyina finally spoke up, shaking her head. "My father could not refuse it. I have no idea where you came upon this magic, Macavity, but…"

"It's magic so powerful that the owner of it was hell to be birthed. She put the mother through agony, that kitten. That magic… it's life," Macavity said quietly. He indicated the jar placed in the corner of the room. "It was used in an attempt to give new life to you, Victoria. As you can see, it worked just as we thought it would."

Victoria goggled at him. "_Life?_ It… it brought me back to life? Whose magic-"

"And I suppose now you're just going to lock it away again…" Macavity said almost resentfully.

"It is too valuable to waste," Meiyina said.

Victoria sighed. They obviously weren't going to answer any more of her questions. Suddenly, her head snapped up. "Hold on a moment," she said. "Alyana… she was meant to go to the Jellicles!"

Both Meiyina and Griddlebone flinched at the sound of her name.

Victoria remembered clearly the time when Alyana had told her about her past with Macavity. Only now did she truly understand it.

_"Anyway, we made plans. My family… arranged… for us to leave together and return to the Jellicles." Upon hearing Victoria's gasp, Alyana let out a sad laugh. "Oh yes, Victoria. I was meant to become a Jellicle. I was meant to be great among the greatest tribe known in the city. I was meant to accomplish so much more than I did…"_

"It turned out differently," Macavity said shortly. "We chose you instead, Victoria – aren't you proud?"

Victoria shook her head. "I'm sad," she whispered. "I'm sad for me and sad for Alyana. She was eager to leave – don't you remember? She was so happy to have the opportunity to leave her home with the tom she loved." Macavity gritted his teeth. "And me… I was happy here. In my true home." She hung her head. "With my true mother."

"Victoria, you don't understand the half of it," Macavity growled. "If I'd allowed Alyana to truly love me, things would've ended badly. I… I don't deserve to love anyone. No magic cat does."

"But she did truly love you," Victoria said quietly.

The wind rustled through the room, seemingly whispering to them. Victoria caught a hazy voice on the breeze. _And I still do._

**

* * *

**

Back at the Junkyard, Electra and Plato muttered together while Misto hunched against a wall, eyes rolled back in his head and mouth hanging slightly open. Suddenly, he jolted up, eyes wide.

"I got him," he said, excitement in his voice. "I found Macavity!"

* * *

**A/N: Griddlebone seems a strange choice, doesn't it? She'll be given a tiny bit of backstory later on.**

**100,000 words! Oh wow, this is turning out a lot longer than I planned. Would you believe that this was a side project and I wrote a note saying 'Keep it short'?**


	28. Let Go

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 28;; Let Go**

"_I'm willing risk my life to keep the magic alive. Though it's a pricey gift to own, it's… a wonderful one. That magic you used to bring me back? I want to keep magic like that flowing through the hands of a capable magic cat."_

**

* * *

**

"Oy, Teaze!"

"Yeah, Jer?"

"Do yah think Mac's got here yet?" Mungojerrie blinked hopefully at his friend. They were still lost – the Chardir's home was apparently a very, very huge place. Either that or they had no sense of direction whatsoever.

"Whoi do yah ask?" Rumpleteazer responded in an irritated fashion, clutching her stomach. She was _so_ hungry.

"Cause maybe 'e'll foind us and get us some food," Mungojerrie grumbled, his stomach growling.

"So… this is where you've been hiding, huh? Chardirs make you nervous?" Macavity gave a low chuckle as he stalked onto the scene, a limp, slimy fish dangling from his fingers.

Rumpleteazer could've kissed him.

"Oh, Macs! We've been so lost!" she gasped, rushing up to him. She stared at him with huge doe eyes and he laughed and chucked her the fish. She waved Mungojerrie over and the two of them literally tore into it.

"I was wondering what the pair of you were up to… anyway, your job is done. I sought you out so I could give you… _this._"

Rumpleteazer completely lost interest in her meal as soon as her eyes caught the glitter of the pearl necklace swinging from Macavity's hand. She literally lunged for him, eyes aglow. "Oh Macs, oh Macs," she blabbered excitedly.

Mungojerrie thought that Macavity was very clever to have figured out Rumpleteazer's love of all things shiny. Very clever indeed.

And… he was even cleverer to have realized that if Rumpleteazer wanted something, Mungojerrie would stop at nothing to get it for her.

Macavity handed Rumpleteazer the necklace. "Well, now you can go home." He said this as a command, even though Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer had intended to do just that anyway.

"Thanks, Macs," Rumpleteazer said graciously as if he'd just given the necklace as a gift rather than a reward.

"We'll be going," Mungojerrie said gruffly, grabbing Rumpleteazer's arm. "Um… where's the way out?"

"Just head down that path and always turn left," Macavity instructed, turning and walking back to where had come from.

"Le's go now, Teaze," Mungojerrie sighed, tugging her along. She stared at the glittering necklace in her hands, mesmerized.

"'Ang on a mo, Jer. Could you put this 'round moi neck?" she asked, smiling.

"'Course." Mungojerrie took it from her. He couldn't help but admire the way the pearls glimmered… but it was for Rumpleteazer. He himself would've sold it, but if Rumpleteazer wanted it, she got her way. Sighing again, he carefully placed it round her neck. She let out a squeal.

"Jer, do Oi look good?" Rumpleteazer did a little twirl, giggling.

"Beautiful," Mungojerrie said, smiling. They laughed together and finally headed home, hand in hand.

**

* * *

**

"So this is where they've been keeping you, huh?"

Victoria started as an unfamiliar white cat entered the den. For the time being, they'd left her alone – even Macavity. She needed time and space to think.

"You're Aly's little sister… am I right?" The white queen tilted her head to one side and sat herself on the end of Victoria' bed. "I'm Chantelle. Head of the Scouts."

"It's nice to meet you," Victoria mumbled. "I'm-"

"Victoria. Like I said, Aly's little sister."

"Oh!" It only just struck Victoria that the queen was referring to Alyana. "I… I really am, aren't I?" She hadn't really thought about it before, but it was true. She was Alyana's baby sister.

"Lucky thing." Chantelle sighed deeply. "You were the one they loved. Alyana? She's never been cooed over. Her mother and father didn't care about her… Macavity treated her like dirt… she only had one friend."

"Who?" Victoria asked, trying hard not to feel guilty.

"Me." Chantelle gave Victoria a wry smile. "Even then, I doubt she cared about me. She was determined to rebel against the Chardirs, that queen. I just… I wanted to help her."

"Why did she hate her home so much?" Victoria glanced around. "If I'd been given the choice, I wouldn't have left." She spoke somewhat spitefully.

"No one paid the slightest attention to her – ever. She had a lot of talent with flowers, coaxing them to grow, but she tried to show her mother, her father, her family, her so-called 'friends' – none of them bothered even looking. They told her she needed to grow up and start doing something useful. Otherwise, they threatened to sell her off." Chantelle laughed bitterly. "They rarely sell cats that are useful to them, and Alyana proved to be anything but useful."

"Oh…" Victoria made herself small. She felt as if it was all her fault.

"Alyana became bitter. She never bothered learning anything or trying anything new – she sat alone with her flowers, wishing for a way out. Sometimes I would sit with her. I liked her flowers – they were so pretty. A shame no one cared about them. She told me a lot of things, once she came to trust me. She told me she _wanted_ to be sold away just to 'get out of this god-awful place'. She wanted to do some rebellious that would shock the tribe." Chantelle frowned. "I don't think she ever did do what she intended to…"

"But she left the tribe…"

"Yeah, but she wanted to make their blood boil. Her leaving? They weren't really too bothered. Anyway, Macavity came along and she saw her chance in him. God, the King was _not_ pleased with her. She flirted openly with him, desperate to make him love her. And for a while, we thought he did. He said, 'I'll take her back with me'. But… for some reason, he took you instead, leaving her shattered."

Victoria bowed her head. "She must hate me…"

Chantelle shook her head fervently. "You know what? I don't think so. She was… fond of you."

Victoria spluttered. "I doubt that!"

"No… really, she adored you. Everyone did. You were the sweetest little thing. I think it was… you paid attention to her flowers, Victoria. You thought they were lovely, as I recall."

"I… I did?"

**

* * *

**

_Victoria sat at the edge of a flowerbed, blinking and smiling. Not even Mother knew she was there – she was probably going to get in trouble, but she did so want to see those flowers._

"_You like them, huh?" Alyana sauntered in and sat right beside Victoria, making her jump._

"_O-oh! Um… I'm sorry, I… I'll be going now," Victoria stammered, giving Alyana a frightened look and rising to her feet._

_Alyana held up a paw. "Wait… why are you acting so frightened? I'm not a monster. I'm just your big sister." She began to laugh, and warily, Victoria sat back down again._

"_It's just… I thought you didn't like me very much," Victoria said ruefully. "You were… very frightening the other day."_

"_I'm sorry." Alyana dipped her head. "If you like, you can have one now. A flower, that is."_

"_R-really?"_

"_Yeah. I think it would… be good if I could do something nice for someone for once." Alyana chuckled. "Um …you do like them, though?"_

"_Oh, they're…they're soooo beautiful," Victoria gushed, looking over the stunning array of flowers with glowing eyes. "You're so lucky that they grow for you."_

_Alyana couldn't help but smile eagerly. "I know! But… no one seems to appreciate it. No one cares. They tell me to get off my lazy ass and do something useful, but whatever. One day, this entire place will be made beautiful and color-filled with my flowers and… and they'll thank me." There was a fierce edge of determination in her eyes. "So, take one, Victoria, and look after it… perhaps you could help me spread it?"_

_Victoria, only understanding half of what Alyana was saying, just nodded. "Sure."_

**

* * *

**

"…I remember." Victoria glanced up at Chantelle. "She adored her flowers, didn't she? They were her life."

"Her sole place of peace was among them," Chantelle confirmed.

"Where are they now?" Victoria asked. "The flowers, I mean… I'd like to see them."

Chantelle's lips quirked. "They're doing just fine. I could show you, if you wanted. Are you able to walk?"

Victoria swung her legs off the bed and unsteadily stood up. "I think I'll be fine," she said finally, shaking off the pins and needles. "Let's go."

Still smiling, Chantelle led Victoria out the den. The younger white queen let out a gasp at what she saw. "Th-the flowers… they're everywhere!"

And so they were. All over the place, vividly colored flowers nodded in the breeze, peeking their heads up from even the unlikeliest of places. Without them, Victoria imagined that the place would be very boring – plain bricks and stones. The flowers gave it all color and life.

"You know, they sorta remind me of her, those flowers. They began tame – cooped up in their little flower box. And then when she escaped, they began to spread, free. Wild. They're just like her, don't you think?" Chantelle said. Victoria nodded silently, sadly.

"Never did they get a chance to thank her for the beauty she left behind," Chantelle said quietly.

"Are they thankful, though?" Victoria asked warily, worried about the answer she was about to receive.

Chantelle turned to face Victoria with grave eyes. "How can they be thankful to a queen they've completely forgotten?"

**

* * *

**

Victoria returned to her den, ushered in by a couple of worried medics. They fretted over her, even though she insisted she was perfectly fine. Eventually, they left her alone again. Chantelle had left to do her duties and Victoria found herself wanting to talk to someone.

_What am I meant to do now…? Can I… can I go back to the Jellicles…? Do I WANT to?_

Victoria didn't know. One thing she was sure of, though: she wasn't yet ready to forgive the Jellicles for lying to her about what she truly was. Not even Plato, for surely he had known.

_In fact… the only reason he dated me was probably so that he wouldn't go crazy. _

Suddenly, the thought of his vivid green eyes made Victoria feel like throwing up. The Jellicles had _deceived _her. They had fooled her into thinking that they loved her by showering her with affection, but really, the truth was, she was just an item to them. Something that could be bought and shipped over. Something that could be used – no more. She bit her lip so hard that it began to bleed.

"I thought that you loved me, Plato," she said. "I thought you were my best friend, Jemima. I thought you were my sister, Etcetera… no. All wrong. All lies."

_And I hate them… I'll never go back there._

"Something on your mind, huh?" Macavity's voice entered her head easily, light and teasing. Victoria was used to it now – she found that she didn't really mind his company, funnily enough. She could really relate to him. The Jellicles… they hadn't cared about him either.

_Yeah… I guess so. What am I meant to do now? Where am I meant to go?_ In her head, Victoria's voice sounded devoid of hope to her. She was truly lost.

"The Jellicles…?" Macavity offered, sounding reluctant.

_No. I can't, I just can't. I don't…I don't want to ever see them again as long as I live._

"Ha! Can't say I've never felt that before. Well… why don't you stay here, then?" His voice turned into a sort of sneer. "You seemed happy enough to surrender to a pampered life of the Queen's favorite once again. To be… a spoilt little brat."

_Macavity, please…don't say things like that. Besides…I've decided I can't do that, either._

"_What_? But why?"

_Chantelle told me all about Alyana. The Chardirs are no better than the Jellicles. No good tribe would go into the business of buying and selling kittens. I… I mean the Jellicles when I say that, too._

Macavity was quiet for a long time. "You really are good inside, Victoria," he said finally. "I've always known, but… I dunno, I thought maybe I was wrong. You acted so stuck-up sometimes, I wanted to hate you. You and your precious, precious white fur. But you were all that kept me from…from exploding. Exploding all over the Jellicles. Destroying them. I suppose I have to thank you."

_It's what I was made for,_ Victoria thought wryly.

She received another long silence from Macavity, and if not for the feeling of his lingering presence, she would've thought he'd disappeared from her mind. Eventually, the cat himself stepped through the entrance of the den, a stray smile flitting across his lips.

"I have a proposal, Victoria," he said carefully, seating himself on her bed. She sat up and scooted over so that they were sitting together.

"Mm?"

"You say you don't care to return to the Jellicles?"

"No… I can't forgive them," Victoria said, shaking her head forlornly.

"Nor the Chardirs?"

"They sold me away…there's so little love or emotion here, it chills me to the heart," Victoria said with a shiver.

"Then… you have nowhere to go?" Macavity's eyes were glinting with some strange emotion.

"I suppose not…"

"Then, why don't you do as you originally planned when you left the Junkyard?" Macavity suggested with a fierce grin.

"What… _oh_." Victoria clapped her hands to her mouth. "Go with you, you mean? I… I don't know, Macavity."

"Oh, come on," Macavity said cajolingly. "I saved your life, Victoria. I'd enjoy my company and I daresay you'd enjoy mine." He smirked at her.

"But… you ended up causing my death in the first place," Victoria argued. All the same, she wasn't about to write off his suggestion completely.

"Not really. If you think about it, you were dying anyway, what with you hanging out with Plato or Misto all the time." He spoke matter-of-factly, and Victoria couldn't deny it was the truth.

"We-ell… you took me away from the Chardirs!" Victoria smiled, thinking she'd come up with the perfect argument. Somehow, it had all turned into a game of outwitting Macavity.

"Deuteronomy's orders," Macavity chuckled, knowing she was beaten.

"Um…you're Macavity! Macavity the awful!" Victoria leant into him, giggling slightly and pushing his shoulder. He couldn't help but laugh as well.

"Is that the latest title, huh? Macavity the Fearful, Macavity the Mystery Cat… now Macavity the Awful?" He turned to her, lips still turned up in a friendly smile. It was an unfamiliar expression on his face to Victoria. "C'mon… do I _look_ awful to you?"

Truth be told, Victoria didn't think so. A warning voice in her head piped up about the awful things he'd done in the past, but seeing his smiling face right then…

"Wait… it was you that broke Plato and I up!" she called out indignantly, moving away from him. She glared, a lot of things clicking into place. He stared, surprised.

"How do you remember – oh… cause you died." Macavity looked almost sheepish. "Victoria, you have to understand that it was for your own good. All that time that Plato was spending with you was in reality _killing_ you. That green-eyed bastard could care less about you, trust me. He just wanted to be sane so as not to scare Etcetera!"

"Oh… really?" Victoria asked in a small voice. "Then it's true… my suspicions, they were right. He never cared about me."

"Maybe he did, just a little bit," Macavity admitted quietly. Victoria, shaking with unshed tears, leant her head on his shoulder.

"I did care about him, you know," she whispered. "That day he kissed me, I thought me were meant to be forever. And he promised me that, too."

"I wonder just how sincere that promise was?" Macavity muttered, staring warily down at the way Victoria was comfortably leaning into him. _She's getting so close… and what happens when queens get too close to Macavity, hm? _said a taunting little voice in his head. Abruptly, Macavity stood and backed into a wall. Victoria toppled over with a gasp, unable to stay upright with the sudden lack of support. She lifted her head up from the pillows and stared at him with wide, questioning eyes.

"You were… too close," he said heavily.

"What's wrong?" Victoria breathed. "Tell me…something's on your mind."

Macavity's face twisted and he lowered his head.

"You know, Macavity… it's almost unfair. You get to know my every secret and you tell me nothing about yourself in return." Victoria stood up and slowly made her way over to him. She touched his paw and added in a voice so soft that Macavity barely heard, "I'd like to know. About you, that is."

"Fine," he said hoarsely. "But it isn't pretty."

"We all know that," Victoria smiled ruefully. "But I want to hear anyway."

"I don't want to scare you off… but maybe that's best." Macavity took a shuddering breath. "Alright. Did you know I was… meant to be the Jellicle Protector?"

Victoria's eyes widened and she gasped softly – evidently, no, she hadn't known.

"Yeah, it's true. No one wants to believe it, but it is. I was their perfect, strong, kind tom… a lot like Munkustrap I s'pose, but better. After all, I had _magic_. What couldn't I do without my magic and my muscles?" His voice was so bitter that Victoria couldn't help but slip her paw into his and draw little circles on his clenched fingers. He sighed. "That was when _she_ died."

"Who?"

"I can't remember anymore. After her death, I was asked to erase all memory of her. It was a difficult thing – her memory was imprinted onto a lot of cats. I'm afraid I didn't remove her completely – after all, I can still remember her. She was… a Chardir. Your predecessor."

"_Oh._" Victoria bit her lip in sudden understanding. "How… how old was she?"

"Young," Macavity answered shortly. Victoria sucked in a breath. "Anyway, after that? Every magic cat in the tribe – and there we plenty, believe me – began to slowly lose it. It was a dark time. Cats disappeared 'mysteriously' without a trace. Others preferred to go out with a bang – quite literally. In the end, I was the only one left. My father wanted to keep me around. He was desperate to make me Jellicle Protector, even though I was hardly capable. The other Jellicles? They thought him mad."

"Why… why didn't you just bring in another Chardir?" Victoria whispered, still rubbing his fingers.

"We wanted to, trust me," Macavity replied grimly. "But we couldn't afford it. Not until-" He quickly cut himself off. "Anyway, I did… some things." He shuddered. "I… was in a state of madness… the price of my magic has left scars on me. I'll never be able to be normal again. Do you understand? That's why… you should stand away." He spoke through gritted teeth.

Victoria shook her head. "Your magic won't affect you when I'm around," she said in something close to a croon.

"But it's killing you." Macavity's eyes flashed.

"I don't care. Wherever I go, magic is killing me. I just want to help you… you and your kind." Victoria blinked at him, taking his other paw into her free hand. They were huge in comparison to hers – the red completely covered the white. Only a white thumb slipped out to rub soothing circles on the back of his hand.

"That's a very noble goal," Macavity snorted. "But it's a stupid one."

"We have to take risks." Victoria's voice turned determined. "I'm willing risk my life to keep the magic alive. Though it's a pricey gift to own, it's… a wonderful one. That magic you used to bring me back? I want to keep magic like that flowing through the hands of a capable magic cat."

"I'd rather there be no magic than no you," Macavity admitted quietly, staring at the way her thumb rubbed his hand.

"Sometimes, you really don't act like it." Victoria stared at him imploringly. She knew now what she truly desired. When she thought of bliss, her mind didn't fill with emerald green – lustrous gold eyes always swam into view.

"You know why?" Macavity's eyes darkened. "I… I'm not meant to care about anyone or anything. They always… always get hurt. Demeter… Alyana… no one's safe from the 'wrath of Macavity'," he sneered.

"I'm willing to risk it," Victoria said, a cheeky gleam in her eyes. "Everyone has flaws."

Macavity gave a harsh laugh. "Honey, I'm just one big flaw. I couldn't possibly taint a cat like you." Without thinking, the word 'honey' had slipped from his mouth. It was a word he had only used with one cat beforehand…

"…_Alyana, honey, come a little closer…"_

"…_Mind if I kiss you, honey…?_

He shuddered. Now was no time to think of her.

Victoria tilted her head to one side, a knowing smile flitting across her face. "Then how about _I_ taint _you_?" she snickered, throwing a pure white leg over his thigh. Inside, she was squirming with fear and anticipation, but she needed to show that she wasn't afraid.

_I'm not going to lose control, I'm not_, Macavity told himself. And then he gave a low laugh. "Surely that wouldn't be too bad," he purred.

Victoria hesitated before bringing her lips to his, but when they finally met, she knew that she had never felt better – ever. Not even with Plato. Plato's kisses were sweet, but compared to Macavity's, tame. Macavity's hands on her sent adrenalin through her blood. His lips set Victoria alight and she was blazing, blazing into fire. Gasping, she pressed closer, wanting more. Her hands clutched his shoulders – his hands lay on her waist.

Suddenly, Macavity pushed Victoria away, ears twitching and eyes frantic with wild desire. Victoria stumbled and stared at him, fingers clutching for him. He shook his head at her.

"Someone's coming," he rasped. "And I'm losing control."

"_Shit,_" Victoria hissed, literally throwing herself back onto the bed and scrabbling to get under the covers. Her chest rose and fell almost violently and her eyes were huge, the pupils swelled. Macavity frowned at her.

"You don't look particularly relaxed," he informed her, gasping in between words.

"I wonder why, genius," she snapped, working on her breathing. She closed her eyes and laid her head back. "Meanwhile," she added, "You should get out of here."

He didn't respond. When Victoria opened her eyes, she found herself alone.

**

* * *

**

"I know where he is," Misto blabbered, eyes wide and excited. "I caught a glimpse of him – he was with Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer!"

"Traitors," Electra spat.

Misto shook his head uncertainly. "They looked to be afraid of him," he said. "But… we'll have to ask them about this."

"And then we can ask them where Macavity is," Plato laughed. "Of course… you know, Misto, sometimes it seems you really _do_ have a brain."

Misto opened his mouth to give an indignant retort, but Electra held up a hand. "Someone's coming," she said, narrowing her eyes. Moments later, Jemima rushed into the den, cheeks flushed and panting slightly. As she came in, Alonzo's scent wafted through the room, giving the other cats a distinct impression of what she'd just been doing.

"Oh," she mumbled, seeing the other three. Electra coughed suggestively. Plato averted his eyes. Finally, Misto spoke.

"Um… so you and Alonzo are back together, huh…?" he said awkwardly.

"N-no," Jemima denied. Misto rolled his eyes disbelievingly. "No, I swear! He keeps following me, that's all," she explained, sounding unsure of herself.

"Whatever," Plato said. "We're not here to discuss your love life, no matter how dramatic it is, Jemima."

"Ah!" Jemima's eyes widened. "Macavity! So uh, what's happening?" She blushed, knowing she was out of the loop.

"We're ambushing Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer," Electra grinned, rubbing her paws together.

"Whenever did you get so sadistic…?" Plato muttered, eyes glinting in amusement. Electra shrugged nonchalantly.

"Since I realized that it was time for me to drop my act," she snickered.

"So, uh… since you have it all figured out, what are we doing and when?" Jemima asked.

"Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer know all about Macavity, it seems," Plato explained. "We'll get the info out of them and then… and then we'll head off."

"Is that it?" Jemima's eyes widened. "What about when we get there? What then?"

"There are some things we just can't plan out, Jemi," Electra said in such a happy voice it was almost a coo. "We improvise."

"Loopy," Plato said under his breath.

"Barmy," Jemima giggled.

Everyone began to chuckle, doubling over in their little fits of laughter. No one really knew what was so funny, but it was a relief to laugh. The atmosphere lightened considerably.

That was when an accusing voice rose up from the entrance of the den. "What, are you talking about me or something?"

Everyone fell silent. In their glee, they'd completely forgotten about Etcetera.

She stalked in, fur fluffed up and eyes narrowed. If it weren't for the pure anger radiating from her, she would've looked cute. "Why is it," she snapped, "That I wasn't invited to this little meeting?"

"Etcy, we didn't plan this," Jemima said in a soothing voice. "We all kinda ended up here."

"You could've invited me," Etcetera shot back. "But no – I don't matter, do I? No one wants to remember me, because I'm only Etcy and I'm just an insignificant other. I know, I know…there's no need to completely throw it in my face." She bristled at them, claws raking the earth agitatedly.

"Etcy, no!" Jemima protested. "It isn't like that! It's just…" She trailed off.

"Oh yeah? It's just…? You forgot me, plain and simple. Don't worry, it's not that hard to do. I get it all the time."

Everyone was silent – they knew her scathing words held a grain of truth. They had forgotten her, and they really shouldn't have. Finally, Plato spoke up.

"Etcetera," he said stiffly. "I was thinking… maybe it would be best if you didn't come."

"_What?_" she spat.

"It's going to be dangerous," he said quietly. "Macavity has a lot of power. I don't think it would be best if-"

"I'm there to drag to down? Whatever! Don't you even remember? Bast, _I came up with this idea_." Etcetera's voice was wild. "I could've gone and done it alone! Goddamn, this is for _Victoria_. This is my way of finally getting peace – I need to avenge her death! _Me_! If someone else does it, I'll live in pain for the rest of my life!"

Silence again. They'd forgotten that it'd all been Etcetera's idea in the first place.

"Fine," Plato said. "Come… but I don't like it."

"Of course not," Etcetera said limply. "Cause I'm weak and useless and annoying…and for once, I just want to do something good but no, I'm going to get in the way…" Her voice was choked, her vision blurred. She shook her head despairingly and left the den.

The four remaining cats watched her go, uncertain of what to do. Finally, Electra thumped Plato heavily on the shoulder.

"What on earth are you sitting here for, idiot? Go after her!" In a low voice, she added, "She needs someone to tell her she's beautiful."

Plato closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Yeah, you're right… thanks, Electra." And he was gone.

Only Jemima, Electra and Misto were left.

"So, Misto, how is it?" Jemima asked gently.

"Presumably bad," Electra put in.

"I wasn't asking you, Electra…" Jemima looked pointedly at Misto – he looked away. "You can tell me," she said gently.

"No, because I doubt you would understand," he muttered. "Jemima, look at you. Pounce was telling me all about the great kiss you guys had… and then you show up here with Alonzo's scent all over you? And now you're certain you can delve into my feelings and probably get a kiss for being so useful. What's wrong with you?"

Jemima cringed, eyes wide in hurt. "Misto," she gasped. "No… don't say that."

"I'm worried about you, Jemima," he said quietly.

She just shook her head and raced out.

"Just you and me, Cap'n," Electra drawled, sending him an emotionless look out of the corner of her eye. Misto sighed.

"Everything's going downhill these days," he said dejectedly.

"Chin up," Electra urged. "C'mon – it's not going to last forever. As if Deuteronomy would allow that! And my pain? I think it's about to end as well." Her lips twitched in a mockery of a smile. "And if it doesn't end? Well, I have no idea what on earth's left for me in this godforsaken place."

"I'll be there for you," Misto assured her.

"But is that enough to keep my feet glued to the earth?" Electra mused.

**

* * *

**

Plato followed Etcetera across the Junkyard to the very edge, where he found her alone and watching cars speed by. Her head swiveled as every car passed, her eyes following them attentively.

"Got nothing better to do, huh?" he asked as he sat beside her. She shifted away.

"Leave me alone, Plato," she whispered, her voice barely audible over the constant roar of the cars.

"I just can't," he said. "Etcy, I can't."

"Well then, I'll have to make sure you do!" Etcetera stood up and made to leave, but just in time, Plato caught onto her hand. She froze, facing away from him and his hold on her slackened. He was afraid of rejection. "Let go," she said.

"No… first, let me tell you something." Plato's voice wavered.

"…Fine." Etcetera stayed still, but she didn't turn to face him.

"I think… I think you're beautiful," he breathed. "One day, that smile of yours is going to kill me. I can hardly breathe when you look at me… and I… I… really like you," he finished lamely.

_Don't they usually call that…love? _Electra's voice mocked in his brain.

Etcetera was silent for a long time. "Thanks, Plato," she said finally. "Now let go."

And he did.


	29. Scarlet Petals

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 29;; Scarlet Petals**

_She didn't turn to face him. She knew what would happen if she did. He would pull her back, of course. It would be all too easy for him…_

**

* * *

**

It was bliss. If there was such thing as perfection, Victoria had found it – and in the arms of Macavity, no less.

If anyone had asked her just a few weeks back if she was going to fall for him, she would have said no. In fact, she would have asked them if they were crazy. Victoria with Macavity? It sounded ridiculous. But she couldn't resist him – somehow, he had charmed her. _He's not as bad as he makes himself out to be,_ she argued in her own head.

But when he pulled her into his lap and kissed her neck, all thoughts left her head. She sighed and leant into him, glad that at least they had their own spot of privacy. Of course, it was possible that they would be disturbed, but Macavity had promised her that he wouldn't allow it.

Even so, Victoria wasn't sure if she even minded. She _ached_ for Macavity – how had it changed so quickly? He'd sworn up and down that he hadn't hypnotized her. No, she really, truly wanted him.

"I'm surprised," he murmured in her ear, removing his lips from her neck. His breath fluttered at her ear, tickling.

"Mm?"

"I never thought that this would happen… but here we are." He traced patterns in her fur, eyes bemused. "Macavity… and pretty, pure Victoria."

"I want this," Victoria said with confidence.

"Yeah, I was hoping that."

"So, Macavity… do you love me?" Victoria's asked playfully. She twisted around and locked her arms around his neck.

"Eh, maybe."

"Promise me this'll-"

"Last forever?" Macavity tipped his head to one side, guessing the rest of her sentence. She blushed. "You're so sentimental, Victoria. No such thing as forever, honey. It'll all end someday, the whole world, existence – maybe I'll be the one to destroy it."

"I suppose forever isn't very reliable anyway." Victoria buried her face into his neck. "I should've learned the first time, huh?" she continued, voice muffled.

"Forever is silly," Macavity laughed. "Forever is for sissies."

"Then promise me that this will last." Victoria removed her face from his fur and tightened her grip on his neck so that it was almost choking. "Go on," she cooed.

"It'll last until it ends, I swear," Macavity smirked. "Now, can I go back to kissing you?"

As a response, Victoria pressed her lips to his. Tongues intertwined and explored, body heats rose. When they stopped to breathe, Victoria was dizzy.

"Do you love me?" she pressed.

"Stop with the talking," Macavity growled, bringing his lips back to hers.

She shrugged her shoulders – she would get her answer one day, plain and simple and pulled right from his lips.

**

* * *

**

When Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer arrived back at the Junkyard, the last thing they were expecting was for Jemima to greet them so enthusiastically. But she did – and then, what was worse, she continued to drag out her friends and suddenly, they were pinned to the ground.

"Wha' in the world?" Mungojerrie yowled, squirming.

"Ge' off!" Rumpleteazer squealed, thrashing.

"Wait." Electra stepped forward – she had escaped the job of holding the two cats down. "First, we'd like to know exactly where you were the past few days." She grinned devilishly at them. "Then we'll let you go – no strings attached!"

They both faltered in their struggling. "Um, uh," Mungojerrie mumbled. "We were, y'know, on 'oliday with our owners…"

"Lovely," Electra said, her voice infuriatingly pleasant. "Pray tell, where'd you go?"

"The Bahamas!" Rumpleteazer blurted.

Everyone, even Mungojerrie, looked baffled. "Wha' in Heaviside is _that_?" Mungojerrie hissed.

"Well, thanks, Jer," Rumpleteazer grumbled. "Now look a' wha' yah've done." She gestured towards Electra, who was practically writhing in glee.

"Oh, uh…" Mungojerrie laughed sheepishly. "Yeah, we've been up tah no good, I s'pose. Ou' and abou'… stealin' from the rich, givin' to the poor, y'know…"

"Meeting with Macavity," Electra put in.

Mungojerrie nodded to this. Then, he shook his head fervently. "Ah, no, we've been doin' no such thing," he said defensively.

"Then why'd you nod?" Electra chuckled.

"Cos 'e's stupid, tha's whoi," Rumpleteazer put in before he could speak and ruin everything. "Yah know Mungojerrie… nevah thinks before 'e speaks."

"Oi do so!" Mungojerrie protested indignantly. "Who was the one who blabbed abou' goin' on 'oliday to the bananas, eh?"

"Wha'evah," Rumpleteazer muttered.

"So obviously, we're having trouble coming up with an appropriate lie." Electra looked like she was having _way_ too much fun.

"'Ow did you know anyway?" Rumpleteazer asked with a sigh. "I mean …no' as if we're sayin' you're righ', of course…"

"Misto," Electra answered simply.

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer both cursed.

"Whoi are yah spyin' on us anyway?" Mungojerrie groaned. "Oi swear we wasn't up to any bad business! 'E just asked us for a few favors, y'know? There was no 'arm in it!"

"Favors?" Jemima asked from where she was helping Misto hold Rumpleteazer to the ground.

"None a' your business," Rumpleteazer said.

"Where is Macavity right now?" Electra asked, suddenly serious.

"Whoi does it matter to yah?" Mungojerrie growled, his struggles renewed with extra desperation.

"I don't think you're in the position to ask questions," Electra replied menacingly. "Remember, it'd be easy to go to Munkustrap and inform him of certain misdeeds that a certain near identical pair have been up to…" She bared her teeth, looking very odd doing so.

"Yah wouldn't!" Rumpleteazer gasped, horrified. "Tha's blackmail! You… you… you nasty little rats!" she spat, her temper well and truly lost.

"We would," Electra shrugged. "In fact… Jemima, why don't you head off right-"

"Okay, okay!" Mungojerrie relented. "We'll… we'll give the info…" He bit his lip.

"No, Jer… we told Macs…" Rumpleteazer wrung her hands.

"'E's not a good cat anyway," Mungojerrie sighed. To the others, he said, "Look, Oi got no oidea whoi exactly yah wanna know where Macavity is… bu' I got no choice bu' tah tell yah. 'E's at the other end of town with a buncha whoite cats."

Rumpleteazer moaned and clutched at her pearl necklace.

"Thank you very much," Electra said. Plato, Misto and Jemima stood back, releasing their 'captives'. Without a single glance back, they scooted off.

"White cats…" Plato said softly. "Now we know _exactly_ where Macavity is."

Misto just stared uneasily at the ground.

**

* * *

**

Later, Plato found himself having a very awkward conversation with Tumblebrutus. He'd simply meant to pass by without even a single glance, but the other tom had grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back.

"Look, Plato," he said. "Do you have any idea what's going on?"

Plato blinked slowly, green eyes carefully guarded. "What on earth are you on about, Tumble?" he said in his usual drawl.

"Etcy. She… looks like she's going mad, I swear. And most of my friends – yeah, including you – seem to be hiding something. Sneaking around like thieves. I don't like it, Plato."

"You must be imagining things," Plato shrugged.

"I doubt that. And where is Etcy anyway? I've been looking for her, just to see if she's alright, but I can't find her anywhere!"

This did spark interest within Plato. "You… can't find her? Are you sure?"

"Positive," Tumblebrutus affirmed. "Look, I've been round all her favorite spots a dozen times – I've looked over practically the whole Junkyard! I asked everyone to look out for her, but no one's seen her. She's _gone_, Plato."

"_Fuck_."

Plato didn't stay to chat any longer. He went straight to Misto – after all, the conjuring cat was perhaps the only one who could help him.

"Misto," he panted, bursting into the tuxedo cat's den. He was alone, but the scents of Electra and Jemima lingered from a visit probably not too long ago. "Misto, I need your help."

"What's up?"

"Etcy… apparently, she's gone." Plato's voice was edged with fear, and Misto understood the direness of the situation at once. He closed his eyes and let his awareness spread across the Junkyard.

"No sign of her close by," he said vaguely, still searching. "I'm in the outskirts of the Junkyard… she's not here. She _is_ gone."

"_Fuck,_" Plato said again. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."

"Calm down…" Misto said, his voice still dreamy.

"I will _not_ calm down!" Plato yelled. "She's in danger, dammit, _Etcy_, and she's probably going to get herself killed! _Fuck!_"

"Shh… I'm still searching…"

Plato sucked in a deep breath and held it. Misto would find her, and then he could go out and fetch her back. No worries. Everything was going to be alright.

"Plato…?" Misto said finally, eyes snapping open at last. Plato jumped and gazed fervently at him, claws digging into the palms of his hands. "Um… bad news," he continued in a small voice. "I can't find her _anywhere_ in this city."

**

* * *

**

_Etcetera stared, wide-eyed, at the white cat. "Victoria?" she whispered, baffled. "I thought… I thought you were dead."_

_The white queen blinked, and only then did Etcetera note the color of her eyes. Green. "Oh kitten," Alyana chuckled. "Still the same Etcetera I remember."_

"_What're you doing here?" Etcetera was so sure that she was asleep, yet Alyana looked vividly real. And they were in her den! So, was it real?_

"_I thought I might do a good deed and show you something you'll like," Alyana replied, smiling broadly._

"_Something I might like…?" Etcetera yawned slightly. "Alright, but be quick. I'm tired."_

_Alyana's lips quirked into something that might or might not have been a smile. She offered a lovely white paw to Etcetera. Feeling nervous for some reason, Etcetera loosely took hold of it. Alyana tightened her own grip and together they strolled as if on a walk through the terraces on a Sunday morning._

"_Where are we going?" Etcetera asked, yawning again._

"_To a place," Alyana said. "A place of vivid colors and smells – it's lovely." And then she started laughing, so hard that she had to stop and lean against a wall, gasping and clutching at her stomach. Etcetera wanted to rip her paw away and run, but Alyana was surprisingly strong. "Alright. Let's move." She winked at Etcetera, only succeeding in freaking the tabby out._

_They walked for a long time – Etcetera's palm grew clammy and she was embarrassed that she was sweating. Alyana wouldn't let go, though. She didn't seem to care. Every time Etcetera tugged away, Alyana just held on harder._

"_Here we are." Finally, Alyana let go, only to flourish dramatically. Etcetera glanced around. The first thing the struck her about the unfamiliar place was the flowers. They thrust themselves at her, clamoring to be looked at. Their colors were so vibrant, Etcetera swore that they _glowed_. Their scent was heavy in the air._

"_The flowers," Etcetera said dizzily._

"_Do you like my children?" Alyana questioned, eyes glowing as she fingered a petal on a flower fondly._

"_Your, er… children?" Etcetera reached out to touch a flower as well, but Alyana slapped her hand away._

"_Get off," she snapped. "Now, I don't dare come go any further in…" She had to swallow her laughter before she continued. "So onwards you go." She gestured to a cobblestone path that led into a series of what looked like dens._

"_Alone?" Etcetera's eyed widened. "I'll get lost!"_

"_Do it for Victoria," Alyana cooed._

_And then, she was gone, and Etcetera woke up._

**

* * *

**

And why, just _why_, was she in the same place she'd been in her dream?

**

* * *

**

"Would you just _calm down,_ Plato?" Electra snapped.

They were in the old den again, perhaps for the last time. Jemima was leaning, half-asleep, against a wall, her fur mussed and the scents of Alonzo and Pouncival wafting off her. Misto was rubbing his temples and concentrating hard, muttering things under his breath. Electra and Plato were engaged in some sort of argument, Plato's voice rising, Electra's teeth gritted.

"_No!_ We need to find her – now!" Plato half-screamed into her face.

"_That's what Misto's doing!_" Electra snarled.

"Too right…" Misto agreed, his voice slurred.

"For all we know, she's dead," Plato said quietly.

"You have no faith in her," Electra said, sighing.

"Calm down everyone," Jemima mumbled. "I'm trying to sleep."

Plato turned on her. "It's your _own_ fucking fault you're so tired! Maybe try _sleeping_ rather than making out with your tomfriends all the time?"

Jemima said nothing – she was asleep.

"Ah… gotcha," Misto mumbled. Slowly, his eyes opened, one first, then the next. "C'mon, let's go fetch her."

"You've found her?" Plato jumped up and grabbed Misto's shoulder. "Oh, thank the Everlasting Cat…"

"I _hate_ walking," Electra said. "What a waste of time… we could be off to kill Macavity right now." She swished her tail from side to side. "Lead the way, Misto… _Oy, Jemima, get off your slutty butt!_" she added in a loud voice, hitting Jemima in her face with her foot.

"Ungh," Jemima moaned, propping herself up and resignedly standing.

They would've left the Junkyard with ease if it weren't for the guard. Unfortunately, it was Alonzo who just happened to be on duty.

"He-ey, Jemima," he chuckled, winking.

Plato made an odd noise in the back of his throat.

"Hi," Jemima replied, suddenly wide awake and overflowing with smiles.

"If we can just pass through," Misto muttered, trying to slip past Alonzo.

"Hey, hold it – where're you guys going?" Alonzo quirked an eyebrow.

"We, uh… need to fetch some herbs for my mum," Electra lied quickly, hoping she sounded sincere.

Alonzo frowned. "Doesn't she usually do that herself?"

"You're just trying to find reasons to be suspicious," Electra replied smoothly, smirking.

"My job, yeah?" he shrugged, chuckling quietly.

Jemima surveyed the conversation with narrowed eyes.

"Alright, off you go – hang on, though, Jemima." Alonzo waved the other three off, taking hold of Jemima's paw.

Jemima smiled and leant in to kiss him, but he shook his head, for once looking serious. "Pouncival told me he was suspicious of you," he said in a low voice.

Jemima's stomach lurched. "He doesn't know about us, does he?" she asked frantically.

Alonzo shook his head, and Jemima buried her face in his chest, flooded with relief. "He thinks that you're up to something, though…and yeah, I have to agree. You're sneaking around, Jemima."

Jemima's heart began to speed up. _No, no, this can't be happening…_

"So… I'd be happy if you could stay here. Just this once. For me?" He gave her a winning grin.

_I have to do something._

She socked him in the jaw, tears spilling from her eyes. He reeled backwards, eyes filled with shock, too surprised to retaliate or even defend himself. "For Victoria," she sobbed as she hit him again, over and over. "Victoria…"

"Jemima," he yowled. There was a trickle of blood coming from his mouth and his eye was glued shut in pain. "Jemima, _no_, _don't!_" But he couldn't stop her – he loved her.

And so he let the queen he loved hit him. And so he let himself fall to the ground unconscious.

Feeling hollow inside, Jemima tramped away.

**

* * *

**

Etcetera picked her way cautiously through the unfamiliar paths, hoping that she wasn't going round in circles. Here and there, she noticed a white cat, and guessed that Alyana was, in reality, following her around. It was strange, though… none of them looked or smelled like her. In fact, a few looked like toms rather than queens. Etcetera shrugged it off – she was probably just imagining things.

A feeling of dread intermingled with the hope Alyana had aroused within her. _Do it for Victoria,_ Alyana had said with that knowing smile on her face. Etcetera felt as if she should've understood this, but she didn't. All she could do was keep walking.

She passed a white cat sitting cross-legged by a bunch of flowers. _Alyana, again?_ Except…except this cat's eyes were a different color entirely. As the queen looked up at Etcetera, shock and recognition flashed across those eyes. Eyes the color of ice.

_Victoria's eyes are blue, not green._

_Alyana's eyes are green, not blue._

It was as if a light had been switched on in Etcetera's head. Everything… it all snapped into place.

Macavity had never killed Victoria, because the queen that Macavity had killed was in fact… Alyana.

But what did that mean?

_It means that she betrayed us all. My own sister… the sister who I was prepared to risk my life for… the one I risked so much for vengeance on her life… she's alive after all._

"You," Etcetera forced through her teeth. "_You._"

Victoria looked away, back down at the flowers. "Alyana," she murmured. "You promised me I could take one, right? I never did."

"_Don't ignore me!_" Etcetera snarled.

Victoria didn't say a word. Instead, she bent and picked one of the flowers. She held it with both hands and brought it to her nose. "Mm," she smiled, inhaling its scent. "Lovely."

Etcetera shuddered in anger. "_What do you think you're playing at?_" she yelled.

Finally, Victoria looked at her. She was the picture of calm and beauty, a delicate flower held level with her chest. Her lips slowly curved up into a smile. "Hello, Etcetera," she said. "What are you doing here?"

"What am I – _why the hell does it matter anyway?_" Etcetera slumped, falling to her knees. "I just want answers…" she whispered. "Why… why won't anyone tell me… anything?"

"I feel your pain," Victoria said, sounding all-too-sincere.

"No. No, Victoria… no you don't." Etcetera looked away bitterly. "Everyone loves you, right? S'not as if… as if they'd hide _anything_ from pretty, perfect Vicki."

"On the contrary, my entire life so far has been a _lie._" Victoria glanced down at the flower. "I'm not a Jellicle, Etcetera. And they don't love me."

"_What the-"_

"You've heard enough."

"Huh?" Etcetera whirled around, only to meet a pair of hard, gold eyes. She quivered. "M-M-Macavity…"

In Macavity's right hand, he held a flower just like Victoria's. He smiled past Etcetera at the white queen. In his left hand, he held a knife. "Long time no see, Etcetera," he said softly, letting the flower fall to the ground. His arm snapped up – suddenly, his hand was at Etcetera's throat. She froze.

"Please," she whispered. "Please, Macavity…"

"Tell me why I shouldn't kill you," he leered. Victoria blanched, gripping the stem of the flower so tightly that juice ran down her fingers.

"No, that isn't it…" Etcetera lowered her eyes and took one step towards Macavity. "Kill me now. No one wants me. No one needs me." She smiled sadly at him. "The world doesn't need a cat like me to weigh it down. So kill me. Free me. We'll all be better off… right?"

"Etcetera," Victoria choked.

"I thought my purpose was to avenge my sister's death. But…" She glanced at Victoria. "She's not even dead. So I have no purpose, now. I don't feel… satisfied. I just feel empty."

"No, Etcy – please." Victoria stumbled forward, but Macavity stood in her way. The white queen stretched out a paw to her 'sister', but Etcetera refused to take it. "I don't want you to die."

"Why?" Etcetera asked.

"… I… I don't know." It was the worst thing Victoria could've said. Etcetera just nodded, her suspicions confirmed.

"Alright. Kill me."

"Wait! Plato… Plato loves you, right…?" Victoria was clutching at straws now. She couldn't stop, though – she wanted her sister to live.

Etcetera's eyes darkened. "I need to keep away from Plato," she said. Suddenly, she just broke. She slumped into Macavity's waiting arms, letting him hold the knife against her throat. A blotch of blood formed and grew. Tears spilt from under her closed eyelids. "Dying… is just one way to do that," she rasped. As the knife cut in, she made a gurgling noise and went limp.

"_And lastly, we saw your sister…dead."_

**

* * *

**

Misto frowned. "I'm having trouble tracking her," he said, stopping dead.

"Don't let that stop you – c'mon, move _faster_," Plato snapped, pushing past him.

The tuxedo tom sighed and used his magic to pinpoint Etcetera's location once again.

**

* * *

**

Victoria turned away. The flower, red as blood against her white chest, she held in one hand. She began to pull it apart, petal by petal. She could almost hear Alyana screaming. When the petals had all been torn off, she tossed the stalk away. She stood eerily still, scarlet petals scattered around her. And then, feeling dead inside, she began to walk away.

"Why are you leaving?"

She didn't turn to face him. She knew what would happen if she did. He would pull her back, of course. It would be all too easy for him…

"I have to leave," she told him, her voice gentle, yet at the same time, forceful. "I can't stay anymore. It's too dangerous…" She bit her lip, still not facing him. "You're too dangerous."

He didn't move to stop her. "If you go back," he said, "How do you know that they're going to accept you?"

"I don't. But it's better than staying here!" she cried out. "I thought you were good! I loved you! But evidently, those feelings aren't mutual." She lowered her eyes bitterly. "You can't love, can you…?"

Macavity's fists clenched. "I…" But he couldn't say it. He couldn't get the last two words out. _Damn it!_

"See…?" Victoria sighed. And then she was gone.

Macavity stared after her, emotions bubbling up inside him. Any moment now they would boil and overflow. He began to shake – the magic was already taking him, more powerful and more bent on his mind's destruction than ever before. But he wouldn't let it. He would… he would keep his sanity. He had to.

_Give it up._

Macavity's head snapped up. He stepped over where Etcetera lay listless on the ground and trod over all the petals until they were stamped into the ground. "I hate you," he said. "I'll kill you, too. I'll kill…I'll kill _everyone_." A vicious sneer quirked on his lips.

"_If I'm ending, then I'm bringing the world down with me."

* * *

_

**A/N: Four chapters to go. ;)**

**This is the life of my stepbrother's cat:**

**Cat: MEEOOW, MEEEOOW, MEEOOW, MEEOOW-**

**Me: GRHAHGGRHA CAT, I'M TRYING TO SLEEP.**

**Cat: But I got you a sock… :(**

**Yes, completely unrelated note, I know. **


	30. The Meaning of Forever

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 30;; The Meaning of Forever**

_You're lucky, kitten. There is an angel in your life – his green eyes are windows to bliss. Don't make mistakes, like I did._

**

* * *

**

Victoria was alone. She decided that maybe – no, probably – she would have to stay that way. She didn't know if she could ever learn to trust again.

There was no point in having emotional ties to other cats. They only betrayed her, whether from the very beginning or at the end of their relationship. The Jellicles had lied to her. The Chardirs had sold her away. Plato had broken her heart. Macavity had gone against her wishes and killed Etcetera. No, other cats… they only caused pain.

Victoria wondered, would it have been better if she'd stayed dead?

"Love, where're you going?" Griddlebone caught up to Victoria and touched her on the shoulder.

"Mother…" Victoria shook her head. "I have to go. I have to be alone."

Griddlebone sighed. "Don't leave me to rot in this place," she mumbled.

"Huh?" Victoria stared. "Aren't you, like… the Queen? What do you mean, 'rot'?"

Griddlebone smiled wryly. "Alyana and I, we're more similar than you'd think. Only difference is, the King thought me lovely and decided to keep me." She sighed. "I rebelled secretly, but I had to stop… it was fun, though. No doubt… I'll do it again. Look, Victoria, I'm not going to hold you back, but… be careful. I love you." She planted a kiss on Victoria's head and turned away.

"Wait! What do you mean?"

Griddlebone sighed. "Macavity," she said simply. And then she walked away.

"What do you mean…?" Victoria repeated in a whisper.

**

* * *

**

_Wake up, kitten. It's not your time… not quite yet, sweetie. You gotta work hard to achieve your eternal bliss. Until then, you're only allowed snatches of heaven. You're lucky, kitten. There is an angel in your life – his green eyes are windows to bliss. Don't make mistakes, like I did. Dying for yourself is a mistake. Only in dying for another's sake can you find forever._

_Ha…_

_Don't do what my little sister did. She mistook forever for something that existed in life. But she was wrong, wasn't she? There is only one thing that lasts forever: death. Nothing else, certainly not love._

_So go home, kitten. Remember that everything has a price. Death, the greatest thing of all, has the highest price. Its price is life. If your life isn't worthy, kitten, you are not allowed to die._

_And to be honest? Right now, you can't afford death._

Etcetera woke up to a pair of very green eyes, which disappeared immediately.

"I'll remember that, Alyana," she rasped. Her eyes widened – her throat, it was on fire! She grimaced and touched it tentatively. Her paw came away red with blood. So Macavity had slit her throat, but evidently he hadn't cut deep enough to kill her. Had he done that on purpose…? Whatever the red tom's intent had been, Etcetera was lucky to have escaped with her life. That way, she could work hard to make it worthy for death and for forever.

She stood up, checking that the rest of her body was in order. Her back was sore from lying in an uncomfortable position, but otherwise she seemed okay. Keeping a paw on her neck, she decided to explore the area she was in.

The only really noticeable feature was the patch of flowers Victoria had been looking at. _Victoria…_ What had she meant when she'd said that she wasn't a Jellicle? It made no sense. But Etcetera now knew that she couldn't let her cluelessness wash over her and destroy her. She knew that she needed to work to gain the truth.

In truth, Etcetera had been making mistakes all her life. Those mistakes had had their repercussions – the Jellicles thought of her as immature and incompetent. All because she'd been willing to stay in the dark and let others work for her… no wonder her life wasn't worth death. It had been a mistake to think that she could die. Now she'd paid the price for her mistake – her sweet, kittenish voice. She wondered miserably if she'd ever be able to speak without pain again.

Without really thinking, she brushed a petal with her paw.

"Wh-who're you?"

Etcetera whirled around. There stood two cats, both pure white. Etcetera goggled at them – so there were white cats other than Alyana and Victoria?

"Outsider, prepare to die!" one of them spat, though she hung back, looking unsure of what to do.

"D-die?" Etcetera cried, wincing at the pain in her throat. _No!_ If she died now, she wouldn't achieve eternal bliss. She needed to make her life worthy… she had to fight! Eyes wild, she unsheathed her claws and ran at the two cats, who promptly dodged aside.

"Don't be stupid, Meiyina!" one of the cats yelled. "We're not going to kill you!" she added, looking to Etcetera.

Etcetera fell back, breathing hard.

"Tell us your name, then, outsider," the one called Meiyina ordered. "And why are you here?"

"Etcetera," Etcetera whispered. Her throat still hurt, even when she lowered her voice. "I'm here for… for… Victoria and Macavity."

"_What?_ Do you know where Victoria is?" Meiyina said quickly. "We are looking for her right now!"

Etcetera just shook her head sadly.

"You are a Jellicle, aren't you?" the one Etcetera didn't know the name of said.

"Obviously, Chantelle," Meiyina yawned with a roll of her eyes. "Leave her here – someone will find her and send her away."

"But…her neck." Chantelle hovered indecisively, eyes on the blood drying at Etcetera's neck. "What happened, little kitten?"

This reminded Etcetera distinctly of Alyana – like, a sweeter Alyana. "Macavity," she rasped.

"I think we should help her," Chantelle said. "I've just got a feeling."

Meiyina snorted. "Chantelle, let go of your soft side. I need you to help me find Victoria – she is of more importance, remember?"

"You'll be fine by yourself," Chantelle said absentmindedly, shifting closer to the nervous Etcetera.

Meiyina made a face and stomped off, eyes scoring the path in front of her. Chantelle paused in front of Etcetera, extending her hand. It was shaking.

"Um, Etcetera… please don't tell anyone I touched you," she pleaded. Etcetera nodded, bewildered. Chantelle bent round and unwrapped a white cloth from her tail. "All scouts carry one," she explained as she proceeded to wrap it around Etcetera's neck, careful to make as little contact as possible.

"Why?" Etcetera whispered. Why would Chantelle want to help her?

"Alyana would've done it," Chantelle said, smiling sadly. "She saved me once, too… I really owe her. I helped her precious 'children' – by that I mean her flowers – spread. I spoke to her sister. I helped an outsider and tainted my fur… still, I feel there's something more she wants from me."

"You know Alyana?"

"Huh? Do _you_?"

Etcetera nodded. Chantelle gave a small smile. "I daresay she's helped you in some secret way, though she would've done it sneakily…"

Again, Etcetera nodded.

"Well, I think you'll be just fine, little kitten. I'd better catch up to Meiyina…" Chantelle sighed. "Look after yourself, okay?"

For a third time, Etcetera nodded. She watched as Chantelle took off after her companion and smiled. If Chantelle kept working to help others like she was doing, she would certainly achieve eternal bliss.

**

* * *

**

Victoria tipped her head upwards and gazed up at the sky. The clouds above were heavy with rain. Usually when she noticed rain coming, she would run inside to protect her fur, but that day, she had nowhere to go. So as the rain came, first as a drizzle, then as a downpour, she just stood there, shivering and staring at nothing in particular. The rain stung her face, dripped off her fur, but she had nowhere to go.

She had to leave. She had to get away from Macavity. Evidently, magic cats were dangerous. Nothing would fix them, not even a white cat's presence. It cut her deep inside, but she ignored the pain and walked.

She hated being alone, but she was afraid of other cats. She couldn't trust them. They all lied and betrayed and broke hearts and destroyed. It was better to be by herself – that way, she would survive and never be broken again.

_I know I promised you an eternity of my love. That was stupid of me. I don't usually make promises that I cannot keep, and I've betrayed you. But I don't want you to hurt. Doing this… is all for the best._

No matter what Plato had said, his betrayal had hurt. He was just one cat that had broken her. One of the first.

"_Hey!" Victoria protested. "You promised… before you died…" She narrowed her eyes, trying to recall Alyana's exact words. "You said, 'I'll explain everything to you later'. You promised me!" _

_A bitter smile twisted Alyana's lips, and she closed her eyes. "I think now that I'm dead, I'm not bound to anything anymore," she smirked._

Alyana, too, had betrayed her. She'd held all the knowledge of who Victoria truly was and then she'd let Macavity kill her. Victoria couldn't decide whether she understood her sister or not.

"_We'll go together," Jemima said seriously. The moonlight made her pretty green eyes glow solemnly. "We'll head off into the unknown, holding hands. You help me and I help you. We're best friends… and best friends should do anything for each other."_

_Victoria's amazing ice-blue eyes lit up. "Of course I promise!" she breathed. "Because we're best friends, after all…"_

But Jemima had left Victoria all alone. And those who were alone couldn't have best friends.

"_You know, Etcetera," Plato whispered, leaning in so she could hear him. His beautiful green eyes were glittering with adoration. "I'll tell you why I gave up Victoria. It was… for you, Etcetera." He took a deep breath to inhale her scent, and smiled with pleasure._

"_Really?" Etcetera gasped, her eyes shining. "Oh god, Plato… you don't know how much I've wanted this…all my life, I've wanted you," she finished, beaming._

Etcetera, her so-called 'sister' had stolen Victoria's happiness. Ultimately, it had led to her leaving the Junkyard and getting stuck in her current situation.

"_Forever is silly," Macavity laughed. "Forever is for sissies."_

"_Then promise me that this will last." Victoria removed her face from his fur and tightened her grip on his neck so that it was almost choking. "Go on," she cooed._

"_It'll last until it ends, I swear," Macavity smirked. "Now, can I go back to kissing you?"_

Macavity… in a way, he'd been the only one to tell her the truth. He had warned her that he couldn't promise her forever. What did it mean? Could she trust him or not? She wanted to, but she was _afraid_.

Where was she going, anyway? She walked, but she had nowhere to walk to. If she was still with Macavity, she would have a place… but no. She had to stay by herself. That was the only way she could be safe.

By now, she was completely soaked through. Her fur looked more of a soggy grey than the usual white. But she had nowhere to go.

"Hey, love," called a tom from somewhere behind her. "Looks like you need a little company, babe!"

Victoria shivered and wrapped her arms around herself.

"You're one of those prissy _white_ cats! Just what I've been looking for! I need… relief."

Victoria turned around. There stood a grinning, swaying black tom. Pure black. Deuteronomy had once said that black fur was usually the mark of magic, though many magic cats didn't have it.

"Go away," Victoria said shakily.

The black cat's smile broadened. "They'll love me again," he said, eyes frenzied. "They'll cheer for me and my beautiful magic. They won't scream… never again…"

Victoria swallowed. The black cat… he was on the verge of tears.

"They drove me out," he whispered. "But they'll want me again if I can control myself…"

Victoria shook her head at him. Her mind was screaming at her to run, her heart was throbbing in pity-

She ran. Magic cats were dangerous.

_But they need my help._

**

* * *

**

Jemima, Electra, Misto and Plato were subdued as they walked together, still following Misto. He was heading towards where he could still faintly feel Etcetera. They were very far away from home.

They didn't even notice when they passed by Victoria, but she noticed them.

_What… what are they doing here? _She ducked her head behind a wall and watched as they passed by, completely oblivious to her. Unfortunately for her, Misto halted and turned to face the other three cats.

"I… I just realized something," he said, voice choked.

"What?" Electra asked, her voice harsh.

"Didn't Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer say that Macavity was with the Chardirs?" Misto whispered.

Plato let out a string of curses. Electra bit down on her lip – a trickle of blood ran downwards. Jemima just stared listlessly at the ground as she'd been doing ever since the incident with Alonzo.

"That's where we're headed right now, isn't it?" Electra said flatly.

"If he's done _anything_ to Etcetera," Plato said menacingly.

Victoria, somewhere deep down in her heart, felt an ache.

Misto frowned. "I guess we'd better prepare for something else other than Etcetera's rescue," he said.

"The time has come," Electra said, a small smile creeping onto her lips. "Macavity will die."

A chill ran down Victoria's spine. They were going to kill Macavity? Why would they do such a thing? And how did they even plan to do it? Suddenly, she was all-too-interested in their conversation.

"He stole Victoria's life," Plato said coldly. "He can't have Etcetera's too." He lowered his eyes. "I feel…I feel like he's targeting me or something. Everyone I love… he's taking them away from me."

Victoria's breath caught. Did that mean that… _he loved me?_

Jemima was staring at the ground and her face was masked by a shadow, but there were tears quite visibly falling to the ground. "For my best friend," she said, her voice merely a breath on the wind. But Victoria caught it.

She had been wrong. Plato, Jemima, Alyana, Macavity… they were her _friends_. She had been wrong to say she couldn't trust them. She had to be strong for _them_.

"Let's go," Misto said. He bounded off towards the home of the Chardirs and the other three followed him, new purpose in the way they moved. Victoria gulped. What was she going to do?

**

* * *

**

"Right, Macavity. Why does Victoria suddenly want to leave?"

Macavity stood in the den where Victoria had stayed, his back to Griddlebone who was staring expectantly at him.

"Wouldn't have a clue," he said, chuckling.

"Oh, come now… tell an old friend." Griddlebone slunk closer, reaching out to massage his stiff shoulders. He sighed and rolled them into a more relaxed position.

"Seriously, has the King not been able to tame you yet?" Macavity shot over his shoulder.

"He never will," Griddlebone replied. "I may seem different on the outside, but he'll never change me. I'll always be Griddlebone…"

"Once a criminal, always a criminal." Macavity stared at the wall, eyes hazing over. "I miss those days. I felt _free_. These days, I always feel sorta trapped."

"Life does that. Now, where's Victoria off to?"

"Huh, like I said, I would have no clue. She has nowhere to go." Macavity's lips twisted into a sort of pained grin.

"Silly girl." Griddlebone continued massaging, though she gave a deep sigh. "I miss her. She's the only one who ever had a hope of taming me into something soft and sweet."

"Could tell, actually," Macavity laughed.

"Oh, come on… don't tell me she didn't have an effect on you," Griddlebone said slyly. Macavity tensed up, causing Griddlebone to chuckle and flick him with her tail. "She had a natural aura that made Cats just want to like her."

"Whatever," Macavity sniffed, eyes dark.

"Anyway, I suppose the King is expecting me back," Griddlebone sighed. "I'll see you again… partner. Oh, and if you ever find Growltiger-"

"I have no doubt he's dead," Macavity interrupted. "Give it up."

Griddlebone shrugged. "I'm allowed to dream," she said with an eerie sort of smile. She left the den, lustrous tail flowing out behind her.

**

* * *

**

Macavity had a plan. The first thing he would do was bring the Jellicles down. With that done, he would gather a tribe of his own and rise up to dominate the entire city. And then, who knew? Perhaps he would dominate the entire land of the living.

And when he went completely mad due to his magic? He would bring the world of the living down and take the land of the dead for his own.

He gave a long, loud laugh and praised his own brilliance.

**

* * *

**

Misto, Jemima, Electra and Plato moved in tense silence. They knew they couldn't plan out what they were about to do. As Electra had said, they would have to improvise.

When they entered an area filled with flowers and cobblestone paths, Jemima noticed a definite change in Misto and Plato. The shadows in their eyes seemed to retreat and fade. Their ears perked, even the way they walked changed. The two exchanged secret smiles and Jemima shook her head, unsure of what was happening.

As they walked, they heard whispers – '_What, more outsiders?' 'What are THEY doing here?' 'Someone warn the king…' 'More of Macavity's lot?'_

But they never saw any cats other than themselves.

**

* * *

**

Etcetera fumbled with the white cloth around her neck, adjusting the tie so that it stayed on when she moved. Then, she got up and decided to do a little exploring. As she left the place with the patch of flowers, she almost stepped on a shard of glass. She picked it up, thinking it might be useful, since she wasn't so good at using her own claws.

There really were white cats all over the place. They watched Etcetera warily.

"What's going on?" one whispered to a companion. "Why are there suddenly so many outsiders?"

"Macavity," the other replied with certainty. "And Victoria."

_You got that right,_ Etcetera thought grimly, fingering the glass. _Where is Macavity anyway?_

She kept on walking, and white cats kept on watching. Just as Etcetera was passing an open entrance, she heard a low chuckle.

"Nothing can stop us. _Nothing._" And then there was another terrible, prolonged laugh. Etcetera shivered.

_Well? That's your cue, kitten. In you go._

Green eyes and a ghostly smile.

_The Macavity we knew is gone. The Macavity who I loved …I wonder, can he exist again? Kitten, can what's gone return? Tell me the answer…_

"How can I? I'm only a kitten, like you say."

…_Etcetera. I believe in you, Etcetera. It's time for you to grow up. Lure Victoria to her true home._

Etcetera closed her eyes. If she went into the den, would Macavity kill her? There was only one way to find out. She felt a strange sensation – Alyana's presence had just walked through her. Shivering Etcetera stepped forward.

"Are you coming, Alyana?"

_Course I am._

Etcetera went inside.

**

* * *

**

Misto's pace sped up the closer he got to Etcetera. When Plato asked why, he told them that he could feel Macavity as well. It was as they'd suspected; the two of them were together. Plato's face hardened and he began to quicken his pace as well. Jemima and Electra could barely keep up.

Before long, they found themselves outside a den. Inside, there was only silence. Misto nodded his head and the four cats stood outside, shivering in anticipation.

"This is it," Electra said. She would get her magic back.

"This is it," Jemima said. She would avenge her best friend.

"This is it," Plato said. He would rescue Etcetera.

"This is it," Misto said. He would destroy Macavity.

And they went inside.

**

* * *

**

_There is only one thing that lasts forever: death._

**

* * *

**

"_Plato… will you help me… to kill Macavity?"_

_The tom glanced at her, emotion suddenly flickering in the eyes that had only moments ago been listless. Shock. Doubt._

"_What? Are you crazy?" he hissed, looking like he wanted to shove her aside. Etcetera flinched._

"_Don't you want to do it? For Victoria?" she whispered desperately to him. He regarded her coldly, jerking his head as an indication for Etcetera to continue. The words came out in a rush – she was just saying whatever came to her head. "Macavity killed her, Plato. He doesn't deserve to live! We can't just let it go unpunished…not this…not her death."_

"_And you can't do it alone." He stated it as a fact, his voice flat._

"_No…of course I can't." Etcetera's voice was bitter. "What am I but a kitten? A baby? A stupid, ugly, useless, bad-"_

"_Shut up. Just shut up." Plato's voice was harsh, and his eyes were burning as he gazed at her. _

**

* * *

**

_You gotta work hard to achieve your eternal bliss. Until then, you're only allowed snatches of heaven._

**

* * *

**

"_Forever is silly," Macavity laughed. "Forever is for sissies."_

"_Then promise me that this will last." Victoria removed her face from his fur and tightened her grip on his neck so that it was almost choking. "Go on," she cooed._

"_It'll last until it ends, I swear," Macavity smirked. "Now, can I go back to kissing you?"_

_As a response, Victoria pressed her lips to his. Tongues intertwined and explored, body heats rose. When they stopped to breathe, Victoria was dizzy. _

"_Do you love me?" she pressed._

"_Stop with the talking," Macavity growled, bringing his lips back to hers._

_She shrugged her shoulders – she would get her answer one day, plain and simple and pulled right from his lips._

**

* * *

**

_Death, the greatest thing of all, has the highest price. Its price is life._

**

* * *

**

"So, tell me again why you're alive." Macavity sat down on the edge of Victoria's bed and absentmindedly tore pillows open with a single, deadly claw. In his other hand was the knife that had killed Alyana and ripped open Etcetera's neck.

"You failed to kill me," Etcetera answered boldly. She felt a squeeze on her paw – Alyana?

"Well, then, maybe I'll finish the job here and now." Macavity tossed the knife from hand to hand. Etcetera watched it carefully.

"I don't think so," she said.

"Ah, but…my plan is to destroy the Jellicles. By destroying my family, I show the world I am not afraid to do _anything._" Macavity grinned. "You just happen to be a Jellicle, sweetheart."

"I know," Etcetera said, inwardly quivering.

"So…" Macavity's arm snapped out so that the tip of the knife touched Etcetera's chin. She didn't move, though her every fiber was screaming at her to. "Shall I kill you?"

"Go ahead," Etcetera answered softly. It was risky to do this, but she was relying on the fact that Macavity wanted her to scream before she died. And she was right.

Macavity sighed. "You've changed," he said. "Not a kitten anymore."

"Yeah," Etcetera whispered, letting tears flow freely from her eyes. From here on out, everything got harder. The life of a full-grown cat was so much more complicated than a kitten's. "And…you've changed too," she added.

Macavity stared at her with his unfathomable golden eyes. "Not my fault," he said levelly.

"You can be saved, I think," Etcetera said imploringly. "I-"

Macavity shook his head and narrowed his eyes. They fell into silence.

And then four Jellicles burst into the den.

"Your time's up, Macavity," Plato said coldly.

Macavity removed the knife from Etcetera's neck and glanced towards Plato. His lips pulled up in a smirk. "Oh, now…four more Jellicles for me to destroy?"

"That isn't going to happen," Misto said. "You're the one who's going to die – here and now."

"Why do you wish to take my life?" Macavity asked, raising an eyebrow lazily.

"For many reasons." Plato ticked them off on his fingers. "You're a nasty piece of work, you stole Electra's magic, you stole Etcetera, you killed Victoria…"

Macavity let out a crude laugh. "Oh, but I'm only guilty of _two_ of those crimes," he said softly, eyes glinting menacingly. He ran his paw down the knife. "Guess?"

"Being a nasty piece of work," Etcetera said promptly, offering a tiny smile.

"Correct," Macavity nodded. "Smart girl."

The four other cats looked at each other. What Macavity was saying seemed impossible – he _wasn't_ guilty of two of the remaining 'crimes'?

"But you did steal Etcetera…" Jemima said doubtfully.

"No, you've got it backwards," Etcetera said before Macavity could even open his mouth. "I came of my own will." She didn't mention Alyana.

Plato's eyes widened. "_Why?_" he whispered, hands clenching. Etcetera turned away from him.

"I know one thing for sure," Electra said suddenly. "You've got my magic, you bastard. _I want it back._"

She launched herself at the red cat, fire in her eyes. All too slow, he turned towards her, the knife falling from his hands. His eyes widened – there was nothing he could do. He closed his eyes as she ripped her claws across his face.

"Don't," he said softly, feeling blood seeping from his wounds. _"Don't."_

"You can't stop me," she whispered furiously. "You can't use my own magic against me."

And she was right. It was all over.

_I…I can't let the world go on!_

_The world…_

_It's meant to die with me!_

"_STOP!_"

At that moment, a number of things happened.

Plato stepped towards Etcetera, arms outstretched pleadingly.

Etcetera, eyes squeezed shut, threw the shard of glass at Electra.

Electra fell away from Macavity, clutching at where the glass had embedded in her side.

Macavity shivered, blood still dripping down his face.

Jemima fell to the ground, crying and wishing it would all stop.

And Mistoffelees…Magical Mister Mistoffelees was the only one who heard a voice he'd never thought he'd hear again. He spoke a name that tasted sweet on his tongue.

"Victoria…"

* * *

**A/N: So it's 4 in the morning. I've stayed up all night – and guess what? FUN is DONE. Well, the writing and editing process anyway. I still haven't posted three chapters. ;) Heheheh.**

**Anyway, my grandma wanted to read it, and seeing as it's her birthday, I made it as a gift. There are 256 Word pages to print – and what's more, it's in quite a small font. I made a title page, but I'm not proud. At all.**

**Once I've posted the last three chapters, I'll replace every chapter with the shiny new (they're only slightly edited, but… yeah…) ones. They'll have a different layout. I felt like it. And I'll get rid of most of my blabby notes. They're so pathetically blabby…**


	31. Gold or Green?

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 31;; Gold or Green?**

"_Don't do this," she whispered. Her eyes were stinging. The place where the glass was stuck in her side throbbed in time to her pounding heart._

**

* * *

**

Jennyanydots scolding Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer. Tugger and Bombalurina making out in a corner. Munkustrap standing tall, Demeter at his side.

The Junkyard was the same as always, it seemed.

But Victoria had changed.

She sighed and leant back, tipping her face back to look at the sky. Would things ever be normal again? The Jellicles were the same, but she had changed. They looked at her differently now. They looked at her with wary eyes, seeing a queen that was supposed to be dead. Was she dead? She hardly knew. Had she ever been dead? _What a question…_

Sighing, she made her way down to the middle of the Junkyard. Cats began to crowd around, murmuring to themselves. It was just like the old days – that was the point. The Jellicles wanted to make everything normal again, so Victoria had to dance for them.

The throng of cats watched with quiet appreciation as the weary, white queen slowly slid into the splits, doing it with such a look of exhaustion that any outsider would believe that it was an extremely complex movement. It was, but it shouldn't have been – the white queen had perfected it long ago and had practiced it many times over. As she stood up, slumping slightly, to indicate that she was finished, her audience broke into polite applause, and she dipped her head so that she could hide her blank expression.

"Marry me Victoria!" yelled one of the more boisterous toms, making her turn away, smiling sadly. The cats all started at his outburst and glanced at him as if he were crazy.

"Victoria." The oldest cat, who had been sitting higher up than the rest, stood up. Munkustrap, a tall, dark grey tom who had been sitting with him, gingerly helped him up. "Victoria…it's good to have you back."

"Thank you," Victoria replied softly, that same sad smile still on her lips. "Thank you, Old Deuteronomy." The Jellicles all noticed that she didn't give any indication of being pleased that she was back.

Old Deuteronomy simply nodded. "My pleasure, Victoria."

At this the cats all began to disperse, some wandering off, others staying behind to speak to the young queen. Her friends, Jemima, Etcetera and Electra slipped away to do their own thing – they still weren't comfortable around each other. Jellylorum, who was Victoria's mother, nuzzled her daughter comfortingly. Her father, Asparagus watched on, standing tall with a small frown. Munkustrap told her, "Well done," before padding over to where Demeter was waiting for him.

Victoria took all the sympathetic comments with the same, sad smile, but her eyes kept lingering to images within her own head – to Macavity. Ever since the time she'd 'died', she'd found it hard to stop thinking of the tom. She never told anyone, no matter how much anyone pestered her about it.

She didn't think she would ever have the courage to tell another.

**

* * *

**

Electra stared out at where Victoria had just danced, expression blank.

She'd failed.

With a deep sigh, she closed her eyes and clasped her paws together. Restless, she pulled them apart and juggled a purple spark between them. Never would she see lightning flowing out of them. Never.

She saw the tuxedo tom walk out towards Victoria and wrap a comforting arm around her. She lowered her face. Her sigh was audible even from where Electra was sitting. The Jellicles were the same, and so was Electra.

But oh, how she wished she were different.

"Electra."

"What?" Electra snapped.

"You can't keep moping around like this. The Jellicle Ball is fast approaching! We have to practice-"

"No, you know what? I'm not coming." Electra turned to him. Plato. He raised an eyebrow.

"Not coming? Oh, come on. Jellicles can't choose _not_ to go to the Jellicle Ball."

"Too bad!" Electra grimaced at him. "What difference will it make? I sing quietly so as not to ruin the music, I dance in the background so that I don't trip anyone up or something utterly stupid like that… you perfect Jellicles would be better off without me."

Plato sighed. "Why do you talk about us Jellicles like you're not a part of us?"

Electra's eyes grew distant. "I don't feel like a part of 'us'," she answered softly. "Never have…never will."

"Don't say that!" Plato bit his lip. "You're the only Jellicle I feel I can trust," he whispered.

Electra's lips twisted into a half-smile. "Thanks," she said. "Same goes for you."

They fell into silence, eyes drifting to where Misto was talking quietly to Victoria.

"So, who're you going to the Ball with?" Electra questioned, smiling wryly.

Plato's face hardened. "I'm going alone," he said.

"Surely not? A handsome tom like you?" Electra said teasingly, nudging him with her elbow. He sighed.

"I want to go with Etcetera, but…" he frowned. "I'm not sure she wants that. And after what she did before – throwing glass at you! I'm not sure what to think. Is she on our side? Macavity's? Who really knows."

Electra winced and touched her hip tenderly. There was scar there, aflame with red. The swelling still hadn't gone down. The glass had gone in deep, and it had been a messy affair removing it. "I don't know what she is anymore. A kitten? Or has she grown up at last?"

Plato shifted uncomfortably. "I never liked to think of her as a kitten. There was always more to her than a screaming fangirl," he said quietly, just as the cat herself stepped out into the Junkyard. Etcetera glanced around, saw Victoria, saw Plato and Electra together, then turned away, lips pressed together. She broke into a run towards Tugger, who had shaken Bombalurina off.

"Tugger," she squealed.

"Hey, kitten," he purred.

Plato and Electra glanced at each other uneasily. "I thought she'd grown out of it," Electra said. "So why, as soon as we get back, does she start throwing herself on him again?"

Plato shook his head helplessly. "I don't get her – I really don't. But I care about her."

"And what about Victoria?" Electra prompted.

Victoria was staring at Etcetera with open discomfort on her face, as if she wanted to speak to her sister, but couldn't work up the courage. Misto touched her shoulder gently.

"Victoria…? I…" Plato fixed his gaze upon the white queen, eyes filling with sadness. "I don't know anymore. I wonder what she thinks of _me…_"

"She hasn't talked to any of us except Misto since… you know." Electra paused. "Though that's probably our fault."

"I think she's frightened. But… she confuses me as much as Etcetera does. She's dead, Electra. _Dead._"

"No she's not," Electra said matter-of-factly, pointing at the obviously alive Victoria.

Plato made a frustrated noise. "We saw her die! How can she be alive?"

"Magic," Electra whispered, eyes burning. "Don't you get it, Plato? If she died… there's only one thing that could've reversed it. Even then, she couldn't have been properly dead."

"What are you on about?" Plato stared at Electra as if she'd gone mad.

"Oh, come _on_. You're a magic cat – didn't you listen to Deuteronomy's lessons?" Electra raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"And you did?" Plato snorted. "The practical stuff was good, but those lectures… _ugh_."

"They included interesting tidbits. If you'd listened, you would've known this: those who die can never return. Under special circumstances, however, magic can bring them back."

"Straight out of Deuteronomy's own mouth, I bet," Plato muttered. "Well? What special circumstances would these be?"

"That magic was the cause of their death in the first place," Electra answered, indeed sounding as if she was reciting Deuteronomy's exact words. "So, either Victoria was never dead, or a wonder occurred to bring her back to life." Electra's brow crinkled. "Come to think of it, having your throat slit isn't a magical death, is it?"

"I'm so confused," Plato mumbled. "So what, did she even die in the first place?"

Electra chuckled. "We'll have to ask her about that, won't we?"

**

* * *

**

Jemima broke apart from Pouncival when she heard the noise of a tom clearing his throat. Her blush only deepened when she realized who it was.

"A-alonzo," she stammered, cringing inwardly. Pouncival laughed and wrapped an arm around Jemima's shoulders.

"Hey, 'Zo," he chuckled.

"Morning," Alonzo smirked, tipping his head to one side. "It's a fine day to be shoving your tongues down each other's throats, isn't it?"

"I'm glad to have a lovely queen like Jemi all to myself," Pouncival said, grin broadening. "I make the most of her."

Alonzo looked as if he could hardly contain his laughter. "So lucky," he purred. "Well, I must be off. I'll see you later?" He directed his last comment to Jemima, who said nothing, before turning on his heel and trotting away.

"Slimy jerk," Pouncival said, sticking his tongue out. "You'da thought he'd just give us some privacy, but no, he _has_ to interrupt. Hey, is it just me or does he give you certain _looks_?"

"It's just you," Jemima said straight away, face heating even more. "Don't be stupid, Pounce."

"But weren't you two together before…?" Pouncival asked, looking thoughtful.

Panicking a little inside, Jemima brought her lips to his. After that, Pouncival spoke nothing more of Alonzo.

Jemima was safe, for now.

**

* * *

**

Later, when Pouncival left to go hunting with Tumblebrutus, Alonzo appeared once again.

"I knew it was safer to keep you in the Junkyard," he whispered, causing Jemima to start and glance at him.

"Alonzo…" she murmured. "Pouncival only just left – you should've waited before coming back! And why did you interrupt us before?"

"I didn't like seeing him with you," Alonzo said fervently. "It… makes me sad to see a tom like him with a lovely queen like you. He doesn't deserve you."

"He's a good tom!" Jemima argued hotly.

"Who would you choose?" Alonzo asked quietly, moving closer to the calico queen. "If you could only choose one of us, which one would you choose?"

Jemima stared at him blankly. "I…"

"Tell me, Jemima," Alonzo crooned. "Tell me that you would choose _me_."

Jemima lowered her eyes. "Only if you stopped your relationship with Cassandra," she said.

"Well, in that case, shouldn't you drop Pouncival?" Alonzo smirked.

Jemima made a noise of anger. She couldn't do that.

"Anyway, Jemi… I didn't know that you could punch like that." He gave her a dark smile. "You knocked the daylights right outta me – if my fur around my eye wasn't already black, it would've looked _nasty_. Not good for my reputation, if you get me." He laughed a low, sad laugh.

"I'm sorry, Lonz," Jemima gasped rushing to him and touching the area around his eye tenderly. He winced. "I-I had to. You would've stopped me from leaving. I _had_ to leave."

"I believe you said, 'for Victoria'?" Alonzo narrowed his eyes. "This whole affair is ridiculous. She's dead to our eyes, Jemi – yet now she prances back in, alive as can be! Deuteronomy and Munkustrap won't say a thing. It's _tiring_ for the rest of us."

"I'm not saying anything either, if that's what you want me to," Jemima said sharply.

"Didn't think so." Alonzo stared at the ground for a moment. "Hey, Jemi, does Pouncival know anything about it?"

"No, no he doesn't."

"Would you have punched Pouncival if he'd been in my place?" Alonzo asked this carelessly, but Jemima could see in his eyes that he cared a lot about her answer.

"Of course I would've," she answered grimly.

Alonzo looked satisfied. "Good," he said. "Good."

**

* * *

**

Victoria left Misto in the Junkyard – he said he needed to stay and talk to someone – when Tantomile and Coricopat beckoned her from the path leading to their den. As soon as she saw them, they seemed to fade away. Victoria headed down the path, glancing around curiously. She'd never been down it before, as the twins liked to keep to themselves and received very few visitors. They'd taken a lot of care in clearing all the rubbish to the sides.

She pushed past the curtain that covered the entrance of their den and looked around. It wasn't a very large den, but it was dark and filled with random objects such as rusty teapots and a bag of glow-in-the-dark stars and moons. They glowed an eerie greenish color. Tantomile and Coricopat were sitting together – as soon as Victoria entered, they smiled and gestured for her to sit down.

"It's good to see you alive again, Victoria," Tantomile said softly, unable to wipe away the tiny smile on her face.

"Indeed, we suspected you were trapped forever," Coricopat added.

"You knew?" Victoria asked, eyes wide.

"The vision," Tantomile said simply.

"Remember? We saw your frozen prison," Coricopat said grimly. "And, at the same time, we saw your broken heart – the place in which you were trapped. We saw you crying there."

"You saw Alyana's death as well!" Victoria realized. "Blood on the fur of a pure white cat… my sister, dead. That was Alyana!"

"Endless white cats – the Chardirs," Tantomile said.

"You know about them, too?" Victoria asked, alarmed.

"All magic Jellicle cats know of them," Coricopat shrugged. "What else did we see? We saw green eyes and gold eyes. I suspect you understand?"

"Of course…" Victoria whispered. "I understand perfectly, now."

"So, what are you going to do now?" Tantomile asked gently. Victoria glanced at her, surprised by the sweet tone of voice.

"I… I really don't know. Have you had another vision?" Victoria asked after some consideration.

The twins both shook their heads. "I'm afraid not," Coricopat said.

"I believe that what you decide next cannot be predicted even by magic," Tantomile said seriously.

Victoria sighed. "What is there for me to do? The Jellicles are suspicious of me after all that's happened – but I can't tell them the truth. Is there any future for me here?"

"Deuteronomy is doing his best to make you a part of the tribe again," Coricopat said.

"But do you want to stay?" Tantomile questioned.

"I don't know," Victoria said helplessly. "I think I should stay, for the sake of Plato and Misto… but…"

_Macavity._

"Golden eyes. Terrible, golden eyes," Coricopat quipped.

Victoria stared at the ground. "What's going to happen to him?" she breathed.

"Magic cannot even begin to map out his path," Tantomile said darkly.

Victoria laughed sadly. "No," she said. "I didn't think so."

**

* * *

**

Unfortunately for Etcetera, her one and only distraction shook her off almost straightaway.

"Sorry kitten," Tugger had told her. "But I, uh, got business to do. Songs to compose, y'know?"

"I could help you!" Etcetera had piped up hopefully. But Tugger had shaken his head.

"Sorry," he'd said. "But I wanna do this alone."

So now, Etcetera was forced to wander alone and keep her mind from floating to thoughts that she didn't want to think of. Inside, she was no longer a kitten, but she wanted to cling to that identity for a little longer. She didn't want to deal with the responsibility of being an adult. She didn't want to think about Macavity.

She trusted the red tom – wanted to save him. But what could she do? So she resorted to her little sanctuary of kithood – she wanted to stay a little longer before she left for good.

But she hated the way they looked at her. Plato, Electra – they'd been together, staring at her sadly. They didn't trust her. She didn't like seeing them together. So she turned around and went straight to Tugger, because it was easier that way.

She hadn't realized where she was gone, but quite suddenly, she heard a deep rumble of a voice. Deuteronomy? _Oh, of course._ Because the Jellicle Ball was so close, he'd moved to a den closer to the Junkyard. _What a terrible time to have a Ball…_

"Plato, Victoria," he was saying. "I'm glad you both came."

_Plato and Victoria…?_

"Sorry I'm late," Victoria said softly – so softly Etcetera barely heard her.

"That's quite alright, my dear. Now… I have called you here for a certain reason – you especially, Victoria! As you know, you are now dead to our eyes and you may not feel a true part of the tribe anymore."

"No, Old Deuteronomy – I feel quite apart from the Jellicles."

"As I thought. That is why I have decided that you will perform two special dances during the Jellicle Ball."

"_Two?_"

_Two?_ Etcetera's mind echoed. Etcetera wanted to wail despairingly.

"Yes – is that alright? You are to perform the Invitation and the Mating Dance."

"Wait… sorry. I understand the invitation, but the _Mating Dance_?" Victoria's voice quavered slightly. "I don't have any tom to mate, Old Deuteronomy."

"Ah… but this is a special case. It will not truly be a Mating Dance – it will be a dance that re-initiates you into the Jellicles. Is that alright?"

"Oh." Victoria sounded unsure. "Yes, that's fine," she said finally. "But…" she trailed off, and Deuteronomy began to speak again.

"Of course, you must perform the dance with a partner. I believe a good choice is Plato."

There was a long silence. Finally, Victoria spoke, her voice tight. "Why do you say that?" Etcetera could tell it was taking a lot of control for Victoria to keep her voice quiet and respectful.

"Plato is, as we all know, the tallest and most powerful tom your age, Victoria," Deuteronomy explained with a chuckle. "He is an excellent dancer as well."

"Misto's a better dancer," Plato said – it was the first time he'd spoken. He sounded decidedly uncomfortable.

"But Mistoffelees does not have the upper body strength to perform the dance," Deuteronomy said. Etcetera had to admit that he was right.

"Yes, I suppose," Victoria said, sighing.

"If it is not your wish to perform the dance, then I understand," Deuteronomy said gently. "However, I believe it would be best if you did, dear."

"I'm okay with it," Victoria said. "As long as it isn't an actual, binding Mating Dance…"

"No, unless you would like that," Deuteronomy chuckled. "And Plato?"

"I'll do it," he said simply.

Etcetera felt a terrible, sinking sensation in her stomach.

"Good, then that is sorted. Remember to practice!" Deuteronomy said cheerfully. "You may go now."

"Thank you, Deuteronomy."

"Thank you, Deuteronomy."

Etcetera gulped – both Victoria and Plato were coming her way! Before they reached her though, they stopped.

"Are you _really_ fine with it, Plato?" Victoria asked in a low voice so that Deuteronomy wouldn't hear her.

"I said that I'd do it, didn't I?" Plato retorted.

"But do you _want_ to?"

"I do what Deuteronomy says," Plato said tonelessly.

"Damn you, Plato," Victoria snapped. "Give me a straight answer! Oh wait – you're Plato and you don't do that."

Etcetera began to back away slowly. If they found her…

"I'll tell you when you tell me the truth behind your death," Plato said, his tone of voice almost menacing.

There was a long silence. "Just to let you know," Victoria said finally. "I'm only doing this because it'll allow me a place among the Jellicles again."

"Good to know," Plato sneered.

"Thing is," Victoria added in a hiss, "I'm not even sure I want to be here anymore."

Etcetera kept on backing away, but as usual, she stuffed up. She stepped on an empty chip wrapper, wincing at the loud and very obvious crackling sound it made.

"Who's there?" Plato said sharply.

Etcetera groaned. She couldn't run now. Victoria and Plato both appeared, eyes widening as they saw her.

"I didn't know you were one to spy, Etcetera," Victoria said coldly.

"I wasn't!" Etcetera protested. "I was just walking when-"

"You saw us and decided to listen into our conversation?" Victoria narrowed her eyes. Etcetera stayed silent. She had nothing more to say.

"I'm sorry, Etcetera," Plato said softly.

"Oh, right." Victoria rounded on him, eyes blazing. "Because you two are a cute little couple now, right? Who cares about Victoria? Who cares that Plato completely destroyed my entire life?" Victoria glared at him with open hatred. "It's why I sorta wish I'd never come back."

Plato sighed. "It wasn't my fault," he said. "Macavity made me."

Victoria laughed mockingly. "Oh yeah? But you can resist him, because you just happen to have the same magic that he does!"

"Wrong," Plato said. "His is more powerful. He got into my mind – ordered me to get rid of you and go after Etcetera."

Etcetera stifled a gasp of horror. "So what?" she whispered. "You don't _actually_ care about me?"

"I do…" Plato said softly, his green eyes completely honest.

Etcetera shook her head. "How can I believe you? I can't, can I?" Choking a little, she ran. _Tugger. Tugger's the only one I need…_

Victoria kept staring at Plato. "Is it true? It was all Macavity's fault?" she whispered, feeling her heart wrenching.

"_Yes_," he said. "I promise you, Victoria – that's the truth!"

Victoria shook her head furiously. "It _can't_ be." He was the one that saved her! And he cared about her… right?

"So what?" Plato said contemptuously. "You on _his_ side or something? You really do disgust me these days." Spitting on the ground, he went in the same direction Etcetera had.

Victoria stared at the ground for a long time.

_Gold…or green…? Which do I trust?_

**

* * *

**

Misto was _sure_ that he'd seen her only minutes ago. In fact, it seemed impossible that she wasn't there anymore. He sighed and concentrated on her image – there she was. She was moving quickly through a completely uninhabited part of the Junkyard, so quickly that it seemed as if she was running away. Misto hurried after her, breaking into a run so that he wouldn't lose her.

"There you are!" he called out upon finding her. Electra twisted round and glared at him.

"Don't follow me!" she snapped. "I try to be alone and suddenly, _you_ try to follow me…"

"I'm sorry," Misto frowned. "I didn't realize that you wanted to be alone."

Electra snorted. "You don't realize a lot of things, Misto."

"Electra…" Misto sighed before continuing. "Electra, why did you even start being angry at me anyway?"

Electra opened her mouth to answer, but then paused. "I don't even know anymore," she admitted.

"Then _don't," _Misto said imploringly. "_Don't_ be angry at me!" He shivered slightly. "_Please._"

Electra stared at him for a long time. "Alright," she said stiffly.

Misto smiled wryly. "Yet, you still glare at me the same way you did two seconds ago."

"Look, I'm _sorry_," Electra said. "I'm just… not in a very friendly mood. I suppose I'm not really a very friendly cat in general." She turned her back on him. "It'd probably be best for you if you just stayed away from me, Misto."

"Why would I want to do that?" Misto asked, his voice a little sharper than he had expected it to come out. "Is this about… your magic?" he asked after a slight hesitation.

"It always is," Electra replied simply. "Always about my magic. Before I can truly live, I need it back. Unfortunately for me, I don't think it'll be returned anytime soon."

"I'll help you!" Misto said. "We can get it back together."

"Are you stupid or something?" Electra sighed. "My magic is _too dangerous_ or whatever. Remember what Macavity said?"

"He might've been lying…" Misto said, sounding doubtful.

"Yeah, right."

"But…he's been using your magic for ages now, right?"

"Yeah, he doesn't have much of it – that's what he said." Electra bit her lip. "I believe him about that."

"So why don't we-"

"Just _stop it._ It's impossible to get it back from Macavity – it's _his_ magic now. And the rest of my magic? If we believe what Macavity said, it's too well guarded. So go away, Misto. I don't want to hear it anymore."

She spoke with such finality that Misto just sighed and turned away. There was nothing more he could do or say.

**

* * *

**

"Hey, girlie."

Chantelle snapped up from where she'd been taking a nap and glanced around, breathing heavily. She could've sworn that she'd just heard Alyana's voice and chiming laugh right there in her ear. The familiarity of it made tears well up in her eyes.

"Why did you let him kill you…?"

"He saved me."

Chantelle jerked again, shocked. Was she dreaming? Finally, her eyes came to rest on a hazy figure standing by where a tiny flower had sprouted from a crack in the cobblestone path.

"Alyana… you're real…" Chantelle stumbled towards her friend, choked up and sniffling.

"I have one last thing to do before I permanently retire," Alyana smirked. "I never did get the opportunity to do something to make my father have a heart attack."

"Alyana! Don't say that," Chantelle protested. She couldn't help but smile, though – it was so like Alyana to say something like that.

"So, you gonna help me or not?" Alyana giggled and smiled. "Come on, Tellie…"

"Alright," Chantelle said, giving in. "What do you want me to do…?"

**

* * *

**

_I'm still dying. Slowly, but surely._

Macavity stared blankly at the opposite wall of the empty alley.

_And the world – it doesn't want to die. What am I meant to do? Victoria… I need a little more time. Victoria…_

He had failed to do something as simple as destroy five kittens. He couldn't really call them kittens though, could he? In his short absence they had all changed. All grown up, even Etcetera. It was strange to think of it.

_I have to start small. Then the world will begin to quiver._

First, he had to destroy the Jellicle tribe – no, even he had to start smaller than that. He had to be their Protector. He gave a sigh. After all, it was only taking back what he righteously deserved. How could he begin any smaller than that? But in truth, he really did want it.

And… if he 'protected' the Jellicles, he could be close to Victoria. That way, he could postpone the day when he truly went mad.

If Macavity was right, the Jellicle Ball was fast approaching.

_That'll be the day. The Jellicle Ball… I'll make sure to take them then._

_I wonder how Victoria's doing?_

_It's been a while…_

**

* * *

**

"_Oh… stop, stop, stop."_

_They all heard her that time. Misto was already staring at her with huge eyes, but now the rest saw her as well. _

"_V-Victoria…" Misto repeated, a strange mix of relief and shock in his voice._

_Victoria nodded. "Yeah… it's me."_

"_But… but…" Jemima could hardly force the words from her lips. "But you're dead…" _

_Victoria looked away and shook her head._

"_She's not dead," Electra said, her voice strained._

_Macavity's lips twisted into a dark grin. He looked positively sinister, with blood dripping down his face. "Thanks to you," he said, laughing quietly._

_Electra's eyes widened. She let out a choked noise and gripped at the place where the glass was embedded in her side. "No! M-my… my magic…"_

"_Your magic?" Victoria said sharply. _

_Electra gritted her teeth and said nothing. Spite was evident in her eyes._

"_Electra is – was – a magic cat," Plato murmured. _

"_Where is it?" Electra said suddenly. "Macavity…please. Please just give it back now. I'm so tired…so tired of being what I am."_

_Macavity stared at her for a moment, then smirked. He blinked a droplet of blood from his eyelids._

"_Please," Electra repeated. She moved to stand directly in front of the red cat and fell to her knees before him. It was as if everyone had forgotten Victoria – they only had eyes for what Electra was doing. "Macavity… I'll do anything. Anything."_

_Macavity stayed silent, prolonging the moment. Electra squeezed her eyes shut. Finally, he spoke. "Can't," he chuckled._

_Electra slumped over. "Don't do this," she whispered. Her eyes were stinging. The place where the glass was stuck in her side throbbed in time to her pounding heart._

"_You slimy jerk," Misto spat. "Can't you see that she's in pain?"_

"_I'm not blind," Macavity said nonchalantly. "I can see that her soul is bleeding just as much as my face is."_

"_Macavity…" Victoria said quietly. His eyes snapped up to gaze into hers. "Don't."_

"_I didn't say that I won't give the magic back," he sighed. "Don't you kittens listen? I said that I can't."_

"_But… why?" Misto asked, looking shocked._

"_Because the small amount of Electra's magic that I kept for myself is my magic now. It's attached to me with bonds of time and experience – I can't rip it away from myself and give it to her."_

"_Wait – you don't have it all?" Electra asked, lifting her eyes hopefully._

"_Of course not," Macavity snorted. "I'm not a fool. All that magic contained inside me? I'd explode, and that surely wouldn't be pleasant."_

"_It would," Misto muttered under his breath._

"_Then where is it?" Electra said pleadingly, rising to her feet. "Where is my magic?"_

_Macavity's smirk returned. "It would be too easy if I told you that now, wouldn't it?"_

_Electra closed her eyes in defeat and slumped back against a wall, her chest heaving. Misto slipped down beside her and murmured something in her ear. She just shook her head. _

"_It's over," she whispered._

"_Think of it like this – would you rather have your magic or Victoria?" Macavity's voice was low, and it had lost all of its mocking edge._

"_What, cause it gave her new life?" Electra asked wearily. "Don't ask me that, Macavity – just don't."_

_Victoria blanched, but said nothing. Obviously, Electra's magic meant a lot to her._

"_It did more than that," Macavity said._

"_You mean…" Plato's eyes flickered to the ground. "Victoria was bought with Electra's magic?"_

"_What?" Jemima cried, but no one listened._

"_Precisely," Macavity said. "Deuteronomy's orders. Besides, Electra – you can't really give me that look of hatred. I saved you and probably half the world by taking your magic away from you. It's beautiful, but it's deadly."_

"_I don't care. Even a little of my magic would satisfy me…" Electra shook her head. "But I give up. It's too difficult. I'll just be… me… forever…"_

"_Don't give up," Etcetera said suddenly. "There's only one thing that lasts forever…being Electra is not one of those things."_

_Everyone looked at Etcetera and she stared boldly back. Macavity chuckled and shook his head._

"_What is this thing that lasts forever?" he asked._

"_Death," Etcetera answered quietly._

"_You're wrong!" Victoria said. "I died but that didn't last forever!"_

"_Did you really?" Macavity put in, baring his teeth in a resemblance of a smile._

"_You know I did," Victoria snapped._

"_I don't know that you died," Macavity said, eyes glinting._

"_Death lasts forever," Etcetera repeated stubbornly. "I know it."_

"_You may be onto something," Macavity nodded._

_Victoria hissed and turned her back on the both of them._

"_Victoria… you're alive… but how?" Jemima asked in a small voice._

"_Ask Macavity," Victoria said flatly. "He seems to be the expert here."_

"_The main thing is, she's alive," Macavity purred. "I wonder, what's she going to do next?"_

"_What do you mean?" Jemima cried. "She's coming home!"_

"_I… I am…" Victoria couldn't say it. "Yes, that's right," she said finally. "To the Jellicles."_

_Macavity's eyes widened._

"_Yeah, we should go," Plato said. "The elders will freak, and to be honest, I really don't enjoy Macavity's company."_

"_We don't need to kill him," Etcetera added, smiling strangely. "After all, Victoria isn't really dead."_

_Victoria sighed. "Don't say that like it's all my fault," she said._

"_It very well could be," Etcetera shrugged._

"_Goodbye, Macavity," Plato smirked. He was the first to leave the den, closely followed by Jemima. Electra sent Macavity one last, hollow-eyed look before stumbling out, supported by Misto. She didn't even seem to care that it was the tuxedo tom who was helping her. _

_Etcetera and Victoria were the last two remaining._

"_Thank you, Alyana," Macavity said. "Good timing, I have to say."_

_Alyana's vivid eyes blinked from seemingly inside Etcetera's own baby-blue pools. Etcetera smiled wryly and promptly fainted._

"_What?" Victoria said, staring at the comatose Etcetera._

"_Alyana's been with her the entire time," Macavity said. "It looks to have affected poor Etcetera quite badly."_

"_Alyana…" Victoria said quietly. "She saved you – if Etcetera hadn't thrown that glass at Electra-"_

"_I know," Macavity said._

_Victoria sighed. "Well, this is goodbye," she said. Why were her eyes burning? Why would she have any reason to cry?_

"_Yeah," Macavity agreed, though he looked uncomfortable. "Again."_

_Victoria made to leave the den, but then she stopped. Macavity stared at the back of her head, unsure of what was happening. Then he heard a tiny, but very distinct sob._

_Victoria twisted round and ran back to Macavity. She threw herself into his arms and bawled into his chest. Blood trickled down from his face onto the top of her head. He shuddered and planted a final kiss on top of her head._

"_You should go," he murmured._

"_I take it back," Victoria sniffled. "What I said before… one day… one day you'll truly love." She stepped back and gave him a last look. "Whatever you're going to do next," she said, "I'll see you again sometime."_

_Macavity simply nodded. As she walked away, she heard his voice – not aloud, but somehow all around her._

"_Don't worry – we can keep in touch."_

_She stopped, lips curling up._

"_Just like that last time you were lonely."_

_She couldn't help but laugh._

"_You'll never be alone, Victoria. Never."

* * *

_

**A/N: Um, so, yeah. Next is the Jellicle Ball and then… the end. /sniffleface/**

**On an unrelated note, I injured my back. PITY ME. ;~;**


	32. Cold White Moon

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 32;; Cold White Moon**

_Her sweet voice cut through the dawn, reaching into the hearts of every cat present. The old queen lifted her head and Victoria saw that there was new hope, new life in her eyes._

**

* * *

**

"_Jellicle Cats come out tonight_-"

"Misto, be quiet. Please." Victoria took in a shuddering breath and fanned herself with a bit of scrap paper.

"Sorry," the tuxedo tom said apologetically. "I can't believe the Ball's finally here!"

"I can't believe it either," Victoria said in a dark voice that suggested she'd rather wait a couple more months.

"Aren't you going to practice?" Misto asked warily.

"No," Victoria said shortly. She shifted a little closer to an old mirror she'd dug up from a pile of junk. Several shards of it were missing, but Victoria could see herself just fine. "Is my fur fine, Misto?" she asked him, slowly turning round so that he could get a close look.

"Seriously, you've asked me that at least fifty times. You're _fine_."

"I don't want to be just _fine_," Victoria grimaced. "The Jellicles need to see me at my best tonight."

Misto sighed and took hold of the white queen's shoulders. "You look beautiful, stunning, gorgeous, excellent, amazing, perfect-"

"Oh, thanks," Victoria interrupted, giving him a tiny smile of appreciation. He laughed.

"Anyway," he said. "Have you seen Electra anywhere?"

"Plato went off to find her after our practice earlier during the day," Victoria said in a very tight voice. "But I haven't seen the cat herself since… what, yesterday?"

Misto sighed. "Thanks anyway."

"I don't think she's very happy, Misto," Victoria said quietly, inspecting herself in the mirror again.

"I know that," Misto said. "No one really is completely happy at the moment. I want to help her though, somehow. I'm going to find her – are you alright here?"

"Go for it," Victoria said, smoothing her fur carefully. Misto nodded and just like that, he vanished.

"I'm really, _really_ not looking forward to this," Victoria mumbled to her reflection as soon as he was gone. "_Really._"

**

* * *

**

Plato and Electra both jumped when Misto appeared right in front of them.

"Bast, Misto, you don't have to do that," Plato groaned.

"Sorry," Misto replied with a grin, dusting himself off. "So, what's the plan for the Ball?"

"Attempt to sit around in the background as much as possible," Electra said tonelessly.

Misto frowned.

"Unfortunately for me, I can't do that," Plato said wryly. "I'm going to be in the spotlight with Victoria." He rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I'm just going to keep close to Etcetera."

"I see." Misto smiled gently. Etcetera was still acting strange – though, most would think of it as her normal behavior. Tugger was pleased to have his favorite fangirl back, but her friends felt as if they had lost her.

"So I suppose you're going to prance around being your usual flamboyant self?" Plato smirked.

"You don't have to make me sound so outrageously gay," Misto sighed.

Plato began to laugh and Electra gave a single, quiet chuckle.

"We see the way you look at Tugger," Plato teased.

"We're _friends," _Misto protested. He shook his head at them despairingly. "Anyway, the Ball's about to start – shall we head on over?"

"Let's get it over and done with," Electra muttered, slowly standing up.

**

* * *

**

Jemima made sure to keep quiet on her way to the Ball, but somehow Pouncival still managed to find her. He stopped her and paused to catch his breath.

"Hi, Jemima," he grinned.

"Hello, Pounce," Jemima answered quietly.

"So, you gonna dance with me all night long?" he asked, a cheeky smile turning his lips upwards.

"Course I will." Jemima bit her lip uneasily – she had planned to dance with Alonzo as well, but would that look too suspicious?

"I'm so lucky to have you," Pouncival purred, pulling her into a long and very tight hug.

"And I'm lucky to have you," Jemima said automatically, feeling an ache somewhere in her soul.

"C'mon – it's time," Pouncival grinned, taking her hand. The two of them started walking again.

Up above, the moon's cold white face shone bright.

**

* * *

**

Every year, the Jellicle Ball was very carefully planned out and executed. After all, it was the Jellicles' time of the year to celebrate and be happy.

That Jellicle Ball was no different – in fact, it was probably the most planned Ball they'd ever had. What with the situations of most of the young cats, Munkustrap was prepared for anything and everything. Or so he thought, at least.

It started out well. No one looked _too_ depressed, although Electra barely smiled throughout the first few songs. Victoria performed to her best ability and Etcetera couldn't stop smiling.

The sad thing was, no one could see how forced those smiles were.

Then, it was time. Jellicles scattered off to watch from the shadows, leaving one cat an entire stage of her own. Victoria, quaking inside with nervousness, began her first solo dance of the night. Misto, tucked back inside the pipe, kept catching her eye and giving her warm smiles. _I'm fine,_ she thought to herself. _I've been doing this all my life. _

Still, she could feel the expectant stares from the Jellicles hidden all around and it frightened her. What if she stuffed up? Would she ever feel accepted again?

She was glad when Misto finally leapt up to perform his part. He'd practiced it many times over and looked delighted to finally have his moment.

_Way too happy,_ Victoria thought, though she couldn't contain the smile that rose to her lips.

_Jellicle Cats come out tonight  
Jellicle Cats come one come all  
The Jellicle moon is shining bright  
Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball_

_Jellicle Cats come out tonight  
Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball_

As Munkustrap took his place, Misto dropped back to murmur in her ear. "That was great, Vicki!"

"Thanks," she whispered. She was about to tell him that he'd done wonderfully but just then, Munkustrap began.

_Jellicle Cats meet once a year  
At the Jellicle Ball where we all rejoice  
And the Jellicle Leader will soon appear  
And make what is known as the Jellicle Choice  
When Old Deuteronomy, just before dawn  
Through a silence you feel you could cut with a knife  
Announces the cat who can now be reborn  
And come back to a different Jellicle Life  
For waiting up there is the Heaviside Layer  
Full of wonders one Jellicle only will see  
And Jellicles ask because Jellicles dare:_

_Who will it be?_

Victoria shivered a little. She'd forgotten all about the Jellicle Choice, though it seemed impossible. Looking round at all the Jellicles gathered, she couldn't imagine seeing any of them depart to the Heaviside Layer. Perhaps it would be one of the cats that barely made appearances in the Junkyard – Gus seemed a good choice.

The next song – Jennyanydots' song – passed in a blur. Victoria had a part as one of the mice (it was embarrassing to have to sit with all of her old friends with that horrible mask over her face) and so she was busy throughout the entire song. She wanted to sit back and watch, but there was no chance of that since Munkustrap had given her a part in many songs.

She was already tired of the Ball, and it was only the fourth song.

Her mind drifted as she danced – what would it have been like if she'd chosen to stay with Macavity? Who knew what he was up to that night?

**

* * *

**

Etcetera was thoroughly bored by Jennyanydots' song – they'd already run through it far too many times during the practice, for Jennyanydots wanted absolute perfection.

According to what Munkustrap had planned, Bustopher Jones' song was next. But Etcetera knew different – Tugger had explained his own plan to her and recruited her weeks earlier. She shivered in anticipation. Tugger was going to blow the Jellicles away!

_Meow._

Etcetera stifled her giggles and, just as a faithful fangirl should, swooned. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Plato's sharp, green eyes watching cautiously. Catching his eye, if only briefly, she let out a loud squeal.

_The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat._

Etcetera did her best to sing above the other cats – she wanted to be heard. She noticed that her friends – could she still call them friends? It would be safer to call them 'old friends' – were singing along as well, bright grins painted on their pretty faces. They were doing their best to lull the Jellicles into thinking that everything was okay. Why did they hide their pain? Surely it would be better if they let an adult deal with it.

After all, Etcetera was far happier when her love for Tugger was there to take all the pain away.

Etcetera did her best to keep close to Tugger, but it was difficult. Half the Jellicles were crowded around him and he was thrilling with energy, constantly moving. When she did get close, she was immediately pushed back – or more accurately, he did a thrust into her face and she fell back, cheeks flushed with excitement. She closed her eyes and prepared for the impact.

But she never hit the ground.

When her eyes fluttered open, she was swimming in lovely, emerald green. Her breath caught.

"_Plato_?" she breathed.

He smirked, shrugged, and set her on her feet before rejoining the dance.

Etcetera bit her lip and stared after him before chasing Tugger once again.

**

* * *

**

It made Victoria feel slightly sick to the stomach to spend the whole of Tugger's song prancing around like she adored him. She'd outgrown it – in fact, out of her, Electra, Jemima and Etcetera, the only one who seemed to be cheering with any passion was Etcetera.

So Victoria danced and ran, smiling slightly at Munkustrap's disgruntled face. Already his perfect plan had been ruined.

And it didn't look like it was going to get any better, either. Just as Tugger's song ended, an unfamiliar queen with tattered, scrawny fur hobbled out into the open. Some of the Jellicles – mostly the older ones – spat and moved away in blatant disgust. Victoria blinked at her, unsure of who exactly she was.

"_Grizabella,_" someone hissed.

"Who is she?" Victoria asked aloud.

Munkustrap pushed past her and stalked towards the old queen, crouched in a protective stance. Victoria shivered and moved back a little. "Who is she?" she repeated.

"One of Deuteronomy's wives," someone whispered in her ear. "She was a _special_ cat, but she left us and her kittens. Nasty piece of work – she really hurt some of us when she left."

"A magic cat?" Victoria gasped. It made perfect sense. She looked so filthy and dilapidated because her magic had eroded away her beauty and sanity. The Jellicles were wary because her powers were dangerous. Victoria bit her lip – was this the sort of condition that was inevitable for Macavity and Misto?

Glancing around, she saw that Etcetera was staring at the queen in a mixture of disgust and sympathy. Taking a deep breath, Victoria went to her.

"She's a magic cat," she hissed in Etcetera's ear. The tabby jumped and spun round.

"I guessed," she said, looking uncomfortable.

Suddenly, Electra was right behind them, Jemima following. "Look at her," the dark tabby said spitefully. "The Jellicles hate her because she's _magic_."

"So you guessed as well," Jemima said ruefully.

"I saw a cat once. A cat who'd been ruined by magic." Electra shook her head, smiling sadly. "This 'Grizabella' reminds me an awful lot of him."

The four queens glanced at each other, surprised that they were actually talking to one another. Then, Jemima smiled. "I want to help her," she said, gesturing to Grizabella, who was staring sadly at Munkustrap. "We… we know now that magic is really painful."

"Yeah," Etcetera said quietly. "We should."

But it proved to be easier said than done. Whenever any of them tried to get close to Grizabella, even to offer a smile or a simple word of encouragement, the overprotective elders would hold them back, glaring uneasily at the old queen.

_It isn't fair,_ Victoria thought to herself, staring wistfully at the outcast. _It's like a punishment for having a talent._

"Why so glum, Victoria?"

It was Tugger. He looked a little more reserved than usual.

"She was special, wasn't she?" Victoria asked, going straight to the point.

Tugger sighed. "Very special," he said dryly. "So special that she went mad, attacked her own son and disappeared from the tribe, leaving her family, mate and friends."

Victoria shook her head. "There's more to it than that," she said softly. "You're just in the dark, Tugger."

He didn't look at all worried by this. "By the looks of it, that's the place to be," he shrugged, and slunk back into the shadows.

Before long, Grizabella had been driven away. The look on her face had been miserable.

_Sometime in the future, will Misto come back to the tribe like this? Plato?_

**

* * *

**

During Bustopher Jones' song, Victoria thought she was about to faint of boredom. When she was a kitten, she would've been happy to see the large tom bumbling round, but now she didn't think any part of the Ball could catch her attention.

She was sorely mistaken.

"Toodle pip!" Bustopher Jones cried at the end of his song, gaining a few chuckles from his audience. Just then, there was a loud crash.

"_Macavity!_" Demeter screeched.

Victoria jumped – suddenly, her heart was pounding against her ribs, the beat deafening in her head. Eyes wide and filled with excitement, she glanced around, looking for any sign of the red tom.

But she was quickly ushered away – the Jellicles were, of course, very careful when it came to Victoria. They didn't want anything to happen to her, not again. Gazing wistfully back, she wondered if Macavity was truly there.

_Has he come back for me?_

**

* * *

**

Songs passed – Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer performed, though their song hadn't been included in Munkustrap's plan. Then, finally, Old Deuteronomy made his entrance.

Deuteronomy's two sons sang for their father, and watching them with eyes half-closed, Victoria bit her lip. The Jellicle Protector and his brother, Tugger. There was one cat missing. Victoria closed her eyes, laid back, and imagined the scene with Macavity included. Macavity would have his place as Protector. He would sing in that deep, seductive voice of his. Come to think of it, Victoria had never heard him sing. She wondered vaguely if he was talented. Considering his Jellicle bloodlines, he would have a least _some_ talent.

Next was the special song that was to be performed for entertainment for Deuteronomy. Victoria found it a little embarrassing to have to dress like a dog and scurry around barking, but it was easier than facing Munkustrap and explaining that to him.

When the performance was over, Deuteronomy spoke. Victoria was just about to close her eyes and doze when there was another loud crash. She was startled into hyper-awareness again, eyes frantically searching.

"_Macavity!_" Demeter cried for the second time, though all the Jellicles had already figured.

_Where is he?_ Victoria was desperate for even a single glimpse of scarlet, but again, she was caught in the bustle of Jellicles running. Fighting against the crowd, she pulled away and ran back, only to realize that Deuteronomy, Munkustrap and Misto were still there. Feeling a little panicked, she quickly ran to Deuteronomy, pretending that she was frightened.

_Where are you, Macavity?_

**

* * *

**

Jemima ran back out into the Junkyard to see that there were still cats present, Victoria among them. Relieved that the danger had passed, she joined in. She was glad that Macavity wasn't there – it would be terrible for Victoria. Looking at the white cat, she did look frightened, but there was something in her eyes that betrayed more.

She quickly forgot about that though, because suddenly, Alonzo was there. She lost her composure under his seductive stare and fluttered about in a giggly sort of manner as he approached her slowly.

The moment was lost when Pouncival suddenly broke in between them, eyeing Alonzo suspiciously. Jemima swore she heard him mutter, "_Slimy jerk,_" after he finished his line in the song.

The rest of the cats returned and the Ball finally commenced.

**

* * *

**

Munkustrap had decided that Victoria would be the one to, in a way, lead the beginning of the dance. Butterflies in her stomach, she made her way to the front and the rest of the Jellicles slid into formation behind her.

The dance continued, all of the Jellicles in their best form. Munkustrap looked pleased that the Ball was finally going how he wanted it to.

The moment that she'd been anticipating with sick dread finally came. She'd actually been enjoying the dance, but as soon as the music began to quiet, her stomach lurched and she closed her eyes.

_I have to do this._

Plato watched her with inscrutable eyes. Shivering a little, she moved closer to him.

_Someone… anyone… tell me why I'm doing this._

Plato initiated the dance, and in a moment of panic, Victoria danced backwards a few steps. The Jellicles frowned, eyes sharp with worry, but she calmed herself and relaxed her body. Plato blinked and gave one of those smirks that once, a long time ago, had had the ability to stop Victoria's heart.

"Come on," he breathed. "Don't tell me you're _scared_."

"I'm not," she whispered. "I'm not…"

Plato's smirk broadened.

Victoria poised herself in front of him and with perfect ease, Plato swung her upwards. He didn't even shake – he was stronger than he looked. Victoria shuddered again, and Plato muttered, "You're scared."

"Not," Victoria mumbled, but she was more focused on getting the dance perfect. If she was going to do it, she was going to do a good job.

Letting her eyes drift, she saw Misto crawling close to Electra and the dark tabby smiling very slightly. Glancing past the two of them, she caught Etcetera's eye.

She was watching Plato and Victoria's dance with wide, fervent eyes. _Trust me,_ Victoria thought, _I'd swap places with you any day._

Finally, it was over. Plato set Victoria down and the Jellicles all snuggled round. Victoria shivered again, uncomfortable among the cats that she'd once called her family. They weren't really, but they still insisted on treating her as one of them.

Just then, the peace was disturbed. It was Grizabella again, eyes wide at the sight of all the Jellicles curled up together. They jumped up at once, and it was as if a silent message had been passed through them – _show her that she isn't worthy of being among us._

They danced. They danced hard and fast, letting their bodies move to the music. They hadn't planned this part of the Ball, but to Victoria, it was the best part. Her breathing came faster and all the Jellicles moved perfectly together.

It was _wonderful._ It was the Jellicles at their best.

It was during that dance that Victoria's heart blossomed and she felt as if she truly _belonged._

**

* * *

**

Grizabella returned – _again._ This time, the Jellicles dispersed as fast as possible. Victoria watched with troubled eyes as first, Tugger humiliated her and then Pouncival. It was painful to think that her gift had landed her in a place of such hate and misery. Once again, Victoria tried to approach her. As she neared the old cat, she swore that she saw a faint spark in Grizabella's weary eyes.

"_A white cat?_" she breathed.

But before Victoria could even touch her, Jellylorum leapt forward and pulled her away.

**

* * *

**

"_Midnight  
Not a sound from the pavement  
Has the moon lost her memory?  
She is smiling alone  
In the lamplight  
The withered leaves collect at my feet  
And the wind begins to moan."_

Jemima felt tears stinging in her eyes. She looked up to the moon and knew that Grizabella was truly a gifted cat. How could the Jellicles disregard her so? Seeing the emotion coming off the old queen in waves made Jemima's heart ache.

Somehow she would find a way to help her.

And maybe… she already knew how.

"_Memory  
All alone in the moonlight  
I can smile at the old days  
I was beautiful then  
I remember the time I knew what happiness was  
Let the memory live again."_

**

* * *

**

The Jellicles slowly crept back into the Junkyard. Deuteronomy looked troubled – he'd sat all through Grizabella's lament and evidently, she was giving him a lot to think about.

"_The moments of happiness…  
We had the experience but missed the meaning  
And approach to the meaning  
Restores the experience  
In a different form  
Beyond any meaning  
We can assign to happiness…"_

_"The past experience revived in the meaning  
Is not the experience of one life only  
But of many generations - not forgetting  
Something that is probably quite ineffable."_

Jemima took a quick look round and saw that many of the Jellicles were frowning, not understanding what Deuteronomy was saying. But Jemima understood. She knew exactly what to do.

Coricopat and Tantomile smiling encouragingly at her, she stood and opened her mouth.

"_Moonlight, turn your face to the moonlight  
Let your memory lead you  
Open up, enter in  
If you find there the meaning of what happiness is  
Then a new life will begin."_

Memories were the most precious things to every soul in the world. Memories were what shaped and created a cat – they could produce smiles, tears, laughter. They were, in their own way, a type of sanctuary to many.

Without being able to appreciate a memory, no cat would ever achieve happiness.

**

* * *

**

Gus came forward next, then Skimbleshanks. Victoria couldn't quite get Jemima's voice out of her head – something told her that she had sung something very special.

As Skimbleshanks finally finished, there was another huge _crash_. Victoria jumped and fervently glanced around.

_There!_

He had finally appeared. Victoria's eyes widened and her heart battered itself against her chest.

_Macavity…_

He looked beautiful to her, standing tall, arms upraised, golden eyes glittering with menace. Beneath the moonlight, his figure was cleansed. His lips pulled back in a vicious grin and he lowered his eyes fleetingly to meet Victoria's.

Her lips formed his name. _Macavity…_ For a single second, his eyes softened.

And then he was laughing, laughing as if he had lost all his sanity. Victoria almost believed that he'd gone totally mad before her eyes. There was a sudden rustling and then, just like that, Deuteronomy was being lifted and stolen away before the Jellicles' eyes. Victoria's eyes widened, but she couldn't move. The things that were stealing Deuteronomy… what were they? They looked like cats, but at the same time they looked like… shadows?

_Macavity… what are you doing?_

"If my plan works, you'll see," his voice whispered in Victoria's mind.

And then he was gone.

_Macavity…_

**

* * *

**

With Macavity gone and Deuteronomy stolen, the Jellicles were in a mess. The Ball couldn't continue if Deuteronomy wasn't present. Munkustrap, looking furious, gathered all the toms and went off to search for their leader.

That only left the queens at the Junkyard.

Victoria huddled in the shadows at the very edge of the 'stage', watching as Demeter skittered about and Bombalurina settled up higher. Obviously, they had something planned.

"_Macavity's a mystery cat, he's called the hidden paw."_

_What?_ Victoria's eyes widened. They were going to sing for Macavity? As ridiculous as the idea seemed, Demeter and Bombalurina were most certainly singing for him. Suddenly, Victoria felt the urge to leap up, race onto the stage and dance with them. She was the one who was meant to perform for him! What did Demeter and Bombalurina mean to him? _Nothing._

Well, at least, Victoria hoped so.

"_Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity,  
He's a fiend in feline shape, a monster of depravity."_

Victoria narrowed her eyes. They were exaggerating horribly! A fiend? A monster?

_Macavity's no monster!_

"Stop deluding yourself, honey."

Victoria jumped.

_Macavity?_

But he wasn't there.

"_And they say that all the cats whose wicked deeds are widely known"  
I might mention Mungojerrie, I might mention Griddlebone."_

Griddlebone? Her mother? Surely, they were being crazy.

"They speak only the truth."

_Macavity! Stop it!_

There was a soft laugh before his voice faded again. Victoria groaned – he was ridiculous!

Near the end of the song, Victoria made her decision. There was no harm in emerging into the open and dancing with Demeter and Bombalurina – after all, everyone knew that she'd had some sort of experience with Macavity, though none of the Jellicles knew the complete truth. As she crept out, she found that the other females were following her.

Together, they all sang for him, for Macavity, the Mystery Cat.

Jemima sang because she was frightened of him and didn't understand him.

Electra sang because he had stolen her most prized possession from her and couldn't give it back.

Bombalurina sang because he'd destroyed her sister.

Demeter sang because she would be singed by his blazing touch for the remainder of her life.

Etcetera sang because she knew that beneath his frightening exterior, there had once been someone good.

And Victoria sang because she loved him.

**

* * *

**

Munkustrap rushed back into the Junkyard, the other toms close behind. Their solemn faces betrayed the bad news – neither Macavity nor Deuteronomy had been spotted.

Just then, Macavity's terrible and all-too-familiar laugh rang out. All the Jellicles spun round frantically – he was there! Munkustrap opened his mouth to shout at the red tom, but before he could speak a word, Macavity held his hands up and gestured towards the other end of the Junkyard.

Deuteronomy moved slowly into the Junkyard, ushered in by two dark figures. The Jellicles cried out in relief and rushed to him.

Victoria glanced back wistfully to where Macavity was standing, but he was no longer there.

_How do you do it?_

Suddenly, there was a long, low snarl. Demeter was staring at Deuteronomy with suspicion written all over her face, her body shivering and tense.

"Demmie?" Bombalurina called.

Demeter didn't respond. Instead, she rushed past Deuteronomy, knocking the Jellicles away from him.

"What are you playing at?" someone snapped.

Demeter shook her head furiously. She took a few steps back, keeping behind Deuteronomy, who was holding his hands out imploringly to the bewildered Jellicles. Then, she ran and threw herself onto the Jellicle Leader.

_What the…?_ Victoria thought, eyes wide.

"Get out of the way," Macavity's voice warned within her head. "There's going to be one hell of a fire blazing in the Junkyard."

Just then, the Jellicles erupted into screams and cries off shock. Beneath the friendly disguise of Deuteronomy, Macavity had been hiding. Demeter was thrown backwards – she lay stunned at the edge of the Junkyard.

Victoria backed right into the shadows – that way, no one would see her smile. She just couldn't contain it. She was so, so happy to see him.

He rushed back and forth, cats falling away at his feet. Munkustrap screamed some sort of threat at him, but he took no heed. Instead, grinning malevolently at the Jellicle Protector, he flew at where Demeter was lying and grabbed her arms.

"_No!_" Munkustrap snarled. He leapt up and grabbed his mate's legs. "You won't take her!" he snapped at Macavity, who just blinked amusedly.

_Why are you taking Demeter?_ Victoria couldn't help but feel envious.

"She's _his_ truest, sweetest love," Macavity sneered in her head. She saw him jerk an elbow towards Munkustrap.

_Oh…_ But Victoria still didn't understand. What would stealing Demeter achieve?

Munkustrap was beginning to go red in the face with anger and strain. Finally, Alonzo intervened and rushed in to take Demeter away.

And then it was just Munkustrap and Macavity. They stared at each other – Munkustrap's eyes burning with fury, Macavity's glinting with anticipation. Two brothers. The Jellicle Protector and the outcast.

Victoria's heart jumped into her throat.

The fight was a terrible one, but it was appallingly beautiful at the same time. Blood was stained across the ground, claws and teeth flashed deadly in the cold moonlight. Victoria couldn't breathe. She was _frightened_. She was cheering for the wrong side.

It seemed like it would never end. Macavity and Munkustrap were both breathing heavily, both dripping blood from various wounds. But they wouldn't stop. Neither of them was willing to give up.

_Macavity! Don't… don't lose!_

"You little traitor," he laughed in her mind, but his voice was strained.

The moment when Munkustrap faltered would stay in Victoria's memory for the rest of her life.

They had paused briefly, and that was when it happened. Munkustrap's eyes went wide and both hands clutched frantically at his chest. His mouth opened in a silent scream of pain.

"Munkustrap, _no!_" someone screamed; probably Demeter, though it sounded a lot like… Jemima?

Macavity took his chance. He swung the frozen Munkustrap up with ease and threw him across the Junkyard. The defeated Protector lay eerily still. Cats rushed to him, wailing pitifully.

_How did that happen?_ Victoria thought, shocked by what had just happened.

"I knew his sickness would inevitably defeat him," Macavity said grimly in her mind.

With Munkustrap defeated, other Jellicles rose up to fight Macavity. He spun round, attempting to deflect them all, but there were too many. He was outnumbered, terribly so. Face twisted in frustration, he leapt up and away from the oncoming attacks.

_Macavity! Don't go!_

"I'll see you later, Victoria."

With that, he clapped two wires together. There was a huge snap, a blinding light and then the Junkyard descended into blackness.

**

* * *

**

The Jellicles had no idea what to do. Their Leader had been stolen, their Protector had been defeated by Macavity and it seemed as if the Ball wouldn't be able to continue.

Victoria picked her way through the darkness back into the midst of the Jellicles, looking for Misto. She wanted someone to talk to. But though she looked all over, she couldn't find him. With a sigh, she sat down and stared glumly towards where Pouncival had dug up an old torch.

"What do you think is going to happen?" asked a small voice right by her ear.

It was Jemima, Alonzo following close behind. Victoria narrowed her eyes curiously – she'd thought that Jemima was going out with Pouncival. She and Alonzo looked a little intimate just to be friends.

"I don't know," Victoria said. "Why are you asking me?"

"Because… you know Macavity better than a lot of us," Jemima said quietly.

Victoria bristled. "He killed me!" she said, making her voice indignant as possible, as if she hated the idea of 'knowing' Macavity. "I made an effort _not_ to know him!"

Jemima sighed. "I suppose."

Suddenly, a voice rang out loud and clear above the Jellicles. The torch swung round and the beam of light rested on Tugger, who was lounging up high in the Junkyard. He flashed a grin.

"_You ought to ask Mr. Mistoffelees - the original Conjuring Cat_."

Tugger went on to sing more about Misto. Victoria vaguely remembered that the two were pretty much best friends (or more – who knew?). Misto was also the only magic cat who was truly known for what he was in the Junkyard. Of course, the Jellicles knew that Macavity had powers and they'd witnessed Plato use his powers too, but Misto was the only one truly out in the open. He was their little 'magician' with powers innocent enough that they weren't dangerous.

And he was the perfect choice when it came to bringing Deuteronomy back.

The magician himself appeared at Tugger's prompt and went on to perform briefly before actually using his magic. Victoria couldn't help but smile – he was truly a brilliant dancer.

"_Ladies and gentlemen  
I give you the marvelous  
Magical Mr. Mistoffelees!"_

Misto pulled a large red cloth from the TSE1 and beckoned Cassandra to him. He grinned and placed the cloth over the Abyssinian queen with the help of a few others.

All was silent.

Misto waved his hands over the cloth – a useless gesture just for show – and the squirming shape beneath the cloth seemed to grow in size.

Suddenly, Victoria felt a wave of sickness come over her. She gasped and sat abruptly, but no one noticed. They were busy focusing on the magic that Misto was performing. She took a few deep breaths and tried to collect herself, but the feeling wouldn't go away.

Through muffled hearing, she heard the Jellicles crying out in joy. She doubled over, somehow feeling as if she were fading away just as fast as Deuteronomy had appeared.

"Victoria? What's happening to you?"

It was Macavity, back in her head again.

_Macavity… Macavity, I…_

"I can see you from where I'm standing. It's Misto's magic, isn't it?"

_It hurts._

"Shh. Don't let anyone see you, they'll have some sort of fit." His voice was teasing, but there was a definite edge of concern that sounded odd after hearing his maniacal laughter earlier. "Stand tall. I'll come to you later."

The burst of joy at that last statement was certainly enough to get Victoria on her feet. Smiling weakly, she joined in with the festivities again.

**

* * *

**

"_Daylight  
See the dew on the sunflower  
And a rose that is fading  
Roses wither away  
Like the sunflower  
I yearn to turn my face to the dawn  
I am waiting for the day…"_

All eyes were on Jemima as she sang. Her voice had an almost hypnotizing quality. It sent shivers down Victoria's spine.

_This is true proof that all cats are magical. All._

The mood in the Junkyard softened and the flashing lights and colors that had lit it up beforehand had dimmed entirely. Everyone sensed that it was time. It was finally time for Deuteronomy to choose the cat that rose to the Heaviside Layer.

Etcetera smiled at this. She understood it all now. Deuteronomy was a wise cat who knew how to choose which cats had lives worthy of death and forever. She knew that he would choose well.

Before he could speak, there was a rustling and Grizabella was back _again._ The Jellicles all rushed past her and turned their backs on her miserable face. Victoria, still feeling weak, moved close to the old cat and held her arms out, but Jellylorum swept her away too quickly.

_Why can't they see her pain?_

Victoria huddled by Deuteronomy, every so often sending fleeting glances up at him. He stared at Grizabella, his expression level, but his eyes betrayed sadness and pity.

Grizabella sang. Her voice was old and weary, but it still contained the beauty that it must have once possessed. Anyone could tell that she'd once been just as beautiful as Jemima, that her voice had once been as sweet. Anyone could tell that she regretted hurting her friends and family with her magic.

They just didn't understand _why_. That was why only the young queens and toms who had been involved with the attempt to kill Macavity wished to help her. That was why Deuteronomy had such sad eyes.

When still no one reached out to her after singing, Grizabella lost hope. If the Jellicles weren't going to accept her and give her the chance of true happiness once again – of a life without pain-bringing magic – then what was the point of going on?

"_Sunlight through the trees in Summer,  
Endless masquerading…"_

Jemima's sweet voice cut through the dawn, reaching into the hearts of every cat present. Grizabella lifted her head and Victoria saw that there was new hope, new _life_ in her eyes.

_Maybe… maybe Jemima has more magic than we all think. The magic of hope._

Grizabella rose to her feet, sending out one last plea to the Jellicles. They were all watching now, all looking doubtful of their past assumptions. But still, no one rose to take her hand. They just sat and stared.

Eyes wistful, Grizabella began to hobble away. Victoria knew then that she had to act. There was a blur of movement as she stood and daintily moved after Grizabella, who paused. Taking one look back at Deuteronomy for approval, he nodded and she reached out to lay her hand on Grizabella's.

There was a thrill of emotion and magic that passed through them in that moment they touched. The happiness from Grizabella's memories bloomed within Victoria's heart, and she drew a sharp breath in. Then, immediately after, she felt energy sucked out of her and Grizabella's eyes brightened. To a magic cat, a touch of a Chardir could bring miracles about.

And a miracle it did bring. Smiles spread across the faces of the Jellicles as Deuteronomy smiled and nodded. Grizabella would go to the Heaviside Layer and be reborn.

It was truly like magic from another world as Grizabella ascended. Victoria stood with Misto, awestruck by the phenomenon before her eyes. If this was the sort of magic that she was keeping alive, then she was very willing to die for it.

* * *

**A/N: Next chapter is the last chapter. UNLESS.**

**Okay, so here's the deal. There is a very slim possibility of a sequel (the slimness is due to my extreme laziness). I'm only going to bother if people actually want it. I mean, either a few, **_**very**_** rabid people, or many people. **_**If**_** there is going to be a sequel, I will post an epilogue to this story. Probably a good month or more later, I'll post the sequel.**

**Alright? ;) **


	33. Now Until Now

**A/N: Well, holy damn. This is the **_**last chapter**_**. It took a few months of hard effort, but I've made it. **

**First things first: I could **_**not**_** have managed writing this without the support of my reviewers. Seriously, I would've given up after the first few chapters. The reviews motivated me to keep going. THANK YOU SO MUCH! I love you all from the very depths of my rawrr-ish heart. ;D**

**I'd like to thank a few people in particular. ShadowsintheMoon (I couldn't include the dots) (or iamtwilight), stiffkittens101 and ParallelWonderland for reviewing pretty much from the very beginning and staying with me all this way. Nekosoda and The Shrapnel for your happyjoy reviews and your overall brilliance. To everyone else who reviewed, you're just as special and I wish I could list you all, but my note would be far too blabby. x3**

**This story has ended up being far too long for its own good – in fact, it's the longest I know of – and I'm happy and sad to be finished. Though it's over, I still welcome reviews and will reply to them as soon as I can.**

**If you notice any typos or errors, please let me know. Constructive criticism is also appreciated, seeing as I plan to keep on writing and want to improve. ;)**

**Now, like I said last chapter, there's a small chance of a sequel still. Please, please let me know if you're interested! I'll make a poll and see how many people vote in favour of a sequel, alright? Keep your eyes out for an update on this, because if there's going to be a sequel, I'll post an epilogue. **

**Again, thank you all for reading! **

**

* * *

**

**Forever Until Now

* * *

**

**Chapter 33;; Now Until Now**

"_You make me happy," he whispered. "You can be my memory."_

**

* * *

**

"Now," Deuteronomy said. "It is time to discuss a matter that arose yesterday during the Ball."

It was the day after the Ball and Deuteronomy was still in the Junkyard. For what, most cats were unsure, but Jemima had a sinking suspicion that she knew. Deuteronomy's next words proved her right.

"Munkustrap has something to say to you all."

Munkustrap stood, shivering slightly. The cats didn't know what to say – they'd never seen him look so vulnerable. His tail was limp, his stance slightly hunched over. He took his usual place at Deuteronomy's side and his father gave him an encouraging nod.

"I must resign from my position as Jellicle Protector," Munkustrap said abruptly, releasing a breath and holding his head a little higher.

The Jellicles broke out into cries of confusion and distress. Demeter, huddled up next to Bombalurina, had a single tear running down her cheek.

"Why?" someone cried. "_Why?_"

Munkustrap sighed. "It's for the best," he said. "Let me explain. Ever since I was young, I've been sick. I still am. I've kept it a secret for a long time, but it's time for everyone to know. I occasionally get terrible pains in my chest and when I do, I can barely move." His eyes turned grave. "One of these attacks was what caused my loss to Macavity yesterday."

There was silence as the Jellicles registered what he was telling them. Their precious, strong Protector was sick.

"So, you see… I can't continue. I can't endanger the Jellicles with my condition. M-my job is to _protect_. What I'm doing… could very well be the opposite." He lowered his head. Jemima saw a tear slip from beneath his eyelid.

There was another silence. Then, Jemima started clapping fervently and the rest of the Jellicles joined her.

"Munkustrap, Munkustrap!" they called, cheering.

He looked up again, surprise in his wet eyes. "You're… cheering?" he whispered.

Tugger swaggered up and wrapped an arm around his brother's shoulder. "Course," he grinned. "We're proud of you. That you'd take up the job in the first place is pure bravery and that you're giving it up…" He shook his head, still smirking. "You're a great cat, Munkustrap. Truly a great cat."

Munkustrap swiped at his eyes, embarrassed at being seen crying by so many. "Thank you," he said in a choked voice. "Thank you so much."

"Now," Deuteronomy said, placing a hand on Munkustrap's shoulder. His eyes shone with pride. "To the matter of a new Protector."

The cheering and clapping died away, and the Jellicles glanced at one another, the same worry reflected in everyone's eyes. Who would it be? It had to be a son of Deuteronomy, after all. With Munkustrap resigning from the job, that only left two options.

Tugger… or Macavity.

"Wait," Tugger said, suddenly realizing what was happening. Everyone's gaze had already shifted expectantly to him.

"Tugger! Our new Protector!" Etcetera yelled, smiling. Yet, her heart ached because she knew that it wasn't what he wanted. Not at all.

"Wait, wait, wait." Tugger scowled across at every single cat. "You guys seriously aren't expecting _me_ to take the job?"

"I'm afraid it's our only choice," Deuteronomy said gently.

"No _way_," Tugger said. "I'm not doing it! _No way._ You think Munkustrap being Protector is a threat to the tribe? I'm pretty much certain death to you all!"

"You can learn," Deuteronomy said. "Munkustrap will teach you and Alonzo will be at your side."

"No! Why not just let Alonzo take the job?" Tugger snapped.

"It is a long running tradition that the Protector be a son of the Leader," Deuteronomy said sternly.

"Stuff tradition!" Tugger hooked his fingers into his belt and turned his back on the frowning Jellicles. "I'm not going to do it, okay? It would be doom for us all!" He laughed bitterly. "These hands were made for pleasure, not protection!"

Etcetera smiled sadly. It was true.

"If you do not do it," Deuteronomy said, voice harder than usual, "Then we will not have any Protector at all!"

Tugger said nothing.

Just then, another voice rose up from behind everyone. "I do believe a Protector is needed if your defenses are _this_ slack."

Demeter let out a wail. In her sadness at Munkustrap's resignation, she hadn't noticed Macavity's approach. _No one_ had.

Victoria's eyes lit up.

"No! Not now!" Munkustrap yelled, immediately on his feet. Tugger didn't move. Everyone backed away from Macavity slowly, all watching the grinning red cat cautiously. Everyone except Victoria. She kept her position and stared straight at Macavity even when everyone was well behind her.

"Get _back_, Victoria!" Jellylorum snapped, running out and tugging the white queen back.

"Calm, Jellicles," Macavity said, lifting his arms in a way that was meant to be soothing. "I believe I arrived just in time."

"No," Munkustrap choked, understanding. "No…"

Alonzo rushed at Macavity, but the red cat simply stepped aside. "I am not here to fight," he purred. Hissing, Alonzo returned to the crowd.

"What is it, Macavity?" Deuteronomy asked quietly, though he understood his son's intentions very clearly.

"You need a Protector, yes?" Macavity asked, still grinning. "And the only requirement is that the cat must be a son of Deuteronomy… am I right?"

Suddenly, everyone knew what he was getting at. Cries of horror rose up from the Jellicles.

"Tugger clearly does not want the job… Munkustrap cannot have the job… so that only leaves one option." His grin turned dark. "_Me_."

Victoria's breath caught. _Yes._

"No!" everyone else cried out.

Deuteronomy lowered his eyes. "How could we accept you as Protector after everything you have done?" he asked, his voice rough. "You are _mad_, Macavity. It is almost as bad as Munkustrap's sickness."

Macavity lifted his head boldly. "I am _not_ mad," he said calmly. "I am _magic._"

"_No_!" It was Jellylorum. "You killed Victoria," she accused in a snarl.

"Yet she stands right before us, clearly alive," Macavity drawled amusedly.

All eyes turned to Victoria. What Macavity spoke was the truth. What had really happened on the day that Macavity had 'killed' Victoria?

"No," Deuteronomy said. "I simply cannot allow it, I'm afraid."

"You were so desperate to install me as Protector in the past," Macavity said quietly. Suddenly, he didn't look like the villainous cat most of the Jellicles knew him as. He looked… _decent_. "I was looking forward to it, you know."

"Circumstances change," Deuteronomy said gently. "You were – still are – a great cat, Macavity, but just like Munkustrap, you carry a terrible burden."

Macavity's expression turned terrible again. "But you have no choice," he sneered. "I'm the last remaining candidate for Protector."

Deuteronomy sighed. "I had hoped it wouldn't come to this, but I suppose that there is nothing else to be done." His eyes swept the crowd. "Plato, would you come here?"

Plato blinked, surprised. "Um… okay." He walked to where Deuteronomy was seated and stood before him.

"This," Deuteronomy said, wrapping an arm around Plato, "Is my youngest son."

There was a collective, "_What_?" from the Jellicles. Etcetera looked as if she was hyperventilating. Even Plato looked stunned by the news.

"I am?" he said dazedly.

Deuteronomy nodded, his expression quite serious. "Grizabella gave birth to you just before she left the Jellicles," he explained. "Due to her, ah…_condition_, your littermates did not survive. She thrust you upon me the night before she left and after what happened on the next day, I had no choice but to have you cared for by another queen under the pretense of you being an alleycat."

"It… it can't be." Plato shook his head. "Me, your son? Ah… I don't believe it." He shook his head fervently.

"It is only the truth… my son," Deuteronomy smiled. "I am sorry that you only learn this now. I knew that if the Jellicles knew of your true identity as the son of Grizabella – born, no less, on the night that she left, maddened by her, ah, _powers_ – they would shun you."

"Then it's true." Plato's eyes seemed to glow even brighter than usual. "I… I am your son."

Deuteronomy lowered his voice just so that Plato could hear. "It's why you and Macavity have such similar magic," he said. "It's because you are brothers. You both got your magic from Grizabella."

Plato didn't appear to be too pleased by _that_ news, but he nodded anyway.

"So, Plato. Under normal circumstances, I would never let a tom your age act as Protector. After all, you have only just come out of your kittenhood! However, in this case, I am willing to make an exception. You are a strong, intelligent cat who has proved to be as great as any aged cat. You would do quite well as Protector."

"Me… _Protector_?" Plato gasped.

The reality of what Deuteronomy had suggested hit everyone hard. "Plato, Plato!" they cheered. Munkustrap smiled and clapped the green-eyed tom on the shoulder.

Only two cats looked less than pleased.

"_What_?" Macavity spat. "Plato's your _son_?"

"You can leave now, Macavity," Plato sneered. "Unless you want me to drive you out?"

"You're a little too big for your boots, _kit_," Macavity growled. "Who do you think you are? Two minutes after being announced as Deuteronomy's son and you think you're great?" He lifted his head and laughed bitterly. "You have to _earn_ your greatness!"

"Then I'll do it… by getting rid of you!" Plato shouted.

The sudden power thrilling in his eyes was astounding. Macavity's eyes were suddenly aglow with magic as well. They stared at each other, magic buzzing in the air. It seemed as if their mental battle would never end.

Until Victoria crumpled to the ground in a dead faint.

At once, Macavity broke eye-contact with Plato. "You fool!" he spat. "Initiating a fight when you know how it hurts her!" He looked as if he was about to rush to the unconscious white queen, but she was already surrounded by worried Jellicles. Making a furious noise, he finally left.

"What's wrong with her?" Jellylorum asked frantically, taking Victoria's pulse.

"Just get her inside," Asparagus said quickly. He lifted her into his arms and went into the den that he and Jellylorum shared.

Deuteronomy followed them with worried eyes before shaking his head. "Well, now that Macavity is gone," he said, "Let us make it official. Plato, do you accept the job of Jellicle Protector and the numerous commitments that come with it?"

Plato nodded, eyes shining. "Yes."

"Then you are now officially our new Jellicle Protector."

**

* * *

**

Etcetera could hardly believe it. Plato, the new Jellicle Protector!

And there he was, standing right across from her. They hadn't exchanged a single word, but he was smiling tentatively at her and there was a tiny smile on her own face.

"Hi, Etcetera," he said finally. "Um…"

"Aren't you meant to be running around being all macho?" Etcetera said, giggling very lightly.

"There's something I need to do first." Plato took a single step towards Etcetera. "Etcetera… you should know that I truly care about you," he said softly.

"Didn't Macavity hypnotize you?" she asked warily.

"I broke free from it. The only time that I spoke to you while under the influence of Macavity was before Victoria's death. Everything after that… I have done of my own will." He lowered his head. "I know I haven't always been perfect with you," he said. "I've been harsh sometimes, I know. And it was wrong of me to doubt you that time before what happened with Macavity. I shouldn't have told you not to come. I just… I just care about you, is all."

"Plato," Etcetera whispered.

"And Etcetera? That time I told you that you were beautiful, I truly meant it. You might not think you are… but look at yourself."

"I'm not beautiful… I'm just cute," Etcetera said, biting her lip.

"No… that's the image you crafted for yourself as a kitten. But you've grown up now, Etcetera! You're lovely, but everyone just looks at you and sees the kitten that you were before. You're not that kitten anymore. You're beautiful. And… Etcetera… I love you."

Finally. He'd finally said it.

Etcetera suddenly lost her composure. She sniffled and let tears run down her face. She ran into Plato's arms and felt _right_.

"If I'm ever going to go mad – and believe me, I'm fine right now – then I want to at least be happy before I do. That way, maybe I can one day be reborn, just like Grizabella. You make me happy," he whispered. "You can be my memory."

"I will," Etcetera sniffled. "And… I love you too. You know, when I left the Junkyard to go to that place with all the white cats, I… I almost let Macavity kill me."

"You _what_?"

"Victoria told me… she pretty much tried to convince me to run away from him by mentioning your name." Etcetera buried her face in his shoulder. "I was so frightened by the thought of you going mad and us not being able to be together that… that I was willing to die."

"Oh, Etcy…"

"But then, there was this cat… she said that I had an angel in my life, and that his green eyes were windows to heaven." Etcetera gave him a tearful smile. "You."

"Who was this cat?" Plato asked. He smiled wryly. "I want to thank her."

Etcetera shook her head sadly. "She died. She was the Victoria that Macavity killed. I… I can't explain it. I don't know anything other than that."

Plato frowned. "Maybe, one day, Victoria will choose to tell us," he said. "For now…" He tilted his head and smiled at Etcetera. "Let's just be happy."

**

* * *

**

"What do you _think_ you're doing?"

Chantelle froze, clutching the jar of magic to her chest. She slowly turned and despairingly saw that Meiyina was right behind her, eyes filled with murder.

"I…I…"

"Stealing the magic from the storage room! You are _mad_, Chantelle! For this… for this you will most certainly be sent to a life of serving for a magic cat!" Meiyina narrowed her eyes and ripped a most unladylike snarl.

"I… I know what I'm doing will get me in trouble," Chantelle said softly, "But I'm willing to risk it."

"Why would that be?" Meiyina scoffed.

"For my best friend's sake," Chantelle said with a wry smile.

"…Alyana…?" Meiyina's eyes darkened. "That _dirty wretch_! You will not get away, Chantelle! I will not let you!" Hissing, Meiyina started forward.

Chantelle ran for it. She wasn't a fighter – Meiyina, in her rage, would certainly overcome her. But the weight of the jar slowed her, and Meiyina started to catch up.

"Well, hello, sister. Pleasant day, isn't it?" came a new voice.

Chantelle didn't slow her pace, even though she wanted to turn around. She knew that Alyana was offering her the chance to escape.

"Get _out of my way!_" Meiyina screeched, clawing Alyana across the face. But her claws went right through her. Alyana began to laugh.

"Finally, I get my revenge on this foul family," she chuckled. "_Finally_."

"What on earth are you talking about?" Meiyina tried to move past, but Alyana flung an arm out and somehow, Meiyina was knocked back.

"This is the last thing I wish to do before I go sleep for a while," Alyana said. "I want to throw the Chardirs into chaos. Maybe Mother will escape. Anyway, I'd say that Chantelle has a pretty damn good head start. I'll see you when you die, sister." Winking, Alyana disappeared.

"No!" Meiyina screeched into the night. "_No_!"

But Alyana and Chantelle were gone, and so was the precious magic that the Chardirs had valued above everything.

**

* * *

**

"Are you still being an angsty little ball of fur, Electra?" Misto said teasingly.

Electra sent him a half-hearted glare. "Would you just leave me alone, Misto?"

"C'mon… you've gotta move on," he said. "I can help you!"

"Why are you so persistent with me?" Electra sighed, raising an eyebrow. "No one else is bothered."

Before Misto could answer, Electra heard another voice.

"Um… is this Electra?"

When Electra turned around, her immediate impression was that it was Victoria. Upon closer inspection, it clearly wasn't Victoria.

"A Chardir?" she asked suspiciously.

"Ah, yes… I am… my name is Chantelle." She frowned a little. "Though after what I've done, I'm afraid that they won't accept me back."

"Er… what do you want, then?" Electra asked, feeling a little awkward.

"Alyana told me to give this to you."

Only then did Electra notice that the white queen was holding a jar that was shaking and jittering with… _magic_.

"I-I…" Electra was speechless. She fell to her knees as the white queen handed her the jar. "I don't… I can't… _really_?"

"I risked a lot to get it for you," Chantelle said. "Alyana didn't say why, she just told me to give it to a dark tabby named Electra. She wanted to mess with the Chardirs, you see… so… if you don't want it…"

"No!" Electra said sharply, finally regaining coherency. "I… I don't think I've been this happy since my birth," she whispered, eyes stinging with tears of joy. This is… _my magic._" Eagerly, she unscrewed the jar.

"Um! I heard that's dangerous-" Chantelle began, holding out a hand of warning. But Electra paid no attention. She flipped the lid right off.

"Eek!" Chantelle squeaked, ducking down. She was embarrassed to reveal her true personality, but she was frightened. Electra had done something very stupid.

Or had she?

As soon as the lid came off, the magic in the jar seemed to simply flow into Electra's paws, not harming her in any way whatsoever. She sighed blissfully and dropped the jar; it smashed.

Eyes alight with joy, Electra lifted her hands upwards and shot lightning into the sky. "Oh," she whispered. "_Oh._" Then, she began to bawl. Even though she was sobbing loudly, she still seemed to radiant brilliance. Shaking with her tears, she rushed to Chantelle and embraced her tightly. "Thank you _so_ much. I don't think I can ever repay you, but… thank you."

"It's alright," Chantelle said with a small smile. "I did it because Alyana asked me to. I wanted to. Now I've finally repaid my debt to her. Um… I better go now. Goodbye Electra."

"Goodbye," Electra whispered tearfully, looking at her hands and letting a spark of lightning fizz through them. Misto watched on, his own eyes shining.

Chantelle left, head held high, even though she was now an outcast. She was proud of what she'd done. She'd done it for Alyana.

"Well done." Alyana herself stepped out then, eyes warm.

"Thank you. It was the least I could do. That Electra… she looked so happy. And the tom behind her did too."

Alyana chuckled. "I saw that she was desperate to have her magic back," she said. "And so my dastardly plot to make both me _and_ Electra happy formed. Clever, much?"

"Very," Chantelle giggled. She'd missed listening to Alyana talk so much. There was something about her biting sarcasm that just fascinated her.

"So, Chantelle… what are you going to do now?" Alyana, for once, looked serious.

"I don't really know. I'll manage," Chantelle shrugged.

"I've done a terrible thing, haven't I?" Alyana sighed. "I never think it through properly… I've ripped you away from the Chardirs and they'll never take you back. I'm… sorry." The words sounded very odd coming from her mouth.

"No! Don't be!" Chantelle shook her head fervently. "I'm _glad_. I was really starting to get fed up with them. Especially… Meiyina."

"That sister of mine," Alyana chuckled. "Feisty little thing."

"She's just like you, actually, only with more motivation," Chantelle shot at her.

Alyana scowled. "I know, but that doesn't mean I have to be happy about it."

"She'll make a good leader… for the Chardirs." Chantelle heaved a sigh. "But I don't want to be a part of them anymore. I'll be fine, wandering the city. I might find a new place to stay."

"Hmm…" Alyana narrowed her eyes. "Not alone, Chantelle."

"Huh?" Chantelle eyes widened.

"You'll do no good alone! You don't know what it's like on the streets. You need someone… streetwise." With a laugh, Alyana touched Chantelle on the shoulder and her image faded away.

"Alyana?"

"Someone like me," came her teasing voice. "Maybe I can wait for sleep – for forever – for a little longer."

Chantelle smiled. Now she knew that she would make it, somehow.

**

* * *

**

Back at the Junkyard, Electra was experimenting.

"I wonder," she said, turning to Misto devilishly, "What would happen if I zapped another cat?"

"Stop looking at me like that!" he said indignantly. "I'm not going to be your test subject!"

"You sure about that?" she chuckled, pouncing on him.

It was just like the old days when she'd pretended to be happy, only now there was no need to pretend. She _was_ happy.

"Hey!" Misto laughed. They rolled about together, giggling and snickering, until finally they paused for breath, Electra on top of Misto.

"I win," she grinned, tongue stuck out.

"I think we've reverted to kittenhood," he groaned, not bothering to struggle.

"It's time I had a little bit of fun, kittenish or not!" Electra beamed at him.

"I've never seen you so happy in my life," Misto said, smiling gently. "You look so pretty when you smile and laugh like that." Electra blushed, but looked pleased. "Your magic has made you more radiant than ever."

"I thought it would," Electra said. "Now I can finally be one of us. A true Jellicle."

Unable to help himself, Misto craned his neck and nuzzled her cheek. She blushed again.

"Aw, stop it, Misto," she said, still smiling.

"I can't help it," he said impishly. Working up all his courage, he pulled her close to him and pecked her gently on the lips. Her face went scarlet. "I've been waiting for the right moment to do that," he said, smiling.

"Yeah, took you a while," Electra said, regaining her snarky attitude. The glow in her eyes contradicted the sarcastic tone, though, and Misto knew that he'd done the right thing.

**

* * *

**

Jemima ran across the Junkyard, waving at Munkustrap along the way. He blinked and nodded back at her. Though he had given up his job, he had offered to keep performing sentry duty just like Alonzo did.

In fact, Alonzo was the one that Jemima was looking for.

She found him sitting on top of a large mound of wooden furniture, staring contemplatively into the distance. When he saw her standing far below at the bottom of the Junkyard, he smiled.

"Shall I come down?" he called to her.

"It's okay," Jemima said, albeit a little nervously. She did want to see the view from where Alonzo was sitting. So slowly and cautiously, she ascended the mound, Alonzo giving advice all the way. Finally, she made it to the top and sat down next to Alonzo, breathing hard.

"Nicely done," he purred.

"Gosh, that was frightening," she said, smiling sweetly all the same. The view was _amazing_. She could see far, far across the city and the whole of the Junkyard. The tiny figures of the Jellicles bustled about, back to their normal routine after rest from the Ball. She could see Plato and Etcetera walking towards Munkustrap, hand-in-hand. She could see Misto and Electra – tussling? She smiled at the sight. And the white figure of Victoria was easy to spot. She was sitting completely still in an isolated part of the Junkyard, not doing anything.

"Nice view, isn't it? I would take it for my sentry spot, since I can see everything, but it might be difficult actually getting rid of intruders," he purred.

"It is a nice view," she agreed.

It was strange that neither of them noticed Pouncival's approach from beneath them.

"What're you doing up there, Jemi?" he yelled.

With a gasp, Jemima slipped and lost her balance. Crying out, she tumbled off the table, Alonzo clutching desperately for her. His eyes were in a frenzy.

Jemima landed some ways down the pile, hitting her head hard on the leg of a table. Her eyes closed and she slumped. Alonzo careered down the pile and Pouncival bounded up. Both looked utterly devastated.

"What were you thinking?" Pouncival shouted furiously. "Why was she up there with you! It's _dangerous_!"

Even in his state of panic, Alonzo was a smooth liar. "She thought she saw a dog, you idiot! She just came up to tell me about it. What you did was _stupid_! Startling her when she was that high up!" He glared, looking very dangerous. "I thought you were meant to be her loving, caring, _tomfriend_," he sneered.

Pouncival's looked distraught. "I… no! We can't argue. Is she okay?"

Alonzo lifted Jemima into his arms and carried her carefully down the rest of the junk-pile. "I hope so," he said softly, looking into her expressionless face.

Halfway to Jennyanydots' den, her eyes flickered open and she stared confusedly into his face.

"Jemima!" he said, stopping. Pouncival, who had been left behind, ran to catch up.

"A… A… Al…" Jemima struggled with the name.

"Alonzo," he reminded gently.

"Yes," Jemima said. "That's it." Her eyes flickered past him to Pouncival. "P… Pounc…"

"Pouncival. It's me, Pouncival," Pouncival said, tone agonized.

"Yeah." She smiled sweetly at them both. "I think… I like you guys."

Pouncival almost cried.

"How much do you remember?" Alonzo asked quietly. "What's your name?"

"Je… Jemima," she said, sounding a little doubtful.

"That's right. What tribe do you belong to?"

"Jel… Jellicles…"

"The names of your friends?"

"Mistoffelees… Etcetera… Electra… Plato… they're my friends."

Alonzo frowned. "What about the white one?"

Jemima just blinked dazedly. "What?"

"Victoria."

"Oh… yeah." Jemima screwed her face up in concentration. "I think… she's sad," she said finally.

"Yes, a lot of us think that too."

"And I…" Jemima appeared not to have listened to Alonzo. "I'm happy," she said.

"Why's that?"

"Because… I like you both… a lot," she said, once again smiling innocently.

That time, Pouncival really did cry. He sniffled and wiped his arm across his eyes. Alonzo bit down hard on his tongue.

Jemima would be alright, as long as she was surrounded by the cats she loved.

**

* * *

**

Victoria woke up from her faint feeling dizzy and weak. She was alone in Asparagus and Jellylorum's den, staring up at the ceiling. Bracingly, she swung her legs off the bed and almost fell over from the effort.

"Are you alright?" Macavity's voice asked. "Are you awake?"

_I'm awake. A bit dizzy, but… I'll be okay._

"Stupid Plato," he muttered. "Find a place where you can be alone, alright?"

_Why?_

"You'll see," Macavity said smugly.

So Victoria got up and slowly made her way to one of the most isolated spots in the Junkyard. She went there often those days, wanting to escape the Jellicles and just be alone. It was a place where cutlery and cooking utensils had been dumped, along with a few shovels and pitchforks. Victoria liked seeing the sun's rays glitter on the silverware. It was calming.

She sat down and closed her eyes, sitting perfectly still and trying to regain her energy. She felt drained – most likely from the magic fight Plato and Macavity had had. She was lucky that she wasn't dying again.

"You look like an angel, I swear," Macavity said, sitting down beside her.

She opened her eyes and gave him a sidelong glance. After a moment of just scrutinizing him, her face broke out into a smile. "You came."

"I did say I would during the Ball," he reminded her. "Here, I brought you something." He handed her a scarlet flower that that glittered iridescently in the light of the setting sun.

"One of Alyana's flowers," Victoria realized, taking it from him. "I took one while I was with the Chardirs, but…" She frowned. "I ripped it apart."

"Yeah, that time you were telling me about how I wasn't allowed to love or something," Macavity said dryly.

Victoria shoved him gently. "I never said _that_!" She stood up and picked her way through a pile of plates until she found a little glass vase. "Perfect," she said, putting the flower inside.

"If I'm not mistaken, you'll need some water with that," Macavity said teasingly.

"Oh yeah," Victoria frowned. "Guess I'm not cut out for flower growing, huh?" she laughed. Macavity pointed wordlessly at a puddle and Victoria scooped some of the water into the vase. "That should do," she said happily, placing the vase on top of an upturned bowl.

"It looks good," Macavity said, if only to please Victoria.

"I'm glad you came," Victoria said, turning to him and smiling brightly. "I feel a bit better now," she added as she wrapped her arms around him and breathed in his scent.

"So do I," he chuckled. "A little less mad at the world, if you get what I mean." He drew her closer and kissed the top of her head.

"It's a shame that you didn't make Protector," Victoria frowned.

"I know," Macavity said. "But there wasn't really much chance of it anyway. I have other terrible, evil plans – believe me." Victoria just giggled.

"I'm so happy right now," she said softly. "But then you'll go again…"

"Have you ever thought about the word now?" Macavity said suddenly. "Every moment, in reality, was, is or will be now. Now is now – but so is now."

Victoria laughed. "You sound so funny – now, now, now. But… I suppose you're right. Now is all the time."

Smirking, Macavity tilted Victoria's face up with a finger and bent to kiss her.

Even if they weren't always together, they would last forever – forever until every single _now_ that they would be lucky enough to experience.

**End.**


End file.
